What the Outlaw Keeps

by Samantha Leal

  “So what if they did?” Gerard’s voice interrupted her thoughts, but she didn’t turn to look at him. She couldn’t bear to look at him.

  “You broke my heart. You deserved it,” he said quietly, in the stillness of the room. Sue turned to look at him slowly. He was standing next to an open window now, not looking at anybody in the room while he took a few sips of the wine from a glass in his hands.

  “What did you say?” Sue’s anger had reached new heights. She was inches away from picking up the large Chinese vase on the floor next to her and flinging it at him.

  “I said, you deserved it. You deserved to be alienated.” He met her eyes, but he didn’t look happy.

  Chapter 5

  “Sue, please don’t leave,” Mary implored her as she started walking out of the living room.

  “I don’t understand why you invited me here tonight. You just wanted to embarrass me!” Sue screamed at Gerard instead. She stopped in her tracks to turn to him at the window again.

  “I was trying to arrange a reunion. I didn’t expect you to react this way,” Gerard said quietly and his attitude angered her even more.

  “You said I’ve changed. When did you turn into a selfish conniving bastard?” She said the words and could feel everyone immediately grow quiet. It was as though they were all afraid of what Gerard would do next. They turned to look at him, while Sue stood at the doorway with her lower lip trembling, clutching her small purse tightly to her chest.

  “You’re blaming me for our friends feeling sorry for me?” he finally said, in a drawn out, exhausted voice.

  “They weren’t sorry for you. I was the bitch they wanted to stay away from.” Sue gritted her teeth, unsure, by now, who she was really mad at.

  “We didn’t think that, Sue.” Carl was the one who spoke up now.

  “Why the pretense, Carl? You guys managed well without me for twenty years. Why invite me here and put me through all of this?” Sue was almost as exhausted as Gerard sounded before.

  “I told them you needed support.” Gerard’s voice broke the silence again and Sue glared at him with rounded teary eyes now.

  “I needed support? Why? What for, after all this time?” she asked, and even as she said the words, she knew what the reason was. “Because of Vincent? You guys think I need support because I’m going through a divorce? You told them that?” Her attention flitted around the room, from Mary, to Jake, to Carl, to Gerard again.

  “You were not yourself that day, Sue. You are clearly depressed. You need your friends.” Gerard was sipping his wine again and she strode over to him with fury in each step.

  “Who the hell do you think you are? You think you can simply pry my friends away from me and then fling them at me at your will?” Sue’s breath was ragged, her nostrils were flaring. She didn’t know what to do, how to control her rage.

  “Sue. Stop this madness.” Mary’s voice distracted her, even though she continued glaring at Gerard.

  “Sue. Look at me,” she begged and Sue turned to look at Mary, who stood a few inches away from her. “We were all genuinely worried. Gerard most of all,” she said and placed a hand on Sue’s shoulder. She felt like she was going to break down in uncontrollable sobs that very instant.

  “There is no shame in being upset and needing your friends around you. No matter the time that has passed,” Carl spoke up and joined Mary by Sue’s side. Sue’s lips were trembling again, she hadn’t realized how much she had missed them all these years.

  “You had no right.” Sue turned to Gerard again, but her voice had broken now and she couldn’t pretend to be angry with them anymore.

  “Have a drink, Sue. Say hello to your friends,” Gerard said with a smile and patted her on her shoulder before walking away from her.

  •••

  “His prose is as agreeable as a sweaty armpit,” Sue said and the room broke out in loud laughter.

  “No way!” Mary screeched as she passed a salad bowl over to Jake who sat beside her.

  “They wrote that in The Times and Vincent broke a couple of bottles of wine that night,” Sue said, trying to suppress a giggle.

  “Well, I read his third novel and I have to say, I agree,” Carl said and passed her a wink.

  “I did as well, but I had to be a supportive wife to him,” Sue said and rolled her eyes. She caught Gerard’s eye, who was sitting at the other end of the table. He was grinning, but also studying her keenly. She smiled at him and turned her attention to Jake.

  “So you both are bankers now?” Sue asked and Mary, as expected, nodded for the two of them.

  “And we have two gorgeous kids. Carla is fifteen and was named after our pal here who drove me to the hospital when my water broke. Jake was away in London,” Mary said and rolled her eyes. They all laughed.

  “And Rose is going to be nine in March,” Jake added.

  “I’m dying to meet them,” Sue said, accepting the salad bowl from Carl. “What about you, Carl?” She turned to him and he shook his head vigorously.

  “I was married, and that lasted for about a few seconds, approximately,” he said and everybody laughed again. “No, well, we have a four year old son, Michael. He lives with his mother.” Carl was chewing on a big chunk of salmon.

  “Look at you guys! All grown up,” Sue commented and stabbed a cherry tomato with her fork before popping it into her mouth.

  “If only we could convince Gerard here to settle down. He couldn’t do it after you,” Mary said, still smiling but her grin immediately dropped when she noticed the expression on Sue’s face. The room fell silent and the scraping of Gerard’s chair against the floor ended the awkward moment.

  “Mary’s had too much wine for one night,” Gerard said and walked over to her and placed his hands on her shoulders.

  “I didn’t mean that,” Mary said and looked up at him.

  “Of course you didn’t. I’ll go check on dessert,” Gerard said curtly and gave her shoulders a squeeze. Sue watched Jake, from the corner of her eye, as he slid Mary’s glass of wine away from her and towards him.

  Sue cleared her throat. “I know we’ve not been friends for years, but I would like you all to be honest with me. You know me,” she said, turning her gaze from Mary to Carl. She knew she would never be able to break Jake.

  “He’ll never admit it. At least not anymore, but he was devastated. He probably still is,” Mary said and Jake kicked her feet under the table.

  “It’s all right, Jake. I’m not going to go to the Press with this,” Sue said, but Jake appeared unconvinced.

  “It’s not our place to tell you these things, Sue. He’ll tell you himself if he wants to or if it’s required,” Jake said and stood up from his chair as well. “I don’t think I want to stay for dessert,” he said and rubbed a hand on his belly.

  “Excuse him, Sue. Jake has always been a bit of a non-meddler as you know,” Mary said with a laugh.

  “No, Mary is right,” Carl spoke up and Sue turned to look at him. “If you thought he was a bit of a recluse while you dated, he got even worse when you left. He couldn’t get over it,” Carl said just as Gerard entered the room.

  “It’ll be ten more minutes, guys. Janine has made your favorite Meringue,” Gerard told Jake.

  “I’m afraid we’re heading home. The kids and all that,” Jake said as he gently pulled Mary up from her chair.

  “It was a lovely dinner, Gerard. It was so good to see you, Sue. Call me later and we’ll fix up a coffee date, just the two of us,” Mary said and Sue nodded her head with a broad smile on her face.

  “I should head out as well” Carl stood up from his chair.

  “None of you are staying for dessert?” Gerard seemed to be genuinely surprised. “You guys always stay for dessert.” He sounded like his old self again and Sue couldn’t help but smile as the others laughed.

  “Next time,” Carl said and thumped Gerard on his back before following the other two out of the room.

  Sue remained seated while
Gerard stood at the door of the dining room.

  “I’ll stay for dessert” she said meekly and he walked over to his seat at the end of the table.

  “I hope you like Meringue,” he said and held her gaze firmly. In the dim light of the dining room, after having spent the evening in the company of their old friends, Gerard finally reminded Sue of the boy she had dated in college. The same boyish grin on his face, the inquisitive sparkling eyes, the same pink tongue darting out to moisten the same plump lips.

  “I love Meringue,” Sue said and sat back comfortably in the chair upholstered with white fabric. “I absolutely love Meringue”.

  Chapter 6

  “You know, whatever Mary tells you, none of this would have been possible if you hadn’t broken up with me,” Gerard said and looked around the room.

  “So you’re thanking me for breaking your heart?” Sue said with a laugh and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.

  “In a way. It became a mission for me to succeed and win you back,” Gerard said and was interrupted by the same uniformed gentleman who appeared with a plate of stacked Meringues.

  “Thank you Luke,” Gerard said as he placed the plate on the table. “That’ll be all, Luke. And you can tell Janine to retire as well,” he added with an authoritative but gentle voice.

  “You have a butler now?” Sue raised her eyebrow after Luke left the room.

  “He’s the housekeeper. I can’t have the house go to ruins while I’m busy with my work,” Gerard said and pulled himself closer to the table.

  “Back up a minute. You wanted to win me back?” Sue bit down on her lip. She was trying to make a lighthearted joke, but his face darkened.

  “I was young and believed true love lasts forever and all that. Until I heard you married a novelist.” Gerard was picking at the meringues, a habit with food that she well remembered. It was endearing as ever.

  “I’m sorry, Gerard,” she said quietly and their eyes met. His eyes were weary and downcast, while hers were pleading with him to forgive her. Now more than ever, she knew exactly what it felt like to be discarded and abandoned.

  “Why did you leave me, Sue?” he asked her. He wasn’t the same over-confident man she had met at the cafe a few days before. He was now the Gerard she had met at the Fresher’s party, awkward and fresh-faced.

  “I don’t know.” Sue looked away from him and he stood up from his chair.

  “Look at me. I deserve to know. It’s been twenty years and I still don’t know what I did wrong.” He had walked over to where she was sitting and was looming over her now. His big frame cast a dark shadow around her in the dim light and Sue hung her head low.

  “Sue!” he raised his voice and she jerked her head up to look at him.

  “I didn’t think you loved me. I thought you loved your work,” she said and this time, she couldn’t hold the tears back. They came gushing down her cheeks and to her surprise, Gerard bent down before her, kneeling with his hands on her knees.

  “That wasn’t true. Why would you think that?” Gerard held her gaze, even though she was crying.

  “You spent days cooped up in that garage. Towards the end of college, we barely spoke any longer. What was I supposed to think?” He pulled her towards him and she buried her face on his chest.

  “I was close to writing the perfect code. I was crazy for perfection,” he whispered gruffly into her ear. Sue was sniffling into his clothes, her hands gripping his arms tightly as he held her against him.

  “I’m sorry, Sue. I didn’t know I pushed you away. I thought you dumped me because I was a geek.” He almost laughed and so did she. “Sue…” he said her name and kissed her tear-streaked cheek gently. She bit down on her lip as he held her shying gaze and pulled her closer to him.

  “Sue…” he said again and this time he kissed her. It was the kiss she remembered, but only more eager. Like he wanted to make up for lost time by devouring her whole. His lips massaged hers and his tongue soon found its way inside her mouth. His hands had now encircled her neck, gently stroking the base of her throat as he kissed her.

  She bit his lower lip and she could feel him smiling against her face. He pulled himself away from her and she could finally breathe. His hair looked ruffled again, the way she remembered it and she ran her fingers through it and closed her eyes. She could feel his arms around her waist as he picked her up and placed her on the edge of the table. She leaned back immediately and he shoved the plate of meringues away from behind her.

  “Best get that out of the way,” he said and she smiled at him. He lunged forward again and was kissing her and she couldn’t resist it any longer. She was pressed up against his chest, but she wanted more. Her fingers fumbled with the buttons of his jacket and he pulled away from her again, wriggling out of the jacket and lying down on top of her. The cold glass of the table-top pressed against her back and she relished the calming sensation.

  The buttons on his shirt were easy to deal with and she popped them off, one by one, as they continued to kiss. His hands were busy pulling down the zipper on the side of her jumpsuit and she felt a cold tingle as her skin was exposed to the air. She remembered him being gentle, taking his time and this time too, she was the one in a hurry. His shirt came off and his pants soon followed, while he slowly began to maneuver her arms over and under the engineering of her jumpsuit.

  “What on earth are you wearing, woman?!” he finally exclaimed, exasperated with it. Sue laughed and helped herself out of her clothes and lay back, in her undergarments, again.

  “As ravishing as ever,” she heard him say, more to himself than to her. His hands were running all over her body, cupping her breasts, then feeling the nearly flat bump of her belly and running down the length of her legs. They finally settled between her thighs, where she was more wet than she could ever remember being, and Sue took in a sharp breath. His eyes were still darkened and he had a bewildered expression on his face, like he couldn’t believe this was happening.

  He stood away from her to slip his own underwear off and his penis pointed towards her. She realized that she still remembered it well, very well. He didn’t tarry. Within seconds, he had peeled off her panties and pulled her towards him roughly. His gentleness had suddenly disappeared, he wanted her, now. Her legs dangled over the edge of the table as he thrust inside her, while staring at her shaking breasts.

  Sue moaned and so did he. That moment, when he entered her, was like a continuation, like they had never stopped. His hands grabbed her breasts as he pushed and pushed inside her. They were both grimacing, and Sue knew she was going to cry. She had always loved this man, she had never stopped, she had forgotten to think about it, perhaps, but once he was inside her again, she knew she had only been fooling herself.

  She gripped the table with her hands till her knuckles turned white. Neither of them cared that they were making a lot of noise. The table was creaking, her back against the glass made squeaking sounds that both Luke and Janine, no doubt, could hear. And, they were both moaning very loudly. Gerard pushed in and out with force, his hands travelled from her breasts, where he pinched both her nipples gently and then down to her waist for a better grip.

  She knew he was struggling hard to control himself. She couldn’t help but think back on all those days, when they had sex on his slim single bed in his parents’ attic, how he lasted for nearly an hour every time. This night, he couldn’t control himself for very long, it was clearly too much for him to bear. She decided to come, to let go. She moaned loudly and arched her body towards him, with his penis still deep inside her she quivered against him, lifting herself upwards to fully enjoy the sensation. She could feel him coming inside her as well. Shuddering and groaning, his grip on her tightened and then relaxed.

  “Oh my God, Sue,” he said, his breathing was ragged and he lay down flat on his face on the table, beside her.

  “Looks like we still got it,” she said with a laugh. He lifted his head to look at her and smiled, then wrapped his arm ar
ound her belly and nuzzled his face in her hair.

  “Gerard…” Sue waited a few seconds before saying. He didn’t reply, she knew he was awake.

  “Gerard…” she tried again and he said Shhhh….

  “We can talk about it later, if you really want to talk about it. Just enjoy the moment for what it is, Sue,” he said into her hair and she couldn’t help but smile. She couldn’t remember what she had been sad about a few hours ago.

  Chapter 7

  When Sue woke up, she was alone again. She stretched her arms and realized she was in somebody else’s bed and this bed was very very soft. She sat up with a start and ran her fingers over the spotlessly white bed linen, smooth like butter. She lay down again and her head sank into a pillow, which she was convinced was made from clouds or feathers.

  “Rise and shine,” she heard his voice and smiled. She sat up again and fluffed up the pillows behind her to rest against. Gerard had stepped out of the bathroom and was in a blue satin robe, through which, the muscles of his thighs peeped out, from time to time. His hair was ruffled and he had a hint of a stubble on his chin. She nearly laughed.

  “I don’t believe I’ve seen you with a beard before,” Sue said and he walked over to her side of the bed.

  “Are you implying I wasn’t man enough to grow a beard in college?” He kissed her on her lips. That kiss was enough to remind her of the number of times they’d had sex in the past twelve hours and she blushed.

  “What time is it?” Sue asked, looking around the room for a watch.

  “Where do you need to be?” he asked and walked over to the arrangement of armchairs and a coffee table by the balcony doors.

  “It’s Monday morning…or afternoon. Don’t you have somewhere to be?” She watched him slide the glass doors open and a soft breeze blew in, billowing the white lace curtains in the room.

  “I don’t remember, anymore, and I’ve ordered Luke to hold off all the messages.” He turned to look at her and Sue smiled.