In This Life

by Cora Brent

  “If you had any fun in this bed without me.”

  “Not really.”

  He abruptly changed positions, gripping my hips and sliding my body down until I was flat on my back. “You want to have some fun now?”

  “You just finished driving for twenty hours, came home to a virtual brawl on the front lawn and then patiently listened to me cry out my shameful past for an hour. Aren’t you tired?”

  Nash didn’t hesitate. He shoved his boxers down and directed my hand to his dick. “Does that feel tired to you?” he demanded.

  I stroked the hard length of him. “No.”

  “Then stop talking and do something about it.”

  I started to wiggle out of my panties. Nash became impatient and yanked them off.

  “No shirt either,” he said gruffly and practically tore it off me.

  I locked my knees on either side of him, anticipating that tonight he’d want it rough and hard because he was in such a hurry to get there. That was fine with me. I was ready to take it. I braced myself for the first invasive thrust that would make me gasp and arch my back and urge him to go even deeper.

  But Nash paused. I felt him against my belly, so thick and solid, and I ached to feel him closer, inside, connected.

  “What’s wrong?” I asked because he was looking down at me with a grave expression I wasn’t used to seeing.

  Nash kissed me in response. His tongue slid between my lips and he we kissed slow and deep. His two day beard scraped against my skin and I closed my eyes, losing myself in the intoxicating feel of being kissed in the all consuming way heroes kissed in stories. I was still lost in the feel of his lips when his body shifted and he pushed inside, taking what he wanted. I was happy to give it to him. We rocked together in perfect sync. It had never been this slow before with us and I loved it. I came with his weight on top of me, our mouths still locked in a heated dance.

  I think I love you Nash Ryan.

  Our skin was sweaty and our tongues intertwined when Nash pulled out and ended in a hot spurt on my lower belly.

  “Kathleen,” he groaned when the kiss finally broke and he buried his face between my breasts, both of us spent.

  I stroked his damp hair and kissed the top of his head. Part of me wanted to say the words that had been rolling through my head like a bold marquee. I didn’t just suspect it was true. I knew it was true. I was totally in love with him.

  Nash raised his head, reached over and switched off the lamp on the bedside table. He yawned and flopped back down on the pillow.

  “Good thing I brought my bed back,” he grumbled. “This little mattress doesn’t cut it.”

  I found my panties and shirt in the darkness and pulled them back on, just in case I needed to jump up in a hurry if the kids cried.

  He kissed me once more. “Get some sleep, sweet princess.”

  “Good night,” I said, reluctantly rolling to my side. I closed my eyes without telling him what I was thinking.

  Kat took Colin from his crib in the morning and let me sleep in. I could hear them downstairs; Emma chattering away about teacups, Kat’s soft laughter, Colin’s high pitched squealing. They were all happy sounds that chased away the heavy emotional toll of the previous night. My heart was hurting the whole time Kat’s story spilled out of her. To think she’d kept all that bottled up for so long and that she’d been afraid to tell anyone, even afraid to tell me, believing I’d think less of her or something. She’d made mistakes and they were messy. But she’d made them out of love. That had to count for something.

  Plus I was crazy about her, messy past and all.

  I threw on a pair of sweats, made a pit stop in the hall bathroom and headed down to the kitchen.

  Emma was sitting at the table, barefoot in a pink nightie and giggling while Roxie licked the surface of the fancy teacup she was holding.

  My dog was the first one to notice me. She let out a short bark and wagged her tail, but was in no hurry to leave Emma’s side.

  Kathleen was leaning against the counter with Colin on her hip while she sipped from a Hawk Valley Happiness cup. Her hair was sticking out in six directions and she’d thrown on one of my old t-shirts over her tank top. She was nothing short of breathtaking. I could just stand here and watch her all day.

  “Looks like I’m the last one up,” I said.

  “Hey you!” Kat set her mug down and beamed at me, which was incredible. But the truly incredible moment came when Colin swerved his head at the sound of my voice, widened his eyes and tried to launch himself out of Kat’s arms to get to me.

  My brother’s toothless drooling smile was a mile wide when I took him from Kat and planted a kiss on his chubby cheek.

  “Big brother’s home now,” I said in his ear, wondering at what point I’d become such a sappy motherfucker that I was on the verge of womanly tears just from the weight of an infant’s warm little body in my arms and the sight of his goofy baby grin.

  “Aw, look at you guys,” Kat marveled. “If you heard a pop that was the sound of my ovaries spontaneously detonating.”

  “Before anything else detonates, can I persuade you to make me a cup of coffee?”

  She handed her cup to me. “Take this one. Although I feel guilty for turning you into an over caffeinated fiend.”

  “Thanks.” I accepted the cup and sat down at the table across from Emma.

  Kat’s daughter regarded me with curiosity. “Where were you?”

  Colin tried to stick his hand in my coffee cup when I set it down on the table. I pushed the cup away. “I had to go to Oregon,” I told her.

  “What’s that?”

  “It’s another state.”

  “Why?”

  “Why did I have to go there?”

  “No. Why is it a state?”

  “Why is Oregon a state?”

  “Yes.”

  “I don’t know.”

  “But you’re tall.”

  “Yeah.” I looked to Kathleen for help, unsure why my height meant I should be well informed about the specifics of the state of Oregon. Kat was laughing, her hand cupped over her mouth.

  Meanwhile, Emma was earnestly waiting for an answer.

  “Hey, Emma,” I said, changing the conversation. “I wanted to thank you for taking such good care of Roxie while I was gone. I can tell you did a really great job.”

  Emma was pleased. “I love her very much.”

  “I see that.”

  “So can I have her?”

  “Ems.” Kathleen finally intervened. “Finish your cereal, sweetheart. We need to get going. You’ve got preschool this morning.”

  “Then can I come back here and be with Roxie?”

  “No. I was going to ask Grandma if she could watch you after I pick you up from preschool because I need to meet with someone important.”

  “Why?”

  “It doesn’t matter.”

  “Then can I come with you?”

  “No honey, it’s a serious kind of meeting.”

  Emma wrinkled her nose. “That sounds yucky.”

  “You can bring her here,” I said. “I’d already told Betty not to expect me at the store today and I was going to unload the moving van while Colin naps. I don’t mind keeping an eye on her until you’re done with your meeting.”

  She looked surprised by the offer. “Thank you, that would be great.” She paused and pulled at a strand of hair. “I’m going to see Steve Brown.”

  “I figured.”

  “Who’s Steve Brown?” Emma asked.

  “A lawyer,” I told her.

  The little girl gave me a charming smile. “Why?”

  Kat needed to take a quick shower so it was my job to persuade Emma to finish her breakfast. When I told her nothing made Roxie happier than watching people eat, she nodded as if this made perfect sense and spooned the rest of the cereal into her mouth. I felt like it was a triumphant moment.

  Kat quickly got ready, convinced Emma to wear something other than a nightgow
n and I walked the two of them to her car, just in case that douchebag was hanging around.

  When they were gone I made a call to Kevin Reston. I didn’t give him details, but asked him to put the word out to watch for a thick-necked prick with slicked back hair and an overpriced sports car. Kevin and I were still a little bit distant although we’d seen each other a bunch of times since the unfortunate night at Sheen’s. Sometimes he accompanied Jane when she stopped by to see Colin or visited at the store. Even though things were rather cool between us he was always polite and he was polite now, didn’t even ask a lot of questions, just said, “You got it, Nash,” and let it go.

  Colin was a pretty reliable nap taker and he started yawning around eleven. I brought him upstairs and read him a story about happy animals on a farm, hoping he’d nod off so I’d have the opportunity to go outside and do something about unloading the truck that was still sitting at the curb. It wouldn’t take me long but it was an impossible task to complete while taking care of a baby.

  As soon as he dozed off I deposited him in the crib, threw on a shirt and some shoes and went outside to deal with the truck. The baby monitor was stuffed in my back pocket and turned on full volume so I’d hear Colin if he woke up.

  I grabbed the boxes first; clothes and books and some kitchen shit that might come in handy. I decided to stick everything in the living room for now because there was no better place. Houses that were a hundred and twenty years old didn’t have garages. The bed frame and mattress were the biggest pieces and I planned to move them last.

  I was on my way back to the truck to grab the remaining boxes when I noticed I had some company.

  He’d just emerged from his car and he hesitated when he saw me coming. I stopped cold and assessed the situation. I could read men pretty well and he didn’t appear to have the attitude of a guy spoiling for a fight. He even raised his hand in a tentative wave.

  Still, just because he looked like less of an egotistical weasel than he had last night didn’t mean much. I still hated him for creeping around after Kat, for scaring her, for wounding her so badly when she was young and trusting.

  I pretended he wasn’t there and returned to the truck. I wasn’t going to move on him first but if he tried any bullshit he’d be sorry.

  “Can I help?” Harrison stood a few feet behind the truck, looking up at me with some wariness, and maybe a touch of shame.

  “Fuck off.”

  “I was really hoping to talk to you, Nash.”

  “How the hell do you know my name?”

  “I heard Kat say it last night.”

  “Great. Now you can fuck off.”

  He nodded and stuffed his hands in his pockets. “You’re pissed. I don’t blame you at all.”

  “Nah, it’s every guy’s dream to come home and find his girl being assaulted on the front lawn by some cheesedick piece of shit with a receding hairline.”

  He was alarmed. “No, that’s not how it happened at all. I swear to god I didn’t mean to make her fall. I slipped and I guess I knocked into her. But it was an accident. I’d never intentionally hurt Kathleen.”

  This asshole was really pushing my buttons now. “Says every man who’s ever hit a woman.”

  Harrison grimaced. “Cut me some slack, okay? I came here to apologize. The way shit went down last night was the last thing I wanted.”

  “So why the hell are you apologizing to me instead of her?”

  “Because I think I’ve already scared Kathleen enough. And that was never my intention. I thought it would be better to approach you, maybe get you to see that despite my bad behavior I’m not the guy I seemed to be last night. I also thought maybe you could tell her that I just want to talk.”

  “I have a better idea. You crawl back into your tiny cock compensation car and drive the fuck out of here.”

  He gave me a sad grin. “I can’t do that.”

  “You can’t, huh?” I hopped out of the truck so I could look him in the eye. “What do you want from her anyway?”

  “Nothing. But the kid-“

  “Is not yours.”

  “I know.” He took a deep breath. “I know she’s not mine. But she is my niece. I know Kathleen never wanted to see me again and even though I’ve been thinking lately I’d like to be there for the girl I would have left them in peace if it wasn’t for my mother.”

  I crossed my arms, waiting for him to continue.

  Harrison’s face contorted and he looked incredibly sad. “My mother’s dying. Colon cancer. It’s everywhere now and we just found out she doesn’t have long.”

  I wouldn’t wish a dying mother on anyone, not even a total prick. “Sorry to hear that.”

  “The thing is, she never knew about Randall and Kathleen. She didn’t know about the baby. And recently I finally told her she has a grandchild she’s never met. After Randall died…” The man’s voice trailed off and he looked away, unable to continue for a moment. Finally he swiped at his eyes and composed himself. “My mother was inconsolable. Frankly, so was I. Randall had been my best friend my whole life and then he was just gone in the most awful way. Worst of all, people had warned me that he had a big problem. Kat warned me. I just didn’t listen. It was a bleak time and I thought we were all better off without any reminders of my brother around. The kid would have been a reminder.”

  “Emma,” I said sharply. “Her name is Emma.”

  “Yes, I know her name is Emma,” he said and I saw his face become wistful. “What’s she like?”

  “Smart and beautiful. Like her mother.”

  He smiled. “I’m glad to hear it.” His smile faded. “My mother wants so badly to see Emma. That’s why I contacted Kat. And like I said, she doesn’t have long to live. That’s why I’ve been so desperate.”

  I leaned against the truck, my mind trying to process everything. I’d been all set to despise this character but I found myself feeling vaguely sorry for him.

  “I won’t go to bat for you,” I said. “But I can tell Kat what you said. It’s her decision from there. And no matter what the outcome is I don’t expect to find out you’re doing anything to upset her.”

  He nodded eagerly. “Again, I really am so sorry. I got anxious because Kat didn’t answer my calls or emails and every day my mother asks if she can see her granddaughter. I didn’t want to go the route of lawyers and courts but I handled it badly.”

  “You sure as hell did,” I said but there was no venom in my voice. I didn’t hate him.

  Harrison was contrite. “I didn’t mean the things I said last night. Kathleen was amazing. And I was never good to her. She deserved better. But I don’t think she got together with Randall out of spite. I think she cared about him and I’m glad. I’m glad he had someone. I’m glad that Emma is in the world.”

  “All right,” I sighed. “You know, there was a time in the not so distant past where I would have pounded the shit out of you if I’d come home to last night’s scene no matter what you said.”

  He raised an eyebrow. “What’s changed?”

  “I’m raising a little boy. I want to be a good example, to teach him that cooler heads should prevail and he should think before punching.”

  Harrison nodded. “That’s a damn good lesson to learn at a young age.”

  I was going to say something else but I didn’t get the chance because Kat’s car drove up. I could see her through the windshield, slack-jawed with shock over finding me standing out here shooting the shit with her hated ex. I raised a hand to let her know all was well and she stared at us for another moment before exiting the car.

  “What the hell do you want now?” she asked, her eyes darting from one of us to the other.

  “It’s okay,” I assured her. “Harrison over here just wanted to apologize. There is something he wanted to talk to you about but he’s told me everything and now he can leave. I agreed to tell you his story and he’s agreed to live with whatever you decide.”

  Harrison shot me a look. I answered with a w
arning glare. Kat was visibly confused.

  The door to Kat’s sedan opened suddenly and Emma leapt out of the car.

  “Emma!” Kat exclaimed. “What has Mommy told you about unbuckling your car seat?”

  “Not to do it,” Emma said cheerfully.

  “That’s right.” Kat moved in front of her daughter, casting a wary eye on Harrison. Emma peeked around her mother’s skirt and giggled.

  Harrison was staring at Emma and looking as if he might cry. I couldn’t blame him. Whatever his flaws, he’d evidently loved his brother and Emma was the last surviving piece of that brother. There were probably all kinds of emotions running through his head. I bet I’d be familiar with some of them.

  Harrison cleared his throat. “Kathleen, I’m so very sorry. About everything, not just what happened last night. If I never hear from you I’ll understand. You need to do what’s right for Emma. But I really hope you’ll consider getting in touch with me after you hear what Nash has to say.”

  He extended his hand to me for a handshake and I only hesitated for a second before accepting it. Harrison gave me a grateful smile, then took off in his car.

  Kat was still stunned. “I don’t even know what to say about all that.”

  I closed the back of the truck. It could wait.

  I went to Kathleen and slid my arm around her shoulders. “Come inside,” I said. “I’ll explain it to you.”

  Nash was standing on the sidewalk along Garner Avenue, talking to a portly guy I recognized but couldn’t recall his name. They shook hands and then parted. The man smiled at me as he passed so I smiled back.

  “Did you make a new friend?” I asked Nash as he held the door open for me.

  He snatched a kiss along the way and winked. “Maybe.”

  “Quite the social butterfly these days,” I remarked.

  Two elderly women were browsing in the aisles of the store. One of them nudged her companion and exclaimed over the wall of paintings depicting the Hawk Mountains.

  “That was Ted Foster,” Nash said.

  I was still staring at the women as they admired the paintings. “What?”