by Ruby Dixon
And it’s hard to keep being strong after so damn long.
I sniffle, allowing myself to give in to tears. Here I was feeling fond of Dakh and it feels like he’s betrayed me and left me all over again. I wonder if he’s destroying Fort Dallas even now.
I return, Dakh says, his voice as clear as if he was standing next to me.
I sit up in my bed, staring around me. “Are you here?”
Not yet. Soon.
“But you can hear me?”
I sense your thoughts. I do not need to hear your speaking voice.
Oh. I can’t help but feel relieved he’s coming back. And a little worried, too. His thoughts were so dark earlier.
You do not need to worry. I am myself.
Yeah, but there’s a hard edge in his mind that I know I’m not imagining. I decide to give the mental speak a try. Are you…okay?
Hearing your thoughts helps.
That’s not really an answer.
You did not like my silence before. I am trying to be better.
Fair enough. I was worried you wouldn’t come back. That you’d abandoned me for good.
Never. The thought is so vehement it startles me. I will always come back for you, Sasha. You are mine and I am yours.
That’s a little hard to process, considering I didn’t ask for this. But at the same time, I like hearing it. It takes away a lot of my anxiety. Thank you, Dakh.
All will be well between us, Sasha. This is just something I must do.
Um, what exactly did you do? Can I ask that?
But his mind is silent once more. Whatever it is that he’s feeling compelled to do—flame the fort, murder everyone inside, something along those lines—he’s not sharing it with me. And I can’t help but worry.
A short time later, I can’t stand waiting and light my lamp again, then start to read. Even as I do, I hear Dakh as he enters the store. I hear him moving around, but I don’t get up from where I’m reading my book. I’m trying to play it cool.
You forget I am connected to you. I can hear your thoughts.
Shit. I did forget. So much for that.
I like that you worry about me, he tells me. A moment later, Dakh appears in the candlelight, all golden and perfect. He stalks forward, and I feel a little shiver of apprehension and excitement at the sight of him. But he only climbs into bed next to me and pulls me close against his chest. His warmth and strength move over me, and I relax against him with a little sigh. He buries his face against my neck and inhales deeply. I missed your scent, my Sasha.
I missed you, too. I didn’t like being alone. His arms feel so good around me, and I close my eyes, enjoying the feeling.
I did not want to leave your side. He rubs his nose against my hair. I would be with you at all times if I could.
That makes me feel better. And yet, with the way he’s holding me, I wonder if he’s wanting sex? Is this him pressing his case? I’ll have sex with him again if it means he won’t abandon me.
I want no part of it if you do not want it, comes the vehement thought. We will not speak of it again.
I feel a little guilty at the anger in his thoughts, but also relieved. It means I can relax. I sigh and settle in against him, sleepy. Before I know it, I’m fast asleep in the dragon-man’s arms.
In the morning, when I wake up, I’m all alone.
19
SASHA
That’s how the next few days seem to go for us.
Every morning, Dakh is gone the moment the sun rises. His mind goes distant all day, and I’m all alone once more. It’s the week of the month that red dragons should be attacking Fort Dallas, but all is quiet here. I think of Fort Dallas, and how it must be right now, with the red dragons attacking over and over. They’ll be quiet for the next few weeks after this. Gold dragon attacks are more sporadic and happen throughout the month. I think they’re drawn to the city, though, because I haven’t seen any dragons since coming out here with Dakh. When I peek outside, there’s nothing but birds chirping and not a hint of ash on the air.
It’s like this is an entirely different land, and it’s a strange sensation. I keep myself busy, though. I finish an entire book of Sudoku, ten crossword puzzles, and start in on a coloring book. I write to Emma. I clean “house” and fill shopping carts with all the food supplies that are still good so I can have them all in one convenient place. I try on new clothes. I read books. I sleep. I bathe.
I’m bored.
I never thought that having a life of relative luxury in the After would mean that I’m miserable, but I’m lonely. Dakh only returns at sundown, and when he does, he’s quiet. He doesn’t want to do more than hug me close and breathe in my scent. His thoughts are closed off, and while he’s polite, things are strained between us.
I don’t know what to do. I feel like the mental bond has broken whatever friendship we had beginning between us. Now everything’s all messed up.
It’s funny. I’m safe and secure, just like I want…but I still feel abandoned.
DAKH
I have found him.
After days of stalking the human hive, I watch the human below me. He wears the same skins—no, clothing—that many of the others do. He carries a fire spitter. He has dark hair that has been shorn close to his scalp, and a smile that seems cold, even for these strange creatures. He stands by a building and talks to two other men wearing the same clothing. They laugh, but he only smiles.
I hate him on sight. This is the one called Tate. The one who hurt my Sasha.
It takes everything I have not to leap over the barricade and rend him limb from limb. I allow myself a moment of dreaming, my claws curling into the metal I lie upon. In my mind, I bite his arm off and watch with enjoyment as he screams. I will snap his other arm and then both his legs, one at a time. When he is in unimaginable pain, I will take him between my teeth and bite down. Not hard enough to kill. Just hard enough to hurt.
I savor these thoughts. I want him to hurt like he hurt my mate. I want him to suffer. Instead, I must keep him whole.
For now.
Which means I must stalk him. Sasha had no hate in her thoughts for the other humans, and it is because of her that I will not destroy them all. I wish for my mate to be happy above all else, and I know she worries about these other humans in the hive. Soon, I will make a gift of this one to my mate, and she will be pleased. She will worry no longer.
He will never, ever hurt her again. This I vow.
I wait for him to leave the side of the other humans, to walk closer to my hiding spot. The hive is cramped in many places, with the humans’ homes clustered together like piles. There is not much room for a drakoni to maneuver in battle form, so I must lure Tate toward me before I can snatch him into my claws.
I move forward and jump down from the barrier, into the human hive itself. The stink is overwhelming, the smell of unwashed bodies and waste, overpowering. How they can all live together like this in such filth, I do not know. I pace forward and someone pauses in a doorway nearby, then snickers at the sight of me.
Well, I will take laughter over the sirens.
I move forward, slinking between two buildings before the human can realize I am drakoni and not one of them. Up ahead, standing by the other human males is Tate, who has not moved from his spot. I hear his low, flat voice, and the others laugh again. He is telling a story, perhaps. I cannot make out the words, not without my connection to my mate. Sasha. I reach for her mind, but she is safe back in my nest, far away from the hive.
Tate will be coming back with us. I want Sasha to see his death. I want her to realize he can never hurt her again.
I watch and wait, but when the three males remain in their places and show no movement, I grow impatient. I am tired of being away from Sasha and hunting this human. He is within my grasp. I glance around and find a stone on the ground, then throw it at one of the males.
He immediately straightens from his slouch, a scowl on his face. He holds his fire spitter forward and
then mutters a stream of garbled syllables at the other two men. Tate nods at him and indicates the alley I crouch in. With a nod, the human comes forward, approaching me.
I sigh in frustration. It is the wrong human. I wait, impatient. The human comes down the alley and then sees me. He cocks his head, looking me up and down, and then calls something to the other ones. He points his fire spitter at me and says something.
I have no time for this nonsense. I grab the human by his head and smash his face against the wall. He slumps to the ground, and his fire spitter falls from his hand. I kick it aside.
“Reynolds?” Tate calls after a moment. When there is no response from the fallen human at my feet, Tate glances at the other human and then moves forward, his fire spitter in hand.
Finally he separates from the pack. I can be finished with this soon. Good. I wait for him to approach me, and when he gets close enough that I can smell his unwashed scent, I cannot stop the grin that spreads across my face. When Tate sees me, I am smiling a cruel smile. His eyes narrow at the sight of me, and he lifts his fire spitter, barking words at me.
Let him bark all he wants. I flick his fire spitter aside with a blow of my hand and am pleased when he yelps in response. I grab him by the throat and my grin grows wider.
I hope he hates flying.
20
SASHA
I return, my Sasha.
The strong thought rouses me from my lazy afternoon nap. I rub my eyes and sit up, pushing my tangled hair back off my face. “Dakh? Where are you? What time is it?”
It is still daylight. I am returning to you. Come to the front of the nest to meet me.
You mean the doors? Okay. I slip on a pair of slippers and head for the front doors of the store, still yawning and sleepy. Things have been strained and quiet between Dakh and I, but he sounds happy today. Maybe whatever he’s been going through has passed and he’s getting back to his normal self. Of course, I’m not entirely sure what that “normal” self would be, but I like a happy Dakh more than a moody one. And I’m really glad he’s home early, because it’s been a long, lonely week without him for company.
I wrap a blanket around my shoulders and head for the door. I have a happy little buzz until I hear the first scream.
Am…I imagining things? Or was that a hawk? I race down the aisles toward the front doors of the SuperMart and peer up at the skies through the dirty glass. There’s nothing except gold wings as Dakh lowers himself toward the parking lot.
But then there’s a second scream. And as the dragon comes closer, I see that Dakh’s got something clutched in his claws. Something wearing the uniform of one of the Fort Dallas New Militia and squirming in the dragon’s grasp.
Oh God.
My stomach clenches as I push through the glass doors and run outside. “Dakh! What are you doing?”
“Sasha!” The voice that cries out my name isn’t Dakh’s. It’s Tate’s. The dragon’s got Tate in his claws. Even now, I watch as Dakh settles on the ground. He releases Tate, and the soldier scrambles to his feet and starts to run away. Dakh immediately smacks him down with one forefoot and Tate screams again.
I brought you a gift, my mate. There’s such a pleased undercurrent in Dakh’s thoughts.
“A gift?” I stare at Dakh’s big golden dragon body. His eyes are a bright, whirling gold, not the scary dark. He’s pleased with himself at the moment. I look down at Tate, who seems so small perched between the dragon’s claws. One looks like it’s digging into his back, and Tate’s normally handsome face is contorted with fear and pain. He’s scratched up, and his skin is red from where it’s contacted Dakh’s scales.
Just looking at him makes my arm hurt. I feel a whisper of the old dread and fear that I associate with Tate’s presence, but it feels very small compared to how it’s felt in the past. He looks…pathetic under Dakh’s claws. I almost feel sorry for him.
Almost. Except my bruises are just now gone, my ribs still ache, and my arm’s still broken. So my sympathy meter is pretty low. He’s a terrible person.
But…he’s still a person. And this doesn’t feel right. “What are you doing, Dakh?”
“Help me, Sasha!” Tate calls out. He tries to squirm out from between Dakh’s claws. “The dragon has me!”
“I noticed,” I say, and shrug my blanket closer around my shoulders. “And I’m waiting for an explanation.” I give Dakh a patient look. “Well?”
“An explanation?” Tate yells. “Are you fucking kidding me? The dragon snatched me up—”
Dakh growls and lowers his head toward Tate. The man’s comments choke in his throat and he goes silent.
“Not you,” I say to Tate. “Him.” I shake my head at Dakh, my attention solely on the dragon. “Is this what you’ve been doing all this time? Hunting him?”
The dragon’s eyes whirl with pleasure. I brought him for you so you can watch him die. He will never hurt you again.
“I can’t decide if that’s sweet or bloodthirsty,” I murmur. “Either way, it’s all wrong. You can’t just snatch someone from the city because they were mean to me.”
“Are…are you talking to the dragon?” Tate is incredulous. His eyes are wide as he stares at me. “You tamed it?”
“Clearly not,” I say to him. “If I had, do you think I’d tell him to snatch you up?” I focus on Dakh again. “You know this is wrong, don’t you? Did you level the city to get him?”
I hurt no one. I knew you would not be pleased if I did. Dakh’s eyes whirl with gold. Everything I do is to please you.
I feel warm at that. It’s hard not to. “Oh, Dakh.”
Now tell me how you wish for him to die. He drags one claw over Tate’s arm. Shall I break his limbs like he broke yours?
I gasp. “I don’t want you to kill him.”
“What?” Tate cries.
Why not? Dakh demands. I can practically feel the scowl in his head. He hurt you.
He’s a person, and people matter, I tell Dakh, switching to head-speak so Tate will stop interrupting. And he hurt me, but I knew he was going to do it. He’s not entirely to blame. I am. I…said he could do it. Which is awful, but it’s also the truth.
Dakh’s thoughts flutter with ravens, and his eyes grow dark. Tate cries out in pain as the claw digs into his back again. You let him hurt you?
You have to understand, Dakh. I’m not proud of it. I hated it. But Claudia and Amy were gone, and I was starving. I didn’t have any way to make money. Every time I needed something, Tate would offer me food or money in exchange for…sex. Sometimes it wasn’t even sex. Sometimes he just liked to hurt me.
And this is why you do not like it when I touch you. There’s such deadly calm in his thoughts.
That’s right. But you can’t blame him entirely, because I knew what he wanted and I did it anyhow. I’m just as much to blame for my broken arm as he is.
You are not. You were desperate. He used that desperation against you. His thoughts grow angrier. I should have burned the human hive to the ground—
I’m glad you didn’t, I tell him quickly. There are bad people there, but there are good people, too. They’re people, just trying to make a living any way they can. I don’t blame them, and I’m glad you didn’t hurt them.
I never want you to worry about being hurt again, my Sasha. His eyes slide back to gold again slowly. You will always be safe with me. I will always protect you.
“I know,” I whisper softly. “And that’s sweet. I appreciate it. I really do.” I step forward, ignoring Tate, who’s still twisted under Dakh’s claws. As I pace forward, Dakh lowers his head, and when I reach him, I run my hand along his snout. He’s fearsome and terrifying, but he wants nothing but good things for me. How can I stay mad?
I still want to kill him, Sasha.
I don’t want that to happen, Dakh. Please. For me. He’s a person, and people matter.
Again, I feel his thoughts go dark, and images of ravens sweep through my mind. Not this one.
Even
this one. I continue to stroke my hand along his scales, even as Tate watches. I know he must be thinking awful things, but I don’t care. I’m bargaining for his sorry life. You have no idea how many people died in the After, Dakh. All of humanity was destroyed. I don’t want his death to be my responsibility. I don’t want to live with that.
But I will be the one killing him.
Yes, but you’re doing it for me.
Also for me. There’s a shot of pleasure in his thoughts.
I laugh despite myself, then shake my head. I know, but I still can’t let that happen. I’m sorry, Dakh. Please understand. I’ll give you whatever you want.
All I want is for my mate to feel safe. His thoughts are growly and brusque, but I feel warm hearing that.
I do feel safe with you, but I feel safe when you’re at my side, not when you’re gone all day hunting this creep. If you want to make me feel safe, stay with me. And let me stay with you. Don’t leave me. I don’t like to be left behind.
I would take you with me, always, my Sasha. He presses his nose against my hand, like an oversized cat wanting petting. But I must leave to hunt for food. I will not steal yours.
Then take me with you, I suggest. Let’s make me a saddle like Claudia had and I can fly with you.
Perhaps. I want you to be safe, though. If it is not safe, we will not do it.
Agreed. I gesture at Tate. And you’re going to let him live as a favor to me?
I do not want to. His thoughts are like ground glass, and his eyes go dark again. Nothing displeases me more.
I can’t live with his death on my conscience. You wouldn’t even know he existed if it weren’t for me. I continue to stroke his nose. Please, Dakh. Don’t make me beg for this asshole’s life. I think for a moment, and then offer, we can have sex again.
The dragon’s head rears back, and his eyes go black. Not if you will not enjoy it!
It’s not like I’m actively trying to hate it! It just happened, okay? I freaked out.