I nodded. It was a good thing I really wasn’t impressed with how much money people had—or that I didn’t care if they had any at all. Otherwise, I might have suddenly been overwhelmed that Banyan was probably from the Banyan Oil and Gas family. About every third time I filled my father’s car, I used that station.
Rolling up the sleeves of the black, cotton, paint-stained sweatshirt he’d given me, I had to wonder who this man was. The artist whose work I commissioned for the literary magazine because it was brilliant, or the easygoing rich guy who wanted to fly wherever tonight? I supposed, like all of us, he was complicated, and probably both.
Chapter 5
Maven had bought turkey, and it turned out to be pre-cooked so all I had to do was warm it up. He hadn’t thought about side dishes, so I made do. They had a lot of soup in the house. Did everyone eat french onion soup in the SPiI house?
I set Banyan chopping vegetables that were in a second fridge in the back. He hummed while he worked. I listened to the friendly sound. I stirred the soup and tried to think of anything else I could invent for Christmas Dinner out of what they had. It dawned on me fast: I could bake brownies. Not great for the main meal but perfect for dessert.
They had everything I needed. I used to bake all the time when I was in high school. It had become sort of a hobby until my mom thought she was gaining weight. I’d had to stop then because she refused to let the ingredients into the house.
“You couldn’t have taken me away.” I had to say something because all I could think about was how sexy he would look in the kitchen shirtless. Maybe I needed to go to the doctor and tell them I was obsessed with sex. Maybe there was a pill. “You, ah, have to do community service.”
He nodded. “True. That is true. What happened is mostly my fault anyway.”
“I don’t understand. Isn’t Chance in charge of the pledges?” The ins and outs of how their fraternity worked eluded me. Probably because I stayed away from the frat houses. And now I was trying to understand them all at once.
“He does, indeed. But it was me who told them about how we hoisted underwear up the Dean’s flagpole when we were pledges. They wanted to repeat what we did. That’s on me.”
I stopped stirring. “You did? What happened to Maven’s whole take on responsibility and not being stupid for the frat?”
“That’s why we pledge. To stop being asshats who hoist underwear and become people who don’t. I think their repeating it was meant to be sort of a… thank you to the seniors. Like hey, we acknowledge you guys and think you’re awesome.” He shook his head. “Chance took all the heat. He’s in charge. And Maven threatened to step down if the frat board didn’t back off of Chance. But it’s really all my fault. Ouch.” Banyan dropped his knife. “Damn it. Sorry. I’m useless. I should have remembered that.”
He was bleeding, just a little bit. I grabbed his hand and put it under some running water. “Stop that. You are not useless. You cut yourself. It happens. To all of us. Me all the time. I’m clumsy.” I hated how he said he was useless; the tone of his voice, it was full of disdain for himself. I dried off his finger with a paper towel.
“Band-Aid?” I had no idea where they’d be.
“I’ll get them. I can do it. Thank you, though.” He crossed past me out of the room and returned in a second with his finger bandaged.
I wanted to curl up in a ball and just rock back and forth. Why had I grabbed his hand and offered to bandage him like he was a baby? Of course he could take care of his own dang finger. I closed my eyes. One. Two. Three. Four. Five. I counted to five whenever I made a fool of myself to re-center and remind myself why I preferred to be left alone most of the time.
“You okay?” Banyan stood in front of me when I opened my eyes. “What’s wrong?”
There wasn’t going to be getting out of this. Not without addressing what I’d done. “Banyan, I had no business grabbing your hand and treating you like you didn’t know how to take care of your own wound.”
“Giovanna.” He ran his non-bandaged hand through my hair. “Do you think I’m upset? No one has given two fucks if I cut myself since my mother fired the nanny when I was ten and told me to take care of myself. Oh, those two sleeping upstairs would care if I had a big gaping wound. Otherwise, it’s just me. It was super sweet.”
His mouth pressed to mine. I closed my eyes and let him kiss me. For a second, I just enjoyed the sensation of his sweet lips touching my own, but then I kissed him back. He tugged me tighter to him, and I wrapped my arms around his neck to hold on. He was much taller than I was, and I had to go up on tiptoes to reach him.
Banyan smiled against my lips before he hoisted me onto the counter. “Smart thinking,” I whispered.
“I can be adept when I want to kiss the prettiest girl I’ve seen in years.”
I raised my eyebrows. It didn’t feel weird talking this close together, although I was sure it would if we tried it in the future. Sometimes things only worked the very moment I did them and never again. After, they got weird. “You’re a charmer, Banyan. I’ll give you that.”
“Not usually, no.”
The timer for my brownies dinged, and I gasped. I had to get them out. “Sorry. I’ve got to get down.”
“Boo. Okay, fine. I’ll get back to the veggies.”
I jumped down off the counter.
It was when I pulled the brownies out of the oven that it dawned on me I’d kissed all three SPiI brothers that were here within twenty-four hours. I closed my eyes. I couldn’t do that. Not with all three of them. It wasn’t right. It wasn’t honest.
The problem was that I had no idea which one of them I would pick to kiss if I was forced to. And the more likely scenario was I’d pissed them all off, they’d kick me out, and that would be that.
What was the matter with me?
“Hey.” Maven walked into the room barefoot. “I smelled food. Did you cook?”
“She did,” Banyan answered. “I’m helping, badly, but it’s really all her.”
I placed the brownies on the counter. “Least I could do. Chance said I could stay. Is that okay?”
Maven looked soft from having been asleep. His eyes were slightly hooded. “Sure. Love it. My bed smelled like you. Roses, I think. Good scent. Sorry, rambling. Yes, stay. You don’t have to cook to do so either.”
“I won’t take your bed again. Chance said there were two beds in his room.”
Banyan shook his head. “Screw that. You can sleep in my room. It’s bigger. I also have two beds. You’ll like my room better. You won’t have to look at every sports hero Chance loves in the world displayed around the room.”
“It wasn’t a problem,” Maven interrupted Banyan. “I can even drag a second bed into my room if you want.”
Well, finding a place to sleep wasn’t going to be a problem. But figuring out what to do next was.
Chance woke up a few minutes later and came downstairs, which meant it was time to eat soon. I warmed the turkey and we sat down around one of the tables.
“I would have warmed the turkey, Giovanna, but I wouldn’t have made vegetables or brownies. So thank you. Oh, and for the soup.” He made eye contact with Chance and Banyan. “I haven’t eaten this stuff in years.”
None of them were touching their soup. “Can I ask what the deal with the soup is?”
“You can, but we can’t tell you.” Chance dug into the turkey. “I’m sorry. Some things are secret.”
They’d told me that before. “I get it.”
Although I might never fully understand the intricacies of this stuff, I did understand secrets. There were things I would never tell people about my life unless I really trusted them. The way my mother would start crying a lot at night and the next thing I knew, one of them would accept a new grant and we’d all leave Boston again. She wasn’t okay unless they were somewhere other than home.
I pushed that memory away. Maven rose from the table and returned with four beers. He offered me one, which I declined.
Chance took a long drink from his. “So do you not drink because you just don’t, or maybe you’re a recovering alcoholic, or you hate the taste, or you’re counting calories?”
“Are those my only choices?” I liked teasing Chance because he liked it.
He grinned. “No. Not if it’s not one of those answers.”
“Don’t grill the girl.” Banyan opened his bottle. “I like her. I don’t want her to leave because you’re suddenly twenty questions. Maybe she doesn’t drink because she doesn’t drink.”
I don’t drink because when my father does, he gets sad and I don’t want to risk being that way. “I just don’t. Many reasons I guess, but mostly, I just don’t.”
Maven got to his feet again. He didn’t seem to sit still very long. “I’m going to make a fire. Dean Brown can kiss my ass if he doesn’t like it. Giovanna, we’re technically not supposed to use our fireplace. But I bet he’s drunk on eggnog and won’t notice tonight. If he comes over, I’ll pay the fine personally. Unless, it’s too soon? Sorry, not thinking you’ve just been through an ordeal. I thought brownies by fireplace.”
“I like that idea. I guess I won’t know if it’s too soon until I give it a try.”
Maven held out his hand for me. “Fair enough.”
That had been the quickest consumption of food ever. I think we’d been at the table five minutes. I took Maven’s hand and let him lead me from the living room.
“What gets me about this is the fact that you know how to light a fire, Mave.” Banyan was right behind us. “Since when?”
“I used to get sent to sleepaway camp over the summer. They taught us things. I had the idea that it might be cool to light one when everyone was away, and I bought the stuff last week.”
Chance joined us, handing me a water as he entered the living room. I stood, flanked by Chance and Banyan as we all stared at Maven making the fire. He wasn’t actually all that adept at it. I could make a fire in a fireplace a lot faster than he was doing it, but I wasn’t going to interfere. This had been his idea. He’d figure it out, and if he didn’t, I’d help him when he was done.
Instead, I let Chance lead me to the couch. There was a flat screen television above the fireplace. Banyan turned it on from some app on his phone, and a football game appeared. He sat down next to me, and Chance took the other side. There was room for Maven next to him. Banyan elbowed me gently. “Merry Christmas, Giovanna.”
“Thank you. Merry Christmas, Banyan.”
Maven got the fire lit and flopped down on the couch in the space for him. A pitter-patter started on the roof, and I groaned. This time of year that wasn’t just rain, it was freezing rain. Chance yawned. “Tell me again why we all went to college here instead of, say, Miami?”
“I liked the chair of the English department.” It was only after I answered that I realized he’d basically been making a joke. I really needed to get out more.
Banyan stretched out his legs onto the coffee table. “My father gave so much money to this place he has his last name on the library. They kind of had to take me. I got into a lot of shit my senior year. I was all but kicked out of my school. I’m perfectly smart grades wise. But this was kind of my only choice. The old man said this was where I was going. So here I am.”
“What did you do?”
His eyes were far away. “One of my half-brothers went to the high school, too. He started some shit. I ended it.”
“Don’t leave it like that; she’s going to think you killed him.” Maven groaned. “They were in the same boarding school. Holden called Banyan’s mother a slut. Banyan spray painted the word douchebag on his car.”
That actually didn’t sound as bad as I’d imagined. Me and my imagination… I’d been picturing drugs or explosions. “Seems like you were pretty tame.”
“They have a zero tolerance policy for fucking up. They didn’t give a shit what he’d said. I was banned from leaving my room. Went to class, back to my room. Six months. And they marked up my permanent record as being problematic. I don’t know what would have happened if I’d applied other places. By that point, my ability to resist was gone. I just wanted peace and to be away from the last-named Banyans.”
I touched his arm. “I’m sorry.”
“I’m not. Got me here. Met these two and the rest of my pledge brothers. Found art. Sitting here. All is well.”
“Since we’re playing this game”—Maven laughed—“I’m here because it’s not in New York. I needed to get out of the city where everyone knew my father was a felon. My uncle suggested I apply here. I did. I got in. It’s a good school. Some people know the deal here, but I’m not faced with it daily.”
Chance yawned again. “Your old man has nothing to do with you.”
“Thanks. You know that and I know that, but you’d think I’d committed the crime from how my classmates acted. They threw me off student council.”
This was so interesting. Sitting here with all of them, listening to them tell their stories, hearing how they talked to each other. They were comfortable. On their own, individually, they could come across intimidating but not like this.
I liked this. A lot.
Chance sighed. “High admittance into medical school. I’m not going straight in. A lot of people take a few years and do medical research now before. But when I do apply, I want my undergraduate to have been from here.”
And here we all were. Maven pointed at the television. “That’s holding. No, that’s not cool. Throw the flag.”
I guessed they were watching the television, too. I’d never followed football, and so I let my gaze fall to where the fire burned. It didn’t bother me at all. This was different than the scary smoke filled hallways that I’d run from. I wasn’t alone, and the fire was contained.
Banyan and Maven occasionally said something about the game, but Chance was so quiet I stole a look at him. His eyes were closed. He was asleep, beer still in his hand. When I took it from him, he didn’t stir.
I’d set it on the table before Maven spoke. “He has way too much on his plate and that’s Banyan’s and my fault. We talked him into taking on pledge master. There’s no one better, but he has to keep his GPA astronomically high. It’s a lot all the time. My applications to law school are at least already in. I’m just waiting.”
We stayed silent after that, my guilt starting to eat at me. I had kissed all of them, and they weren’t these sort of distantly good looking yet interesting guys anymore. They were real people with history and dreams. They were very close friends. I couldn’t be this girl who came in and screwed with their lives.
Chance never stirred, not even a little, and when the game was finally over, Maven shook his shoulder gently. “Come on, man, up to your bed. You’ll get a sore neck if you sleep like that, and we have to clean the garden area of campus tomorrow.”
“Fuck.” Chance rubbed at his eyes. “I didn’t mean to fall asleep.”
“Yeah, well, you snored so loud poor Giovanna lost some of her hearing.” Banyan reached over me and shoved at Chance’s shoulder.
Chance turned to me. “Sorry. I don’t think I usually snore.”
“You didn’t. He’s teasing you.”
Next to me, he groaned. “I’m too out of it to catch that shit right now. Going to come up with me, Vonni, or are you up for a while?”
“Why shorten Giovanna when it’s so sexy as it is?” Banyan set down his drink.
The things he said would go to my head if I didn’t see how easily they left his mouth. Some guys were flirts.
“Because her friends call her Vonni, and I want to.”
It was now or never. I had to tell the truth. There was nothing else for it. “Guys, I think I should leave. Hopefully the hotel has a room. Listen, before you argue, I did something kind of shitty today. Over the last twenty-four hours, I kissed all three of you. This is very unlike me. I haven’t kissed anyone in almost three and a half years.” I wouldn’t sugarcoat it. “I know that’s really bad. Y
ou guys are really close, and I’m not going to make it weird. So I’ll go.”
I rose but Banyan grabbed my arm and pulled me back down. “Hold up. Don’t go anywhere. I kissed you. Sure you kissed me back, but I initiated.”
“Same.” Maven turned off the television.
Chance looked more alert than he had been a minute earlier. “For sure on me, too.”
“So.” Maven nodded. “You didn’t technically kiss any of us.”
They really didn’t look mad. “Are you three sort of storing your anger to what happened inside, or do you really not care?”
“Lots of girls kiss all of us.” Banyan uttered the statement so simply I might have thought it was no big deal at all except that it was… weird.
Maven rose. “Lots of girls who aren’t exactly like Giovanna. There is a certain girl here on campus who really just wants to hook up with frat guys. Some of them pick a house. It’s always consensual. But they come, and they don’t much care which one of us they’re hooking up with. Sometimes we’re not all that interested in who it is either.”
“I…” I shook my head. “I’m not sure what even to make of that.”
“Yes, I know, because you’re the kind of girl who thinks we would kick you out Christmas night for kissing us.” He pointed to Chance and Banyan. “You like all of us? Like you’d like to kiss all of us.”
I swallowed. “Yes.”
Maven made eye contact with Banyan and Chance. “That’s fine. We’ll just keep it light. Friends who kiss. It doesn’t have to be a big deal. You’re not looking for a boyfriend right, Giovanna? I have to tell you that the three of us are not that. We’re pretty much terrible boyfriends. We could give you references of women who could attest to that.”
I rose, and Banyan let me. “No, I don’t want a boyfriend. I wasn’t good in a relationship either. I could never come up with enough conversation. And I don’t have the time because I actually have to study all the time. I don’t have the time to worry about someone else’s schedule or needs. I kind of have to be selfish until I graduate.”
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