Missing Lily

by Annette K. Larsen

  “He’s right, you know.” He stopped, his hands fisting and then flexing open. Then he turned to look at me, the movement heavy with purpose. I could tell that he was not prepared to speak with me. There was leftover fire in his eyes from his encounter with Tobias, but I didn’t care. “You took care of me, and I could never let any blame fall to you.”

  He stood there, breathing in and out. Then he stalked toward me, his eyes unwavering. The closer he came, the faster he walked, until I was certain he wouldn’t stop at all. I stumbled, my back bumping into the wall behind me, and sucked in a breath.

  He stopped himself less than a step away from me. A heavy silence prevailed as tension rolled off of him. He brought his mouth to my ear. “I would deserve it.” His words were fierce, his body tightly wound, as he spun and strode away. My knees bent beneath me, and I put down a hand to steady myself as I slipped to the ground.

  I stared after him, forcing my breathing back to normal. What did he mean, he would deserve it?

  And why was I disappointed that he had stopped? Why did I feel like he hadn’t come close enough?

  I knew why.

  “Princess?” I jerked my head around to see Nathaniel, standing over me, worry etched in his brow. He crouched beside me. “Are you well?”

  I nodded, glancing back to where Rhys was just disappearing from view. Nathaniel followed my gaze and looked back at me, questioning.

  When I gave no explanation, he simply stood and offered both hands to help me rise. I gained my feet and he gave me a pointed look. “Are you all right to ride?”

  “Yes. In fact, I need to ride.”

  “Very well. Our mounts are ready.” He gestured for me to precede him into the stables and I eagerly complied. Weston was just walking Willow over to a mounting block, but I intercepted him. “I’ve got it,” I told him, taking the reins in hand and grabbing on to the saddle. They watched, looking only slightly scandalized as I pushed my foot into the stirrup and pulled myself up. Mounting on my own was something I had learned out of necessity, but I had never done it in the stables before.

  As I nudged my horse forward, Nathaniel snapped out of his shock and swung into his saddle. We took off at a gallop and I let the wind whip around me, wishing that it could whip the troubled thoughts from my mind. When we slowed our horses to a walk, Nathaniel spoke up.

  “Might I make an observation, Your Highness?”

  My eyes widened, surprised that he would ask permission. “Of course.”

  We stopped to look out over the view and he leaned forward, staying silent for several moments before he finally turned to me. “You tend to put everyone else before yourself, Highness. I respect that greatly, but I believe that in your current circumstance, you are doing yourself a disservice.”

  I furrowed my brow, puzzled. “What circumstance?”

  “Lord Fallon.”

  My gaze dropped, trying not to show how that name made me react. “What about him?”

  “You have feelings for him.”

  I didn’t bother hiding my shock. Or my hurt. His words plucked at my aching heart, leaving me speechless.

  “And you’re so busy trying to do right by everyone else that you’re not doing what’s right for you.”

  My teeth bit into my bottom lip as the hurt, anger, and overwhelming confusion rushed over me. “Do you really think you should be the one telling me this?”

  “No, I don’t. But someone has to, and I seem to be the only one who’s noticed the problem.”

  “It’s not a problem,” I said.

  “With all due respect, Highness. It really is.”

  My denial died in my throat, but I wouldn’t admit to it either. So I just turned my mount and rode on.

  When we returned to the stables, I dismounted and left my horse in the hands of the groomsmen, not waiting to see if Nathaniel would follow. He soon caught up with me.

  “I apologize, Your Highness.”

  I shook my head, removing my riding gloves as I continued to walk. “I’m angry because you’re right and I have no idea what to do about it.” I looked over at him. “You must let me deal with this in my own way.”

  “Understood.” He bowed his head and fell back a step, resuming his role as guardian and discarding his role as confidant. He left me at the door and I entered the palace, hurrying up the stairs, hoping to avoid anyone and everyone for the time being.

  I was unsuccessful.

  Lorraina stood on the landing with her back to me. I moved to skirt around her, but then noticed her stance as well as the look on her face. She stood frozen, staring ahead with eyes wide, the color having drained from her face.

  “Raina?”

  Her eyes darted to mine for a fleeting moment and then back to whatever she’d been staring at. Down the hall, Rhys and Tobias spoke with my father as they moved slowly toward us. Rhys’s attention was on my father. Tobias was staring at Lorraina.

  “It’s only Tobias Fallon, Rhys’s brother,” I told her.

  “Yes, I—” She tried to look at me, but her eyes seemed drawn to Tobias’s glare. “I did not know we were expecting...”

  “It was one of father’s surprises.”

  “Oh,” was her only response before turning and hastening down the opposite corridor. I watched her go, worried that Tobias had frightened her with his withering stare. Lorraina usually exhibited more mettle, and it concerned me.

  The evening meal was awkward. There was no other word for it. As if my feelings for Rhys didn’t make things uncomfortable enough, we had the added presence of Tobias. My discomfort around him was obvious and he put Rhys on edge. He also made Lorraina more nervous than I had ever seen her. Tobias, on the other hand, seemed completely in control. He was charming, a terrifying sort of charming that made my teeth clench.

  The worst was when he turned his charm on me.

  “Princess.” He gave me his full attention, leaning toward me with a grin on his face and a glass of wine in his hand. “I must say I’m surprised at how much you resemble your mother. If it weren’t for the darker hair, you could almost be identical. I don’t think I’ve ever seen so much beauty at one table in all my life. Wouldn’t you agree, Rhys?”

  “Undoubtedly,” Rhys bit out in reply.

  I tried to form a response, but was distracted when I caught sight of Lorraina staring at her plate and (if I wasn’t mistaken) blushing.

  I nearly jumped when Tobias touched my hand and leaned in to whisper, “I just wonder which of you he really prefers.”

  I pulled my hand away, cringing from his words and his touch. Scoundrel.

  When the evening was finally at an end, I went to bed with a headache, dreading the prospect of Tobias staying in my home and the inevitable awkward tension.

  I dreamt of Rhys, of lying under a blanket of stars and laughing until my sides were sore. My heart ached when I woke.

  It was rude of me, but I had breakfast brought to my room. It was too soon to see them all again, so I hid in the privacy of my chamber, forcing myself to eat despite the ill feeling that sat in my stomach. I braced myself before leaving my room, but managed to avoid everyone. I decided to take advantage of my luck and hurried out to the stables. Perhaps I could have a little peace while I rode.

  Entering the stables, I found Rhys, Lorraina and Tobias in stiff silence as the grooms bustled about. Tobias paced, chin lifted, eyes piercing. Raina and Rhys stood side by side, but with enough space between them to fit another person. I turned to go before they saw me, but bumped into Nathaniel.

  He caught hold of my arms to steady me. “Are you going for a ride?”

  I felt three pairs of eyes turn toward me. “I think I’ll go a little later in the morning.” I tried to wordlessly convey my wish to not go right now, but it was no use.

  “Nonsense,” Tobias chimed in for all to hear. “My dear Princess, you’ve come at the perfect time. Now the four of us may all ride together.” His feet scuffed along the floor as he approached from behind. Nathaniel
looked like he wanted to help but didn’t know how.

  “Come, Highness.” Tobias pulled gently on my arm. “I’m sure we shall all have a lovely time.” He bowed and made a grand sweeping gesture with one arm. I had no choice but to join them or seem unpardonably rude.

  As Rhys was helping Lorraina, Tobias stepped forward to help me into my saddle, but Nathaniel cut in front of him.

  We set out, and just as I started to hope that this ride might be a pleasant one, Tobias spoke up. “I do not meet many young ladies who prefer a gentlemen’s saddle.” I fought the urge to sneer at Tobias’s choice of conversation. My riding habits were none of his business.

  Unfortunately, Lorraina didn’t seem to know that. “It’s a habit she picked up from Ella.”

  “And a fortunate habit at that.” I shouldn’t let myself be drawn into the conversation, but my choice was the practical one in my mind, and I couldn’t help defending myself. “I have avoided being thrown several times because I rode astride.”

  Tobias pulled his horse right alongside mine. “You tend to be clumsy on a horse?”

  The audacity of his suggestion left me positively offended. “Of course not.”

  Of course that was the moment Willow chose to bolt. She skittered, sidling away from Tobias, then reared up before taking off at a full gallop.

  Her behavior shocked me, but I decided to just let her run. Not only was I happy to get away from Tobias, but I also thought it would be safer to simply give my horse her head until she’d run it out. When she started to slow, I reined her in and turned her about, only to discover Rhys pulling his horse to a halt close by. He’d obviously been chasing after me.

  “I don’t know what happened. Willow has never spooked before.” Willow was always so calm. I couldn’t help wondering if Tobias were to blame, since Willow had seemed to be skittering away from him.

  Rhys looked me over, his expression anxious. “You’re all right?”

  “Yes. Just baffled. I wonder if her time away from home has made her more skittish.”

  “You usually ride with an escort, correct?”

  “Of course.” My answer was distracted, wondering what it had to do with anything. “Ever since the incident, my father has foisted extra security measures on me. I’m surprised my guard thought the company of you and your brother sufficient.” I smiled as I turned toward him, wanting to be sure he did not think I found my father overbearing. The disquieted, intense look on his face took me back. “What?”

  “You came to my home.”

  “I beg your pardon?”

  “You spoke to Rosamond, but didn’t wait for me.”

  I closed my eyes in embarrassment, having almost forgotten about it. “Yes. I did.”

  “Rosamond said you had no escort then. How were you even in that area?”

  His confusion was understandable. He never would have associated Lily with the royal family. “My sister’s land borders yours.”

  He shook his head. “Of course.”

  “I’m sorry for showing up that way. I’m sure I made it worse.”

  “Don’t be sorry for that.” His intensity left me breathless. “It’s true I would have liked to see you alive and well for myself after your disappearance, but you will never know the burden you lifted from my shoulders by letting Rosamond see you. I tried not to worry after you left, but the truth is that I was terrified that something had happened to you. And to hear that Rose had seen you—alive and whole and traipsing about the countryside on a horse...” I smiled at hearing myself described that way. “I’m grateful for that.”

  I swallowed, forcing myself to nod in acknowledgment. I was relieved that my appearance had not made things worse.

  Looking around, I realized that Lorraina and Tobias still weren’t anywhere in sight. They should have followed after us, but that didn’t seem to be the case. I cleared my throat, ready to suggest that we head back.

  “I still don’t know how Rosamond is going to take it when I tell her who you are.”

  “It’s a mess, I know.” I looked out over the hills, wondering how he expected this conversation to go, wondering what to say next. “I miss her sometimes.”

  “She misses you.” He looked down at his fingers drumming his knee. “I was surprised that Lorraina found your friendship with Rosamond laughable.”

  I almost pitied him in that moment. I loved Raina, but her attitude during our last ride had not been surprising to me at all. “Lorraina believes in very firm boundaries between the classes.”

  “And yet she’s willing to marry me?”

  That was a subject I was not willing to discuss. “We should go back.”

  His eyes searched my face before he turned his horse, and we trotted back the way we’d come.

  Tobias and Lorraina were exactly where we’d been when my horse had bolted. They faced each other, speaking—no, arguing— with one another. Was Tobias incapable of ever being pleasant? Before we got close enough to hear anything, they spotted us and ceased all communication. Lorraina gathered the reins, sat up tall, and walked her horse forward.

  She gave me a look of concern. “Are you all right, Lylin?”

  I blinked. “Perfectly well. Willow was only startled.” I looked back and forth from Lorraina to Tobias. Though they had been conversing not a moment before, they were studiously ignoring one another now. It was disconcerting and made me even more suspicious of Tobias.

  I kept to myself for the rest of the ride. I rode in front or stayed behind, unwilling to make myself part of our little group.

  Upon returning to the palace, we all went our separate ways.

  During lunch, my father informed us that his main reason for inviting Tobias was so that he would be present at the ball my parents would be throwing in only a few days. My stomach clenched in response to his announcement. Having to deal with the situation in the relative privacy of my home was one thing; having to deal with it when the nobility of Dalthia would be watching left me queasy.

  Chapter 17

  THE MOMENT ELLA arrived, I took hold of her arm and dragged her up to my room, leaving a befuddled Gavin holding Guinevere in the front hall.

  “What has gotten into you?” she asked as I shut the door.

  “Do you know why we’re having this ball?”

  “Mother’s letter said it was to introduce the man Lorraina is to marry. And I would very much like to meet him myself, so why did you drag me up here?”

  “It’s Lord Fallon.”

  Concern filled her eyes. “What about him? Have you seen him again? Did you ever send the letter?”

  I gave a furious shake of my head. “No. The man Lorraina is going to marry is Lord Fallon.”

  A look of deep sympathy overtook her face. “Oh, Lylin.” She wrapped me in her arms and I fought to keep my tears from falling. “I’m so sorry. I don’t know what else to say, I’m just...I’m so sorry.”

  Pulling back, I forced a deep breath in and out. “It’s fine. It’s just been awkward, and now his wretched brother is here and I feel like I’m barely keeping myself together.” I hugged her once more. “I’m so glad you’re here.”

  “So am I,” she said before leading me to sit down. “Now, tell me the whole of it.”

  ***

  The guests in all their finery milled about, conversing with one another while waiting for the dancing to start. The anticipation in the room grew as my parents took it upon themselves to start the dancing, looking regal and refined. Others soon joined them and I was happy to watch from the sidelines until the atmosphere shifted and a hush fell over the crowd. I looked up to see Lorraina and Rhys taking the dance floor. Even those already dancing paid less attention to their partners as they focused on the princess dancing with her partner.

  My father had intended for this ball to ease the couple into the public eye—just to give everyone a glimpse, to put the idea of Lorraina and Rhys into their heads so they would have time to get used to it. But I could see that this was turning out to
be much more than a glimpse. The crowd was hushed as the significance of the moment settled in the air.

  The moment hit me with more force than it should have. I found myself struggling to take deep, calming breaths. I was supposed to be able to ease into the idea of them being together along with everybody else. Instead I watched as they glided around the room, already looking like the perfect couple. Lorraina was stunning in a deep blue gown that made her eyes stand out. Rhys was far too handsome for anyone’s good, and far too many of the women present were watching him.

  I was on the verge of turning away from the spectacle when a gentleman’s hand extended toward me and I found Tobias before me, asking for a dance.

  His actions left me frozen, stunned, and I made no move until he took my hand, guiding me onto the dance floor.

  I pulled on my hand, “You cannot be in earnest, Mr. Fallon.”

  “On the contrary, Princess. I am doing us both a favor.”

  His response left me confused, and I did not regain my wits until after he had pulled me into the dance. It was too late. I would have to endure it.

  I put all my focus on moving my feet across the floor, refusing to look over at Lorraina and Rhys, refusing to look at Tobias. I expected him, at any moment, to start hissing veiled insults and unpleasantness in my ear. Instead he remained quiet, danced well, and maintained an appropriate distance. I was so surprised that I chanced a glance at his face. His eyes were riveted on his brother and Lorraina. I kept quiet, wanting only to finish this dance without any unpleasantness.

  The dance ended and Tobias executed a perfectly formal and not at all sarcastic bow, then made a beeline for his brother.

  I watched as the brothers spoke, and the tension in each of their stances suggested that it wasn’t as pleasant as they pretended. It ended with Rhys handing a somewhat pale Lorraina over to his brother and walking in my direction with a tight smile.

  “Ah,” I heard from behind me and turned to see my father observing the interactions between siblings. “That’s not a bad idea,” he mused. “Lord Fallon.” Father caught his attention as he was about to pass us by. Rhys looked up and smiled politely. “I like this idea of your brother’s. Why don’t you take a turn with Lylin, make it a proper switch.”