‘He did so much more than that, Sophie,’ Nate continued.
‘How so?’ I argue, lightly.
‘When you were missing, he had you tracked and helped Kyle and I retrieve you. Whatever happened during your last visit to Boston, something settled in his brain.’
‘Guilt!’ I scoff.
‘Whatever! If it was guilt, remorse,’ he shrugged, ‘either way, the ending of the story could have been a damn sight different without him. For me, I’ll be forever grateful,’ he sighs.
I sit and deliberate his words, digging deep to feel something other than resentment towards him, but fail miserably.
Recalling a conversation of the day before, I asked Nate, ‘you said you had something to show me, yesterday.’
‘I do,’ his eyes light as he stands and fumbles in his jacket pocket to locate his mobile phone.
I regard him, puzzlement clouding my face. His eyes flicker up to assess me for a second before he sits back down and exposes the screen of his phone. There sits an image of a white Range Rover Evoque, parked in, what I know, is Nate’s underground car park.
‘It’s lovely,’ I marvel, ‘is it yours?’
‘Actually, it’s yours,’ he murmurs quietly. My mouth drops open, my lips unable to form any words through my confusion. ‘You were upset about selling your car,’ he continues, ‘the last time we spoke, before…’ A piercing pain stabs my chest, ‘so, I arranged to have it delivered for your return.’ He swallows painfully, as his eyes flash with pain at the memory. ‘Only, you never came back.’
‘Nate,’ I squeak, tipping my head back to observe his anxious features.
‘I kept it hoping one day you would come home,’ his fingers move along my jaw, his thumb rubbing against my quivering lips.
‘I tried,’ I croak, emotionally.
‘I know you did, baby,’ he leans forward and touches his lips to mine. I close my eyes against the force of emotion in that one gentle kiss.
Bewilderment fills me. Nate bought me a car, because he knew how upset I had been about selling my own? I recall how happy we had been that final day, excitement for the possibilities the future would bring.
‘So, what’s with the hair,’ Nate distracts my depressing thoughts as he runs his fingers through my long strands. ‘A new identity, or just a preferred change,’ he asks, nonchalantly.
‘You don’t like my hair longer?’ I probe.
‘If you like it, I like it,’ he pronounces, but I sense he is pacifying me.
I remain silent for a beat, before I decide candidness is the best option, ‘he didn’t like my hair short, as it meant he couldn’t pull me around by it.’
Nate’s eyes cool, ‘and yet you still keep it longer?’ He fails to keep the incredulity out of his voice, or maybe it was disappointment.
I shrug, attempting to locate the vocabulary to explain, ‘not intentionally. Even though he’s gone, I am conditioned against defying him.’ I look up to assess Nate’s facial expressions. ‘Silly, I know, but the fear is seemingly deep routed. Even I don’t understand it.’
He stares at me, his eyes filled with warmth, ‘wear your hair how you want to Sophie, not to please me, or anyone else,’ he suggests. ‘I don’t claim to be a therapist, but it appears to me you need to take back control of your life choices.’
‘I am working on it,’ I express, exhaling a deep breath, ‘things have improved considerably since I returned to my familiar environment.’ I gesture around me with my hands.
‘That’s great,’ he strokes a finger down my cheek, but the atmosphere seems to have chilled slightly.
‘You don’t like talking about him,’ I state, gently.
‘It’s necessary, I know that,’ Nate responds. ‘But it upsets me that you had to experience a fraction of what you did, Sophie. I feel it was my responsibility to protect you. I failed to do that, and the consequences were unthinkable.’
‘I’m no one’s responsibility,’ I remind him, gently.
‘You are my woman, you are my responsibility,’ he states, stubbornly.
I sigh, ‘I don’t want to argue with you,’ I mumble.
He runs a hand through his hair, ‘come here,’ he encourages, softly, patting his lap. ‘I need to hold you.’
I sit on Nate’s lap and settle, curled up with my face planted in his neck. ‘You smell like home, too,’ I whisper, remembering his words of the previous night.
‘Yeah?’ Nate asks softly, his arms surrounding me, providing me the same comfort they always have.
‘I want you to make love to me, Nate, I need to feel again,’ I admit, whispering into his ear.
He squeezes his arms around me, ‘you don’t have to do that, Sophie. There’s no rush.’
The familiar pull of rejection surges through me, what if he doesn’t desire me after what happened? Fucking another man could have that effect, I guess.
‘Has it,’ I swallow the lump in my throat at the prospect, ‘put you off of me?’
‘Fuck, no!’ he answers immediately tipping my chin up to enable him to look me straight in the eyes. ‘Sophie, you are the most desirable woman I have ever met, you know that, fuck I struggle to keep my hands off of you,’ he holds my face to his, the certainty in his eyes convincing me that he speaks the truth. ‘But, I can’t say I’m not scared, scared that I will hurt you, scared that you won’t feel the same.’
‘You could never hurt me, Nate,’ I gaze up into his blue eyes and know he is incapable of harming me, he loves me. ‘I can’t promise it will be as good, at first,’ I croak, emotion sticking in my throat. ‘But, I do know I love you and need you to remind me how sex feels when it’s with someone that means so much to you.’
‘You doing this for me, or you?’ He murmurs, gently.
‘For us,’ I frown, frustration tightening in my gut, ‘but, if you don’t want to, forget it.’
‘Jesus, fuck, woman!’ He stands, guiding me to the bedroom, his eyes alight with desire.
‘Don’t bother if it’s too much trouble for you!’ I huff, stroppy.
Nate grins, as he drags me to the end of the bed and lifts my top off gently over my head. His eyes move down my body, appreciation sparkling in the depths of blue. ‘How can you doubt for a moment that I wouldn’t want this?’ He mumbles into the darkened room.
I suddenly feel self-conscious of his open appraisal, a mixture of anxiety and exhilaration trickling through my veins. I am too thin, I know this. Nate has always adored my curvy breasts and hips, both of which are almost non-existent now. His lips touch mine and seduce me with their gentleness, I can hardly remember my own name as they continue their journey down to first one nipple, then the other, Nate taking his time to bite and nibble until I am almost shuddering beneath him.
‘God, I remember,’ I breathe as I push up his T-shirt to kiss a trail along the way, my tongue flicking his nipples until they are firm buds. Nate whispers words of encouragement as he pulls off the remainder of his clothes leaving him naked to my gaze. His erection is hard as rock as it bobs in between us. I move down to take him in my mouth, my eyes intent on his.
‘Sophie!’ He tries to halt me.
‘I want to,’ I maintain, licking down the length of his hardness before drawing him deep into my throat, releasing only to lick around the bulbous head. I continue to suck him in and out, taking care to sustain eye contact at every step.
‘Fuck, London. Need you to take it easy, babe, it’s been a while,’ Nate groans, urging me up to face him. He takes my mouth and kisses me hard, leaving me panting, wanting, his fingers curling around the cheeks of my backside through my joggers.
‘Lay back,’ he encourages, pushing down my jogging bottoms and helping me back against the mattress. ‘Jesus, I have missed this,’ his deft hands open my thighs, his eyes focusing in on my open sex. His mouth drops to my swollen core and I whimper. ‘You still with me, baby?’ He sucks hard on my clitoris as he pushes a finger deep inside me.
‘Nate!’ I call, as my b
ody trembles beneath him.
‘Right here, babe,’ he comforts me as he licks and sucks around my core.
‘Need you inside,’ I notify him.
Ignoring my plea, he adds another finger plunging both deep, while his tongue flickers my clit over and over. ‘I love you, Sophie,’ he growls as my body ascends, he continues his delicious assault until I finally tip off the precipice, crying out as I am showered with a zillion splinters of pleasure.
Kissing up my body, Nate stops at my lips, to kiss me gently.
‘You okay?’ he tests.
‘I think I was transported to heaven for a moment,’ I even out my breathing, as he provides tiny kisses over my face.
He smiles at this admission, ‘you want to carry on?’
In answer I wrap my legs around his waist and pull him into me, urging his thick cock inside my swollen lips, all the while our gazes sealed.
‘I love you, Nate,’ I whisper.
He closes his eyes, ‘baby, that’s all I will ever ask of you,’ he begins to pull slowly out before thrusting deep inside, I whimper at the delectableness of the response this causes to flood through me. Our eyes are glued to each other, our breathing in perfect sync as he continues to continue the lazy pace.
‘More!’ I breathe, my body craving a more hurried pace.
‘I think we should get married,’ this time he strokes slowly inside me, halts for a few seconds, before pulling lazily out, leaving me wanting more.
‘What?’ the pace of his loving is consuming my every thought, ‘Nate, please can you move a bit faster?’ I beg, my voice barely a whisper.
‘No, we have all the time in the world,’ he responds.
‘Oh god,’ I gasp as he continues the teasing. ‘Jesus, Fuck, Nate.’
He chuckles, ‘and as soon as possible, like as soon as we can arrange it,’ he continues.
‘Can we discuss this later?’ I feel my body tingling, preparing, ‘God, please Nate,’ I plead.
‘Say yes,’ he ignores me, although his tone is almost as desperate as mine.
‘Yes, now bloody well move will you,’ I groan.
‘Anything you say,’ pushing up on his knees, his hands grasp my hips and lift them as he surges forward filling me to the hilt, grinding me incessantly around his heavenly cock. I feel him thickening inside me as he quickens his pace. ‘I need you to come, baby,’ he growls.
I watch his face fighting to hold on and chase my orgasm. As it ripples through my body, Nate groans pumping himself deep into me leaving us both sated and exhausted.
Falling to the side, he pulls me on top of him, as the after effects of my orgasm continue to spasm through my body. ‘Jesus, stop that!’ he complains light heartedly as my body squeezes his flagging erection.
We lay talking softly for a little longer before I move to clean myself up. I stand and make my way to the bathroom naked, the moonlight creating shadows throughout the room.
‘Sophie!’ There’s a chill in Nate’s tone that has me on alert. I swing around, my eyes wide with fear. He realises his mistake, ‘it’s okay. Stay there, babe,’ he moves off of the bed and walks towards me. Running a finger down my cheek, he tips my jaw and kisses me softly. ‘Turn,’ he instructs. Confused, I turn, my head looking over my shoulder in question.
‘What is it?’ I ask.
‘What the fuck happened to your back?’ He tries to conceal his anger, but I sense it and immediately step away.
‘Nate,’ I forgot about my scars.
‘He do that to you?’ He questions, his lips tight, his jaw hardened.
I nod, my eyes taking in every emotion that is apparent on his face. Nate runs a frustrated hand through his hair, ‘come here, babe. I didn’t mean to scare you,’ I walk into his embrace and he holds me close. ‘Fuck, every time I think I’ve let it go, something reminds me and I want to kill him all over again. Only this time, I want it to be long and lingering.’
‘Nate,’ I take his face in my hands. ‘He’s gone and we are here,’ I remind him.
He holds me tight until I pull away declaring I need the bathroom. When I return, Nate is back in the bed and appears to have put himself back together again.
Curling around him, I lay my head on his chest and begin to talk. I explain how the pain made me feel better, the punishment recompense for me allowing another man to touch me when I belonged to someone else. He listened patiently, but didn’t comment, just stroked soft fingers down my scarred posterior. I knew he was suffering, probably almost as much as me. He had lived the abuse in his head, which I guess was sometimes worse than the event itself. The mind is a powerful tool, something I had learned since losing mine through all of the trauma.
‘If we are moving forward, Nate. We have to communicate and let things go, it’s the only way.’ I notify him, gently, worried about his silent fuming.
‘I know, please just give me time to deal with it,’ he pleads, ‘doing the job I do, it’s hard to comprehend that this could happen to my woman.’
‘Okay,’ I agree, softly.
When I wake up in the morning, the bed beside me is empty. I refuse to allow myself to question why Nate wasn’t still wrapped around me, as I had only hoped. I knew Nate loved me and I also recognised he needed time to absorb the graphic details I had provided him regarding my time in captivity.
I move to the shower and step inside allowing the water to cascade around me. I shampoo my hair, as I contemplate Nate’s shock at the scars from the buckle that was once my best friend.
Accepting Nate back in my life was undoubtedly having a healing effect on me, especially since his opinion on what happened had caused me a heap of anxieties. Sharing the actual details with Nate, was painful. But, both of us accepting that we could do nothing to change what happened, was aiding me in the process of forgiving myself.
I had an appointment booked for Monday with one of Dr. Philips colleagues, Dr. Jenkins. Nate was right, it was important for me to continue with my therapy in order for me to restart my life.
The shower door sliding back startles me, interrupting my deliberations, my head spins to perceive a rather naked Nate step inside the cubicle.
‘Thought I’d join you,’ his hands cup my backside and bring me flush to his muscled body.
‘Why how thoughtful,’ I smile up. ‘I thought maybe you’d left.’
‘I’m not going anywhere beautiful,’ he growls. ‘Not without you. We have a wedding to organise.’
‘Nate,’ I begin, ‘about that. Don’t you think...’
‘Don’t Nate me, you agreed. You can’t go back on a promise,’ his lips find that spot under my ear that has me forgetting my name. I whimper as his hands move around my body, his erection digging in my abdomen.
‘I want to wake to you every morning,’ he whispers, grasping my hips and urging me upwards until my legs wrap around his waist. Tipping me against the cold tiles, his teeth latch onto my nipple and bite down. I gasp, the sensations dripping through my veins like heroine. ‘Marry me, Sophie Parker,’ he glances up into my eyes, as he pushes his probing erection up inside me in one swift thrust. I cry out, but my eyes remain connected to his.
‘Marry me,’ he repeats, ‘I love you, I want no one else.’ The vulnerability in his eyes sends my stomach tipping. Can I do really do this? Can I seriously live a normal life, get married, have babies after the nightmare I have endured? Excitement builds inside me, anticipation at the idea of conquering the challenges I currently face.
‘It’s not going to be easy,’ I update him, urging him to move, but he holds my hips static.
‘Baby, you have never been easy,’ he teases.
I narrow my eyes playfully, ‘is that right?’
‘Damn straight,’ I catch a glimpse of the dimple and my insides melt.
‘If you think you are up for the challenge,’ I push down against his hardness and he hums.
‘I will take you any way I can get you baby,’ his eyes take on a serious stance.
‘Th
en, yes,’ I palm his jaw, running my tongue along the seam of his lips. ‘Yes, I will marry you.’
Nate closes his eyes, and leans his forehead against my shoulder.
‘I will dedicate my life to you,’ he promises, ‘I will do everything in my power to make you forget, we will create happy memories to counteract all the bad ones, build a life together, a family,’ holding my hips, his gaze locks with mine as he slowly makes love to me.
********
Chapter Twenty
The next forty-eight hours are crazy. It seemed no sooner I agreed to marry Nate, he went full steam ahead to ensure I wouldn’t change my mind. While I was at work, he met up with Kyle and updated him on our news before checking out of the hotel and moving his clothes to my flat. I had provided him a key and invited him to make himself at home, but had also insisted that we needed to discuss things properly regarding the future.
I wasn’t entirely convinced that Nate wasn’t just knee-jerking by agreeing to move his life to London. Nate was very American, not to mention how close his family were. A part of me felt as if I was being disloyal to Marnie by putting conditions on Nate and I being together. We lived here or we separated, that was really what I was demanding. Yes, I needed to take control of my life, but not at the expense of the one person who meant anything to me.
It was Saturday, and I now had three days off after ten days of continual working and I was looking forward to spending it with Nate. When I departed the salon, I spotted him leaning sexily against his car waiting patiently for my arrival and my heart leaped. Fuck, I love him so much, I thought, allowing a face splitting grin to spread across my face. I felt like a lovesick teenager, my heart thumping inside the confines of my ribs as I stepped closer.
‘Hey, babe,’ that deep American accent rumbled through my bones as Nate stepped forward and grasped my chin, planting a long, hard, wet kiss on my lips. When he lastly pulled away, I had one hand fisted in his hair, the other up and under his t-shirt at his waist.
‘Hi,’ I purred, breathlessly.
His grin exposes the dimple at the side of his mouth and my body almost melts. He guides me to the passenger door and helps me inside, leaving me with a short sharp kiss on the lips.
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