He nods. “From what I remember they seemed happy. They argued occasionally, but I don’t remember them having any real problems.” He motions around. “I know it doesn’t look like much and it was kind of a rough neighborhood, but I had a lot good times here.”
Declan puts the car in gear and as we continue down the street, he points out a small park to me. “That’s where all the kids gathered when school was out. We’d play dodge ball and red rover. Do kids in the states play those games?”
“Dodge ball, but I’ve never heard of red rover.”
“It’s a game where you choose teams and each side tries to get more members by calling kids from the opposite team to break a chain you make with your hands. It’s fun, but brutal, at least the way we played it with kids ramming each other. We were usually covered in bruises the next day.”
“Yikes.”
“Not for the faint hearted,” he chuckles in agreement.
When we drive up to a large brick building, he tells me this is where he went to primary school. “Joy of Christ, Catholic Boy’s School.”
I peer at the imposing building again. It’s very institutional. “It looks like a prison.”
“Twelve years of Catholic school and all it did was turn me away from the church.”
“Was it that bad?”
“Let’s just say it wasn’t great.”
“I’ll bet you missed not having girls in class with you.”
He shrugs. “I suppose. It’s not like any of us knew any different. The girl’s school is right down the street and so we saw each other after classes.”
“Do you still know anybody from your old neighborhood?”
“Eh...a few people. When we moved I sort of became a man without a country. There’s a rivalry between Northsiders and Southsiders. Northsiders think Southsiders are stuck up snobs and Southsiders think Northsiders are nothing but a bunch of skangers. If you’re from the South, calling someone a Northsider is considered an insult. As a result I got into a lot of fights when we moved to the South.”
“That must have been hard. It’s not easy to move when you’re that age.”
“Losing my da was harder.” His eyes are steady on the road. “Unfortunately moving to a new school gave me the perfect excuse to throw my fists around and I fell in with a bad crowd.”
Next he takes me to his high school, though they call it secondary school here. It’s on the Southside and is in a much nicer neighborhood than the one we’ve just come from. As he points out more landmarks—friend’s homes, a couple different pubs he used to go to regularly—I notice Declan is growing quiet. It feels like he’s holding something back. Finally he pulls the car over near a grassy park and asks me what I’d like to do with the remainder of the day.
“The tour is finished?”
“Yeah, it’s finished.”
“What about the rest? I know there’s more.”
Declan frowns. “You don’t want to see the rest. Trust me.”
“I do. I want to see it all.”
“No, you don’t.”
I can hear the edge in his voice, but I press on anyway. “So that’s it then? I thought we were always honest with each other. Why did you invite me to Ireland?”
“You don’t think I’m honest with you?” He turns away from me. “Should I show you all the houses I used to rob, all the alleyways I had fights in? Is that the kind of tour you’re talking about? I’m more honest with you than anyone, but that’s a past I don’t plan to revisit. Ever.”
I’m stunned into silence. Embarrassed too, for being so thoughtless about what I said. “You’re right. I’m sorry.”
Declan shakes his head. “No, I’m sorry. Don’t push me on this though. I couldn’t bare that—especially not from you, Kate.” He starts the car up again. “And if you’re really wondering why I invited you here, let me tell you, so there’s no confusion.” He turns to me, his blue eyes flashing. “I invited you because I want you. I want you more than anything I’ve ever wanted in my life.” He gives me a wry smile. “So now you know.”
Chapter Twenty-Four
When Christmas day arrives it’s unlike any Christmas I’ve ever known. Being an only child with few relatives living nearby, our holidays were typically on the quiet side. Sometimes my parents had friends over and things would get more boisterous, but it was usually a mellow affair. Christmas at Declan’s house is crazy. And I mean that in the best possible way. There are so many relatives, so many aunts and uncles, cousins of every kind, it’s difficult to keep it all straight. To make matters worse, they all look alike. They look very Irish to me—lots of pale freckled faces. Everybody is super friendly, but I feel overwhelmed. I’m glad I brought some nice clothes too, because everyone’s dressed up and I would have felt like the poor girl from the wrong side of the pond.
“You seem a little out of your depth.” Declan’s sister Siobhan comes up to me as I’m standing by the window, trying to appear inconspicuous. Declan was by my side for a while, but I finally told him to go on and mingle, that he didn’t have to babysit me. “Don’t worry,” she says. “Nobody expects you to remember all their names.”
“Thank goodness,” I smile with relief.
“Well...just the immediate family, of course, and then my ma’s family, though you wouldn’t want to insult my da’s family either. All in all it’s only about thirty people.”
I stare at her.
Siobhan bursts out laughing. “I’m only teasing. Come on, we’re not that frightful are we?”
“No, of course not.” I smile at her. “It’s just that I’ve never been good in large groups.”
“Is that right?” She leans in closer and then nods. “Yes, I see what the trouble is here. We need to get some alcohol into you. It’s the only way anybody gets through these bloody family parties and, believe me, I speak from experience.”
“Oh, it’s not that bad.”
She raises an eyebrow. “Not that bad? Trust me, you don’t want to be sober around this bunch. I don’t have a choice because I’m pregnant, but there’s no reason for you to suffer in silence. Let’s get you started with a whiskey, shall we?” She smiles at me again and I can see she’s being kind, that she understands how out of place I feel.
I’d taken an instant liking to Siobhan when she arrived this morning all droll and in command with her husband and two kids in tow. She’s seven months pregnant and watching her swing that bump around, while ordering everyone to do her bidding, has been a real education. I’ve never seen a pregnant woman work it like Siobhan does. I plan to tell Suzy all about it.
“Now where is that brother of mine?” Her eyes narrow as she scans the room. “Probably playing with the kids. He’s like a kid himself, that one.”
We see Declan running through the room with his nephew tucked under his arm like a football. The kid is screaming with laughter as Declan tells him that if he wants to be Superman he’s going to have to learn how to fly. I’d never seen Declan around children before and I have to say Siobhan is right. He’s like a big kid. It’s obvious his niece and nephew are crazy about him. Ever since they got here they’ve been climbing all over him.
“Declan!” she yells. He flies his nephew our way.
“Yeah?”
“Your woman needs some whiskey immediately.”
Declan gives me a confused grin. “Em, okay.” He opens his mouth, as if he’s going to say something more, but when he sees the stern expression on Siobhan’s face he shuts it quickly. “I’ll be right back.”
Smart man, I think. Don’t argue.
She gives me a serene smile. “There. Now that’s taken care of let’s go sit on the couch before my legs start to swell up like an elephant’s.”
***
Somewhere amid all the chaos, people make their way over to sit down at the large dining room table. I’ve still got my glass of Irish whiskey, and remembering what happened the last time I drank this stuff, I’m sipping it slowly. I don’t want to get drunk and
embarrass myself, though I’m not sure anybody would even notice. From what I can tell most of the adults are fairly hammered. There’s a separate kids table and Declan is trying to pull himself away, while the kids are trying to get him to stay. When he finally manages it, he comes over and sits next to me.
“So when are you going to have children of your own Declan?” asks an elder gentleman. I think it’s an uncle named Ian, though he looks like Herman Munster and that’s what I’ve come to think of him as. “You’re not going to live forever, you know.”
Declan grins. “Last time I checked men weren’t able to get pregnant. Has there been some new medical breakthrough?”
“Smart arse. You need a wife! What are you waiting for?” He turns to Declan’s mother. “How old is he now?”
Marion shakes her head. “Thirty-seven and don’t even get me started. How I wound up with a thirty seven year old bachelor for a son, I’ll never know.”
“What are you waiting for?” Uncle Munster asks.
Declan shrugs. “The right woman, I suppose.”
“The right woman? Damn lad, does the earth have to move? I’ll bet you’ve met the right woman more than a few times by now.”
I bring my glass to my lips, smiling at the way Declan is getting razzed. I never knew guys were given a hard time by their families for not getting married.
“What about this pretty girl sitting right next to you? She looks like the right woman to me.”
My arm freezes with the glass at my lips. When I glance at Declan, he’s shaking his head. “You guys give me a hard time about this every Christmas. Aren’t you tired of the subject yet? Trust me, when I decide to marry, you’ll be the first to know.”
“As long as you do it here. Don’t make us travel all the way to America,” says one of his cousins. There are murmurs of agreement around the table.
A watery-eyed woman sitting next to me grabs my arm. “You’ll be sure to marry him here—won’t you? He’s my favorite nephew and I’m too old to get on an airplane.”
I feel mortified. How do I explain to her that I’m not engaged to Declan?
Declan winks at me and then leans over. “Don’t worry Auntie, when Kate and I marry it will be here in Dublin.”
The subject is dropped as we hear a chiming sound at the head of the table. Martin has raised his wine glass and is tapping it with a fork, so it sounds like a soft bell. When the room quiets he begins to speak, thanking everyone for coming and acknowledging what a blessing it is to have family. I’m trying to listen, but I keep thinking about what Declan just said. I know it was a joke, but still.
“And we’d also like to welcome Kate this year.”
I look up when I hear my name and discover everyone smiling at me. “We’re happy Declan invited her to join our celebration and we hope we’ll see more of her in the future. Happy Christmas everyone!”
There are greetings of Happy Christmas all around the table. Declan takes my hand and brings it to his lips, sending a tingle through me. His eyes hold mine with deliberate heat. It’s been like this for days—ever since we made out at the Book of Kells. I thought maybe he’d sneak into my room at night, but he hasn’t. Instead he keeps touching me in all these subtle ways. It’s driving me crazy.
“Happy Christmas, Kate,” he murmurs.
After Marion starts passing around all the food, I suddenly remember that bit of Irish Declan told me when we were standing in front of that bakery on Grafton Street.
“Tá grá agam duit,” I say to her as she passes me a dish.
She tilts her head. “Sorry?”
I repeat the phrase and notice how the table has grown quiet around us. I feel like a complete idiot. I thought it would be a nice gesture to use Irish, but it occurs to me that I probably sound ridiculous.
“I’m trying to speak Irish,” I admit with a sheepish smile. “I must be mangling it like crazy.”
“Nooo,” Marion says, “what is it you think you’re saying?”
“I’m trying to say ‘This food looks delicious.’ Declan taught it to me.” I turn to Declan, and to my surprise, he has a mortified expression on his face.
“Oh, I see.” Marion glances at him and then smiles as if she’s holding back laughter. “So Declan taught you that it means—this food looks delicious?” She mouths each word distinctly.
Other people around us are chuckling and I feel confused. Clearly I’m missing something.
“Is it some sort of joke?” I ask.
“It’s not a joke. Perhaps you should have Declan explain it to you,” Siobhan says. She’s grinning, but there’s something serious in her eyes too.
I turn and find that Declan has a red flush along his jaw. I’ve never seen him like this. “What does it mean?”
“I’ll tell you later,” he mutters.
“Aye, come on Declan,” says one of his cousins, “we all want to hear you tell this lovely girl what it means.” There’s more laughter as people are teasing him, trying to convince him to explain it.
“I don’t understand.” I look at Marion, but she just shakes her head.
“Declan will have to explain this to you on his own.”
I try to imagine what it could be. Something sexual, maybe? It has to be along those lines judging by the comments people are making.
“I guess we should leave the poor lad be now,” Uncle Munster finally says to everyone and then he turns to Declan and says something in a quiet voice. I can’t be sure, but I think it sounds like, “I’m glad for you.”
As things wind down and everyone fills their plates, enjoying their dinner, Siobhan asks me what sorts of things Declan and I have been doing since I arrived.
I tell her about the Book of Kells and that we also went to the National Gallery. “There’s so much to see,” I say. “Dublin is really great. You guys are lucky to have grown up in such a vibrant city.”
People grin and there are a few chuckles.
“It’s just that Dublin was about the most boring place on earth when we were growing up,” Declan tells me. “There was nothing to do back then. The city has changed a lot. I envy all the young people now.”
“Me too,” Siobhan says. “Though sometimes I think it’s grown too fast. I’m not sure I like all this talk of skyscrapers being built downtown.”
“But it’s good for the economy,” her husband Brian points out. “We have to keep up with the rest of Europe. Dublin is a major city now.”
“Well, I’ve seen the drawings and I think they’re craptastic.”
Everyone discusses what direction Dublin’s growth should take. They all sound knowledgeable about their city’s economy in a way that wealthy people often are. Being that my father was a city planner and that Seattle has also grown quite rapidly over the last couple of decades, the conversation seems familiar. As the discussion continues I find myself watching and listening to Declan. The Irish in his voice has gotten stronger since we’ve been here. And even though he doesn’t live here anymore, it’s clear his opinions are well respected by everyone. He’s articulate when he makes a point and people listen without cutting him off, something I’ve noticed Dubliners are prone to do if you’re not holding their attention.
***
After dinner when most everyone has left and there are only a few people still relaxing over coffee, Declan gives me a tour of the house. It’s quite large and I still haven’t seen the whole thing.
“You’re lucky to be a part of such a big family,” I say, following him upstairs. “It was so different for me when I was growing up. I always felt like there weren’t enough people.”
“That’s hard to imagine. I love my family, but they can be overwhelming at times. Sometimes I think it’s helped our relationship that I’ve moved so far away.”
“At least you know they’re always here for you. I think it would feel nice to be overwhelmed.”
We walk down the hall into a room a few doors away from mine. It’s about the same size as the one I’m staying
in, except one wall is covered with floor to ceiling shelves filled with colorful yarn that belongs to his mom. There’s a twin bed that appears hastily made and an old David Bowie poster on another wall.
“What is this place?”
“My bedroom.”
I look at him in surprise. “I thought you were showing me the house.”
“Come here,” he pulls me towards him, “I figured this is a good place to begin.”
He leans down and kisses me, his mouth hot on mine. I grip his forearms, startled by his sudden passion. My hands slide over his broad shoulders and up behind his neck. He tastes like the wine from dinner and his body feels deliciously hard and solid against mine. In some ways I still can’t believe this is happening. After denying the attraction we’ve had for so long, I’m almost afraid to let myself experience it. I know if I let him, Declan will take me places I’ve never been before.
“I’m going crazy,” he murmurs, his mouth moving down my neck. His teeth sink into me briefly and I gasp from the pleasure of it. “Every time I look at you I want you. I have a permanent case of blue balls.”
“Why haven’t you come to me at night?”
He groans. “I want to, believe me. It’s been torture knowing you’re only a couple of doors down and that you’d let me in your bed.”
“Then why haven’t you snuck in?”
He pulls back slightly. “It’s not my house. It’s my ma and Martin’s and I want to respect their wishes.” He lets out a deep breath. “I know how lame that sounds, but I gave them such a hard time when I was younger. Does that make sense?”
“Yeah, though don’t you think they already assume you’re sneaking into my room at night?”
Declan chuckles softly. “They probably do, but there’s another reason I haven’t come to you.” He pushes a lock of hair off my face. “I don’t want our first time together to be some quick tumble in the dark. I want to take my time with you, Kate. I want to taste you, and feel you, and hear all the sounds you make when you lose your mind.”
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