Queen of the City 2: The Life of a Female Rapper

by Tamicka Higgins

  I turned around to look at him, noticing he was different. Although I willingly had sex with him, I almost felt as bad as I did when I was raped at the strip club in Chicago. His disrespect for me was so similar to the disrespect I felt that night. Up and to this point, he’d never called me a bitch unless he was saying I was his bitch. He had never fucked me to the point that I had enough pain that I was almost ready to tell him to stop. He’d never treated me like I was just a worthless crack whore until now and that’s when it dawned on me. He knew about Prince; he had to. I pulled up my pants, squeezing my ass over my jeans, and walked back over to my seat. The cum around my mouth had dried, and there was nothing to wipe it off with,

  “Nas, can you get me a napkin or something?”

  “I’ll get it later.”

  We sat silently, staring back and forth at each other. His smile faded, and now, he looked at me with a bit of aggression. As time passed, the silence in the room became deafening, so I finally spoke up,

  “You know when are you are gettin’ out now?”

  He sucked his teeth, “I’ll get out when I’m out.”

  The guard coughed outside in the midst of the silence that floated in-between us,

  “Nas, what the fuck you call me down here for if you just wanted to look at me like a fuckin’ dumb ass.”

  I couldn’t let off that I was nervous or afraid of him right now. The whole time we’d been together, I’d talk shit to him. I’d call him out his name and tell him how things were. I couldn’t just switch my behavior right now and act like a scared little bitch. I knew who I was, and I wasn’t going to let my situation change that. Not anymore. The venomous smile reappeared,

  “So, you’re going to sit there and not say shit about it?”

  “Shit about what, nigga? Damn. I don't have time for these games, Nas. Open yo’ mouth and say it. You’re a grown ass man, stop actin’ like a fuckin’ little kid.”

  He laughed, “A little kid, huh? Funny you mention that. Lyric, where is Prince? Why didn’t you bring him to see me?”

  “Prince is at Mrs. Butler’s house; you know he is over there during the day.”

  “Oh. You sure he’s there?”

  “Yeah. He goes there every day. What the fuck?”

  “Because, from my understanding, Mrs. Butler has a lot on her plate right now. I mean, now that she has to bury her husband and shit, I would just assume that she didn’t have time to keep an eye on my boy.”

  The expression on my face changed immediately as I thought back to Mrs. Butler. Prince hadn’t been over there since last night, and I hadn’t heard from her this morning when I was supposed to bring Prince over. My hands began to shake,

  “Nas, the fuck you talking about?”

  “I’m talking about Prince. Now, are you going to keep lying to me or do I have to beat the SHIT out of you for you to tell me where my son is?”

  “Fuck this shit,” I said as I stood up and headed for the door.

  I heard his chair move, and seconds later, I felt his hand clutching my shoulder as he threw me back into the table. My back slammed against the side of it as my weight caused the table to flip over. I laid on the ground, writhing in pain as he stood over me, yanking me up by my hair,

  “Now, I’m going to ask you one more time. Where the FUCK is my son?” he asked, gripping a handful of my hair.

  I took my fingers and dug them into his eyes as he yelled and pushed me back into the ground, “You fuckin’ bitch!” he said as I fell into the wall. He rubbed his eyes as I picked up one of the chairs and smacked him across the back with it. He fell to his knees as I ran to the door but it was locked from the outside. The guard turned to look at me as I banged on the door for help but he twisted back around and used his back to cover the small window. I spun around just in time to see Nas throw a punch at me. It connected right on the side of my cheek as I fell backward again and struggled to get away. He watched me run from him like a gazelle fleeing from a lion as he snatched his shirt off, exposing the muscles that rippled throughout his body.

  “All I wanna know is where my fuckin’ son is, Lyric. That’s all I want to know. You tell me that shit and you can walk out of here.”

  I kept as much space between us as I could, “I don’t fuckin’ know, Nas, aight? Damn!” I started to tear up, “I got into an accident yesterday and next thing I knew, somebody took him out the car.”

  “An accident? You mean someone crashed into you almost a month after I told yo’ ass to get the fuck out of the city? Is that what you’re talkin’ about, Lyric?”

  He asked as he continued to approach me. I stopped running and stood against a wall, waiting for him to come near me. I knew a punch that almost anybody couldn’t stand was a punch straight to the nose. As he walked towards me, I stood with one foot behind the other and right when he got within an arm’s reach I swung with everything I had in me. I connected right with his nose, but it didn’t do anything but turn his head to the side. He slowly looked back at me as blood trickled out his nostrils and over his mouth. “Bitch, that’s all you got?” he said as he smacked me across the face and threw me to the other side of the room. I flew into the door as I heard a voice outside, “Hey, what’s going on in there? Step aside!” Moments later, another guard came in and looked at me in horror, then turned and called for help on his radio. As soon as he sent the distress signal, Nas smacked the receiver out his hand and beat the guard relentlessly. The blood from his face splattered everywhere as the other guard finally came in, “Nas, Nas, stop! You’re going to kill him! You’re going to kill him!” Nas pushed the guard away from him and kept striking the first guard that came into the room. I put my hand over my face, imagining that the person who was getting beat could have been me if he hadn’t come in.

  The heartless, cold killer in Nas was out and at this point, I figured it was there to stay. There was no longer a balancing act between his softness and the hardcore thug that was inside of him. Seconds later, the room filled with guards and they had tased Nas and kicked him off the guard. He flexed, doing as much as he could to take in the shocks. His veins poked through his chest and his arms as he gritted his teeth, “You’re dead!” he said, forcing the words out of his mouth. “Dead!” and with that, he passed out. Two of the guards that came in helped the officer that was beaten senseless; the other came to me to check on my wounds. “I’m sorry,” he said, “I don’t know how this ever could have happened.” The guard that watched everything from beyond the door stood in the room as I was helped up. I snatched the baton off one of the guards and threw it at him, but he blocked it with his forearms, “that muthafucka just stayed there and watched from outside the room! He didn’t do shit when he saw Nas beatin’ my ass! He just let it happen! Fuck you! Fuck you!” I yelled as the other guard picked me up and carried me out the room. If I could have gotten a hold to one of their guns, I would have ended it right there. Thank God I couldn’t though, I knew that Prince was still out there waiting for his Mommy to find him.

  When I got outside, Loc was standing by the car with his arms folded across his chest. I paused, looking to the left and right at the other two men, not knowing what to expect. Loc walked towards me. “Lyric, let’s go. I’m not going to hurt you. I want to help you find Prince,” he said calmly as he reached for my hand. I yanked back, “Fuck that. You on Nas’ payroll so I know what you’re trying to do.” He removed his extended hand as he stood in front of me, towering above like a building. After he had looked back at the other two men, he made a motion with his hand. They all got in the car, and he turned back to me, “Listen, you can trust me, or you can go off on your own. Either way, both of our jobs are to find Prince. I’m going to walk to this truck, though, and if you want a ride somewhere, then I suggest you come with us. Otherwise, you can sit here and wait for somebody else to get you.”

  He walked away from me as I weighed my options. There was no telling when I would be able to get a ride from out here back to the city and in the meanti
me, Prince would still be out there somewhere. I swallowed my anxiety and went with Loc to the truck. He held the back door open for me as I got in and he scooted in behind me.

  The ride back to Milwaukee was excruciating. I called Mrs. Butler a few times, but the phone kept going to voicemail. I didn’t know if Nas was serious about what happened to Mr. Butler but the more and more I called them with no response, the more I believed that he wasn’t bluffing. I glanced at Loc, “What happened to Mr. Butler?” He didn’t say a word back to me. He kept his gaze straight forward as the truck rode smoothly over the freeway pavement. His silence wasn’t enough for me to jump to any conclusions because he wasn’t one to talk much. I was surprised he said as much as he did when he approached me outside just a few moments ago. Before I knew it, we were back at my house. I peered at Loc for a second before I reached for the door handle. He grabbed me by my arm and held a pistol right to my head. My eyes widened as my heartbeat felt like it jumped into my throat. Suddenly, he turned the pistol around and handed it to me, tossing me a few clips as soon as I gripped the gun with my hand. I popped open the chamber; it was empty. “Thanks, Loc,” I said as I got out the car, “and check the south side for Prince. That’s where I’m going. That’s where I think he is.” He left before I could get to the sidewalk. I didn’t understand his kindness, especially after Nas just beat me up and threatened to kill me when I was in the prison room with him. I watched the truck until it disappeared around the corner. The block was quiet. It was almost 1 pm, so I knew all the bad ass little kids were still in school by now. Vinny’s car was parked in the driveway when I got home, but inside, he was nowhere to be found. I texted him,

  Vinny, I’m back at the crib. Where are you at?

  I’m at work. I left my ride there so you could use it. I got my nigga car right now, though, and as soon as I leave here, I’m going to the southside.

  Aight. I’ll be over there with you.

  I jumped in Vinny’s car and headed to Mrs. Butler’s house. I had to knock a few times before Serena came to the door with bloodshot eyes. I feared the worst when I saw her expression. She opened the screen door and hugged me tight as I embraced her back. She was still crying, and I didn’t know how long she had been.

  “Serena, what’s wrong?”

  She sniffled, “They killed Daddy! They killed him!”

  “Who, Serena? Who!?”

  “I don’t know! He never came back home last night, and Mama went to look for him this morning. He was found dead right in his car! They didn’t even take nothing, Lyric! It was just a murder! Cold-blooded murder for no fucking reason!”

  She threw her arms back around me as she cried inconsolably. She didn’t know the reason, but I did. I remembered Nas mentioning a while back that he was only in prison on some possession and illegal firearms charges. He said that if they found out about the murder charge, he had no chance of getting out. Killing Mr. Butler had to be some warning for Stacey, even though she had no intentions of telling anybody in the first place. Too much was going on for me to process. From Prince’s abduction to finding Uncle Stew dead in a crack house, and now finding out about Mr. Butler’s murder. Too much shit was happening at once, and it felt as though I was going to faint under the weight of it all.

  “Where is Mom, Serena?”

  “She’s down at the police station giving her statement. I didn’t want to go, I just… I don’t know, I honestly just don’t know what to do right now, Lyric. First, Junie gets murdered, and now a couple of years later, Daddy is gone,” her eyes kept exploding with tears, “who is next, Lyric? I just want to get the fuck out of this city! I just want to leave!”

  I put my arms around her again, and I hated to leave her, but I had to find Prince. I had to get going before he ended up dead because of something I did to Big Tuck. People around me were dropping like flies, and I was the common denominator. I was the primary link between them all and I didn’t want anybody else dead because of me. Times like these are when I fantasized about the rap game again. What my life would have been like if I didn’t put it all down and follow Nas throughout this city. Maybe I would be on the Billboard top 20, chilling in Brooklyn, New York—the city that Junie and I had planned to move to once we got enough money. The life that I lived in an alternate universe would have been much better than the one I thought I wanted to live here.

  I did my best to calm Serena down and told her to grab a hold of the pistol that Dad bought her just in case. She shook her head vehemently, “Fuck that, Lyric! A gun is what killed Dad and Junie! Fuck those things, Lyric! I just want to get the fuck out of here!” It hurt me to leave her, but I made sure she locked the door behind me when I left to head to the south side. I had an idea of where Keyonna was staying. It was deep in the hood over there, though, in the midst of some Puerto Rican gangs. None of that fazed me, though, especially when I was on a mission to get to Prince. The worst thing you can do is cross a mama bear while she is in a rage to defend her cubs. I loaded a fresh clip into my pistol and from that point on, I had tunnel vision all the way to the south side. I got a text from Vinny,

  Lyric, I see her. I see her right now! She is on 42nd and Vilet! That’s where her house is! I lied and said I was at work because I knew you would be mad that I went looking without you, but hurry up!

  I threw my phone down and accelerated on the gas as much as I could. I wasn’t going to stop for anything or anybody until I got to where I was going.

  Chapter 12

  I pulled into the neighborhood on 42nd Street and texted Vinny. I’m here, where you at? A few moments later, I got his response, I’m down towards the end of the block in a black Monte Carlo. These SA’s are lookin’ at me funny though so I’m about to pull off. Meet me at that gas station we went to yesterday. I saw his car pull out his parking spot just a few moments later, and as I got to the house he pointed out, I crept slowly, watching for entry points and any other information I could use to make the break-in easier. I took a right instead of following Vinny and went through the alley to check out the back. The yard was small, and there was one door that went to the back of the house. To the left, there was a window, and it was cracked open just enough that I figured I could slide through it. Small, narrow spaces separated the houses on each side, and I knew that I could shimmy through them to get from the front to the back if I had to. From what I could see, there was no security back there, but that could all change in a matter of moments. Eventually, I made my way down the alley, and I met him back at the gas station. He got out the car; anxiety kept him from staying still and he said,

  “I saw her, Lyric. I saw her. She got out the ride and went right into the house. The thing is, them SA’s you saw on the corner? She knows them, and they were hanging around her crib like fuckin’ months to a flame. I don’t know if Prince is in there or whatever but shit, I’m willing to bet he is.”

  “Fuck. I think I’ma have to call Loc, Vinny. I think I’ma have to.”

  “Aight, bet.”

  He didn’t know what just happened to me when I went to the prison to visit Nas, but I couldn’t chance going up in there alone with Vinny. As far as I knew, Vinny had never even held a gun, let alone shot one. The phone rang a few times before he picked up. He didn’t say anything when he got on the phone; it was just his personality. He always lived to make sure he had the upper hand in everything and that’s why Nas had him as one of his leading men.

  “Loc, I think I found Prince. He’s over here on the south side. 42nd and Vilet, you know what I’m sayin’? It’s a bunch of SA’s out here though so I can’t go in there by myself. Can you help me? Please?”

  There was silence on the phone. I couldn’t tell what was going through his head at the moment and honestly, I never could. He was such an enigma that I could never get a good read on him. “Please, Loc. I’m begging you. Look, I know shit about me and Nas is fucked right now, but this is for our boy. This is for Prince, aight? Just help me this time and after I know he is safe, y’all can
do whatever the fuck y’all need to do to me. I just need to get my son safe, Loc. Please man, I’m begging you.” Vinny stood nearby listening to our conversation, but I was too focused on listening to Loc to even pay attention to him. “Aight. We on the way.”

  He hung up right after that as it felt like a load of bricks lifted off my shoulders. I turned to look at Vinny as he stood by my door, waiting for an explanation. “Whassup with you and Nas, Lyric?” I slipped my phone in my pocket and glanced away from him. A few teens walked from outside the gas station with their pants sagging and squeezing their legs at the same time. Their purple shirts were fitted tight over their chests as they walked, laughing out loud at what one of them said. Another car pulled into the gas station and stopped at the pump, waving the two boys over to their vehicle. They shook hands with the driver and kept walking. A drug transaction in motion so fluid that the naked, untrained eye wouldn’t have been able to point it out. The man inside the car looked in our direction for a moment and then sped away from the pump. “Nothin, Vinny. We just got into some shit, that’s all,” I said as I kept my eyes away from him.

  “Lyric, for real, whassup? You tellin’ them that they can do whatever to you after y’all get Prince? What the fuck is that? You know what I’m sayin’? Like, what type of shit is between y’all?”

  “Damn, Vinny, just leave it the fuck alone. It doesn't have shit to do with you, aight? Just let it be.”

  “Let it be? You talkin’ about Prince, though. Shit, if something happens to you then—”