by Mars Dorian
“Strategy? I don’t even know the challenges yet. How can you prepare for something you have no clue about?”
Trigger looked up from the remaining kebab pieces on his plate. He wiped the sauce away from his lips and licked his fingers.
“Well, you can always learn by observing.”
Bam smiled.
“That’s why I’m chatting with you. To find your weakness.”
He cracked up, Trigger didn’t.
“I think you’re taking this too easy. This ain’t summer camp, man, this is going to be a hardcore competition. When insane money is on the line, people show their nasty side. You want to prepare for it.”
He took one last sip from his yogurt drink and carried his empty plate away.
“Enjoy your meal.”
Bam leaned back into his chair and sighed. Everyone was so uptight around here. He scanned around, saw Fitnessy doing one more squat before she approached the food line. On the other side, six tables away, he saw Violet Gear wiping her fingers on the eScroll. Probably creating another techwear piece for her collection. He had to admit, despite her attackitude, she carried that special something. Maybe a softer side covered under her steel-stone skin. He wondered what her reasons were for participating in the show. She didn’t seem to be the kind of person who could work for someone else. Then again, neither was he. But the hospital bill changed his outlook on life. And vlogging. Speaking of which, maybe Trigger was right. With some hours left before the public interview, he should get more accustomed to his surroundings and learn more about his rivals.
32
On the top floor of the Blogbuster Building, Roman Stax enjoyed his 95% ink-black hot cocoa and leaned onto his throne. He watched his array of screens, each one focused on a vlogger inside the facility. He blew the steam off the ebony cream surface and took a sip. Damn fine cocoa it was.
“Laci?”
She walked into his office and beamed brighter than the pixels on his screen.
“Yessir.”
“What do you think of our vloggers?”
“I think you’ve got yourself an entertaining bunch, sir. I estimate we’ll appeal to every demographic in our target market. Especially with all the egos involved. I’m expecting this show to go boom, like, in all the good ways.”
He nodded, but kept his eyes trained on the screens.
“What about the general mood?”
“Somewhere between school rivalry and summer camp.”
Roman smiled. He watched the screen where Bam bowed over the table to get a better view of Fitnessy’s bosoms.
“Everything starts harmless. They are kids expecting a big adventure with a big money prize at the end.”
He paid attention to Laci.
“And boy, an adventure it will be. I’m curious to see how they’ll react to the challenges.”
“Well, we know what happens when eccentric personalities with polar opposites clash.”
“Any news on the amount of viewers forecasted?” Roman said.
“Mmmm, if every vlogger taps into their community, we can attract a cumulative reach of about five hundred million two hundred and fifty thousand viewers. But that’s just a rough estimate, sir.”
He chuckled. Laci stepped up.
“We can push forward the day of the tournament, if you want.”
“No, it’s perfect the way it is. The dates are all set, and every other day is going to add more fuel to the anticipation. Besides, today’s the only day where they can relax from now on.”
Laci nodded.
“I hope this all works out according to your plan.”
Roman took a T-Rex sip of his drink.
“Of course it will. What could possibly go wrong?”
33
BBB, eight pm, interview time.
The event was packed to the hilt. Famous bloggers, even the survivors of traditional media, crammed the hall till every seat was taken. The unlucky ones who couldn’t grab a chair, not even through black market means, had to stand. The event would last at least two hours, but that was okay, because they still attended the show everyone in the city was talking about.
Ze place to be.
Roman Stax walked up to the stage, flashed his pearly-white teeth that shined in the limelight. He bathed in the applause till it trailed off.
“Ladies and gentlemen, this is the last day before the Blogbuster show. Are you as excited as I am?”
The audience howled and threw their arms up in the air.
“I thought so, heh. If you said ‘no’, I’d fire you from this event anyways.”
Some people in the crowd laughed, others frowned. Was he serious? They’d never find out.
“Now, I’m the eye candy for the women, but the straight boys and lesbians under you don’t need to worry.”
He snapped his right finger and Laci appeared, wrapped in a bombshell dress. She pranced onto the stage and waved at the crowd. She widened her sugar smile to sweet perfection. Roman patted her shoulder and pointed at the audience.
“Let me introduce you to the wittiest and sexiest blog host the Internet has ever seen. Lads and gents, it’s time for the keen Laci Steem.”
The crowd cheered in unison.
“Hello party people, I’m so excited to be here. Let me tell ya, Mr. Stax has some slick ideas for the Blogbuster. If you thought sex and violence were intense, you haven’t seen anything yet.”
Some people in the audience chuckled, probably out of politeness. Roman Stax kept his commercial smile shining.
“Heh, geek humor, love it or leave.”
He stretched his back and cracked his knuckles.
“So, Laci, we’ve got an incredible roster of vloggers, don’t we?”
“Sure do. All of which are damn remarkable with extraordinary abilities.”
“Well, then why don’t we invite them to the stage?”
It wasn’t a question, but a command. Laci stretched her feet and saluted.
“Okey dokey, here they come.”
She pointed towards a door next to the stage. A spotlight zoomed across the stage, illuminating the door.
“Contestant numero uno is a self-proclaimed freedom fighter vlogger who revolutionized the 3D printing for firearms. He’s got a fervent community of likeminded gun fanatics that shoot first, ask questions later. Some people call him the one man armory, but we’re going to use his stage name, Trigger.”
People whistled and clapped. Trigger marched up to the stage, Laci reached out her hand.
Stax nodded, watched Trigger walking towards the designated seats on the stage. Laci continued.
“And now number two. He’s a self-proclaimed crash expert, slams into everything that is view worthy. Although he’s the vlogger with the least views, he surely doesn’t lack creativity and grit. Everyone welcome the one and only Bam.”
He jogged up the stage, wove his hand around and gave a wink to Laci.
“Heh, what was the wink about?” she said.
“Because of the good times we’ll have together.”
“We’ll see about that, Bameo.”
The audience cracked up. Bam moved back to the seats and sat down next to Trigger. The girl with the freckled face came in next. She tiptoed onto the stage and slipped. An ‘oooh’ went through the crowd. Trigger moved from his seat and helped her up. The audience clapped.
Laci squealed.
“Wow, he can shoot and be smooth, a true gentleman. Give up a round of applause for the help here.”
Violet Gear and Fitnessy were next, they received the most applause. Laci didn’t even finish the introduction before the audience started clapping rock concert style. But even with so much vlog star power, the show moved on, and so did Laci.
“What do you do when you’re low on credits but want to build DIY? You watch the TwinBuilds of course. Ever since they crawled out of their cradle to watch the umpteenth remake of ‘This Old House’, they’ve been hammering and glueing their way to celebrity status. True to
the motto, if you can dream it, you can build it.”
The siblings walked arm in arm onto the stage. The guy jumped forward, then the girl, and then both together. All in synchronicity.
“Ah, a little choreography to make your entrance more memorable. Well done, TwinBuilds, you understand the showbiz already. I can’t wait to see your DIY building abilities during the show.”
Pause.
“Last but not least comes the guy with the wicked humor and the magic tricks. Whether he pulls magic that leaves you flabbergasted or cranks out a joke that twists your stomach, you’re always in for a surprise. Yeah, you already know whom I’m talking about. Ladies and gents, please welcome our final contestant — welcome our Whizzard.”
He arrived, turned around and moonwalked to Laci’s position. He span around and popped up a flower bouquet from under his sleeves. Laci faked a blush.
“Oh, behave.”
Roman Stax clapped and made the spotlight shine back on him. He took center position on the stage and thrust his arms towards the crowd then back across the vloggers.
“As you can see, we have some wildcards here. Fuel and fire that goes boom in the room. Now let’s find out a bit more about them. But first a bit of feedback. Laci, can you read some of our live comments?”
“Sure can, Mr. Stax. I already picked some juicy ones.”
And juicy they were.
34
Laci cleared her throat and read three of the thousand live comments.
SocialJusticeWanda wrote.
So this is your cast of video bloggers? All of which seem to make serious money from their online ventures, hence acting as straw(wo)men for capitalism. Where are the alternative video bloggers? Where are the ones that DON’T want to make money but love to spread an important message about polar bears suffering from climate change and/or the corrupt corporations employing underaged mine workers in South America?
#GreedisNOTgood
Diversity-Dave wrote.
Let me open your eyes, because the majority of viewers seems to be color blind. We see eight video bloggers and only two of which represent minorities. Only one black guy, one Asian girl, and six, yes, SIX (!) WHITE video bloggers. And to top the inequality, we have a WHITE host, employed by a WHITE showmaker. (I mean you, Mr. Stax !)
It is absolutely atrocious to see that white imperialism is as prevalent as ever. Thanks for whitewashing my future. Not.
#GiveMeDiversityOrGiveMeDeath
YourMomLastNight wrote.
THIS SHOW SUCKETH MAJOR BALLZ.
Roman frowned and moved close enough to whisper into Laci’s ear.
“These were the best ones you could find? They all hate the show.”
She put on the Bambi face.
“I thought you wanted conflict?”
Roman’s face twitched.
“Let’s do the interviews.”
35
Each vlogger took their designated seat. Laci positioned herself in the middle of the interviewee row and switched her host mode on. She picked Bam first and smiled.
“Bam, why do you think you can win the Blogbuster?”
Bam scratched his three-day old stubble.
“I think my crash videos are really compelling, and I have a loving community who eagerly awaits my next stunt. In fact, I get fan mail almost every month where people thank me for brightening up their dreadful workdays. Today, a girl from Japan wrote me about her family troubles, and how much she lights up when she sees me crashing into walls.”
A few meters away, the Whizzard coughed.
“Sorry,” he said, “it must be my allergy to BS.”
No one said a thing. Laci continued.
“We all know that you planned a massive stunt which involved riding up a ramp with your custom BMX. It was so massive, you ended up in the hospital. Can you tell us more about that?”
“Well, it wasn’t pretty. I wanted to do a bike stunt, rode up the ramp and crashed into a drone in midair. Hurt like hell. I had shards from the drone stuck in my stomach, and the doctors did a six hour surgery to remove every single one of them. They even replaced my liver with a bio-printed one. Let me show you the scars.”
He jolted from his chair, pulled up his T-shirt and showed the scar. vloggers and audience went eew, but Elli Mental took it a step further — she squealed and turned paperwhite.
Laci addressed her.
“Are you okay, sweetie?”
She waved her ok sign.
“I just get a bit dizzy when I see wounds. I’m not the gory type, heh.”
She waved her hand like a fan and closed her eyes. That didn’t help much, so she got up, walked back and forth between the stage and her seat.
Whizzard chuckled all the way.
“Are you sure you don’t want to call your folks at the kindergarten and tell them you’re ok?”
Some people in the crowd boo’d him.
“Just joking, jeez.”
Laci moved the conversation back to Bam.
“So, the doc patched you up with a new liver and some nanomed.”
“Yeah, and I’m fine now. But I sure as hell have a big bill to pay.”
“Well, if you win the Blogbuster and snap Stax’ premium position, you can afford to crash for the rest of your life.”
“If he wins, which is unlikely.”
The comment lead to Violet Gear, who had her legs crossed. Everyone looked at her. Laci smiled.
“Oooh, someone’s ambitious.”
“I’m just stating the facts.”
She locked eye contact on Bam.
“You have the lowest subscriber and view count compared to all of us. And instead of using the training time to prepare for the Blogbuster, you stalk ladies and watch their assets bounce.”
Trigger and Fitnessy grinned, the other vloggers frowned. They didn’t get the inside memo. Laci used the new dynamics in her favor.
“Now does that mean you going to be the number one vlogger in the show?”
Violet smiled.
“I believe I have incredible chances. I’m a maverick in my metier. I have a big community that anticipates my every fashion show, and more importantly, I have the passion and the determination to march on when others want to quit.”
She looked back at Bam.
“I mean, crashing into walls makes for braindead Sunday entertainment, but it’s not enough to become the number one video blogger in the world. No offense, Bammy boy.”
“None taken,” he said, “but at least in my videos, no one blows up.”
Boom. The vloggers chuckled, even Whizzard. Everyone but the frowning Mrs. Violet Gear.
“That model didn’t blow up, she just couldn’t handle my techwear.”
But the laughter was on Bam’s side. He leaned back into his seat and smirked.
Meanwhile, Elli Mental sat back down and wiped the cold sweat from her face.
Laci smiled at her.
“How are you, sweetie?”
“I’m fine, thank you very much.”
“What about you, why do you think you deserve to win the number one spot?”
She chuckled and seemed to blush.
“Well, I wouldn’t say I deserve it, but my community told me I should participate because my videos were so informative and entertaining. They believe that I have a real chance of winning because no one provides as much value as I do.”
Laci nodded.
“You’re famous for your psychological rants on the mind. In fact, you have thirty million views on some videos alone.”
Violet opened her eyes and raised her eyebrows. She focused on Elli Mental.
“Well, I just love, love, love the human mind, and I want to share every discovery with my audience. It’s a lifelong fascination of mine to understand why we do what we do.”
Whizzard whistled.
“Thirty million views? You?”
Silence rushed through the round.
“No offense, little one, but what in the world did you
do to attract that many? Did your kindergarten friends cream pie you in front of your pony collection?”
Elli’s voice became crisp.
“Do you want to see how I attract so many views?”
He swallowed. Didn’t expect that answer, not from her. But with all eyes on him, he brought himself into the spotlight. Elli smiled.
“Well, if you’re too afraid, you don’t have to say ‘yes’.”
Laci and the other vloggers smiled. Small girl, big spunk. Elli stretched her back, cleared her throat.
“What now?”
“Sure, I’m sure we all want to see your bogus,” Whizzard said.
Elli took her seat, moved it towards the center of the stage and asked Whizzard to do the same, right in front of her. She said,
“Pretend this is a session with your psychiatrist. You just do what I say, and all will be fine.”
Whizzard rolled his eyes.
“Bring it.”
Elli nodded, moved her index finger up to his eye height.
“Look at my finger, follow it with your eyes.”
“Not much to see with that little worm of yours.”
“Just do what I say.”
She swung it to her left, back to her right, and back to the left again. Whizzard sighed, but followed the movement with his eyes anyways. Elli said,
“As you sit in the chair, you will feel more relaxed. And as you hear my voice, you can notice how pleasant it is to just sit and think of nothing. Hummmmmmmmmmm. While you hear my soothing voice, you can allow your eyes to blink and gently close. During this time of deep relaxation you can give yourself permission to change.“
Pause. Elli repeated the line in a slow matter. Her voice flowed like honey into Whizzard’s ears. She continued to speak in a monotone rhythm.
“Imagine every limb of yours tumbling to the ground, like a sack of stones you want to put down. Feel how it relaxes you, how your limbs lie down all by themselves.”
Whizzard, with his eyes closed, eased up his body. His arms tumbled down like loose strings.
Elli smiled.
“Now imagine your limbs are moving by themselves, only reacting to my wonderful voice. Imagine your limbs belonging to me now.”