Missing Lily

by Annette K. Larsen

  Rhys smiled as soon as he saw me, but it fell when he noticed my expression. He glanced from me to the mare he had prepared for me, and back again before becoming flustered. “My apologies. I wasn’t thinking. You probably want a ladies’ saddle.”

  “No,” I said quickly. “Not at all. I much prefer this sort.” While I was nearly as proficient in a ladies’ saddle as I was in a traditional one, I had learned to ride mostly with my sister Ella, whose disdain for sidesaddle had worn off on me. We never rode sidesaddle unless we were with our mother.

  Though still curious about the conversation between the grooms, I walked in, patting ‘Joe’ on the neck as I passed him, and then greeted my own mount. As I rubbed the mare’s nose, Rhys commented, “You remind me of my mother.”

  I smiled. “Well, I am wearing her clothes.” I looked at him, hoping the reminder of his mother wouldn’t make him sad.

  He just grinned. “No, I mean the saddle. She always used this one.” He rested his hand on it, a look of fondness in his eyes.

  “You don’t mind my using it?”

  “I would love for it to be used again.” He ran his hand over the smooth, worn leather.

  His comment made me glad and sad at the same time. “I wish I could have met her.”

  “She would have liked you. She always wanted a daughter.”

  I looked at him, flattered into silence. The moment was short-lived as one of the stable hands pushed a mounting block over. “Shall we be on our way then?” Rhys stepped over to the stallion and mounted while the stable hand helped me onto the block and I tried to situate myself atop the docile mare. I winced, attempting to adjust to a more comfortable position.

  “Are you sure about this, Miss Lily?” Rhys’s concern was obvious, but I was determined.

  I sighed in frustration before requesting a hand down and then asking for a ladies’ saddle.

  “So, you do prefer sidesaddle?” Rhys asked.

  I shook my head. “No, but with the scrapes along my side, it will likely be more comfortable.”

  Rhys dismounted, helping the groom switch saddles for me, then helped me mount before returning to his own horse.

  I nodded to Rhys when I was ready, and though he appeared to barely nudge the stallion, he took off at a trot. My mare and I set out after them at a more sedate pace. The stallion pranced and sidestepped as Rhys pulled him under control.

  “Old Joe isn’t used to you yet,” I commented.

  “Joe is not going to be his name,” he proclaimed as our mounts settled into a walk alongside one another.

  “Well, you’d better name him soon, because though it is vastly inappropriate, Joe is the only name I have for him.” Rhys just shook his head with a smile on his face. “And what is the little lady’s name?”

  “Sapphire,” he answered with a wistful smile.

  “Your mother named her?” It was more a statement than a question, and Rhys simply nodded. “Is it difficult seeing her clothes worn, her horse being ridden?”

  He breathed deeply. “I won’t pretend I don’t feel it. But it doesn’t hurt.” He paused. “I thought it would.”

  “Good. The last thing I want is to cause you pain on top of the inconvenience.”

  He shook his head. “It’s no inconvenience.”

  I smiled at his assurance. “You mean you would be riding out to check the water level of the pond even if I weren’t here?”

  “You may have altered my routine, but that’s very different from being an inconvenience.”

  I was comforted by his reassurance. He had never acted as though he minded my presence, but I certainly worried about the oddity and disruption of my being here, unknown and unannounced. I readjusted my seating. The sidesaddle felt much better on my injuries, but it was far from comfortable.

  I caught him studying me for a moment before he asked, “And how is the invalid faring?”

  “It depends.”

  “On?”

  “How much farther is the pond?”

  He laughed and chose not to respond as he led his mount off the soggy roadway and over a rise. From the top, I saw the pond stretching out, surrounded by tall grass and reeds. It was a lovely sight, all green and lush. I forgot for a moment our purpose in coming here and simply enjoyed the scene. That is, until I heard Rhys sigh.

  I looked over at him. “Well?”

  “It does not look promising, Miss Lily.”

  My shoulders sagged, even as I tried to hide my disappointment.

  “Stay here. I’m going to see how much of the surrounding ground is saturated.” He nudged his horse into action before I could say anything, walking the horse carefully closer to the pond. The stallion’s hooves made a sucking noise as they pulled from the mud.

  I couldn’t stay on my horse any longer. I leaned back, carefully pulling my front leg over the pommel before sliding down with a grunt of discomfort. The grass I landed on was spongy but seemed solid enough. For a moment I just stood, reveling in the feeling of having my legs straight, then I took a few steps away from my horse, and that’s all it took.

  My foot sunk into mud up to my ankle. I gave a very unladylike groan of annoyance and tried to pull it out. It wouldn’t move.

  “Lord Fallon!” I called out, but he was too far away to hear my pitiful cry. “Rhys!” I yelled louder and he turned toward me. “I need help!”

  He turned his horse and urged it toward me, then stopped, assessing the situation.

  “I’m stuck,” I lamented, desperately trying to keep my skirts out of the mud as I teetered.

  He continued toward me, trying not to laugh and failing dismally.

  “Just help me get out.” I couldn’t decide whether I wanted to laugh or cry. “It’s not funny,” I insisted as his chuckling turned into broad laughter. “I am very tempted to pick up a handful of this mud and throw it at you. Now stop laughing and help me.”

  He ended his laughter on a sigh. “Oh, Miss Lily. The only thing that would accomplish would be to get your hand dirty.” He pulled his mount right up beside me, inspecting the ground before he dismounted. “What in the world made you get off your horse?”

  “I was hurting.” It sounded pitiful and I knew it. But I felt pitiful.

  “And you thought this would help?” He crouched down and pulled my skirts out of the way. “Already past your ankle. Is it just the mud, or is your foot caught on any roots?” I glanced at him, a bit annoyed, and he explained. “I don’t want to try and pull you out if you’re caught on something.”

  “It’s just the mud.”

  “Very well.” He stepped up behind me and my breath caught as he wrapped his left arm around my waist and took hold of my ankle, easily pulling my foot from the mud. My too-large boot, however, was a different matter. He set me down on solid ground but kept his arm around my waist since I was now balancing on one foot. I stood there, trying to decide where and how to hold on to him to keep my balance. I’d never had a man’s arm wrapped around me this way.

  Rhys stared down at the hole in which my boot resided. “How in the world—”

  “It was too big,” I answered his unfinished question.

  “Ah,” was his succinct reply.

  “I suppose I could walk without it.”

  “No need.” He scooped me up and rather unceremoniously put me on top of my horse. It was a good thing it happened so quickly. It gave me barely any time to be mortified by the fact that my skirts did not stay properly situated the entire time. He turned his back the moment he heaved me into the saddle anyway.

  Oh well.

  I rather pointedly adjusted my skirts and hooked my leg over the pommel while trying to regain even a portion of my poise and posture. He plucked my boot from the mud and put it in his saddle bag. I didn’t dare look at him while he mounted. I was only barely holding my blush at bay and knew that any look from him would bring it out.

  He started chuckling again, so I decided to take my leave. I nudged Sapphire into motion, leading her toward th
e road. Rhys quickly caught up with me. “My apologies, Miss Lily. That was unpardonably rude of me, but you looked so adorably helpless.”

  I kept my eyes straight ahead, ignoring my burning cheeks.

  “How do you feel? You said you were hurting.”

  I wanted to snap, ‘I am,’ but managed to hold my tongue. I had made the decision to ride out with him. It was my own fault that I was hurting. “I’ll be fine.”

  “That was not at all convincing.”

  I shook my head and clenched my teeth against the pain, exasperated at myself more than anything. “I should have known better than to get on a horse less than two days after I fell from one.”

  “I should have insisted you stay back and rest. I’m not taking very good care of you, am I?”

  I turned to him, my brow raised. “On the contrary, Your Lordship. I feel very well looked after. Aside from which, I’m really not your responsibility.”

  His brow furrowed. “You expect me not to take responsibility for a little girl I found nearly frozen, huddling in my stables?”

  “Firstly, I’m not a little girl.”

  “I didn’t—”

  “And secondly, I only meant that you are not responsible for my own decisions. I insisted on coming out here,” I reminded him. “I don’t expect you to save me from myself.”

  He said nothing and I let the silence rest, hoping I had not seemed angry or unpleasant. For some reason his referring to me as little irked me.

  “That’s an admirable quality.”

  I was jarred from my thoughts by his words. “Pardon?”

  “Not allowing anyone else to take responsibility for your decisions. I admire that.”

  I blinked. “Thank you.”

  When we arrived back at the stables, Rosamond was there to greet us. After Rhys helped me to the ground, I readily admitted to her that I might have been too hasty in my decision to ride. She whisked me up to my room, where she re-bandaged my hip and gave me a gentle scolding about the virtue of patience and knowing one’s limits. I smiled and agreed, then happily joined her in the kitchen, where she worked and I sat still in a comfortable chair by the fire.

  “Why the master let you go at all, I’ll never know.”

  I smiled to myself. “It wasn’t really the master’s decision, now was it?” She looked at me sideways. “My anxiety over returning home has made me rash in my decision making. It’s my own fault.”

  She came over, squeezing my shoulder and kissing the top of my head. “You’re entitled to a bit of anxiety, little one.” I closed my eyes, reveling in the comfort as she rested her cheek in my hair.

  “They’ll be so worried,” I whispered.

  “Yes,” she conceded. “But as soon as you return, they’ll be able to let their worry go, knowing you were safe and unharmed.”

  I nodded. It wouldn’t be the way it was with Ella. Ella had returned from her abduction frightened and in pain. The bandages on her wrists had been like shackles, chaining her to the memories of her ordeal. It wasn’t until months later that I found out much of her pain was from anger, and even more came from an inability to share her burden with anyone.

  I would be able to look back on my memories of this time with fondness. For me it would be an adventure, not an ordeal. I would cherish the time spent with these people, socializing without an audience.

  Rosamond regaled me with stories of her children. Her oldest was a daughter, followed by four sons. All were married and she didn’t see them as much as she would like. They had all grown up in the cottage that sat on the other side of the pond. She and Giles had moved into the main house when Lord and Lady Fallon had passed away.

  “It must have been especially lonely for him,” I observed. “Being all alone in the house.”

  “Hm.” Rosamond’s response was noncommittal and less talkative than I was used to. I was curious at her reticence until Rhys walked in. Perhaps she heard him coming and didn’t want to be caught speaking of him.

  “Rose,” he greeted as he walked past her.

  “Your Lordship,” she said with a small curtsey.

  He approached my chair. “Has Rosamond taken sufficient care of you?”

  “Of course.”

  “And you’re feeling better?” he asked as his eyes travelled down to my feet, which were propped on a foot stool. I was reclining in a most undignified manner. I considered changing my posture, but decided it would be useless at this point.

  “Much, thank you. I’ve been still just like Rosamond advised.”

  “She usually knows best.” He turned to the fire and stoked it up a bit more. It was unnecessary, but comforting nonetheless.

  “Dinner will be served shortly, Your Lordship.” We both turned to Rosamond, who had her eyes focused on her work. “If you’d lend an arm to the little one, now would be a good time to freshen up.”

  “I’m sure our guest doesn’t require freshening, but if you’d like us to get out of your way, I’m sure we could go through the motions.” He reached down and took both my hands in his, waiting for me to set my feet on the ground before pulling me up.

  As we walked up the stairs, he jokingly commented, “Sometimes I’m not sure who is master in this house, me or her.”

  I laughed. “I suppose her mother’s instinct can’t be stifled simply because her own children have gone away.” He didn’t respond. “Does it bother you?” I asked, thinking of the moods his grooms had referred to.

  “No. I just hope that her actions do stem from her mother’s instinct rather than her perception that I am incapable.”

  “It’s obvious that you are capable.”

  He stopped, looking at me. “Is it?”

  “Yes.”

  He breathed out and kept walking, lost in thought.

  We stopped before my door. “This is a worry for you?” I asked.

  His smile was halfhearted. “One of a great many.” He took a step back. “I’ll see you downstairs.” I leaned on the wall, watching him walk away, his hands clasped at his back and his head down.

  Chapter 4

  I THOUGHT RHYS would meet me in the dining room. Instead, he was outside my door, offering his arm. I took it and we started off in silence. We were halfway down the stairs when I could no longer keep myself from asking, “What other worries do you have?” I watched his face, wondering if he would consider the question rude or invasive.

  He looked at me, blinking, as though startled by my question. “I’m sorry?”

  “You said you had a great many worries. What are they?”

  He opened his mouth to answer, but ended up smiling and looking away.

  “What?” I asked.

  “I just haven’t gotten used to your very direct approach.” He put his hand over mine where it rested on his arm. “It still catches me off guard.” We entered the dining room, and I was surprised that he let go of my arm instead of guiding me to my chair. I was even more surprised when he picked up the place setting that would have been mine and moved it to the other end of the table so that is was right beside his. The footman standing at the door moved the rest of the setting for him. “Thank you,” he said as he came to take my arm again and led me to my place. He had done it so casually, as if it were the most natural thing in the world to move my seat closer to his. “And as for my worries,” he continued as the footman pushed my chair in. “They are of varying magnitude and import. Some are easier to explain than others.”

  “Tell me about the ones that are hard to explain.”

  He once again opened his mouth to speak and ended up at a loss, staring at me with a great deal of curiosity romping across his face.

  He didn’t even look away when Rosamond and Juliann entered, just continued to stare as they set our meal before us. “Thank you, Rosamond, Juliann.”

  The women curtsied out of the room.

  Even after they were gone, his silent scrutiny continued.

  “What?” I asked.

  “Anybody else would have aske
d me about the ones that were easy to explain.”

  “But those aren’t the ones that worry you the most.”

  His eyebrows shot up. “How do you know that?”

  I shrugged lightly. “I would imagine that if something is hard to explain, it would be even more difficult to remedy.”

  He chuckled softly. “How true that is,” he agreed while silently regarding his plate.

  “What is your biggest worry?”

  Anxiety crossed his face, but he controlled it in an instant, saying lightly, “At the moment, my biggest worry is getting a certain maiden home to her family.”

  I smiled through my disappointment. I had been hoping that he would confide in me. But either he didn’t trust me enough or he simply didn’t wish to speak of it. So I focused on my food, wondering why I felt so much disappointment over his not confiding in me more.

  The silence was not uncomfortable, and I was startled when Rhys picked up the conversation. “I worry I am failing.”

  I looked up, realizing he was answering my question. It took me a moment to respond. “Failing at what?”

  “My duty.”

  “What makes you think you could fail?”

  He leaned back in his chair, caught up in his thoughts. “Ever since my parents died, I’ve just felt...young. Too young. Certainly too young to have the authority that comes with my title.” He looked out the window, talking more to himself than to me. “I don’t know enough, or have enough experience.” He paused, but I kept quiet, hoping he would continue. “Rosamond is so determined to have people address me with respect, but I don’t know that I deserve it.” He turned to look at me with a self-deprecating smile.

  “Might I make an observation?”

  “Please do.”

  “I have spent a great deal of time observing the way nobility act and interact. The way someone is addressed usually has little correlation to the respect given them.” He silently absorbed this and I went on. “I’ve seen the way you interact with your staff as well as the way you treat me. You are a man worthy of respect, My Lord.”

  “But still young,” he said.

  “And wise enough to acknowledge that you don’t know everything.”