The Real

by James Cole

  “What did you see?” asked Monika.

  “Nothing,” he finally said, satisfied that no one was here besides Monika and him.

  “What did you think you saw?” she asked.

  “I guess it was just a couple of deer,” Jeremy said. With that, he lowered his visor, cued the music and pointed the motorcycle in the direction of the lake.

  The Unreal dressed up every passing notion with the same cutting-edge fascination. Every detail of the world and the way he moved through it inspired in him a love of the world. Where Monika was concerned, the effect was multiplied. On arrival at the lakeside, they dismounted and, with an all-consuming infatuation, Jeremy watched as she released her raven hair from the confines of her helmet and her elegant beauty to his sight.

  “Monika, while I’m thinking about it, I wanted to ask you about the Unreal you left with me before, in the ice cream shop-”

  “What about it?”

  “Like I told you, I took it last night but I never was able to fully get off. I felt something, maybe like how it is right before it hits, but nothing close to the way it feels right now. It was extremely frustrating, let me tell you.”

  “I don’t know, maybe it was just a weak dose. Believe me, I know how awful it feels to be on the verge, to want more and not have it. What I don’t understand is how you managed to leave Bar Nowhere last night without coming inside for more.” she said. “All you had to do is come to me.”

  “It wasn’t easy.”

  Thinking about it now, Jeremy wondered if Monika might have purposely provided him an inadequate dose of the Unreal at the ice cream shop so that he would be forced to seek her out for more. But could she really be so conniving? Would Monika use the Unreal as a way to entice him back to her? It seemed a little farfetched, but somehow, Jeremy didn’t doubt it.

  Monika surprised him by asking, “Those weren’t deer you saw back there, were they?”

  Jeremy had all but forgotten the hallucination as his fractured wits had since rambled over and through at least a dozen other subjects. “How did you know?” he asked.

  “I could tell,” she replied. “What did you see?”

  “If I tell you, you might think I’m crazy.”

  “Try me.”

  After a brief hesitation, Jeremy confessed. “For a second I thought I saw an old woman and a boy right there beside the road but I’m pretty sure I imagined the whole thing.”

  “That is weird,” she agreed, “but not unprecedented. I’ve seen some things out here too.”

  “Really?” he asked. “Like what?”

  Jeremy didn’t mention how he experienced a similar hallucination at the secret beach because he didn’t want Monika to know he had been there that night, spying on her and her group.

  “I’d rather not talk about it right now,” she replied, shutting down the subject.

  Before his Unreal-fueled thoughts rocketed off to parts unknown, Jeremy realized something else about tonight’s hallucination. Didn’t the towheaded boy on the edge of the road look a little like he did as a child? Perhaps, he thought, as in a dream, his mind inserted the stored image of his childhood self into his hallucination. After all, dreams and hallucinations must be related, both being spontaneously created by the mind. The main difference, Jeremy thought, is that dreams are drawn from the sleeping mind while hallucinations spring from a mind awake.

  Jeremy felt compelled to share his insight. “You know,” he said, “maybe hallucinations are nothing more than dreams you have when awake.”

  “Maybe,” Monika replied distractedly as she was busy performing a ballet in the empty air, like a student practicing her Karate moves.

  “Speaking of hallucinations and such,” she asked, “Can you see the trails?”

  Trailing the movement of Monika’s arms and hands were images of the same, left behind like slow-fading streaks made by shooting stars.

  “Yes, I see them,” Jeremy replied.

  “You know,” she said, “maybe all this is nothing but a dream.”

  *****

  Only after the most intense portion of the rush passed did they hop back on the ‘Busa and return to town. Jeremy drove directly to the fountain where Monika’s car was parked and pulled into the adjacent space.

  “Aren’t we going up to your place?” asked Monika.

  Trying hard to resist that urge, Jeremy circled the wagons of his disjointed thoughts around Jinni. He tried to remember the reasons behind last night’s landmark decision to buy the engagement ring. He tried to imagine the glee that would surely flood Jinni’s face when he presented his gift to her. Distracted as he was by Monika’s allure, he tried to remember the love he had for Jinni.

  With a welling up of his will, Jeremy stated, not asked, “Why don’t we pay a visit to the mermaid.” He led the way up the steps to the fountain.

  Monika, pinpointing the reason they came here instead of going upstairs, asked, “Are you still planning on getting married?”

  “That’s the assumption I’m operating on.”

  Monika looked him square in the face and said, “I think you’re making a big mistake.”

  Speaking frankly, Jeremy said, “I don’t think you are capable of understanding what Jinni means to me – and, more importantly, what I mean to her. Jinni loves me.”

  “If she means so much to you, how come you are out with me?”

  “You started it,” Jeremy countered, but he knew she had him. “I was with Jinni before, when you called.”

  “I called, but nobody forced you to spend the last five hours with me,” she contended. “Nobody forced you to kiss me.”

  Jeremy sighed. “I shouldn’t have done that. And, as much fun as all this has been, this has got to be our last hoorah. Starting right now, I have to do what’s right.”

  After a thoughtful pause, Monika said, “You know, she could be out with someone else right now. Maybe she’s lying to you, just like you lie to her.”

  “I don’t think so,” retorted Jeremy. “I know I can trust her – Jinni’s the most honest person I know.”

  “What about me?” asked Monika. “You don’t think I’m trustworthy?”

  “You must be joking.” Seeing the hurt look on Monika’s face forced Jeremy to elaborate. “You’re just so damned secretive, Monika. How can I trust someone who reveals nothing of herself?”

  “What if I told you I’ve had a crush on you since I first saw you at the Singe show?” Monika asked. “What if I told you I love you?”

  Jeremy would have been no more surprised had he seen extraterrestrials dancing to the beat of Blondie’s song Rapture above them on the roof of City Hall.

  He asked, “If this is true, why am I just finding out?”

  “I don’t know,” she replied. “Maybe it’s because you had a girlfriend. Maybe I just wanted it all to be strange and mysterious. I guess I was just playing a game with the assumption that, in the end, I would win my prize.”

  “Me?” asked Jeremy. “I’m your prize?”

  Monika stared at her feet, avoiding eye contact as if embarrassed, while Jeremy glowed with delighted pride at the words uttered by this beautiful creature. His deepest, most secret desire – her profession of love – had come true.

  Jeremy could do nothing other than give in to the emotions rising within him. He reached out to Monika and caressed her hair until she raised tear-shiny eyes to meet his. Self-conscious and vulnerable, she buried her face in the crook of his neck and hugged him like never before. He reveled in the deliciousness of the moment and wished for time to stand still.

  “So do you forgive me?” she whispered.

  “For what?” he asked.

  “For the way that I am.”

  “You don’t have to apologize for the way that you are,” he said. “I just want you to let me know who you are.”

  Monika’s expression gushed happiness as she led him by the hand to the stone rim of the fountain. For a time they sat together with the voluptuous mermaid and t
he fine mist that drifted onto them from her graceful streams.

  It was Monika who eventually broke the silence. “Now what?” she asked as she bit her lip in a highly seductive gesture.

  “Umm...,” was all Jeremy’s indecision allowed him to utter.

  “I thought maybe…” Monika’s words trailed off but her eyes, uplifted toward his condo, finished the sentence for her.

  More than anything, Jeremy wanted to invite Monika to spend the night but he could not allow that yearning to interfere with this decision set before him.

  Jinni or Monika: One to keep and one to lose.

  “We should call it a night,” he said stoically. “It’s late and it looks like I’ve got a lot of thinking to do.”

  Jeremy followed Monika and her pouty silence down the steps. They kissed a long goodnight at her car.

  “Are you sure you want me to leave?” she asked.

  “Well…,” he replied, waffling, but in his heart of hearts he knew this choice should not be relegated to the heat of this particular moment. As difficult as it was, he would take the honorable course. He would not be with Monika again unless he first broke it off with Jinni.

  “Yes,” Jeremy finally said. “Just go, okay? We can talk later.”

  It was all he could do not to chase like a dog after her car as she drove away.

  When she was gone, he bypassed his motorcycle and returned to the fountain. As he sat with the mermaid, the weight of a thousand questions pressed down upon him. In spite of Monika’s alleged affection for him, could he trust her? What if he inspired not her love, but her competitive spirit? What if Monika said what she said just to see if she could win out over Jinni? Or, what if Monika was sincere but her feelings sprang not from her heart but from the repercussions of the Unreal? In the stark light of tomorrow, she might feel nothing for him at all.

  Whatever, Monika’s true feelings and motivations remained a big unknown. The sure bet would be to stick with the original plan, to give Jinni the engagement ring and, hopefully, to live happily ever after. Jinni’s love for him, he knew, was real.

  Jeremy stared glumly at the cascading water of the fountain. He felt very alone. To the mermaid he remarked, “Looks like it’s just you and me, kid.” Jeremy smiled an empty smile that garnered no reaction from his fish-tailed friend. She was immune to his indiscretions. He could not lie to her as he had to Jinni, or become unduly fixated on her, as had been the case with Monika. Neither could the mermaid assist him in his dilemma.

  Jinni or Monika: One to keep and one to lose.

  Jeremy stood to leave, but something made him stop and reexamine the figure of the fountain. Something in the mermaid’s expression rang familiar but the déjà vu escaped him before he could reel it in. He shrugged it off and trudged down the steps to his motorcycle. It was time to call it a night.

  As he rounded the front of his condominium, Jeremy noticed with a start what looked like Jinni’s white SUV parked in the small parking lot out front. A sinking sensation reminded him that he had promised to call her to let her know what was going on. That was hours ago. He had completely forgotten.

  Jinni had a key to his apartment, and if that were her vehicle, she was most certainly inside waiting on him. It didn’t matter that she was upstairs – he couldn’t let her see him like this. Jeremy cruised slowly by, struggling to positively identify the car in the poor predawn lighting. The Lifehouse bumper sticker on the back verified his worst fear. It was definitely Jinni’s vehicle.

  Just as he accelerated, intending to get the hell out of dodge, he saw her, sitting quietly on the front stoop. Alone, still, and silent, Jinni reminded him of a cat sitting on its haunches and here he was, a careless little sparrow ambushed by the vigilant hunter.

  Jeremy waved a stupid little wave and grinned a stupid little grin. He slowly turned his motorcycle around in the street and parked beside Jinni’s car. Stalling, he gathered a few miscellaneous papers from his saddlebag, thinking perhaps papers in hand might lend some flimsy legitimacy to the lie he had yet to create. He needed something, anything, to help explain away where he had been all night, but his mind was as blank as the black, starless sky.

  Jinni stood, hands on hips, as he lollygagged up to the stoop.

  “Why didn’t you call me?” she asked in a tone carefully measured.

  “I’m sorry, I forgot.”

  All true, so far.

  “Where were you?”

  “At the lab?” For some reason Jeremy’s response came out more like a question than an answer.

  “Don’t lie to me Jeremy. Where have you been?”

  “After I left the lab, I rode out to the lake. With all that’s happened I guess I just needed some time alone.”

  Jinni peered deep into his eyes, trying to decipher the strangeness that resided there. Jeremy diverted his gaze to hide his transgressions, but it was no use. Some things you just can’t hide.

  “What’s wrong with your eyes? Did you take something?” she asked incredulously.

  “I can explain,” he replied, even though he had no idea how. “Why don’t we go inside where we can talk?”

  Jinni looked past him at the headlights of an approaching car. Jeremy heard the rumble of its engine but didn’t turn around, at least not until the vintage Mustang pulled alongside them and stopped. Jeremy’s eyes widened in a look that must have been pure horror as the tinted window slowly lowered, revealing the face of his dark angel.

  “Hey Jeremy, I think I left my purse in your car,” was all Monika said but it was enough – more than enough – for Jinni.

  Jinni screamed, “Who the hell is that?” Without waiting for his response, she slapped him hard across the face, ran to her car and squealed away in a cloud of vaporized rubber.

  Jeremy stood in shock as her car careened down the street and out of sight.

  “So I guess that must have been your fiancée, huh?” Monika asked, a little too nonchalantly. “What did you say her name was?”

  “Jinni,” he answered numbly. “Her name was Jinni.”

  Jeremy waited at the top of the stairs while Monika retrieved her purse.

  On her return, she asked, “Are you okay?”

  “Yeah.”

  “I’m sorry about all this,” she said. “I guess I wasn’t thinking.”

  “It’s not really your fault,” he said, though he was thinking the opposite. “Don’t worry about it.”

  “Do you want me to come up?”

  “That’s probably not the best of ideas, but thanks for asking.”

  “Alright, then.” Monika stood on her tip toes to kiss Jeremy on the cheek. “See you later.”

  Jeremy arrived upstairs to find the door to his condo unlocked and the stereo on. If this were not Jeremy’s life but a movie scene, the soundtrack provided by the long-forgotten song could not have been more fitting:

  Farewell, my dearest friend

  This is it, the bitter end

  Turn the page, close the door

  Our Eden is no more…

  Besieged by a wave of grief, Jeremy collapsed in the middle of the living room floor, buried his face in his hands and cried.

  When the song was over and after Jeremy had gathered himself as best he could, he considered calling Jinni – but what would he say? What could he say? Finally, after much debate, he decided to wait. He needed time, rest, and a clearer mind to figure out the best approach to manage this dreadful situation.

  As he readied for bed, his mind went to task. What justification could he possibly give to explain his actions? In spite of all tonight’s misdeeds – lying to Jinni, taking the Unreal, and kissing Monika – he had managed to resist Monika’s final offer and had sent her home. Tomorrow, couldn’t he simply try to explain it all to Jinni and somehow make her understand that, despite all, he never intended to do her wrong?

  However, as Jeremy measured the strength of his arguments, he knew deep down that he had done more than enough to deserve Jinni’s wrath. It didn’t
matter that Monika started all this four weeks ago with the kiss at the Singe show. It made no difference that Monika rushed everything along at breakneck speed, including the giving away of herself while Jinni insisted on saving herself until marriage. It meant nothing that he felt awful for not being able to deflect Monika’s advances. Even the engagement ring held no sway. No matter the circumstances, it was he who betrayed Jinni’s trust. He was the one who went to Bar Nowhere looking for Monika that fateful evening and accepted all she had offered. He opened the door to Monika and she had been stuck inside his head ever since.

  Truly, there was no justification for what he had done.

  *****

  More than anything, Jeremy wanted to put to bed – figuratively and literally – this disaster of a night. Despite the stress, or perhaps because of it, he fell asleep almost as soon as his head hit his pillow.

  Jinni was a vision, angelic in a flowing white gown. Jeremy stood proudly by her side at the altar. Multicolored light streamed in from all sides through huge stained glass windows. Throngs of candles flickered from ornate candelabra and the sweet fragrance of flowers filled the sanctuary. The families sat down front, hers on the left and his on the right. Presiding over the ceremony was the preacher from Jeremy’s childhood church. He looked the same as he did the last time Jeremy saw him, even though that had been some fifteen years prior. Tavalin stood as the best man. All present were dressed to kill, all shining and smiling in black suits and white dresses.

  All, that is, save Grady. The attire he had chosen for the occasion included a wide brimmed hat and dirty overalls absent any underlying shirt. He stood in the midst of the properly seated guests, sticking out like an insulting middle finger. Why, Jeremy thought, must Grady always ruin everything? A stinging sensation on his arm brought Jeremy back to the task at hand. Jinni had pinched him as the preacher prompted him to recite his vows.

  “Jeremy, do you take this woman to be your wedded wife, to have and to hold, for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, till death do you part?”