Fire Down Below

by Andrea Simonne

  I laugh, feeling embarrassed, but not as embarrassed as I thought I would. I tell him why I didn’t shave my legs and he laughs too.

  “So much for that brilliant plan. Did you really think I’d care whether you had hairy legs or not?”

  “Well it’s more how it makes me feel.”

  All I can say is I did a piss poor job of keeping the promise I made to myself about not having sex with Ben. It’s like, Note to Self: Don’t make any more solemn vows. I think about the plain white cotton panties and bra I wore and how little it mattered. Heck, I could have worn those granny panties and I doubt Ben would have even noticed.

  “I could shave them for you if you like,” he says with a grin, running his hand up my calf, thigh, and then lightly over my pubic hair.

  “Shave what, my legs?”

  “That and other things.”

  I glance down at myself. It’s not like there’s a jungle there or anything. I keep it all trimmed pretty short and tidy.

  “Okay, if you really want to.”

  “Come on,” he takes my hand and pulls me up out of bed. We go into the bathroom together and he tells me he’ll need shaving cream and a very sharp razor, both of which I proceed to get for him. Clearly, he’s done this before, but I decide not to say anything. I always hate it when the ghosts of former lovers make their way into a current situation. I once dated a guy who described his ex-girlfriend to me in such vivid detail—she had strawberry blonde pubic hair and dark pink labia lips—that I felt like we were having a threesome with her.

  As I’m replacing the blade on the razor with a fresh one, I can feel Ben’s eyes on me. “You’re different. You’re not as slender as you used to be.”

  “What!” I spin towards him. “Did you just say I’m fat?”

  “No, that’s not what I meant. Don’t take it the wrong way. I’m only commenting on how you used to be so slender and that I always liked it.”

  I look down at my naked body. Last time I checked size six was still considered slender, though it’s true I’m not as skinny as I once was. “The last time you saw me I was twenty-two years old and lived on coffee, cereal, and alcohol, not exactly health food.”

  “Come on Kate, don’t get offended. You still look great. I shouldn’t have said anything.”

  I stare at him, checking out his naked body, hoping to find some sort of flaw I can point out. I know how petty this sounds, but gee, for some reason I’m feeling petty. Unfortunately as I’m studying him under the stark bathroom light I can’t find a single flaw. Nothing. His body is perfect. He’s even got six pack abs. The fact is he looks like a freaking underwear model and I feel slightly intimidated.

  “How on earth did you get into such incredible shape?” I ask, more curious than pissed now.

  He shrugs. “I lift weights. It’s become something of a hobby really. Also you know I’ve always been athletic. I’m still into climbing and stuff.”

  “I lift weights too,” I tell him. “I go to the gym three times a week.”

  Ben nods. “You’re probably doing too many reps and not using enough weight. That’s a really common mistake women make since they’re afraid of getting bulky. Let me see you.” He puts his hands on my shoulders and turns me around this way and that. I feel like a used car being examined by its former owner. “You have a really nicely proportioned body. You should definitely increase the amount of weight you’re lifting though. You’d get a lot more definition, also you’d be able to whittle away some of these problem areas,” he says, pointing to my thighs and stomach.

  I take a deep breath. I know he’s not trying to be offensive, but it’s a little hard not to get offended when he’s calling my thighs and stomach “problem areas.” Not that they aren’t problem areas, but it’s difficult to hear this from someone I’ve just had sex with.

  “We should go work out together sometime and I can show you a few moves that might help.”

  “Uh, okay.”

  “And now,” he says, pulling me in close as he gently slips his fingers between my legs. “I’m going to shave this gorgeous body of yours and then I’m going to lick you until you come so many times that you’re begging for mercy. How does that sound?”

  I forget whatever it was I was feeling offended about and turn to liquid beneath his hands. “Sounds wonderful....”

  Chapter Eleven

  It’s Saturday morning and I’m sitting on my bed, sipping the double mocha I made myself as I try to decide what I’m going to wear for my afternoon shopping with Suzy and Lauren. Ben left about a half an hour ago. My body is sore in places that haven’t been sore in ages and my brain is totally fuzzy from lack of sleep, and yet I still can’t wipe the big grin off my face.

  There’s nothing like a night of hot and strenuous sex to put you in a fantastic mood.

  When Ben left this morning we were barely able to break apart from each other. I honestly can’t remember how many times we did it and how many different ways. He’s acquired what I can only describe as an encyclopedic knowledge of the Kama Sutra, so it was an educational night. Clearly we’ve both learned a few new tricks over the years and it was fun teaching them to each other. He’s a demanding lover, but I am too, so I guess that’s what has always made us so compatible.

  Ben tried to get me to go the gym with him this morning, but I told him that I have a rule about never working out on the weekends. Never mind that I made that up on the spot and I’m telling him white lies. I know over time we’ll figure things out again.

  I squirm a little on the bed. My nether region already itchy from having been shaved. I haven’t been completely hairless down there since my mid-twenties. Once in the shower together, Ben did my legs and then had me sit on the edge of the tub while he covered my pubic area with shaving cream. I was a little nervous at first that he might accidentally cut me, but he was very gentle and patient, and it became quite the turn on for both of us, since I could see that he had an erection the whole time.

  Afterwards, true to his word, we went back into the bedroom and he put his mouth on me and did all sorts of delicious things. Even the memory of it is making me horny again, though when I put my hand between my legs all I want to do is scratch. It’s so itchy! If I remember correctly the itching lessens once the hair grows in a bit, although I’m not sure how I’ll ever survive that long.

  Oh well, whatever. It was worth it. I think back to when we were still in bed together this morning and Ben asked me what I was doing tonight.

  “Nothing,” I said lazily. “What are you doing?”

  “Nothing.”

  “Hmmm, maybe we should do nothing together. What do you think?”

  He grinned and put his hand on my ass, pulling me in close. “I think we should do a whole lot of nothing together.”

  “History has shown we’re good at that.”

  He laughed. “Yes, it has.” And then to show how true of a statement that was, we spent the next half hour doing exactly nothing, and let me say that nothing has never felt so good.

  ***

  Lauren, Suzy, and I meet at Northgate mall. Suzy and I are such snobs that we prefer shopping downtown, but Lauren enjoys the mall. The plan is to eat lunch first and then go spend money, so the three of us meet at Road House, a burger place that also serves fun cocktails.

  I’m about fifteen minutes late getting there, so I wander through the restaurant looking for them. The whole place smells like it’s been deep fried and beneath the loud drone of people talking I can hear eighties pop music playing in the background (“Come On Eileen”). The walls are covered with various Bogart style prints and movie posters and it’s so crowded all the waitresses have harassed smiles on their faces. Eventually I find Suzy and Lauren. They’re sitting at a table sipping large margaritas and put their hands up to wave me over.

  “Hi,” I say, pulling out a chair to join them. “Sorry I’m late. Have I missed anything?”

  Suzy smiles. “You have. Lauren was telling me about her wild night w
ith Justin.”

  “Hardly,” Lauren groans. “I tried to seduce him last night and he said he wasn’t ready. Can you believe that?”

  I shrug. “Maybe he really isn’t ready.”

  “Oh, come on!”

  “What other reason could there be?”

  “She’s worried he’s frigid,” Suzy says dryly. “She’s going to give him one more chance and then she’s breaking up with him.”

  I take my jacket off. “Can a guy be frigid? I’ve never heard of that. I don’t think you should break up with him though. That’s sounds kind of harsh, Lauren.”

  “I don’t care. I felt completely rejected. I wasted a perfectly good pair of Mariners tickets on him and nothing even happened.”

  “He didn’t put out, so now you’re going to dump him.” Suzy picks up her drink. “You sound just like a man.”

  “I do, don’t I?” Lauren grins. “I can’t help it though. I’m tired of playing games. Men have been doing it to us for ages. I need a healthy red blooded male, not this ‘Oh, I’m so sensitive give me time’ stuff. Besides Justin isn’t really my type anyway.” She pushes her long blonde hair over her shoulder and peruses her menu.

  “Not your type?” I ask. “What does he look like?”

  “Tall, with dark hair and eyes. I think I’m going to get a pineapple burger. What are you two having?”

  Suzy and I glance at each other and smile.

  Lauren stares at us. “Did I say something funny?”

  Just then our waitress comes over to take our order. Even though she must be in her twenties, to me she looks like a twelve year old kid. This is a disturbing phenomenon I’ve been noticing more and more the older I get. Pretty soon people in their twenties are going to look like squiggly images on an ultrasound.

  “I’ll have a Long Island iced tea,” I tell her. I scan down the burger list on the menu, while Suzy and Lauren are pointing out what they want to eat. As I’m thinking about the nice, juicy barbeque burger I want, I remember Ben’s comments to me last night. “One garden salad,” I finally say.

  After our orders are placed and we’re alone again, Lauren looks at us. “Okay what was so funny about what I said?”

  “Tall with dark hair and eyes—that’s not your type?” I ask.

  “Well, it is, but Justin isn’t quite right for some reason.”

  Suzy smiles knowingly. “Let me guess, he doesn’t look enough like a young John Cusack?”

  I grin again.

  “John Cusack? What are you guys talking about?”

  “Come on Lauren,” Suzy says still smiling. “You’ve never noticed that all the men you’ve been dating look like John Cusack circa the nineteen-nineties? We could line them up and have a John Cusack look-alike contest.”

  “Except they’d all win!” I joke and Suzy and I break out laughing.

  Lauren’s brows are pulled together and she has an amused expression as she ponders this. “Wow...I haven’t really thought about it. They do all sort of look like John Cusack, don’t they?”

  “Yes, they do,” I say solemnly. The waitress places my iced tea in front of me and I take a sip.

  “I’ve always loved John Cusack’s movies,” Lauren gushes. “Plus he’s so cute—don’t you think? He seems like the perfect man. It’s so weird that I haven’t noticed that.”

  “What I’ve wondered is how do you meet them?” Suzy asks. “It can’t be easy finding men that have the same look.”

  Lauren flips up her hand and poo-poos us both. “Internet dating. You can find any type you want. Don’t you guys meet men online? It’s the only way I date anymore.”

  I nod slowly. I knew Lauren was into meeting men on the internet, though I had no idea that she met so many of them that way.

  “It’s awesome,” she continues. “It’s like shopping on eBay, except I’m looking for a man instead of a new bag. Not only do you get to see what they look like, you also find out whether they’re single or divorced, whether they have kids or not, what they do for a living. It’s such a time saver. Seriously. Going to bars and hoping you’ll meet the right guy by chance is totally antiquated nowadays.”

  I admit I’ve done a little bit of internet dating myself, though I’ve never met anyone I’ve really liked off the internet. “How do you know they’re telling you the truth?”

  “Sometimes they do lie,” Lauren confesses. “I usually tell them beforehand to fess up if they’ve been dishonest about anything. If they’ve lied about something big like having kids or an ex-wife then I don’t bother meeting with them at all. If they’re wearing sunglasses or a hat in their photo, I ask them to send me a photo without it, so I can see what they really look like. Little white lies don’t bother me much though, because I figure everyone tells those. Also, after I find out their name, I usually google them to see what else I can come up with. It’s been quite helpful.”

  “Wow, I’m impressed,” I say. “You’ve got quite a system. Plus I had no idea you were so computer savvy.”

  She shrugs, taking a sip from her drink. “You have to be nowadays.”

  “What about you Kate? How did your date with Ben go last night?” Suzy asks.

  “Oh that’s right!” Lauren turns to me. “I almost forgot!”

  I smile sweetly. “It went very well.”

  “How was Canto’s?” Suzy asks. “I haven’t been there in ages.”

  “We didn’t exactly make it to Canto’s, but we had a great time anyway… if you know what I mean.”

  Suzy and Lauren glance at each other and then look at me. “Are you saying what I think you’re saying?” Lauren asks.

  I grin and give them the Reader’s Digest condensed version of what happened with Ben last night, stopping partway through when the waitress bring our food.

  Lauren picks up a french fry and waves it at me sternly. “Bad girl. Not only did you not wait for date number four, but you had sex with him before the first date!”

  “What do you mean?”

  “You guys didn’t even go on a date. He came to your house and you had sex with him.”

  I stare at Lauren.

  “She’s right,” Suzy agrees, swallowing a bite of her burger. “You guys still haven’t had an official first date, unless you count giving him a tour of your house as a date—which obviously it isn’t. Technically, that makes you a hussy.”

  “But he brought me flowers. Daisies for God’s sake! What could I do?”

  Lauren laughs merrily. “Still a hussy.”

  “You should have seen how good he looked. Plus he’s been calling me every day this week. Doesn’t that count for something?”

  “The hussy train is leaving and you’re on board.” Suzy grins.

  “Don’t worry.” Lauren pats me encouragingly on the arm, “I’m just jealous. I haven’t had sex that hot in ages.”

  “I haven’t either,” I say honestly. “It was fantastic. Well, except for one thing.” I tell them about Ben shaving my pubic area.

  They both nod knowingly.

  “Been there, done that,” Suzy says.

  “Me too,” Lauren agrees. “And let me say—never again. I can’t take all that itching.”

  “I know! It’s driving me nuts. What can I do though? Are there any little tricks I should know about? It’s been ages since I’ve shaved down there.”

  “Well, if he really wants you bare you could always consider getting a Brazilian,” Lauren says. “They hurt, but it doesn’t itch as bad as when the hair starts to grow in.”

  “Oh no,” says Suzy. “I had a Brazilian and it was the most painful experience in my life. I was ready for an epidural. Those waxing spas should keep an anesthesiologist on staff.”

  Lauren nods sympathetically. “We do them at the salon and have actually had women pass out.”

  “Really?” I say. “I’ve only had regular bikini waxes and I thought those hurt.”

  “Then trust me, you don’t want a Brazilian.” Suzy shakes her head. “You could always keep shavi
ng and hopefully he’ll get tired of it. Thank goodness, Luke isn’t into any of that.”

  “The Toad liked it when I shaved down there occasionally,” Lauren admits. “I remember it itching so bad once that I took a hairbrush and went crazy with it.”

  I nod. “I’m getting to that point already. Hopefully it’s a passing fancy, because things between us were really good last night. Except there’s one other thing.” I tell them how Ben said he wishes I was skinnier and wants me to go to the gym with him.

  “He thinks you’re fat?” Lauren asks incredulously. “He’d think I was Keiko the whale if he saw me.” Lauren is very shapely. She’s one of those women who look beautiful with lots of curves. I’ve always been envious of her for that reason.

  “He sounds like an asshole. You look great and are definitely not fat by any stretch of the imagination,” Suzy says, before taking another bite of her burger.

  “Well, he didn’t actually say I was fat. He said that he wishes I was as slender as I used to be.” Even I can hear how ridiculous this sounds, but I’m realizing it’s hard to explain.

  Suzy rolls her eyes. “Whatever. I still think he sounds like a jerk. He’s already got you jumping through hoops and you guys just started dating. I mean, excuse me, you haven’t even had a first date yet!”

  “I know, but it isn’t like it sounds. Ben is a good guy. Seriously. You’ll see when you eventually meet him. And besides, I dated Ben for almost a year and a half before, so it’s not like we’ve never had a first date.”

  “That was more than a decade ago.”

  “I know, but what’s the difference?”

  “The difference is that this guy once broke your heart and now you’re already bending over backwards for him.”

  “It’s not like that. You don’t understand.”

  “All right girls—play nice,” Lauren says in a firm voice. “Don’t make me take this belt off. Neither of you are too old for a good spanking.”

  Both Suzy and I look at her and smile. That’s what’s nice about having Lauren around. Suzy and I have been friends for a long time and occasionally things will get heated between us, but Lauren is the perfect middle man. She knows just what to say to bring things back under control again.