‘He hurt you?’ He asked, quietly.
‘Yeah, he hurt me,’ I confess, ‘but, you would never, I know that.’
He nods, but his jaw tightens, ‘I’m glad I killed the fucker!’
I gaze at him, my stomach clenching, ‘me too.’
‘I should go, Kyle’s at the hotel. Who knows what he is up to, he’s a sucker for an English accent,’ he smirks. ‘I think that’s why he agreed to accompany me.’
I nod, ‘okay.’
‘Can we meet tomorrow, talk some more?’ He asks, softly.
I contemplate telling Nate no, telling him to fly home and forget me. But for the first time in months I actually feel something, however painful and I didn’t want that to stop. ‘Sure,’ I relent. ‘I finish at five tomorrow,’ I notify him. ‘Why don’t you bring Kyle and I’ll grab Shauna, the baby is with Matt tomorrow, we tend to go out for a meal when that happens.’
‘Shauna’s not with the baby-daddy?’ Nate enquires, surprise evident in his expression.
‘No, he fucked the secretary,’ I confide, casually. ‘And she’s not taking it too well,’ I smirk.
‘Jesus, Fuck,’ Nate shakes his head. ‘Okay, five tomorrow.’
I walk Nate to the door where he places a soft kiss on the corner of my mouth. ‘Sleep well, London,’ he whispers, ‘lock the door behind me.’
********
Chapteen Nineteen
The following day is raining, I dress in my black skinny jeans and knee high boots, pulling on a loose black blouse. My hair is now a dark, shoulder-length bob, but I tease it up into a pleat and leave a few tendrils hanging around my face. I apply my make-up carefully and take a deep breath. I feel an excitement flutter deep in my stomach, but I dampen it down. Things can’t possibly work out between Nate and I, however safe he makes me feel. He will be here for a limited amount of time, so I should enjoy it while I can. I know the thought of him remaining here permanently is impossible, his family is in Denver and Marnie needs her children around her.
The day drags, I had notified Shauna of our impending dinner date with Nate, and his brother and she had expressed excitement about the prospect of seeing Nate again. Apparently, unbeknown to me, Nate and Shauna had bonded when I had initially vanished, spending a considerable amount of time together in Nate’s loft while they attempted to hunt me down. Well, that was until Matt turned all macho and demanded that Shauna and Emily-Jane return to London.
Again, I receive a pain in my chest, a pain that hinted at jealousy at the fact Shauna had spent time alone in Nate’s loft, with Nate. I run a hand over my face, frustrated with the all-encompassing emotions that seem to be raining down over me since Nate’s surprise appearance.
When I leave the salon at five o’clock, Nate and Kyle are both standing beside the Range Rover casually talking. As if he senses me, Nate turns to my approach. My eyes run over the two of them dressed casually in denim jeans and button down shirts, which only enhances their physiques. I avert my eyes to the pavement feeling incredibly self-conscious of their intent observation. When I reach Nate, I test a glance up and wait as our eyes lock in and the atmosphere sizzles.
‘Hey babe,’ Nate leans in and kisses me softly on my lips, his tone relaxed.
‘Hi!’ I breathe, my glance flickering nervously to Kyle, ‘Hey Kyle,’ I smile, politely.
‘Hey, Sophie,’ he mutters, softly. ‘I hear we are double-dating,’ he grins. He doesn’t have the signature dimple that Nate has, but there is no doubt his smile is almost as striking.
‘No double dating,’ I smile back, ‘Shauna isn’t really in the dating place, and Nate has warned me of your weakness for an English accent. I wouldn’t want you to leave broken hearted,’ I tease.
He grins in response, attempting to climb in the back of the vehicle, ‘no, you take the front,’ I insist. ‘Us girls will sit in the back.’
‘Sorry, Nate insisted you sit up beside him,’ Kyle rolls his eyes in feign annoyance as my tummy tingles at Nate’s thoughtfulness.
We climb into the car and I direct Nate to Shauna’s. When she exits her house, she throws her arms around Nate and squeezes him tight. My gut tightens, possessiveness shrouding me. I internally scold myself. This is your best friend and the man that has travelled halfway across the world to see you, I remind myself. Nate introduces his brother to Shauna and they immediately strike up easy conversation for the duration of the journey to the Italian restaurant in Chelsea.
Nate had booked the restaurant knowing that Italian was my favourite food. He had tucked me into the chair nearest the wall and lay his arm across the back of the chair, protectively. His gesture had sent my insides warm and fuzzy, especially since he then edged his chair even closer to mine.
‘Wine?’ Nate asked.
‘No, thank you. Sparkling water, please,’ I inform the waitress.
‘You not drinking?’ Nate whispered down to me, while Kyle and Shauna picked back up their deep discussion.
‘No,’ I glance up nervously, taking in Shauna and Kyle’s inability to hear, before replying, ‘I became dependent when…’ I leave the rest to his imagination.
His thumb brushes my neck, leaving goose bumps along the surface of my skin. His eyes possess the regretful gleam that has been evident intermittently since his arrival yesterday. Leaning towards me, his lips find my temple.
‘Such a strength,’ he whispers.
‘No,’ I shake my head, ‘I am weak, I drank to numb the pain,’ I whisper up, ‘that’s not strength.’
‘The strength comes from recognising the fact it was becoming a problem and taking action,’ he announces, quietly.
The meal is a complete success, Kyle and Shauna are great company and we all fall into a compatible conversation, laughing and teasing each other about various stories we all confide regarding our misspent youths. When we finish eating, Nate takes my hand in his and rests it on his thigh, which I allow, enjoy even.
Shauna and Kyle were flirting outrageously, I worry about her for a moment but then debate that Shauna is a grown up and deserves to have some fun. She had endured a hard week after being informed by a mutual friend of her and Matt’s, that Matt had now shacked up with the secretary he fucked, which had undoubtedly put a nail in the coffin for any reconciliation talks.
They were a playful couple, the pair of them teasing each other mercilessly, I had never seen Shauna so girly with her giggling and flicking of her long blonde hair.
‘Think we have mutual appreciation,’ I mutter up to Nate.
He frowns, ‘you want me to put an end to it?’
‘God no!’ I smile, ‘let them have fun, it’s good to see her happy.’
‘What about you?’ Nate had responded instantly, ‘are you allowed to be happy?’
I stiffen, ‘I am,’ I hear the defensiveness in my voice.
‘I’ve seen you happier,’ he murmurs, carefully.
‘I’ll get there,’ my eyes flicker over his delicious features.
‘I don’t doubt it,’ he affirms. He strokes his thumb down my cheek and over my lip, ‘if it’s at all possible I think I love you even more,’ his glance moves to my lip and my insides clench.
‘We’re going on to a club,’ Shauna announces, interrupting our moment.
‘Oh, okay,’ I smile.
‘You two coming along, or...?’ Kyle asks, his eyes searching his brother’s for an answer.
‘You fancy it, Soph?’ Nate enquires.
I shake my head, ‘no, but you go if you like,’ I encourage. ‘Honestly, I’m fine.’
‘I will not,’ he scoffs. ‘I’ll stay with Sophie,’ Nate tells the other couple. ‘You have fun, I’ve got this,’ he indicates the meal.
‘Come on gorgeous,’ Kyle calls to Shauna. He winks at Nate and I, ‘thanks brother, Sophie see you soon,’ he leans over and kisses my cheek and squeezes his brothers shoulder.
‘Thank you, Nate,’ Shauna hugs him tight before squeezing me to death. ‘You okay, Soph?’ She checks.
>
‘Yeah, I’m good,’ I assure her.
‘See her home, Nate,’ she commands, her forehead crinkling with slight worry.
‘Of course,’ he nods as they depart in a puff of exhilaration.
When we arrive back at my flat, Nate moves and switches the kettle on as if he does it every day of his life. I follow him into the kitchen area and prepare the coffee, we move around each other with an ease that we possessed in Nate’s loft in Denver. We chat naturally about the residence of Krystal, Ellie’s unexpected wedding and Kyle’s new PI Agency. I find myself laughing and totally chilling in Nate’s laidback company.
‘Some days, I miss Krystal,’ I admit. ‘You know,’ I glance up at him, ‘obviously not the bad bits, but the whole familiarity of everyone knowing everyone’s business. In a way it made me feel as if I belonged somewhere.’
Nate nods, ‘you know it’s funny,’ he rolls his eyes, ‘the lack of privacy is what initially had me running for the hills, but it is also what takes me back so often. The frankness, the sincerity of the majority of its occupants,’ he shrugs, ‘it’s home.’
‘Why then do you live in Denver?’ I prompt.
‘It’s where the work took me,’ he explained. ‘But, that no longer applies.’
‘How so?’ I probe.
‘I no longer work for the force,’ he confides.
This knowledge surprises me hugely. ‘I thought your work was the love of your life,’ I accuse as we sit huddled close together on the sofa, drinking our coffee.
‘It was for a while,’ he turned his gaze to mine, ‘until I discovered something else that means so much more to me,’ his eyes burn into mine leaving me breathless.
‘You have turned into quiet the romantic in my absence,’ I state, as I recall all the sweet things he had declared since last night.
‘Losing you was the worst thing that ever happened to me. I swore I ever found you, I would make you my priority,’ he announces, interlinking our fingers.
‘Nate,’ I hum, emotion clogging my throat.
‘Please don’t turn me away again, Sophie,’ he muttered, obstinately.
‘That’s not what I am doing, you know how I feel about you,’ I palm his stubbled jaw, ‘but I can’t see how we can make this work. Your life is in Denver, mine is in London.’
‘Then I’ll move here,’ he announces. ‘Although, I would prefer it if you came home with me,’ he curls his fingers around my jaw, ‘but, if that’s what it takes for us to be together, then so be it.’
‘What about Marnie? And Ellie?’ I question. I imagine neither will be overjoyed that Nate would move to the other side of the world for a woman. Especially one that had caused so much heartbreak for them and their family.
‘They can visit,’ he leans into my hand, turning to place a kiss in the centre of my palm. ‘I belong with you.’
‘Wow!’ I gasp. His love for me shines from those sapphire pools of longing. I lean up and place my lips on his, he kisses me back, but makes no move to accelerate things further. Only his eyes betray his desire, otherwise his body remains as still as a statue.
Knowing I control the heat of the kiss comforts me, I nibble on Nate’s bottom lip until his breathing becomes ragged. Moving, I gently straddle him and take his face in my hands to kiss the life out of him. Sensation rushes through my body, fire licks through my veins as I grind down against his evident arousal. His body is tense, his hands clenched either side of him as he patiently allows me to take what I need.
‘Tell me what you want,’ Nate breathes. ‘However big or small, just tell me.’
Fuck, can this man get any more perfect?
I gaze at him as I kiss across his face, our eyes connected. I need to know it is him, that’s my trigger. I pretended Luke was Nate for so long that I am struggling between fantasy and reality.
‘I thought of you,’ I confess, my mouth and tongue exploring his jawline.
‘You thought of me?’ He queries, breathlessly.
‘When I fucked him, the only way I could do it was to think of you,’ I feel him tense at my explanation.
‘Okay,’ he whispers, but I sense his displeasure at my choice of conversation, not to mention my timing.
‘This may not be the most appropriate time to confide to you the torment of my stretch in that hell hole, but Dr. Philips informed me that if it comes up I must address it,’ I notify Nate, gently.
I watch as he physically wills himself to relax his clenched muscles, ‘okay, so talk away,’ he encourages.
‘You can handle it?’ I test.
‘We deal with this shit, we can finally be us, so yeah, I can take it,’ he declares.
‘I need to know it’s you, Nate,’ I breathe, a tear escaping and rolling down my cheek. I know this is therapy in itself, I feel the floodgates inching open to test the aggression of the potential storm.
‘It’s me baby,’ he whispers up to me, his hands moving from their place clenched at his side to hold my face to his. He wipes away a tear with his lips, ‘it’s me, I am here for you.’
‘I came,’ I sob, devastated by what I am about to divulge, ‘when he fucked me, I came,’ I watch him swallow painfully, his eyes blank.
‘Okay, you did what you had to Sophie,’ he insists. ‘You thinking of me?’
‘Yeah,’ I cry, ‘he knew, he made me look at him and call out his name, but I learned to zone him out and picture us,’ I confide. ‘He was going to kill you, he said if I stayed and made him believe he was the only man in the world, he would spare you. If I didn’t come, he hurt me more,’ Nate swears and pulls me against his hard body, my face buried in the crook of his neck.
‘It’s okay, Sophie. You found a way to survive, however you managed it. You are here, with me, we are going to get through this,’ he promised.
‘I love you, I’ve always loved you,’ I sob.
‘Fuck!’ He growls, holding me tight as he whispers endearments until the sobbing subsides leaving only the occasional hiccup omitting from my throat.
********
I wake up feeling groggy, but incredibly comfortable. It takes me a moment to realise that I am not alone in my bed. I jump up and immediately hear Nate call soothingly, ‘it’s okay, Soph, it’s me.’
I lay back down in the early morning dawn, but I realise I am still dressed. I have always hated clothes on of a night, too tangley.
‘You okay?’ Nate calls from beside me, I note he is also dressed in his jeans and shirt and laying on top of the bed facing me.
‘Yeah,’ I croak. ‘Need the bathroom,’ I grab a t-shirt and stumble into the bathroom to brush my teeth and take my makeup off. I strip off the confinement of my clothes and slip on the t-shirt over my lace underwear.
When I reappear, Nate is laying back, his hands behind his head staring at the ceiling.
‘Get in bed,’ I suggest, he looks uncomfortable and entirely troubled. My stomach somersaults at the evident torment in his posture.
‘You sure?’ His eyes move to my change of clothes, his eyes lingering on my legs.
‘Yeah, get undressed,’ I climb under the covers while Nate pulls off his shirt and jeans, leaving only his boxer shorts. My eyes eat up his defined muscles, ‘you been working out?’
‘Yeah, not having sex will do that to a man,’ he teases. ‘Took it out in the gym.’ I smile, and he slips in beside me, ‘how you feeling?’
‘Better,’ I lower my gaze, embarrassment waving over me, ‘sorry if it was all a bit intense.’
‘Most of it I knew, Sophie,’ he informs me. ‘I spent nights pacing, plotting to make him suffer,’ he confesses. ‘In the end, I knew I had to come to terms with it before it totally consumed me.’
I could understand that, ‘I got tested, at the clinic,’ I notify him, ‘just in case you think, you know,’ I mumble. ‘I’m clean.’
‘Good to know, baby,’ he holds up his arm and I shuffle over until my head is resting on his firm chest.
‘This feels good,’ I mum
ble, sleepily.
‘That’s also good to know, London,’ he sighs. ‘Get some sleep.’
‘Okay,’ I was almost out anyway.
********
The following day is my late shift at the salon, Nate drives me to work and returns to his hotel to catch a shower and change clothes. Apparently, he and Kyle were intending on meeting up with a couple of friends for lunch, but Nate promised he would be back to collect me at nine o’clock. I tried to encourage him not to worry and to enjoy his day with his friends, but he simply maintained he would be outside waiting at nine.
I can’t deny it was a good feeling to see him leaning against his rental car at the end of my tiresome shift. His hair was damp from the shower, his jeans and t-shirt plastered to his lean body. His eyes ate me up as I took the steps until I was directly in front of him.
‘Good day, honey?’ He teases before leaning down to plant a soft kiss on my lips.
‘A long day,’ I admit, my body alerting to his proximity.
‘You eaten?’ He asks, his eyes soft as they take in my slight flush.
I shake my head, ‘thought I’d order in pizza,’ I suggested.
‘Sounds good, London,’ Nate purrs, opening the door for me to climb up into the passenger seat.
It had been a long time since I enjoyed the simplicity of a quiet night in with another person as much as I did tonight. I ordered pizza, which Nate contended didn’t compare in the slightest to Denver pizza. To be fair he was probably right, Denver pizza was incredible, but we continued to good naturedly bicker about it anyhow.
After dinner, I took a shower and pulled on a pair of tracksuit bottoms and a vest top and joined Nate on the sofa. We went through the motions of putting a film on, but chatted through the entire length. We discussed everything, my work, Shauna, my father and the rest of my family who had been decidedly vacant during my time of need.
‘Your father has somewhat compensated for his earlier indifference in your life,’ Nate had informed me gently.
I shake my head, ‘so, he paid my medical bills,’ my stomach dips. I had contemplated my dad’s intentions on several occasions over the past few months.
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