by Harley Stone
His eyebrows drew together. “There’s more?”
“Yep. You can tap out now if you need to.”
Looking like he wanted to, he exchanged his empty bottle for the full one and took a long pull. Squaring his shoulders like he was climbing back into the ring after having his bell rung, he said, “Okay. I’m ready. Bring it.”
“The night Havoc met Lily, she was…” Anger gripped me, squeezing my tongue and making it difficult to speak. I swallowed past it and tried again. “She was being attacked. Havoc beat the shit out of her attacker, but not before…” God, why was this so fucking hard to say?
Understanding was written all over Tavonte’s face. “She was raped, too?”
I nodded, grateful he’d saved me the trouble of admitting it aloud. “It’s not as rare as you’d think. Nearly one in five American women is the victim of rape or attempted rape. That shit happens far too often.”
“Wow. I didn’t realize it was that common. That’s fuckin’ awful.” He sipped from his bottle.
“Yeah. Lily’s family isn’t much to speak of, and she moved to Seattle when her grandma died. She wanted to get as far away from Georgia as possible. After the attack, the club kinda adopted her.” I remembered the night she came to the fire station, looking scared, alone, and so much like my dead fiancée, it hurt to look at her.
“That’s good. If those statistics of yours are right, sounds like a club of overprotective veteran biker guardians is what every girl needs.”
I chuckled. “Yeah. She’s been through a lot. Nobody wants to see her get hurt.”
“And you think you’ll hurt her?” Tavonte asked.
“Not intentionally, no. But there’s a lot of shit I can’t give her. Shit she needs.” I pulled out my wallet and flipped it open to Amber’s senior picture. God, she was gorgeous, and if I didn’t know better, I’d swear I was looking at a picture of Lily. Holding open my wallet, I showed the portrait to Tavonte.
“Lily?” he asked. His gaze immediately sought her out across the room.
“No. That’s Amber.”
His eyebrows jumped up his forehead. “Your… ex?”
“Yep.”
“What the fuck?”
“Exactly. If Lily and I get together, it’ll be the real deal. It’ll be forever. She needs a family. She deserves to marry someone who can give her one. I can’t. My parents are best friends with Amber’s, and if I bring home Amber’s doppelganger… how fucked up would that be?”
“Shit, man.” Tavonte scratched at the stubble on his jaw. “I hear ya, loud and clear.”
Feeling vindicated for the way I’d pushed Lily away, I straightened. “Thank you. Now you see why I gotta be an asshole. She wants more than friendship, and this thing between us… it’ll never work.”
He met my gaze. “You know about my dad… about how he died in the service. What you don’t know is that my stepdad did, too. Mack was a Seal. And coincidentally, a biker. He was a good guy, and the best damn stand-in dad I could have asked for. Then one day, he went out to shoot hoops with a buddy. He got winded and said he needed a minute. He sat down, and he never got back up. Died right there on the court. Turned out he had a heart defect no examination had found. His death about destroyed my mom. My sister was just a baby, and if Mom didn’t have us to take care of, I think she would have given up.”
Wondering what his story had to do with my situation, I frowned. “I’m sorry, brother.”
He shrugged. “It’s crazy, you know. Years later, right before I went into the service, I asked mom about her husbands. I wanted to know if it was worth it.”
“Worth what?” I asked.
“She was married to each of them for such a short time, I wondered if the love they shared—the good times—if it was worth all the pain.”
“What’d she say?” I asked, suddenly needing to know.
“She looked me in the eye and said, ‘Yes. There’s nuthin’ in the world like knowin’ you’re loved. If I had to do it all again, I would. But I sure as hell wouldn’t have made Mack wait so long. I would have married that man the first time he asked, and to hell with anyone’s opinion about how long a widow should wait.’”
I stared at him, wondering what to say.
“So, no. I don’t see why you and Lily shouldn’t be together. I see a good man who’s making a misguided decision for a woman who has her own mind and should be able to make her own damn decision. You wanna know what Lily really deserves? She deserves a choice. It’s kinda ironic how pissed you are at Amber for not coming to you with her life changing, devastating news, when you’re doing the same thing to Lily.”
He was right.
I felt the truth of his words, and they knocked the goddamn wind out of me.
“Don’t make the same mistake Amber made,” Tavonte said, standing. “Tell her. As my mom would advise you, tell her now. Your ass isn’t promised tomorrow.”
9
Lily
I HAVE A dog. I’m surrounded by babies and friends. I’m beginning an awesome apprenticeship soon. My life is amazing. And full. Hell, it’s so complete it’s practically a new game of Jenga. All my pieces are together, and nothing’s in danger of going sideways. I have everything I need.
A man? I scoffed at the idea.
I don’t need a man. I’ve got this. I’m a fuckin’ boss.
You know what? I’ll be my own man.
That probably wasn’t a thing, but I was going with it. Affirmations stuck on repeat in my head, I waded through happy couples and competed for the affection of their children. I wasn’t sure how many times I needed to lie to myself before I brainwashed my subconscious into not constantly seeking out Bull, but I had to be making progress. I’d turned avoiding him into a goal, and I crushed goals. I made goals my bitches.
My gaze unconsciously landed on the source of my torment, and I wanted to kick my own ass.
Dammit! I was doing so good.
Since Hailey was on my hip, dancing with me to the music, I couldn’t very well beat my head against the wall, but I was tempted. Still, I needed to keep moving so the five-year-old little ball of energy would forget how badly she wanted to play with Trent. Unfortunately, he sprinted by, flying a plastic dragon over his head. It was too much temptation for her to handle. She tugged on my shirt and asked to be put down. Understanding how she felt—it was taking everything within me not to chase after my own best friend—I briefly considered pretending I couldn’t hear her over the music and surrounding conversations. I’d be doing the girl a favor. If she learned to deny herself now, it’d save her so much trouble in the long run.
But, why delay the inevitable?
I set her down and she scurried off in the direction Trent had disappeared in, without so much as a goodbye. Trying not to feel completely abandoned, I refocused on the many blessings of my life. Grandma used to say gratitude was the key to happiness. I had more to be grateful for now, than ever. Joy should be oozing out of my goddamn pores like oil and dead skin cells. Contentment should be radiating from me like fucking sunshine.
So, why did I feel so gloomy?
My gaze shot to Bull.
Dammit!
Maybe I needed a rubber band around my wrist that I could snap every time I saw him. Or possibly a shock collar? Hot sauce was another option, but it wouldn’t work for me. When I was still sucking my thumb past my toddler days, Grandma used to dip it in Tapatio, thinking the heat would cure me of the habit. Instead, I’d discovered my love for spice. A rubber band or a shock collar would probably just push me into masochism.
How did I get this fucked up?
Bull was once again in my sights.
I’d most likely have to gouge out my eyeballs to break this addiction.
It frustrated me to no end that he wouldn’t talk to me. Couldn’t he see how perfect we were together? They say friends make the best lovers, and he’d been my best friend for two years. How could he cut me off like this?
Wasn’t he lonely without
me?
Stop, Lily. That way lies madness.
I missed my grandma. My hand instinctively reached for the necklace she’d given me, as if touching it could conjure up the wisdom of a woman who’d been gone for almost three years. If she were alive today, she’d tell me to keep on counting my blessings.
Then again, maybe not.
Grandma’s advice was rarely what I expected, but always what I needed. And I didn’t need to count my blessings, because I wasn’t short on gratitude. Hell, I had gratitude up the wazoo.
What I didn’t have, was Bull.
“How are you, Lil?” Carly asked, interrupting my introspection. Out of all the ol’ ladies, Carly was the closest to my age, but being a single mom meant she was lightyears ahead in maturity. To be honest, I felt a tad intimidated by how much she’d accomplished in her life. We’d both fled to Seattle to start a new life, but where I had struggled just to pull myself up by my bootstraps, Carly had done it with a kid holding her down and a stalker on her tail. She was tough and resilient, and I kind of wanted to be her when I grew up.
Not wanting her to worry about me and my non-existent love life, I pasted on a smile. “I’m good. How are you?”
The concern in her eyes said she could see right through me. “You sure?”
“Yeah. Totally. I’m great.” My gaze dropped down to her belly where the cutest little baby bump was beginning to show. I wasn’t sure if I’d been too upset to notice the bump when Carly drove me home, or if she’d just started showing in the past two weeks, but the evidence was definitely there now. Monica had been right to fear the contagion of pregnancy, because babies were popping up all over this club. “Stocks said Wasp announced your pregnancy during church. Congratulations.”
Carly was a natural girl-next-door beauty, but right then, her smile was stunning. It lit up her entire being as her hand landed on her belly. I’d seen glowing pregnant women before, but this was different. More. She freaking radiated.
“Thank you,” she said. “We didn’t want to tell anyone until after the first trimester, but it looks like we barely passed that hurdle in time. I’m much bigger than I was with Trent at this stage, and I’m not sure how much longer we could have kept this a secret.”
“Well, you look gorgeous. Is Trent happy about becoming a big brother?”
“Thank you.” Carly’s gaze cut to where her seven-year-old son was playing with Hailey. “And he’s over the moon about it. I don’t even think he cares whether it’s a girl or a boy. He’s just excited to have another friend to play with. It’s crazy how well he’s thrived here at the club. Thinking back to how awful things were when I first moved to Seattle… I… it’s overwhelming. I don’t know what I would have done if Flint hadn’t taken a chance and offered me a job at the Copper Penny.” Her eyes welled up and two fat tears rolled down her cheeks. Surprise raised her eyebrows, and then she laughed and brushed the moisture away. “Sorry. Pregnancy hormones. They’re kinda stupid. The waterworks randomly go off and I don’t know why. I’m not even sad.”
No, she sure wasn’t. It was like Carly had her own joyful atmosphere, and I felt lighter and more at ease just being near her. “Are you still working?” I hadn’t been back to the bar since my fight with Bull, so I wasn’t sure.
“I just gave notice. Flint grumbled and threatened to kick Wasp’s ass for knocking up his best bartender, but I know that sweet ol’ grouch is secretly happy for us. I could work up until my due date—I did with Trent—but Wasp won’t hear none of it. I swear, that man would like nothing more than to cover me in bubble wrap and stick me on the sofa with my feet hiked up for the next six months.”
Carly didn’t see Wasp sneaking up behind her, but I did. I smiled as he wrapped his arms around her, settling his hands on her belly. “Now, that’s not true, Dove. I’d rather have you in my bed, naked, with your feet hiked up for the next thirty years or so.”
Chiding him for being an overprotective, horny brute, she tried to slide out of his grip, but Wasp tickled her until she stopped squirming. Giving up, she leaned against him. He slid her hair behind one shoulder and bent to nuzzle her neck.
Loneliness hollowed me out again. Not wanting to torture myself by sticking around to watch the lovebirds, I prepared to make my escape. But Wasp pinned me in place with a look. “Hey, Lil, how are you?” he asked.
What was it with these people and all their concerns about my well-being? Dodging their questions was getting old. “I’m good. Carly’s glowing.”
He grinned. “Oh, I know she is. She looks damn good pregnant, doesn’t she?”
Carly blushed.
“Yep. She’s gorgeous.”
Wasp’s smile was redirected over my head. “Bull,” he said with a nod. “Hey brother.”
Bull?
My heart sped up and goosebumps rose across my arms at his presence. I could feel him behind me for fuck’s sake! Forcing myself to stay put—and not turn around and throw myself at him—I held my breath and waited.
“Hey, Wasp. Carly,” Bull said. “Mind if I steal Lily for a few minutes?”
He wanted to steal me, and by God, I wanted to be stolen. But something was happening to Carly. It was like she started morphing before my very eyes. Her smile vanished, stealing away her ethereal radiance. Eyes narrowed to slits and burning with hellfire, she ripped free of Wasp’s arms and took an aggressive step forward. She’d gone from glowing to raging in one-point-three seconds flat, and I was so damned shocked, I didn’t know what to do.
“That depends. Exactly how big of an asshole are you planning to be to her?” Her voice reminded me of Sigourney Weaver’s demon possessed character in The Ghostbusters. I fully expected the next words out of her mouth to be, ‘Are you the Keymaster?’
If Bull turned and ran for his life, I wouldn’t have blamed him one bit. Instead, he stepped beside me and grabbed my hand, lacing our fingers. Not expecting the contact, I hadn’t braced for it, and I felt everything. The callouses on his hands rubbed against mine as little sparks shot up my arm, zinging me right in the heart. If he kept affecting me like this, I’d need a defibrillator soon.
Then again, maybe a pair of heart paddles would shock some sense into me.
The man had sister-zoned me, brushed me off, and treated me like shit. I should be angrily washing my hands of him, but instead, it was all I could do not to close the rest of the distance between us and lay my head on his shoulder. I hated myself for the way I reacted to his touch, but I was powerless to resist his pull.
“No, ma’am. Being an asshole to Lily is not my goal,” Bull said.
Carly’s hand sprung up and her index finger landed smack in the center of Bull’s chest, hard enough to bruise. “Don’t you try that charming southern shit on me. It might not be your goal, but it better not be an unfortunate side effect, either. Hurt her, and you’ll have me to deal with. I’ll find you, and I will destroy you. Capisce?”
Now, I couldn’t tell if Carly was channeling Liam Neeson from Taken or auditioning for the next Godfather movie, but I was sure glad her animosity wasn’t directed at me. It shouldn’t surprise anyone that Wasp’s spawn had her acting all whack-a-doodle, but this behavior was so out of character, I was concerned she might need an exorcism.
Bull winced, but didn’t back down. Letting her drill his breastbone with her index finger, he released my hand and slowly raised both of his in surrender. “Yes, ma’am. I hear ya loud and clear.”
I simultaneously missed his touch and hated myself for being so damn needy.
Carly’s gaze shifted to me, and a little of the fire and brimstone ebbed from her eyes. “You don’t have to go with him if you don’t want to.”
I’d never admit it aloud, but watching her go from girl-next-door to demonic mobster to defend me was nice. Her protective—albeit concerning—behavior reminded me that although Grandma was gone, several strong, amazing women had my back. I wasn’t alone anymore. I hadn’t been for quite some time. Regardless, I didn’t need Carly, or
anyone else, fighting my battles. “It’s okay; I want to talk to him.” I gave Bull a little side-eye action, letting him know he wasn’t out of the woods yet. “We’re overdue for a conversation. Thank you, Carly, but I’ll be fine.”
Reaching out, she grabbed my hand and gave it a squeeze of solidarity. “You sure?”
I nodded.
“Okay, but if you need me, I’ll be right here.” She cast another glare in Bull’s direction. “And you… you remember what I said, buck-o.”
Wasp put his hands on Carly’s shoulders and reeled her in. As usual, his eyes were full of mischief, and a lopsided smirk tugged at his lips. “Come on, my little firecracker. As hot as it is to see you all worked up like this, I don’t think it’s good for the baby. Let’s go sit you down, put your feet up, and see if we can’t lower your blood pressure a little.”
Carly hesitantly let her husband lead her off. Once they were out of ear shot, I turned toward Bull and waited.
“Carly used to like me,” he said, still staring after the couple with his sad bullmastiff eyes.
“I’m sure she will again. She’s protective, and well… pregnant.”
“You mean terrifying.”
I chuckled. He wasn’t wrong.
“I don’t think I’ll be hittin’ the Copper Penny again until after she goes on maternity leave.”
“That’s probably wise. She might try to sacrifice you to Zuul.”
He turned his attention back to me, and I could see the shadow of my long-lost friend in the quirk of his lips. “You were thinking Ghostbusters, too?”
It was almost like I had my friend back. Grinning, I replied, “Of course. That was classic Gatekeeper. If I could figure out how she channeled demigods like that, I could make Burger Villa serve breakfast again.”
His eyes widened. “Burger Villa stopped serving breakfast?” At my nod, he added, “But what about their amazing sausage bagels?”
Glad someone had finally validated my previous outrage on the subject, I shouted, “Yes! Thank you.”