by Harley Stone
“Why would they do that? That’s horrible.”
This was exactly why I needed Bull in my life. He got me, like nobody else in the world. We stood in silence for a moment, just staring at one another. I wondered if he was thinking the same thing. Maybe not. Before our last fight, I would have sworn I knew more about him than anybody, but he’d never told me about Amber. I couldn’t help but wonder what other big secrets my bestie was hiding from me.
Also, I felt Amber’s presence. She’d been along for the ride the whole time, like some third wheel I hadn’t known was there, but kept pulling us out of alignment every time we made progress. If we had any chance of moving forward, we needed to come up with a plan to cut her loose.
“We need to talk. Wanna go somewhere quiet?” Bull asked.
Exactly what I was thinking. He often said I wore my thoughts and opinions all over my face, but his ability to read me could be downright creepy sometimes. I nodded. Butterflies erupted in my stomach, and my heart leapt at the realization I’d finally get a chance to bridge this chasm between us. Knowing I wouldn’t have to plead my case in front of the entire club only sweetened the deal. “Sure.”
Before he could change his mind, I grabbed his hand. Although he’d slid his into mine earlier, I half expected him to pull away, but he didn’t. If we were going to finally talk about this thing between us, I wanted that discussion to take place someplace with a door we could lock. A bed would be nice, too, in case Bull was ready to admit to how wrong he’d been and beg me to forever be his. Preferably with his face between my thighs.
Hey, a girl can dream.
Scurrying up the stairs while trying to tamp down my excitement and force my feet to slow, I tugged him along. I’d never been in Bull’s room before. Sure, I’d tried to weasel my way in a few times, but he was kind of old fashioned, and didn’t want people sullying my good name. Or maybe his? It was part of that southern charm Carly had mentioned. As far as I knew, no girls but Lacy had ever seen the inside of his room, and she wasn’t in there long enough to even tell me what it looked like. Regardless, I knew right where it was. I marched us in and closed the door before he could come to his senses and kick me out. Hitting the light switch, I spun around to take it all in.
The room was bare.
There was no overhead light. Instead, the switch had turned on a small lamp on Bull’s dresser. It cast the sparse room in a dim glow. I don’t know what I’d been expecting, but the only personal touch Bull had added was a framed picture of his family that perched on the nightstand. His bed was made and tucked tight, complete with hospital corners. Everything was clean, in its place, and completely devoid of character. His sliding closet door was closed, but I’d bet both my big toes his clothes were hung, all facing the same direction, and in order by color. As if he owned anything other than black T-shirts and jeans. I’d never seen the inside of a military barracks building, but if there were individual sleeping rooms, they’d look exactly like this.
Temporary.
Borderline sterile.
It made me strangely sad. Bull had been with the Dead Presidents for two years, and as far as I knew, he had no intention of leaving. So, why was his place so barren?
“Where’s all your stuff?” I asked.
He swept a hand around to encompass the entirety of the room. “You’re lookin’ at it. I don’t need much.”
But what about the belongings he’d acquired growing up? Before Stocks and Monica had taken over the shelter, I kept all my worldly possessions in two bags that I could easily carry, knowing that at any moment I might have to find somewhere else to crash, but Bull has never known the uncertainty of being homeless. He went from his childhood home, to the Navy, to the fire station. He could have had his belongings shipped up from Texas, but maybe he didn’t want any reminders of his old life.
While I pondered his motives, he wandered over and sat on the bed absentmindedly.
Wanting to comfort him, to let him know I understood the pain and loneliness of an empty room, I locked the door.
His brows rose. Gaze drifting from the doorknob, to me, and then to the bed, he sprang to his feet. The sight was comical, but I forced myself not to laugh. “We… we shouldn’t be in here,” he stammered.
I leveled a stare at him. “Yes, we should. We’re both adults, and we need to have an uninterrupted conversation.” And if our chat happened to end up horizontal, I, for one, wouldn’t object. And I sure as hell didn’t want anyone busting in to stop us.
His nod was skeptical at best, but he gestured toward the sofa. “Have a seat.”
The bed looked a hell of a lot more comfortable, but just making it into his room seemed like a big step. I relented and sat on the sofa, hoping to make him more at ease.
Bull joined me, sitting at the opposite end, as far away as he could get. Since it was a loveseat, and he was tall, he couldn’t keep our knees from touching. “I’m… I’m sorry about the way I treated you at the shop,” he started.
His apology was unexpected, and I shrugged it off. “That’s okay.”
“No, it’s not. I wasn’t trying to hurt you, Lily, and I’m sorry if I did. There’s… I… I know you want more from me than friendship, and I can’t give you what you’re lookin’ for. I thought it would be easier to go our separate ways.”
His admission felt like a kick to my sternum. I wasn’t even a hundred percent sure what a sternum was, but whatever it was reeled from his blow. “Easier for who?” I asked. When he didn’t answer, I continued. “Because I gotta be straight with you, Bull, I hate the way we’re avoiding each other right now. This isn’t easier. I miss you. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve picked up my phone to text or call you, only to remember that your ass won’t respond. It sucks. I feel like I’ve lost my best friend, and I don’t understand why. Don’t you miss me at all?”
His frown deepened. “Yes. Of course I do.”
I froze, surprised he’d actually admitted it. “Then why are you pushing me away?”
He looked away, and his chest rose and fell with a deep breath. “There’s a lot of shit you don’t know about me.”
“Then tell me!” I pleaded. “My God, Bull, I’ve never once judged you. You can tell me anything. That’s what I thought we were doing with this whole friendship thing. Everyone else thinks I’m an orphan. You’re the only one who knows my asshole parental units left me with my grandma and split. I trusted you with all my secrets. Why won’t you trust me with yours?”
His shoulders fell in defeat. “Because I’m an idiot, and I thought keeping it to myself would make shit easier.”
“If you push me away again, I swear I will buy every snake in Seattle and put them in your bed.” Since he was terrified of snakes, it was a solid threat.
“You wouldn’t.”
“Test me, motherfucker.”
We locked gazes. I studied the grey of his eyes, refusing to so much as blink. Finally, he smirked and broke. “I can’t believe how much I missed this shit.”
He did miss me. I knew it. Doing my best not to gloat, I channeled Carly and said, “Spill, buck-o.”
“Fine.” He sat back. “Before I left the Navy, I was engaged.”
His admission somehow managed to suck all the oxygen from the room. I’d known about Amber, but engaged? That was new and unwelcome information.
“Her name was Amber, and I’d grown up with her.”
“Did you love her?” I blurted out, unable to help myself. Then I wondered exactly how much of my foot I could shove into my mouth. “Don’t answer that. I mean, of course you loved her. You asked her to marry you.” And knowing he’d loved someone like that hurt so bad I couldn’t do anything but ramble. Clearly.
“That’s the funny thing. I honestly don’t know. I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately, and… it’s complicated. Our parents were close, she was sweet, and I always knew we’d end up together. I don’t know if it was love so much as familiarity and acceptance. I don’t think she loved m
e, though.”
His obvious pain made my heart ache for him. “Why?” How could anyone not love Bull? He was so damn loveable it was all I could do to keep my hands off him.
He shrugged. “She didn’t reach out to me. I thought we were thick as thieves, but when she was hurting and broken, she took her own life instead of coming to me. She didn’t trust me. Fuck. I… I wish I would have done shit differently.”
Unable to stay away from him any longer, I closed the distance between us and put my hand on his shoulder. “You were both so young. Just kids, trying to figure yourselves out. What do you honestly think you could have changed?
Head bowed, he answered, “I could have stayed home. I didn’t have to join the Navy.”
“You wanted to travel… to see the world. You think Amber would have wanted to keep you from that? Even if she did, you would have resented her for tying you down.”
He stiffened. “I wouldn’t have resented her.”
“Not intentionally, but you would have. You love Seattle. You’re a city boy at heart. I’ve never heard you say one positive thing about Shiner, Texas.”
“We have decent beer.”
I snorted. “Okay. One positive thing.”
He frowned. “Well, I guess the joke’s on me, because I still didn’t get to see much of the world.”
I rolled my eyes. I couldn’t help myself. He was just so damn stubborn sometimes. “Listen, Bull-head, you’re not dead. There’s still plenty of time to see the world. I want to travel. I’ve never even been on an airplane, and I’ve always wanted to fly somewhere. Anywhere. Hawaii. Canada. Australia. Italy. I don’t even care, I want to see them all. I’ll come with you. We can save up money and travel around our work schedules.”
His brow furrowed. “But didn’t you hear what I told you? We can’t be together, Lily.”
Wait. What?
Was he brushing me off? Did he think that stroll down memory lane would shake me loose? Sure, it hurt to hear about his past, but it didn’t change the way I felt about him one bit. “Um. Excuse me?” I asked. “Why the hell do you believe we can’t be together.”
“You look just like Amber. I’m talking spittin’ image. It would be too much. I can’t take you home. I mean, can you imagine what that would do to her parents? What it would do to mine? And you would hate it. Everyone looking at you sideways and talkin’ shit… Talk about resentment. How do you think you’ll feel toward me when my family doesn’t accept you?”
His eyes were pleading with me to understand, but I didn’t. I didn’t get what he was saying at all. Every excuse he coughed up was so far beyond my realm of understanding, it might as well have been Latin. “You don’t think your family will accept me?” I asked. “Have you even told them about me?”
His mouth closed.
My heart sunk. “No. That’s what I thought.” My voice was trembling, and I couldn’t stop it. Swallowing, I willed myself to be strong. I might never have another opportunity to spill my guts to Bull, and I refused to let my anger lay waste to this chance. “I never pegged you for a quitter.”
He’d been playing with a hole in his jeans, but my response startled him out of it. His gaze snapped to mine, and whatever he saw in my expression caused him to shoot to his feet and run a hand over his head. “I’m not. You know I’m not.”
“Yes, you are. You’re quitting on us before you even give us a chance.”
“God, Lily, be reasonable. You look like my dead fiancé. The daughter of my parents’ best friends. I can’t take you home. This thing between us can never be more than platonic.”
Oh my God, he was giving up. I’d poked the bear, but I didn’t really expect him to roll over. No, I wouldn’t let him roll over. Not if I could help it. Not today. I stood and met his gaze once again. “How convenient for you.”
“It’s not convenient,” he fired back, his face twisting in anger. “It’s a shitty situation, but there’s nothing I can do about it.”
“For starters, you could have fucking talked to me before you made up your mind about how I’d feel. News flash, Bull, I’ve known about Amber for a few weeks now.”
“You have?”
“Yes, but it hasn’t changed the way I feel about you. I want to be with you. You’re my best friend, but I want more than that. I want everything. I know shit between us won’t be easy, but nothing in my life ever has been.”
“I know!” He threw his hands up. “And you deserve more. Of all people, Lily, you should get easy. You deserve more than me.”
He looked so broken, so absolutely devastated, I had to go to him. Desperate for his touch, I put my hands on his chest and met his gaze. A storm raged in his grey eyes, and the dark bags beneath them made me suspect he’d been having as much trouble sleeping over the past two weeks as I had. He looked like shit. Tortured, tormented, letting me go hadn’t been any easier on him than it had been on me.
Well, it was time to put an end to this bullshit, because I wasn’t going anywhere. Enough talking, it was time for Plan B.
I ripped my shirt over my head and tossed it to the floor.
Bull’s eyes widened. His gaze shot to my chest, and the flames that ignited behind his eyes threatened to catch me on fire. “Wh-wh-what are you doing?” he asked.
I’d always been kind of shy about my body, but his obvious appreciation and the desperation that I was in danger of losing him emboldened me. I reached between my breasts to the front clasp of my lacy black bra. “Words are great and all, but I’m sick of talking.” I released the clasp. My breasts sprang free, as I slid the straps over my arms and dropped it on the floor.
The cool air shocked my nipples, pebbling them immediately. Or maybe they stiffened in response to the bulge I could feel growing against my stomach. Either way, the girls needed some attention. Grabbing Bull’s hands, I placed one on each breast. He squeezed, closing his eyes in agony.
“God, Lily, don’t…”
“Don’t what? We both want this.”
“But we can’t—”
“Hush. You’ve already told me the reason we shouldn’t be together.”
My voice came out husky and deeper than normal as the callouses of his hands ran over my smooth skin. Electricity shot straight to my core, heating me from within. The room was chilly, but my body felt like it was on fire. I reached for the button of his jeans. He sucked in a breath as my fingers grazed the bare skin under his shirt. Unfastening the button, I tugged down his zipper.
“Now, let me show you all the reasons we should.”
10
Bull
LILY WAS IN my space.
I’d managed to avoid this very thing for more than two years, and suddenly, here we were. I should have never let her lead us into to my room. It was too private, too personal in here. Sure, there wasn’t much to look at on the surface, but I had shit hidden away I wasn’t ready to disclose yet. She’d already dragged my secrets out of me, leaving me feeling vulnerable and raw, and I wasn’t ready to give up anything else quite yet.
I had every intention of trying to restore our friendship to what it was before.
I needed this girl.
Needed her random bizarre texts, and the annoying way she knew just when to drag me out of my own head and demand I take her out to eat or accompany her to the mall. What the fuck was wrong with me, that I even missed shopping with her? Shopping sucked ass, but somehow Lily managed to make everything fun. I needed her late-night phone calls that helped lull me to sleep when the demons of the past were holding sleep hostage. I craved her infectious laughter and its uncanny ability to make even the darkest days a little brighter.
I couldn’t sacrifice our friendship for sex. I was standing firm, enforcing our boundaries and keeping a respectable distance between us.
And then, she took off her shirt and removed her bra.
Dressed, Lily was gorgeous. Topless, she was a fucking goddess, all smooth, milky skin and soft curves. She put my hands on her tits so I could feel the
very definition of temptation. Hard nipples pressed against my hands, begging to be squeezed and licked. I tried like hell to resist, but her soft, cool touch against my stomach shattered any hope I had of self-control. I needed her friendship, but I also needed to taste her.
I needed to fuck her.
I was going to burn for this.
“Look at me,” Lily said.
Her arousal leaked into her voice, making it huskier, sexier. Every word she muttered sounded like an invitation made directly to my cock. I didn’t want to open my eyes. As long as they stayed closed, I could pretend this was just another dream. And dreams held no consequences. I could do all the things I’d ever wanted to do to her without fear of destroying our friendship. Ignoring her request, I slid my hands around her breasts, feeling their weight and enjoying the soft, smooth skin.
I could smell the hint of cinnamon on her breath from the two Fireball shots she’d taken. Mixed with the lingering vanilla berry body wash on her skin, the scent of her was some forbidden cocktail that made my mouth water. Everything about her invited me to touch, to lick, to claim. I wanted to watch my cock slide in and out of her mouth, to study the way she writhed under my tongue, to hear the sounds she made when I buried myself deep inside her.
Our very own porno played on the inside of my eyelids, as I imagined all the ways I’d wring pleasure out of her.
“Bull.” She slid my cut down over my shoulders. The leather rubbed against my skin, and I released her tits so the cut could fall down my arms. I felt lighter and less grounded without it, almost like I was floating.
“Look at me,” she whispered.
I met her gaze. The golden flecks in her hazel eyes were practically glowing. Warm and inviting, like the welcome heat of a freshly stoked fire on a cold winter night. I wanted to step into her glow, to be surrounded by her warmth.
“We’re friends,” I said, trying to remind us both of what was at stake.
“I know. But I want more.”