by Lacey Legend
“There she is!” Her mother glided over to her and put an arm around Kelsey’s shoulders.
Most of the faces in the room Kelsey already knew, so it was quite clear just who Alan was. Her mother began to steer her toward him and she felt her heart rate quicken. She watched him shift nervously from side-to-side and adjust his wire-rimmed glasses. For the life of her she couldn’t remember who he was from school.
“Kelsey, you remember Alan.”
“Of course,” she lied. “How have you been?”
Alan smiled at her and she could tell that he was relieved that she remembered him. As he spoke, she watched his face searching for any clue as to who he was. When she couldn’t find any, she switched instead to examining his looks.
He was tall with midnight skin. He had a decent smile and his eyes looked kind enough. She wouldn’t say he was attractive exactly, but he wasn’t unattractive either. He just seemed to fall somewhere in the middle, somewhere where one might forget him.
There was one good thing about him though, and that was that he clearly liked to talk. He stood there sipping his cocktail going on about college and his career, his new car and the house he was settling into in The Vines. All Kelsey really needed to do was nod along and listen, so that’s what she did.
In fact, all through dinner, she barely needed to say a word. Most of the guests, Alan included, talked around her as she sat quietly picking at her food. Course after course came and went and eventually Kelsey stopped even listening to the conversation around her. She let her mind drift to nowhere in particular as she pretended she was anywhere else but where she was.
“Kelsey, we were so sorry to hear of your situation,” one of the dinner guests said.
At her name, Kelsey looked up and found the source of the voice, it was Mrs. Gruman from down the road. She was dressed in what was probably a $500 suit and looking at her with a mix between empathy and enjoyment of the gossip. That was the funny thing about gossip: while someone may feel bad for the source of the gossip, in this case it was Kelsey, and they also secretly enjoyed watching everything unfold, knowing it wasn’t them.
Through the lump in her throat, Kelsey swallowed her bite. The table had gone silent and every eye, especially Alan’s, was on her. What she said in that moment was going to make or break how her community viewed her. She stole a glance at her father, whose eyes were trained on his food, still pretending that everything wasn’t happening, and then at her mother who was basically holding her breath hoping that Kelsey was going to answer correctly.
“Thank you very much. It was completely unexpected to be an expectant mother, and even more unexpected that the person I thought I was going to spend my life with decided not to be a part of this.” Kelsey had to take a deep breath. She already knew she was a bad liar, so having to lie in front of so many people was difficult, and to be honest, she didn’t even want to be doing it.
But she had to push through. “But I am thankful that my parents have been so supportive in my decision and that they are going to help me through this whole process as I navigate it alone.”
It sounded rehearsed and Kelsey knew that, but it was rehearsed. She knew exactly what her mother wanted her to say and she had said it all. Kelsey looked around the table and saw the sympathetic looks that everyone was giving her and she knew she’d done exactly what her mother had hoped.
She had been able to turn her “situation” that could have been devastating and humiliating to her family into a show of strength. If possible, her going through this was actually going to make her and her family even more popular within their social circle. But, just to ensure that that was the case, her mother lifted her glass.
“To Kelsey. We are so proud of you and will support you as you heal and become a mother. And we are thankful for such kind neighbors that are being so supportive as well.”
Kelsey had to stifle an eye roll as her neighbors raised their glasses and toasted her and her fake bravery. Alan reached under the table and grasped Kelsey’s hand. It was clammy and felt all wrong and she had to stifle every urge she had to pull it away from him. But she knew that would look very poor so there she sat, with her hand in his,,feeling like everything was wrong.
The chatter continued around her and Kelsey sat quietly again wondering how in just a few months she had gone from loving being a part of such an elite and powerful group of people to feeling so incredibly out of place.
How had she gone from talking about shopping trips and which celebrities had agreed to come to which charity events, to feeling trapped among people she once considered hers? Where had this need for life and adventure come from? Fleetingly she thought about doing what Mason just had, getting in a car and just driving through the night to a destination unknown.
If Alan hadn’t been clutching her hand so tightly, she might have bolted from the table and done just that. But instead he was holding her hand, anchoring her to her life that she knew was where she needed to be.
She didn’t need to be there for herself, she needed to be there for her baby. Staying in the life she had meant her child would never have to need or want for anything. Her child would grow up having anything it desired and be able to go to top schools and meet the most prestigious people, and maybe her child would appreciate it more than Kelsey did.
Maybe her child would do something productive with it instead of having the powerful urge to leave it all behind. And for that reason, and that reason alone, she stayed at the table, her hand in Alan’s, as she pretended to be someone she wasn’t.
*
Life had settled nicely into a routine for Mason and Adam as they set up shop in Elliotsville. Every morning Mason would wake up and get ready for work at Ken’s Garage where he had quickly proven himself to be a top mechanic for the man. Then he would wake up Adam and they would go down to the diner to get breakfast and start their day with Judy. Quickly she had become like a mother to the two boys, and both Mason and Adam felt completely at ease when they were able to be around her.
He would then take Adam to Beverly’s house where she would watch him for the day and he would go to work. Nights were sometimes different, depending if Judy had left him any list of things to do or if he had had a long night and decided to get take out or eat again at the diner.
All in all, the life that he was giving Adam was exactly what he’d been hoping for. It was a life of security, routine, and he was saving plenty of money since after Ken had seen his abilities he had given him a very excellent wage.
Adam seemed happy too, which was the most important part of all. He had friends at the little home daycare and he never had to worry about missing a meal or having to go to bed alone. Life in the small town was turning out to be pretty calm and quiet for the two boys, and that was exactly what Mason had been hoping for.
Once in a while Adam would ask about his mom, when they would see her again and if she was coming to meet them or if they were going to back home. Mason would brush off the questions and tell him that he was waiting to hear from her or that she would be on her way soon.
But inside he was struggling with what he should do. He would sit up some nights drafting letters to his mom, just letting her know that they were safe and doing well. But he always ended up crumpling up the letters and throwing them in the trash. Nothing ever seemed appropriate.
Down in the diner one morning, Judy had sensed something was off. She had never asked what it was that Mason and Adam had left behind, had only accepted that it was something that he didn’t want to drag into his new life.
“I know it’s not my business hon, but what’s got you down today?”
Mason hadn’t gotten much sleep and instead had stayed awake most of the night drafting letters. One to his mom, that he of course, threw away, but a second one to Kelsey. Every day he spent trying to focus on every detail of his new life in order to leave no room for her in his mind. But sometimes the effort it took to keep his mind off of her was too much and he couldn’t keep her f
rom consuming his mind.
He wondered about what she was doing, if she was seeing anyone, and most importantly if she ever thought of him. He wasn’t conceited enough to believe that a girl like her would still be thinking about him. He figured her mind was probably on something else the moment he had pulled out of the driveway.
That thought broke his heart all over again.
It had been weeks since he’d seen her last, since he’d heard her voice, since he’d felt her touch. Why was the thought of her still driving him crazy? She’d driven him crazy when he was with her and now she was driving him even crazier when he was without her. He thought he might feel better if he put a pen to the paper and sent her something, even just to say he was sorry for the way he’d left. But every word he drafted came up short. Nothing could exactly express how much he missed her, her smile, her body, and even her fighting.
“I’ve just got someone on my mind today,” Mason answered. He felt defeated and frustrated. If he’d never gotten involved with Kelsey in the first place then he wouldn’t be sitting there every day trying to think of anything he could to keep her from his mind.
“The girl you left behind?”
It was an uncanny ability, but Judy always seemed to know everything. And Mason was tired of hiding it. He’d had to hide how he felt from Kelsey, from everyone he’d known, and even from himself. But it was exhausting trying to hide all the time so the confession poured out of him.
“Yeah, I left her in the worst way and I can’t stop thinking about her.”
Judy looked thoughtful for a moment before she said anything again.
“Is it because you feel bad for leaving? Or is it because you still love her?”
Mason wished that he was just feeling guilty about the way he’d left her, that maybe just an apology would make him feel better. But he’d spent too many restless nights with her on his mind to hide it.
“Because I love her.” It was the first time he’d said that out loud. The confession felt good, yet still ripped his heart in half.
“Well, then you should probably do something about that.”
“You don’t understand, it’s not that simple.”
Judy poured more coffee into his travel mug but wouldn’t look him in the eyes. “Matters of the heart never are. But that doesn’t mean you run away. It’s worth the fight in the end.”
She walked away to help another customer and her words were left ringing in his ears. In a daze he capped his coffee mug and grabbed his bag.
“Let’s get going,” he said to Adam who happily hopped off his barstool.
Throughout the day at work, he thought about everything that had happened from the moment that he laid eyes on her until the letter he had drafted the night before. So many words swirled through his mind that it was hard to organize them all. He had to write them down, he had to get it on paper.
Over his lunch break he grabbed a couple of pieces of paper and started to write. Everything came out wrong and desperate, but he kept trying. It took almost his full hour break to finally get something that he felt he could send her.
Anyone would probably make fun of him that he was using old fashioned mail instead of any electronic methods, but he knew anything quicker and he would constantly be waiting for a response. This way he could send it and she could simply decide what to do. There was a chance she wouldn’t even open it, but he had to try.
After the letter was as perfect as it was going to get, Mason grabbed his last sheet of paper and wrote something quickly to his mother and sealed it up with some cash inside. Somehow, after putting his feelings on paper to Kelsey, writing something to his mother had seemed easy, something short and simple, letting her know they were okay, telling her he hoped she was too. That was all he really needed to say. Outside of the garage, he mailed the letters and attempted to forget the possibilities of what was happening to either of the women.
Was his mother doing okay? Was she scared, missing them, had she been hitting the bottle too hard?
What about Kelsey? Was she dating someone else, had she moved on from him, did she even think about him anymore? Part of him wanted a letter back from her, part of him didn’t. It was a tug of war with his heart and his head. But at least the letter was sent, at least everything he needed to say to her, everything that had been bottled up was out of his hands and she would decide what she did with it all.
When he left work for the day, Adan was already sitting on the stool at the diner spinning in circles. Adam’s smile widened when he saw Mason and immediately he felt better. He may have left in anger and for the wrong reason that night, but at the very least he’d done something good with it. Adam’s small hand waved a piece of paper in front of Mason.
“Judy left you a list tonight.” Adam spun back around to the counter and put a straw into his mouth and sipped at his milk.
Mason glanced over the list. It wasn’t too long, but it would take him some time to get everything done. He couldn’t complain though, for as well as she treated them in that diner and as cheap as his rent was, he was willing to do anything to repay them.
“Dinner might be a little late then,” Mason informed his little brother.
“That’s what Judy thought, so Craig’s cooking me dinner in the back,” Adam answered.
Bubbles popped in the milk glass as Adam had gone from drinking it to blowing bubbles into it. Mason smiled and ruffled the boy’s hair as he passed him to grab the tool box out from under the counter. Adam ate grilled cheese and watched Mason fix the problems on the list. When he was done eating, he hopped off of the stool and came to stand beside Mason.
“Can I help?”
His voice was tiny and unsure. It broke Mason’s heart that their father hadn’t been around at all for Adam and that he himself had been so busy trying to get out of town that he hadn’t been able to help his brother either.
“Sure, can you hand me the wrench?”
Adam looked at him, unsure, and Mason pointed to the tool he needed. One by one, they sat behind the counter as Mason explained each tool and its purpose. For the ones he needed for the job he showed him exactly how it was to be used. He taught him, just as his own father had, that tools are not toys and to always treat them with respect and use them for their intended purpose.
Adam listened to everything his older brother told him and nodded along, eyes wide, as he got to hold each tool. By the end of their lesson, Adam had each tool memorized and knew every use.
It made Mason proud to see how smart Adam was, how quickly he had learned everything and that his little hands were already able to use the tools fairly well. Adam was going to be destined for great things, that was for certain, and Mason was going to help him get there. He had never felt so sure of anything, almost as if Adam wasn’t just a brother, but like a son.
For the first time in weeks, Mason slept peacefully. His mind was at ease as he fully understood what he’d been able to do for his little brother and that he would continue to help him grow. He was also feeling at ease that if she chose to open it or not, Kelsey at least had the option to know exactly how he felt about her.
For the first time nothing was bothering him, nothing felt wrong. For the first time since he’d left, he felt easily at peace in this tiny town and that was the feeling that he drifted off to sleep with: contentment.
Chapter7
The squealing from the girls in The Vines was at a level that Kelsey was sure only dogs could hear. But she kept her smile bright as she opened gift after gift from her generous friends and neighbors. Every item she could think of for a baby, and some she had no idea what to do with, was sitting in the banquet room with her. They all collectively oohed and ahhed at the presents and of course rounds of awwws came out when she would open anything pink and frilly.
Kelsey did have to admit that she had some butterflies of excitement fluttering inside her as she thought about actually putting the gifts to use. As each day passed and her belly grew larger, the desire to be a
mother became stronger. She pictured her and her daughter taking walks in a stroller and dressing her in adorable dresses.
She couldn‘t believe her luck that she was even having a girl. It was hard to admit, but she had been afraid of having a boy because of the fact that she was afraid he would remind her too much of Mason. That was actually why she had decided to find out the sex of the baby to begin with.
The night before her doctor appointment, she tossed and turned in a dream where her baby was crying. She went to his crib to console him and her breath caught in her chest as she saw Mason’s eyes and strong jaw. Panic swept her as she realized that her baby boy was his spitting image and every day she’d have to be reminded of the worst pain she’d ever gone through.
Waking up in a cold sweat, she knew that she had to find out if she was having a boy or a girl. All night she wished on every star that it would be a girl, simply to avoid the pain. Luckily that was exactly the news her doctor had delivered. Her friends were thrilled with the prospect of a baby girl to spoil and shop for, and she was simply relieved.
But as gift after gift was opened, she realized that she actually was incredibly excited to have a girl.
“Okay! Last one!” her mother chirped.
Kelsey sagged a bit in relief. Being pregnant was exhausting and she was ready to put her feet up and take a nap. Her mother stood up from the table and walked an envelope over to her. Kelsey had to admit her curiosity was piqued. She had thought maybe a big box of some kind, she knew her mother would have to have to biggest and best gift there, so an envelope made her curious.
Kelsey slid her finger through the closing and she noticed that something was sliding around inside. Peeking in, she didn’t even see a card, which didn’t exactly surprise her since her mother wasn’t exactly one for warm sentiments, but she did see something shiny and metallic.
Tipping the envelope over, a key fell out.
“Well you can’t drive around with a baby in that convertible! My granddaughter needs to be safe!”
All the girls applauded and her mother looked around, pleased with her choice of gift. Not only had she gotten Kelsey a new vehicle, but she had gotten her one of the most expensive SUVs on the market.