He nodded. “Yep. I’ve been slightly obsessed with women’s undergarments since childhood.”
“Have you?” This conversation had just taken a turn I hadn’t seen coming. I dropped my eyes to his lips. Chance had a little smirk I hadn’t seen him use before. “Good obsession or bad obsession? Like you think it’s hot to wear women’s underwear or you want to burn them in a big pile of flames?”
Wow. Yes. I had said that. It must have been the smirk. I wanted him to know I wasn’t just some innocent flower. He couldn’t say the words that were behind the lift of his mouth without recompense.
Chance leaned forward. “Awesome that you just said that. I fucking love that you just said that. I don’t wear women’s panties or bras. I like to see women in them. I’d like to see you in them. There I just said that. When you shut me in the hall to change your clothes before we left, I spent the whole time trying to picture which bras and panties you had. Does that bother you?”
I shook my head. “No. I like that a lot. I notice you haven’t responded to the burning question?”
His smile broadened. “Why would I want to burn what I so like seeing intact?”
“Hey, Chance, just because we’re talking like this doesn’t mean I’m going to sleep with you tonight. Even if I want to.”
He raised his eyebrows ever so slowly. “I didn’t think it did. But I like that you want to. I’ve wanted to since you ignored me in class. That being said, I like this. This back and forth. I never get to do this.” He shifted in his seat. “I’m hard as a rock right now. I can’t move for a minute.” He shook his head. “Fuck it.”
Chance leaned over the table and kissed me, hard. Across the restaurant someone whistled and someone else clapped. I smiled against his mouth. He tasted like the strawberries from his waffles. And coffee. Yes, Chance could be addictive.
Finally, he pulled back and the waitress came over and set down our check. I looked down at my food. That was a side of me I tried really hard to keep to myself. I didn’t say sexually provoking things in restaurants.
I had kissed his fraternity brother, a guy he spent holidays with on a boat, the night before. That wasn’t okay. I couldn’t just go around kissing them all because I wanted them. Could I?
No, that wasn’t done. And I was sure the fraternity had some sort of code, a bros before hoes—much as I hated that word, I was pretty sure that was the expression—kind of a thing.
“Giovanna, don’t get shy on me now. We’ll just keep this between us. Just when we’re alone. Okay? And just when we’re both in the mood. You can say whatever you think quietly in your head. The stuff you don’t say aloud usually, and I will stop being the perfectly polite gentleman I was raised to be and be this guy instead. I am that guy. But I also want to admit that pink panties are super hot and not be judged for it.”
I raised my eyes. “I’d never judge you. I… think it’s seriously hot.”
“We have to stop, or I’m never getting out of this seat.” He took a long drink from his water.
I reached for the check, and he grabbed it before I could. “Please, let me buy you breakfast. It’s really the least I could do.”
“Stop. You’ll never pay for anything when you’re with me. I’m loaded. I hope the fact is the least interesting thing about me. I want to earn my own money, not live off the trust. Right now, I have it, I’m using it. I’m buying your breakfast.”
I could keep arguing but that seemed fruitless. I supposed if he wanted to buy my breakfast, that was fine.
He got out of the seat, slightly adjusting his pants when he did. “Come on. I’m actually exhausted. Time to conk out for a few hours. Oh, Giovanna, I’m still safe, okay? I’d never do anything that wasn’t consensual. I like you.”
I took his hand while he paid the cashier. “I didn’t ignore you in class. I mean, not just you. I don’t look at anyone if I can help it. I know what I just did here might negate this, but the truth is I’m shy.”
“Well, if that’s true then I’ll take it as a compliment that you open up around me. And I’ll let it go that you didn’t smile back the hundred times I smiled at you.”
How could I have missed that? A guy this good looking had been smiling at me, and I’d missed the whole thing?
Well, I was glad I’d gotten a chance to spend the morning with him. Talking about underwear. I smiled. What a strange Christmas this proved to be.
When we got back to SPiI, it was quiet. The kind of stillness when people were sleeping. “The pledges are finishing up, and then they’ll go home. I think Maven is probably out cold, and who knows with Banyan, but I don’t hear his music so he’s probably asleep, too. Sorry to ditch you on Christmas. I can stay up for a bit if you want.”
I shook my head. “Don’t be silly. I can sit in there at one of the tables and work on the literary magazine. That’s what I was going to do today anyway. And read. Did you guys have dinner plans? I could cook us something.”
“We didn’t get as far as eating in our thoughts. Last Christmas, we fished. Badly. But we caught a few things. So sure, if you want to cook, that would be great.” He grinned. “I loved today. You’re not freaked out with me, right?”
I stopped for a second to consider his question. “No, actually. I’m maybe less freaked out. I don’t know what to do when people seem too inherently nice. In my heart, I believe most people, especially me, have a side they rarely show the world. Sometimes it’s dark. Sometimes it’s just different, or unconventional. But it’s there. I think maybe we showed each other a touch of that side.”
“I like it.” He bent over, pressing his lips to mine gently. “If you want a nap, my room is the one right next to Maven’s on the left if you’re facing the rooms at the top of the stairs. To get to Banyan’s, should you need, head to the very top of the house. He has the loft in the attic.”
I almost told him what color underwear I had on. But that would have been too much, for now. “Chance, my friends call me Vonni.” Or at least they did when I was younger because they’d hear my parents do it.
He leaned against the railing of the stairs. “Vonni. It suits you.”
I loved that he thought so.
I loved running the literary magazine, but I wasn’t always sure I was the right person for the job. I had a hard time telling what was good and what really wasn’t. If I didn’t like something, was that just a voice problem? Did I not enjoy the way the author told the story and so therefore no one would? There had to be a line somewhere that I didn’t cross. Some things had to be rejected. But that was such a problem with art. There were good stories that just needed work.
We had editors. How could I tell what was fixable and what really wasn’t?
I sighed. I’d rejected an entry for this month’s magazine, and I’d do it again. But I was liking the mystery serial that had been sent to me, sort of. I was going to put it in the decidedly maybe pile.
I’d spent Christmas almost entirely the same way the year before, only now I was doing it in a frat house.
That reminded me that I had unread messages from Molly.
I grabbed my phone and skimmed through them.
He didn’t show up. How could he do that? The whole family was expecting to meet him.
I groaned. R.J. was a good boyfriend to Molly except when he wasn’t, and then he was downright awful. Ditching Christmas? Yes, that was very bad. But bad enough for my roommate to want to be done with him? Probably not. Molly, as far as I could tell, liked the excitement being with R.J. brought to her life. She didn’t want to be Greek herself but she didn’t mind reaping whatever benefits girlfriends had by being with him.
I’m so sorry. Did he explain?
It took a moment but then she answered. Oh thank goodness. I was so worried. I just got the email. You’re okay?
I nodded and then laughed. She couldn’t see it. Sometimes I was such a dork. Yep. Scary but fine. Our room is fine, too. What happened with R.J.?
He said he took some cold me
ds, and it knocked him out. He’s here now. My family is fine with it so I guess I am, too. You’re okay? Where are you staying? Do you need to come here?
I knew what it was like to take cold medicine and be out for the count. Allergy meds and cold medicine tended to put me on my rear for twelve hours. My mother was the same way.
I’m okay. You’ll never believe this, but I’m actually staying at the SPiI house. I was going to be as brief about this as I could be. They saw me in need, and they let me temporarily move in. Most of them aren’t here.
It wasn’t that I didn’t want to talk to Molly about it, but there were certain details I didn’t want to be pressed on. Like the fact that I’d kissed two of them. What was I doing? I couldn’t go around kissing two fraternity brothers who seemed like good friends. I didn’t go around kissing everyone I met. I rubbed my eyes.
What? !!! Which SPiI brothers? That is just so…not you.
She was right. It really wasn’t me. I ignored the question. What are you and R.J. going to be doing now?
It seemed two could play at that game. She didn’t respond to me either. She finished her own thought. R.J. says to be careful with the SPiI brothers. They’re very intense and not all that nice. He hates them all with a passion.
Well, R.J. could kiss my ass. I rolled my eyes. I hated him. I really did. I was trying to be a good friend because he, mostly, made my friend happy, but his not liking them meant that I would like them even more. The only thing he and I could agree on was that Molly was awesome.
Thank you. That was about all I could answer.
I miss you. She replied. Do yourself a favor and when you have a minute, check out greeklifeoncampus.com. Download the app and look up our school. Whoever you’re hanging out with will have a posting in there. Every member of the Greek circle does. Even R.J. Sometimes it’s harsh, but it’s almost never a lie. Hugs. Love you. Be safe.
I sighed. I wasn’t going to go into an app to read about Maven, Chance, and Banyan. They made an app for that? No, that felt like reading gossip pages on the internet. I went back to reading the entry. Who was I kidding? The writing was terrible. Rejection. I hated to do it but that was my role. Feeling sick about it in my stomach, I sat down to read my book for a bit.
I was halfway through my book when Banyan stumbled into the room. I’d only been back a few hours. That couldn’t be enough sleep for him, could it?
He half tripped, half walked over to the couch where I sat. “Hey, Giovanna.”
“Hi, Banyan.” I touched his back. “You okay?”
“Yep. I have bad dreams. It’ll pass.”
We were in the back of the main room with the chairs and tables. I’d discovered that farther in the room were couches and fireplaces. I certainly knew what nightmares were like. I rubbed his back slowly, using a circular, unchanging motion. He rubbed at his eyes, eventually lifting his head to grin at me. “Thank you for the rub. It helped bring me back here and away from the bodiless heads floating at me.”
Well, that would be disturbing. “I’m glad.”
“Me, too.” He stretched his arms over his head. “Merry Christmas. Again. Glad you’re here.”
I guessed it would be up to me to tell him. “Chance invited me to stay. I can go if it’s a problem.”
“Where would you go?” He cocked his head to the side.
“A hotel. I was halfway through booking it when he stopped me.”
Banyan scrunched up his whole face. “Oh, not the hotel here. No. If you want to go to a hotel, we’ll go somewhere cool. Pick a place. We’ll go to a hotel there.”
I smiled. “Very funny.”
“Who’s joking? Pick a place; we will go right now.”
I adjusted where I sat to stare at him. “You’re serious.”
“Almost always. Even when I’m joking.”
Well, that would be a good thing to remember about him. “I can’t go somewhere. The hotel here in the middle of Pennsylvania would stretch my budget.”
“Okay, I’ll pay. I was going to anyway.” He waited for a second like he wanted me to respond, and when I didn’t, he spoke again. “Pick a place. Anywhere in the world.”
I sighed. “Banyan, we just met. I can’t go away with you and have you pay. Those are actually two separate clauses. I can’t go away with you because we just met. And I can’t have you pay because we just met. It’s bad enough Chance insisted on paying for breakfast.”
He sat up straight. “Chance can take you for food, but I can’t take you away? How is that okay?”
“They’re not nearly the same thing and…” I stopped. “You’re screwing with me. From moment one. Okay, ha ha. I’ve been had.”
He sank down into the couch and leaned on the arm. “I’m not, actually. There’s not much of a difference for me.”
I’d never felt poor in my life until I’d come to this school. It tended to have an extremely wealthy student body. I knew what real poverty was. I’d seen it. Stood near people who would kill for the ten dollars an hour Molly complained about getting for babysitting her sister. Everyone else got fifteen. Everyone she knew, anyway. I was privileged, but the kids here were something else. They were downright scary wealthy.
As an only child, my parents were able to do things for me that they’d never have been able to do if I’d had siblings. Tuition, for example. But, for most of the students here, they never had to think about it at all.
Their parents didn’t either.
“Banyan, even with whatever your budget is, a trip is not the same as pancakes.” He’d talked me through circles in this conversation. Did he do this with everyone or was this somehow reserved for me on Christmas Day?
“I don’t have a budget.” He yawned. “Hate me yet?”
I didn’t follow his question. “Why would I hate you?”
“I think you mean that. Okay, so you won’t go away with me because we just met.” He lifted his eyebrows. “We have to leave the money out of it because I don’t think we’ll ever see eye to eye on that subject. I take people away with me all of the time that I’ve just met and I pay for them. Well, maybe not all the time. Once a quarter? Fine. You don’t like that idea. Where would you go with me if you knew me better?”
I sighed. “If I answer that question, are you going to order a plane? I’m not going to answer if you are intending to do so, nor will I get on the plane even if it suddenly arrives with a full crew intending to fly off into the deep blue yonder.”
“I love how you talk. Okay, no ordering planes. This is purely hypothetical, and for some kind of future knowledge, maybe.”
I thought about it. His question was actually an interesting one. “Where would you go?”
“You tell me first.”
The problem was I didn’t have an easy answer. “I’ve been all over the world. I’m really lucky that way. Places most people won’t ever see. I’ll be spending my summer in India.” Assuming my parents were still alive and not poison darted to death. I really had to stop thinking about that.
“So no India. Got it.” He had a lazy look on his face, as though he was purely content to continue waiting for me until whenever it was I came up with an answer.
“Oh!” I nodded, smiling as the answer came to me. “I’ve never been to the Grand Canyon. I’d like to go to the Grand Canyon.”
The pure joy in his grin surprised me. “I’ve never been either.”
“Really? I would have thought you’d been everywhere you wanted to go.”
Banyan ran a hand through his light brown hair. “I’ve never thought about going. It’s a thing people do with their parents, right? My dad is only in the picture occasionally, and I cannot imagine my mom in her stiletto heels wandering around the Grand Canyon. So, no. We’ll do it, okay? When you know me better. We’ll go.”
“Maybe. If I can figure out how to pay for myself to go.” He groaned, and I held up a finger to stop him. “Banyan, I don’t care if you could pay for the whole world to go to the Grand Canyon. I’m never
going to want you to pay for me. I’d feel… like I was taking advantage of you. We’ll go. When I can pay for it. So you know I wanted to go just to be there with you and not because I wanted something from you.”
He leaned forward and pinched my arm. I yelped. It stung. “What in the hell?”
“I’m trying to make sure you’re real.”
I stood up. “I’m real, and I’m a redhead, so I am going to have a big ugly bruise from that, thank you very much.”
“Do you want to play video games? I can’t get my painting right. I fell asleep, had a nightmare, and now I’m off kilter.”
I shook my head. “Sounds like fun, but I promised Chance I’d cook. I should get started with that. I’m not even sure what food you have here, so this might be challenging.”
He got to his feet. “I’d offer to help, but I’ve literally never made anything but a sandwich in the kitchen. Our pledge master didn’t have us baking like Chance does with these guys. He’s much more interested in food than the brother we had. Ours was much more interested in drinks. I make a killer cocktail.”
“Well, I could show you. Basic stuff if you want. But only if you want to. No pressure.” I pointed toward the kitchen. “That’s where I’ll be.”
He didn’t hesitate, following after me quickly. “I’d love it. If I get in the way just tell me to leave.”
“Banyan.” I said his name, and it dawned on me what I should have noticed earlier. “That’s like the name of the library. Banyan Library. Were you named after it?”
He shook his head walking to the fridge. “I shouldn’t say no. It’s complicated. Banyan is my father’s last name. He knocked up my mother. Not his wife. His wife didn’t much care for that so… I’m the worst kept secret in the world. He couldn’t claim me but he pays for me. Mom gave me his last name as my first name; sort of as a fuck you to him. She thought he’d leave his wife and marry her. Not very smart my mother. Most people just think I’m named after a tree, but if you ever met my mom, you’d know she doesn’t know one tree from another. I let them think that. Looks like Maven bought a turkey. He does things like that. Thinks about what we’d need to eat.”
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