A Baby To Bind His Innocent (Mills & Boon Modern) (The Sicilian Marriage Pact, Book 1)

by Michelle Smart

It felt as if an age passed while he waited for her to respond. ‘I had no idea you were thinking along those lines.’

  ‘You must see it makes perfect sense.’

  She shook her head and reached for her water.

  ‘I understand your caution,’ he admitted.

  Her expression was wary. ‘Do you?’

  He drained his wine and stared at her intently. ‘I’ve treated you terribly. I blamed you for your father’s actions. I’ve been cruel. Horrible. My only excuse is that I’ve been grieving for my father.’ He closed his eyes and sucked in a breath to counter the torturous throb thinking of his father always produced. ‘His death is the single biggest pain I’ve felt in my life. I felt such guilt. I feel such guilt. I should have visited more. I should have picked up the phone more. I should have made myself more available. I made the fatal assumption of thinking he would always be there for me. Do you remember how you told me you can’t change the past? Well, that’s what I’ve been struggling with, because I want to change it. I want to turn back time and be there for him and shoulder that burden. I want to be there for my mamma too.’

  Claudia’s head remained bowed but he knew she was listening to every word.

  He leaned forward. ‘I need to slow down. I’ve been so busy setting the world on fire over the last decade that I never stopped long enough to meet someone I could share my life with. Marriage was always something for the future. Now I have you and a baby on the way, I feel differently. I’m ready to be a father. The times we’ve spent living together, getting to know each other... I don’t deny that I got you wrong. Badly wrong. But I swear that’s all in the past. We can look to the future, starting now. We can remodel the kitchen to make it more practical for you—hell, we can buy a house with a garden if that’s what you want. Just tell me what you need and I will make it happen.’

  It seemed to take for ever for her eyes to meet his. Sadness shone from them. ‘I’m sorry, Ciro, but this isn’t what I want. Maybe it will be one day, but not yet. And I don’t think you want it either.’

  ‘Haven’t I just told you that it is what I want? And I know you want it too.’ Heat pulsed through him to think of how she came apart in his arms and the intensity of what they shared. The future he’d spent the day imagining for them blazed in bright, sunny colours.

  A sudden spark of anger blew the sadness away from her eyes. ‘Stop making assumptions,’ she said tightly. ‘You always do that. You assumed I was like my father and now that you’ve decided I’m nothing like him you assume, because it’s nice and convenient for you, that what I really want is to give up the freedom I’ve spent my entire life waiting for to continue a marriage that was only ever a lie.’

  His belief that she’d be enthusiastic about his plans for their future dissolved. Coldness crept into his bloodstream. ‘I’ve apologised for that numerous times.’

  ‘I know, and I do believe you’re sincere, but what you did forced me to think properly about my life and the kind of future I want. We both knew when I moved in with you that it would only be temporary. Us becoming lovers has changed things but it hasn’t changed my plans and I haven’t said anything to make you believe differently.’

  ‘What happens to us, then?’ he challenged. ‘I buy you an apartment, you leave and that’s it, we’re over?’

  Her brows drew together. ‘Why would it be over? We can still be together. I don’t have to move far. We can still be a family, just not in the traditional sense. Maybe it will happen one day but not yet. I’m not ready for that.’

  The coldness in his blood rose to form an icy pounding in his head. ‘Not ready for it? It’s the life we’re already living.’

  ‘But it was only ever temporary.’ Closing her eyes, she put her elbow on the table and rested her forehead in her hand. ‘I want my freedom. That’s all I’ve ever wanted, the freedom to get out of bed knowing I’m not answerable to anyone, the freedom to make my own choices...the freedom to just be me.’

  His guts coiling and knotting, Ciro waved to a passing waiter for a fresh drink. Then he fixed his attention back on Claudia and drummed his fingers on the table. ‘You know, bedda, in all the time we’ve been together, I’ve not said anything about the fact you used me or asked you to apologise for it.’

  She visibly recoiled. ‘I have never used you.’

  ‘I was your escape plan from your father.’

  ‘That’s not all you were. I was crazy about you.’

  Her use of the past tense only made the tempest in his guts rage more violently. While he’d been basking in the headiness of their lovemaking and thinking of a future as a family for them, she’d been marking down the days until she could leave him.

  ‘I was your escape plan and now I’m just your convenient bolt-hole and soon I’ll be the convenient bank account to buy you a home of your own.’

  Now her brows shot upwards. ‘Don’t make it sound like I’m demanding you buy me an apartment. If you’d had your way, you’d have installed me in one the minute I arrived in New York! And it’s not for my convenience. It’s so our baby can grow up with both its parents in the same city.’

  ‘Sure you don’t want me to have custody?’ he retorted scathingly. ‘I’d have thought having a baby will cramp your style when you finally get the freedom you want so badly.’

  Her face drained of colour. ‘That’s unfair,’ she whispered. ‘I love our baby, you know that, and I will do whatever it takes to give it the best start in life. He or she’s the reason I’m here and you know that too. Whatever freedoms I have to give up for it will be no sacrifice at all.’

  ‘But it would be a sacrifice to give up those so-called freedoms for me?’

  ‘That’s completely different and you know it. You don’t want me to give up my future because you’re in love with me but because you’ve decided that as I’m here and not as bad as you thought, then I’ll do.’

  The waiter arrived with another bottle of wine. He poured Ciro a glass. Ciro downed it in one then, his face a grimacing mask, got to his feet and pulled his wallet out of his back pocket.

  ‘What are you doing?’ Claudia asked, trying to make sense of how a conversation that had started with support and laughter had descended into such poison and so quickly.

  Live with Ciro permanently? He hadn’t given even a hint he’d been thinking about it. And now that she was thinking it, all she felt was a familiar fear.

  ‘Going home. I’ve lost my appetite.’ He pulled out a wedge of bills without counting them and threw them on the table. ‘Are you coming? Or shall I call a cab for you?’

  ‘I’ll come with you.’ But she’d barely finished speaking when he strode to the exit.

  Shrugging her jacket on, she hurried to catch up to him and was relieved to find him waiting on the street for her, his face the same mask.

  They didn’t exchange a single word on the walk back to the apartment. Ciro kept his hands rammed in his jacket pocket and his chin jutted out. But he kept his strides to a length that made it manageable for her to keep pace, a gesture that made both her heart ache and anger froth.

  Why did he have to spring this on her like that? They’d discussed her future plans many times. He’d given her every encouragement in them, and now he was acting as if she were the unreasonable one for not falling into line just because he’d changed his mind.

  He wasn’t even asking her to stay for her!

  When they stepped into the apartment, he didn’t pause to remove his shoes, heading straight up the stairs, climbing them two at a time.

  She found him in the bedroom, his suit already stripped from his magnificent body.

  The look of contempt he threw her as he strode into the bathroom made her veins freeze.

  She shook her head, trying to clear the white noise filling it. ‘This is ridiculous.’

  He opened the bathroom cabinet. ‘Wanting to be a prope
r family with my wife and child is ridiculous, is it?’

  ‘No, but getting angry with me because I don’t want to live with you is. I rushed into marriage with you before without opening my eyes and I won’t commit my future and throw away my freedom to you again until I’m certain we can make it work, and I won’t have you bullying me into making a snap decision on something I might live to regret again on a whim.’

  ‘Bullying you?’ he snarled, slamming the cabinet door shut without having removed anything from it. ‘You sleep with me every night. You act as if you care for me...’

  ‘I do care for you. Very much.’

  ‘But not enough to give up your precious freedom.’

  ‘Not when my freedom’s come at such a high price.’ Her whole body trembled. ‘My entire life has been built on lies. The father I love is a monster. My childhood was one massive lie. The man I thought I loved lied in God’s house when we made our wedding vows. I’ve been lied to over and over again, and all to keep me under the thumb and in the power of men. Can you blame me for wanting my freedom? Can you blame me for being cautious?’

  The pulse on his temple throbbed madly. ‘You’re comparing me with your father?’

  ‘You’ve just done that all by yourself.’

  Cold green eyes bore into hers for endless seconds before a flame of anger shot through them and he left the bathroom and strode into his dressing room.

  He left the door open and swiftly pulled a pair of jeans on. ‘I’m going to check into a hotel.’

  She gritted her teeth. ‘Why?’

  Stretching a T-shirt over his head, he tugged it over his broad chest then strolled back into the room and over to Claudia’s favourite nude painting and pulled it off the wall. To her disbelief, she saw that it hid a safe. If she didn’t feel as if she’d just had a truck slam into her stomach she would laugh at the cliché.

  Moments later a green light flashed and the safe door swung open. From it Ciro pulled out a battered briefcase, which he opened with a stony-faced flourish. It contained money. A lot of money.

  ‘Here’s five million dollars,’ he said in the same monotone. ‘Take it. It’s yours. Marcy will be at her desk early. Give her your bank account details and I’ll transfer another five million. That along with this apartment should be sufficient payment for a marriage that’s only lasted three months.’

  ‘You’re ending things?’ Her brain felt numb but her heart and everything else inside her contracted and throbbed violently.

  ‘How can I end something that was only temporary?’ he shot back.

  It was only as he walked towards the bedroom door that she realised he really did mean to leave.

  A shot of furious adrenaline pulsed through her veins and she darted past him to block his exit. ‘What is wrong with you?’

  ‘I’ll tell you what’s wrong, Princess. Thinking we could have a future together. Thinking we could be a family. I’ve done everything in my power to make up for the wrongs I did to you, but it isn’t enough. You won’t trust me. You won’t even consider making things permanent between us because you’ve got it in your head that the minute you agree I’m going to lock a ball and chain on you and stamp my thumbprint on your forehead—just like your father. That you can think such things of me...’ His nostrils flared with disdain. ‘You want your freedom? Well, guess what, Princess? Your freedom starts now. I’ll sign the apartment over to you. Fitting, don’t you think?’

  ‘I don’t want your apartment,’ she cried. Feeling herself on the verge of swearing, something she never did, she sucked in a breath.

  ‘It’s the safest place for my child,’ he responded coldly. His arms wrapped around his chest, the muscles in his biceps bulging. ‘It has security and people on hand if you need them.’ A burst of emotion flared in his voice. ‘Don’t think for a second that I will abdicate my responsibility for her. I love our baby and I will be a father to her. Try and keep her from me and I will fight you. Now move or I will move you.’

  He would do it. Everything on his face and in his body language told her he would scoop her up and set her aside if she didn’t let him pass.

  Folding her arms tightly across her chest, Claudia raised herself onto her toes so her face was as close to his as it could be without having to touch him. She was barely aware of the tears falling down her cheeks until she opened her mouth and tasted their saltiness. ‘You wonder why I can’t trust you when you treat me like this? When you throw me to one side because I won’t roll over and abide by your wishes? I’ve had a lifetime of being a doormat. If I’m going to have a real marriage then I want one that’s got love at its core and which is built on mutual respect. If you’d shown a little more patience maybe I would have found that with you but you don’t have any patience; everything has to be immediate. You didn’t give yourself time to grieve for your father because you were too consumed with your vengeance and now you’re eaten with guilt and think a ready-made family will ease it.’

  ‘Don’t you dare bring my father into this.’ His eyes had become blocks of emerald ice.

  ‘He’s the reason we’re here!’ Claudia’s chin trembled so hard and her throat was so constricted that getting the words out hurt. ‘I forgave you a long time ago for your despicable lies because I understood you were acting out of grief for him. I made myself forgive you for our baby’s sake. I hope for our baby’s sake that one day you can forgive yourself too.’

  His expression didn’t change. She might as well have been talking to a brick wall.

  His expression didn’t alter either when he clamped his hands on her sides, lifted her off her feet and moved her two steps away from the door.

  He didn’t look back as he walked down the stairs and out of the apartment and out of her life.

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  THE BUSTLE, BRIGHT colours and noise of Tokyo were something Ciro normally enjoyed. He’d only been to the city a couple of times before and found it an energising and fascinating place to be. Like when he worked in the Middle East, the business practices and customs were different from what he was used to, something he usually relished. On this trip he couldn’t find any enthusiasm for anything, not even the huge building he was in the process of buying.

  When he’d thought his future involved a family he’d considered making this the last purchase of his business empire.

  As he gazed out of his hotel window, far too wired to sleep even though it was two a.m. Tokyo time, a message came through from his lawyer. The cash offer he’d made for an apartment three blocks from his department store had been accepted. Once the cash was transferred, it would be his. He fired a message back telling him to get the deal finalised immediately, then messaged Marcy with instructions to get the new apartment furnished. Ciro disliked staying in hotels. Even the most opulent of them were bland and generic to his eyes. If he could return to Manhattan and have the new apartment ready for him to move into, that would be one less aggravation.

  No sooner had he pressed send on the message than his phone vibrated in his hand.

  A cold sweat broke out on his forehead when he saw the name of the caller. It was Claudia.

  He hadn’t seen or spoken to her since he’d walked out four days ago. He’d tried hard not to think about her too. It had proved impossible.

  Suddenly wishing he had a strong drink in hand, he took a deep breath and answered it. ‘Yes?’

  The gentle sound of her clearing her throat echoed into his ear. ‘Ciro?’

  ‘Yes. Is everything okay?’

  ‘I’ve just had a call from the clinic.’

  His heart rate, already erratic from the sound of her voice, clattered violently. ‘Is something wrong with the baby?’

  ‘No, no, please don’t worry. They called to tell me I’d missed the scan appointment. I’m really sorry. They sent me a letter but they addressed it to Mrs Trapani and I didn’t recognise the words
so I didn’t open it. I assumed it was for you and you’d open it when you got back from Japan. I’ve got a pile of letters waiting for you.’

  ‘Give them to Marcy. What’s happening with the scan? Are they rearranging the appointment?’

  ‘They can fit me in this afternoon. I said I’d speak to you—’

  ‘You should go.’

  ‘Are you sure? I don’t want you to miss it.’ Her anxiety at this made his clattering heart give a sudden wrench. ‘We can rearrange it for when you get back.’

  ‘No. Go ahead. Scans are important. We can book another one further down the line that I’ll come along to. Take Marcy with you—she can deal with the paperwork.’

  ‘I feel terrible. I’m so sorry.’

  ‘Don’t be. It isn’t your fault.’ The only person at fault was, as always, her bastard father. If he’d given her the help she’d needed all those years ago, Claudia wouldn’t be so reliant on other people to do her reading for her. ‘Let me know how it goes. And send me a video or a picture, okay?’

  ‘Of course I will.’

  ‘And, Claudia...?’

  ‘Yes?’

  ‘Thanks for letting me know.’

  Her, ‘You’re welcome,’ was a whisper that barely brushed his ears before the line went dead.

  She’d hung up on him.

  Claudia sat on the bed gazing at the framed scan of her baby daughter with a heart so full of love it choked her. She’d got Marcy to email Ciro the same picture and the video the clinic had made of it too. It warmed her cold bones to know he would be looking at it with the same love.

  Her phone rang. Her heart caught and she held her breath as she pulled it out of her pocket. Would it be Ciro responding to the emails? Marcy had warned her he had back-to-back meetings that day. All the same, her stomach plummeted when she recognised her sister’s name on the screen.

  Looking at her reflection in the bedroom mirror, Claudia forced a smile to her face before answering the call. She’d seen a heroine do the same thing on a television show once, the smile supposedly inflecting in the voice. She had no idea why she felt the need to do it too or why she felt so flat, so...bereft.