Impulse Control (Entangled Indulgence) (Men of the Zodiac)

by Amanda Usen

  She looked appalled. “We don’t have chemistry.”

  Russ draped an arm along the back of her chair. “Aw, gimme a chance, sweetheart.” Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad for his image. He looked twice as wild standing in her froufrou kitchen, and keeping her alive in the forest or wherever they wanted to film would make him look even tougher. Hello, ratings. Good-bye, leukemia. Double win.

  She scooted to the edge of her seat, away from his arm. “Impossible. I have a family, and I can’t take off into the woods at a moment’s notice. That’s why my show is so popular. I stay at home.”

  Bergman finally looked up from his tablet. Russ tensed at the steel in his eyes. Here it comes. “Ms. Stone, you have the top-rated show on this network, but you didn’t get there without help—my help. I suggest you get with the program. If you absolutely cannot work out a solution for your family so that you can go on a short camping trip next weekend, then I can’t guarantee your star will continue to rise at Media Life Networks. I need to back a winner. Are you my winner or not?”

  Susannah’s gaze dropped and then flashed over to meet his. He had no idea what was going through her mind, but her shattered expression knocked the wind out of him. Bergman was taking this to the mat, but had chosen different techniques to pin them. He was dangling a carrot in front of Russ, and threatening Susannah with a stick. It wasn’t like Bergman to be such a dick, so there must be more at stake than he was letting on. Was the network in trouble?

  Russ took her hand and squeezed it. If Bergman truly needed help, Russ couldn’t let her say no. “No worries, Rich. We’ve got our Wild Woman right here. Just leave her to me.” He tightened his fingers in warning. She squeezed back, harder, before her hand slid out of his. He was glad for his sturdy shoes when her spike heel ground into his instep.

  She had her game face back on when she gave Bergman a tight smile. “When you put it that way, I’m feeling wilder by the minute. I assume turnabout’s fair play? Mr. Donovan looks wonderful in my kitchen. I’d love the chance to teach him some useful domestic skills, and my mind is spinning with ways to smooth his rough edges. I’m thinking we’ll start with a revitalizing cucumber-and-oatmeal facial for all that sun damage. His hair could use some TLC, too.”

  He barely stifled a shudder.

  Her smile filled with malice. “Perhaps we’ll prepare an elegant black-tie dinner for some celebrity guests to show off your new look. Oh, and my viewers are a sucker for a man who isn’t afraid to change a diaper. You’re not afraid, are you?”

  Absolutely terrified, but he’d swim through Arctic water before he’d admit it. She wanted to play dirty? Fine with him. “Bring it on, Susie.” There was no way anything she threw at him could be rougher than what he could plan for her.

  …

  Susannah fumed all the way home. She’d planned to give Donovan a piece of her mind after they left Mr. Bergman’s office, but he’d stopped to flirt with Holly on the way out. Of course he had. Holly’s flaming red hair and killer curves attracted men like ants to a dropped potato chip.

  Stamp, stamp, stamp…stop it! If she were a single man, she’d flirt with Holly, too.

  It was better not to start more trouble, anyway. She had enough of her own waiting at home with a teething toddler, broken garbage disposal, custody fight papers under the fruit bowl on the dining room table, bathroom renovation in progress, and now she had to find someone to take care of Billy for three days while she went on a camping trip in winter. She shivered as the cold in her frozen toes seeped into her bones. Ethan was the most logical choice, but he’d never wanted a baby in the first place. The only reason he was appealing the custody decision was to punish her for leaving him. He didn’t want to take care of a baby, especially one with purpling gums that kept him up all night, drooling and feverish. She couldn’t imagine Ethan spending a night sleeping in a recliner with sweaty baby plastered to his chest, not that Billy would want his father anyway.

  She pulled into the driveway, and the front door swung open. Was she late? No, right on time, but Kim was waiting in the doorway holding Billy. The college student had been a godsend, especially since the divorce. Susannah rushed out of the car and picked her way through the ice, glad she’d salted and shoveled before she left this morning or her stupid shoes would send her sprawling.

  “Everything okay, Kim?”

  “Yes, indeed, but this guy wants his momma.”

  Susannah shucked her coat, hung it on the hook, and reached for him. As soon as his little hands settled around her neck and sank into her hair, her frustration eased, and she sighed. “His momma wanted him, too. Thanks for coming at the last minute.”

  “No problem. The usual for Monday?”

  “Yes, and I have a favor to ask. I got thrown a curveball at work. Are you available to stay with Billy next weekend?” Susannah could tell the answer was going to be no by the regret that clouded Kim’s blue eyes.

  “I’ve got two soccer games and a hot date, but I’m free the weekend after that. Can you shift it?”

  “Tragically, no.” There were a limited number of people she trusted with Billy. At fourteen months, he was a handful, into everything and full of mischief. “Don’t worry about it. You’re always my first choice, but I’ll figure out something. Have fun, kick ass, and use a condom. Otherwise you’ll end up with one of these…” She grabbed Billy’s hand and made him wave at Kim.

  They both cracked up. Kim leaned in to hug both her and Billy at the same time. “He’s a walking advertisement for unsafe sex, and you know it.”

  “Yeah, I can’t say I’m sad he’s my hot date tonight.”

  “No Holly? I thought you two were happy hour-ing it.”

  “Shiny new man caught her eye.” Any minute she expected to get a text canceling, which would be fine. Well, not really. Selfishly, she hoped Holly didn’t start something with Donovan. Susannah had a feeling she was going to need a sympathetic and completely biased friend during this At Home in the Wild fiasco. Camping? In late January? In the mountains? Kill me now. She saw Kim to the door and carried Billy upstairs so she could dive into a comfy pair of yoga pants, sports bra, long-sleeved T-shirt, and her favorite purple fleece. The underwire in her bra had been digging into her side all day, her feet were freezing in her shoes, and her suit felt like a full-body straitjacket.

  She’d gotten spoiled doing At Home. Her viewers didn’t want to see a well-dressed woman whipping out five-course meals. They wanted to see a real one. Real she could do. New York City dog-eat-dog businesswoman? If today were any indication, she’d lost her ability to fake it—on every level.

  Anxiety rose at the memory of this morning’s meeting. She’d frozen at the thought of losing her show, and Donovan had rescued her. If he hadn’t taken control, Mr. Bergman might have moved on to the next rising star on his list, and then what would she do? She counted her blessings every day that she’d been able to turn her homemaking skills into a career. Busy working parents were eager to learn how to keep the home fires burning while living their fast-paced lives and, regardless of Russ Donovan’s opinion, her job wasn’t easy.

  Her gratitude toward him shriveled. The concern she’d seen in his gaze when he took her hand hadn’t been for her. He obviously didn’t want to lose the chance to endow his pet charity, and he’d been worried she was going to blow it. She wasn’t going to blow it, but also wasn’t going to make the mistake of thinking they were in this together. It was ridiculously easy to fall into her old patterns, and she needed to be vigilant. Her tendency to please combined with her attraction to egotistical jerks was a recipe for misery, a lesson she didn’t need to learn more than once.

  She caught Billy just as he nudged the bedroom door open and made his move for the stairs. “Oh, no, you don’t.” She took his hand, and they inched their way down together, step by slow step. As they reached the bottom, the door opened, and Holly burst into the house. “Jesus Christ, it’s freezing out there.”

  Despite the swirl of icy wind, w
armth spread through Susannah. “What are you doing home? I thought you’d be out on the town with the Wild Man.”

  Holly threw off layers and hung them on hooks. “The call of your nachos, a stiff drink, and a good snuggle with Billy is a whole lot stronger than the lure of the Wild Man’s wicked body. Let’s not forget I’m no sweet young thing anymore.”

  Susannah rolled her eyes. “You’re thirty, not ninety, Hol.”

  “I know.” She drew the last word out into a long sigh and then giggled. “Which is why it was a hard decision. I was itching to see his sexy tattoo up close and personal.”

  “What tattoo?”

  “The one on his back. Haven’t you seen it on his show?”

  Susannah shook her head. “I’ve never seen any of his shows.”

  “I’ve got to get you out from under your rock, sister. Maybe we should have a Wild Man marathon after dinner. Or kick it old school with In the Wild. I could stare at that man all night.” She made a catlike growl and swiped the air in front of her with pretend claws.

  “He was right there in front of your desk, Hol. You could have had him.”

  “He didn’t want me,” Holly said cheerfully. “He was fishing for information about you.”

  A frisson of something she refused to name shot through her. “No way.”

  “Way.” Holly held out her arms, and Billy reached for her. She picked him up and kissed his cheek with a playful squeak, making him giggle. “Squeaky kiss! Squeaky! C’mon, let’s go in the kitchen, so your momma can make me a drink.”

  “What did he want to know?” Susannah asked, trying to sound casual as she followed her friend into the kitchen.

  “Subtlety is not his strong suit. I couldn’t decide whether to play dumb or tell him we’re BFFs. I wasn’t sure which approach would further my goal.”

  Susannah paused with her hand on the cocktail shaker. “You have a goal?”

  “Getting you laid properly, duh.”

  A hot chill made her shudder. “Don’t even think about it. He’s not my type, and if you said anything to make him think he is, I’m going to kill you. I know where you sleep.” She put her hands on her hips. “You’re not getting a margarita until you tell me what you said.”

  A grin tilted Holly’s full lips. “I told him he wasn’t your type.”

  “Good.” A surge of disappointment startled her. She masked it with a firm nod and then hurried to the fridge to get her homemade sweet-and-sour mix and fill the ice bucket. Methodically, she rimmed glasses with salt, filled them with ice, measured liquor and sour mix into the shaker, shook, and poured. After garnishing each drink with a candied lime wedge, she placed them on coasters and slid one across the island to her friend. Holly was still grinning, and it made her nervous.

  “Why do you look so happy with yourself?”

  “Because reverse psychology was invented for men like him. I could almost see him trying to figure out which tools in his survival kit would get him into your pants.”

  Susannah groaned. “He reminds me of Ethan.”

  Holly shook her head emphatically. “Not every confident, successful, take-charge sex god is a cheating jerk.” Billy began to struggle, so Holly set him on his feet and stood to follow him around the kitchen, glass in hand. “Some of them genuinely like women and are fantastic in bed. The Wild Man would be good for you. You don’t have to keep him. Just let him boost your confidence so you’re ready to get back in the game.”

  Holly followed Billy out into the hall, saving her from the need to respond. Russ Donovan might be a sex god, but she was the opposite of a goddess. Ethan had been very clear about her sexual inadequacies even before she’d caught him cheating, and the idea of anything like that happening between her and Russ made her feel sick. She didn’t brand every strong-willed man with her ex-husband’s flaws, but she knew her own defects intimately. She had lost herself trying to please Ethan, and Donovan tripped all her triggers. She wasn’t going to lose herself again.

  Her heart raced at the thought of being alone with him for three days, and she took a deep breath to quell the panic. Holly didn’t understand what was going to happen next weekend. Donovan wasn’t interested in boosting her confidence; he was going to do his best to make her look like an idiot on television. She’d be lucky not to break an ankle or get frostbite. Where would they sleep? What would they eat? How on earth would they pass the time?

  Holly carried Billy back into the kitchen and plunked him in his high chair. She secured the straps and grabbed a box of Cheerios from the cupboard. “Ethan made a better sperm donor than husband, I’ll give you that, but ever since you kicked him to the curb, you’ve locked yourself away in sweatpants and fleece and tried to pretend your life is over.”

  “My life is not over, but I’m staying away from men until a nice, supportive, baby-loving banker knocks on my door. I don’t want a wild man hell-bent on humiliating me. Been there, done that, got the custody battle.”

  Holly’s gaze jerked to hers. “Banker? Why banker? When did you set your heart on a banker?”

  “Sounds safe, right? Reliable. Stable. Appreciative.”

  Her friend pretended to yawn. “Before you settle down with Mr. Stable, I think you deserve some fun. How long were you married? Two years, right?”

  Susannah eyed her. Holly knew how long she’d been married.

  “And divorced for a year now…just out of curiosity, how many orgasms have you had? That didn’t involve batteries or your own hand?”

  “Orgasms? Sex?” Susannah rolled her eyes. “That’s not my idea of fun. Working, being a mom, and proving I don’t need Ethan to take care of us is way more satisfying than an orgasm.”

  Holly snored. “You’re sleeping through life. Look at you, all comfy in your pajamas before dinnertime. All that big talk about getting out of your rut and throwing off Ethan’s bullshit, but you still believe you’re a little brown wren to his big, fat, preening peacock, don’t you? It’s bullshit, Suz. You’re gorgeous. Russ Donovan couldn’t take his eyes off you—”

  “Until he saw you at your desk—”

  Holly held up her hand. “He stopped at my desk, but he didn’t look at me until the door shut behind you.”

  Satisfaction rolled through her, which made her cringe. But even though she didn’t want or need a man in her life, she wondered if Holly might be right. She’d been wickedly uncomfortable in her pink suit today, but had her discomfort stemmed from the confining clothing or from feelings of inadequacy? Had Ethan convinced her she wasn’t going to measure up no matter what she wore? “I’m wearing comfortable clothes and dressing for me now. I don’t need a man’s admiration to make me feel worthy.”

  Holly raised an eyebrow. “You might not need a man’s admiration, but if ever a woman needed to get laid, it’s you. Trust me on this. You need a man.”

  Stung, she shot back. “Not everyone uses sex as a security blanket. Why don’t we dissect your self-esteem issues instead?”

  Holly’s jaw dropped, and Susannah saw hurt flash in her gaze. “I’m sorry,” she said instantly. “It’s been a long week, and this new show has me terrified. I didn’t mean it. Thank you for not making me drink alone on a Friday night, even though I’m a lousy friend.”

  Holly shook her head. “That was a shitty thing to say, but you’re not a lousy friend. You’re a great friend.” Her reassuring smile made Susannah sigh with relief. “Don’t be sorry for sticking up for yourself, although, unlike your asshole ex, I do have your best interests at heart. You’re amazing, and I’m so proud of you for taking your life back. But wearing sweatpants all the time is not your style. Don’t let Ethan win. Don’t be afraid to get back out there.”

  Susannah suddenly felt the need for another warm layer of clothing. And a nap. “I’m not afraid. I’ll get back out there when I’m ready, but I’ve got a full-time job, a leaky house, and a small child. I’m exhausted.”

  “I know you are—that’s why I’m going to take baby duty tonight, so you ca
n get some sleep.”

  Longing welled up hard enough to make her dizzy, but she shook her head. “That’s supersweet, but Billy will want me.”

  Holly gave her a pitying look. “I hate to break it to you, but I’ve gotten up with him plenty of times, and he hasn’t complained once. We’re like this when you’re not around.” She crossed her fingers and grinned at Billy. He smiled back at her and promptly thudded onto his diapered butt. She scooped him up and twirled him around. “Momma needs to rest up for her big weekend with the Wild Man.”

  Susannah sagged. “I don’t know what I’m going to do. Kim can’t watch Billy, and I’d rather die than call Ethan. I don’t want to give the rat bastard the satisfaction of thinking I need his help.”

  “I’ll watch Billy.”

  “For three whole days? You don’t know what you’re getting into. I’d never ask you to do that.”

  Holly’s perfectly shaped brows drew together. “Excuse me? I live here. I know the deal. Total vigilance, sleep deprivation, defrosted baby food cubes, poop, Goldfish crackers, naps, and educational television. Keep him alive in spite of his daredevil tendencies. I can do that, and you don’t even have to pay me. C’mon, it’ll be fun.”

  Susannah blinked at her. “Who are you? And where is my party-girl, workaholic roommate? You’ve gone out every Friday and Saturday night since you moved in. Sometimes Sunday, too. And you work late Monday through Thursday. Billy cannot roll with your schedule.”

  Holly made a goofy face at Billy. “Sounds like Mommy doesn’t trust me,” she crooned.

  “Of course I trust you. We’ve been friends forever. You practically helped me push him into the world.” Because Ethan considered birth women’s work, and she’d needed somebody to hold her hand and scream obscenities before her emergency cesarean. “There isn’t anyone I trust more, but I don’t want to cramp your style. You have a life. A fun one. You didn’t sign on for this.”