by Olivia Black
I can’t sleep. I’m worried about you. Are you there?
The messages continued on and on throughout the night and into the early morning hours. Jared quickly dialed Gabe’s number. He didn’t want his friend to be worried. Even though Gabe loved him, Jared really needed to be careful not to hurt his feelings.
The phone only rang once. “Hey, I’ve been really worried about you.”
“I’m sorry. I went out to a bar with my brothers last night. I left my phone here at the ranch. Is everything okay?”
“You tell me.” There was a long pause and then Gabe continued. “Do you want me to come out there to visit you?”
“I don’t know,” Jared whispered as he closed his eyes. “I’m sorry, Gabe.”
“Please, just tell me what the hell is going on with you. You’ve been distant for a long time. I can’t stand it. What happened to us? Did I do something?”
“No.” He shook his head. “You didn’t do anything at all. You’re perfect.”
“Yeah, right.” Gabe made a disbelieving noise in his throat.
“I love you. I’m just not…” He took a deep breath. “I’m not in love with you.”
“I know,” he whispered.
They were both silent. Jared could hear Gabe breathing through the phone, but he didn’t know what to say. The seconds ticked by and he held the phone tighter, his leg bouncing as nervous energy ran through his system. He hated the awkward moment. The two of them had always been so close.
“I—uh—I already bought my plane ticket. I still need you in my life. I don’t have anyone else but you.” Gabe’s voice cracked and Jared closed his eyes.
“You’ll always have me.” He’d made a promise long ago that he would always be by Gabe’s side.
Jared was awake. He’d been trying to fall asleep for hours, but he couldn’t. Not with all the fighting happening—yelling, screaming, fists connecting with flesh. Closing his eyes tight, he rolled himself into a ball and pulled the covers over his head. He hated living in this boy’s home run by the county. The people that worked at the place didn’t care, and the other teenagers hated one another.
Luckily, he shared a small room with Gabe. They usually waited until everyone fell asleep before Gabe snuck into his bed. In the morning, the two would touch and kiss before everyone else woke up. It was their little secret. He wasn’t ashamed of the love he had for Gabe, but he didn’t want to share the information with anyone. The last thing either of them needed was any extra attention.
Groaning, Jared wished that the fighting would end. He was tired and he hated not having Gabe in his arms.
“Jared?” a scared little voice from the bunk above him whispered.
“Yeah, Gabe.”
“Can I come down there with you?”
“Yeah, of course.”
The guy was his age, but looked years younger, with sandy-blond hair, big green eyes, and freckles on his nose. They were both seventeen and would be aging out of the system in a matter of months. He didn’t have a clue where he would end up, but it didn’t matter, as long as he wasn’t near this place ever again.
When the two met, Jared had been relieved to finally have someone to sit next to at school, to do his homework with, and who cared about him. Gabe was easygoing, open, honest, and sweet. Just looking at him made Jared’s heart flutter. Never before had he been attracted to anyone, but there was something special about Gabe.
Wearing a pair of sweats and a T-shirt, Gabe climbed down the ladder and swung himself effortlessly into Jared’s bed. Jared pulled up the blankets, covering them both.
“I’m glad that you’re here with me.”
Jared grinned. “I’ll always be by your side, Gabe. You know that.”
“I know.” He smiled, showing off the cute dimples in his cheeks. “Just you and me, right?”
“Yeah, just the two of us, forever.” Jared held his arms open and Gabe cuddled in close, laying his head on Jared’s chest.
“I love you.” Gabe placed a kiss on his chest.
“I love you, too.” He pushed his fingers through Gabe’s thick, messy hair.
“I know it’s horrible to say, but I’m really happy to be here with you.”
“Why would that be horrible?” Jared asked, hoping that Gabe didn’t mean in his arms or in his bed.
“Because it makes it seem like I’m glad my parents died.”
“I would never think that. You’re way too sweet to wish something like that, Gabe.”
Cupping Gabe’s face, Jared lifted his head and leaned forward. He took his time kissing Gabe, not wanting to rush the perfection of the moment. They fell into a slow kiss, tongues tentatively exploring. All the past pain seemed to disappear with Gabe’s soft lips. When silence surrounded them, signaling that the fighting was done, Jared sighed in relief. He hated the constant drama. Pulling back, he rubbed his nose against Gabe’s.
“Go to sleep, love.” He pulled Gabe close and the two cuddled together.
“Night.” Gabe nuzzled close and within minutes they were both asleep.
“Are you mad at me?” Gabe’s concerned voice pulled him out of his head and back into the present.
“I could never be mad at you.”
“Is it okay if I come and visit you, then?”
“Yeah.” Jared leaned back against the headboard of his bed, making himself comfortable. “I think you’ll like it here. The ranch is really peaceful and quiet. I haven’t ventured into the barn yet, but I’m sure one of the guys will volunteer to take us horseback riding.”
“I’ve always wanted to learn to ride.” The sadness in Gabe’s voice was replaced by joy. Jared could sense the change almost immediately.
Jared chuckled. “I remember.”
They had so many memories. Things they’d shared with only each other over the last sixteen years. If only he could love Gabe, really love him, things would be a lot easier. But he couldn’t fake it. He couldn’t pretend that he and Gabe fit together and created a perfect match, not when he had desires and needs that Gabe couldn’t fulfill.
“When are you flying into Telluride?”
“Two days. Is that too soon? I can always—” he started, but Jared cut him off.
“No, that’s fine. I’ll pick you up at the airport.”
“Jared?” Gabe whispered into the phone.
“Yeah?”
“I’ve missed you. Things have been so weird between us lately. I’m not expecting us to live happily ever after. We were teenagers when we fell in love. That sort of thing doesn’t last forever. I get it, but I’m not willing to let you walk away either. We’re family. I don’t want to lose you.”
“I know, you’re right. I’m sorry for being distant. This is all new for me and I don’t know how to deal.”
“I just don’t want you to shut me out of your life. I’ll always be here for you in whatever capacity you need. How are you holding up there on the ranch?”
“It’s okay.” He shrugged. “I’m still getting to know them all. You’ll get the chance to meet ’em when you get here. They’re good guys.”
It was still hard to refer to Jackson, Robbie, Easton, and Oliver as his brothers. He’d never had a family, not really. The only person he loved and depended on was Gabe. Now that he was facing the truth about their changing relationship, he wasn’t sure what would happen. He still didn’t feel comfortable enough to talk about Jacob. And for a moment, he wondered if he would ever see the bartender again.
“I’m looking forward to it. I’ll see you in a couple days,” Gabe said.
“Okay. Have a safe flight.”
“See ya soon.”
Jared clicked the end button and tossed his phone on the bed. He hated saying good-bye and Gabe knew it. Hell, Gabe knew everything about him. Toeing off his shoes, Jared let them fall to the ground with a thump, before lying down and closing his eyes.
* * * *
It took all day and night, but the bar was finally looking good. Jacob closed
and locked the door behind the last of his helpers. Waving out the window, he watched the men climb into their vehicles and drive off. Jacob stretched out his back, moaning. After all the work, he was absolutely exhausted. Scrubbing a hand over his face, Jacob made his way to his apartment. He clicked off the bar lights before climbing the stairs.
He put in an order for a new mirror, but other than that, Oliver and the rest of the guys from the Belt Buckle Ranch had really made the old place shine. He would be able to open for business real soon. Stripping off his dirty clothes, Jared dumped them into the laundry basket before turning the shower on. It didn’t take long for the water to warm up.
Climbing into the stall, he picked up the soap and his mind went back to the night before when Jared was in his arms. Jacob shook his head as he soaped up. He wouldn’t let his mind wander back to Jared. It was dangerous to open himself up to someone that obviously didn’t want more from him than a one-nighter. Working next to Jared’s brothers hadn’t been nearly as difficult as he initially thought. He’d been tempted to ask some questions about the man, but refrained. He didn’t want to get any of Jared’s brothers involved in his personal life.
Letting out a loud sigh, Jacob shut the water off, grabbed a towel, and dried himself off. Walking out of the bathroom, he tied the towel around his waist. Droplets of water ran down his back from his hair and he tried to shake the extra moisture off. When he reached the bed, he noticed a small piece of paper. Picking it up, he read a seven-digit number with the words, call me, in messy handwriting.
What the hell?
Looking over his shoulder, he scrunched up his brows in confusion. He had no clue where it came from. After a few minutes, Jacob sat on the edge of the bed, grabbed his phone and dialed the number. When it started ringing, he tapped his foot, waiting and wondering.
Chapter 5
A loud, shrilling ring woke Jared. He jerked awake and moved around on the bed, trying to locate his cellphone. When he found the black iPhone, he made a face. Whose phone is ringing? Looking around, he quickly realized that the noise was coming from a different phone, resting on the bedside table. Turning on the small lamp, Jared hit the talk button.
“Hello?” He hadn’t seen the wireless phone before, but somehow it had ended up inside his bedroom while he slept.
“Jared?” a familiar voice asked.
“Jacob,” he breathed out in surprise.
“I…ah…how are you?” Jacob asked, seeming just as confused as Jared.
“Good…uh…good.” He could barely believe that he was speaking to Jacob and wondered if perhaps he was still sleeping. “How are you?” Jared asked lamely, smacking himself in the head with the palm of his hand.
Could this conversation be any more awkward? He’d planned on talking to Jacob again after Gabe’s visit. The silence slowly stretched, making Jared increasingly more uncomfortable. He couldn’t tell if Jacob had hung up. Pulling his lower lip into his mouth, he bit down to keep from filling the empty space with a big, fat apology. He felt like such an ass for running out on Jacob without an explanation.
“Why did you leave me?” Jacob asked and Jared moaned internally, shutting his eyes.
And there it was, the question he didn’t want to answer. Why did Jacob always ask the tough questions? In the short time since meeting, it was obvious that Jacob didn’t have a problem getting right to the point. He wasn’t the type of man that walked on eggshells or tiptoed quietly away. Taking a deep breath, Jared tried to figure out where to begin.
“It’s not you…” he started, but Jacob interrupted with a harsh laugh.
“Uh…I see. The old ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ speech. Fuckin’ great.” He muttered the last words and Jared cringed. “I told you last night that if you just wanted to fuck, that was fine. I fuckin’ hate games, but you know what’s worse?” Jacob asked, and he knew it was a rhetorical question so he kept his mouth shut. “I gave you the opportunity to be real with me and you’re just like everyone else.”
“No…wa—” he started to talk once more, but Jacob again interrupted him.
“I thought that there could be more with you. I thought we were both looking for same thing. I wanted to be your daddy and I was hoping I’d finally found my boy, but I was wrong.”
Jared’s mouth dropped open in surprise, his stomach filled with butterflies, and his heart soared. He wanted to shout out, I am your boy! Please, I want to be your boy. I want to belong to you. But, before he could even utter a word, Jacob hung up on him. Pulling the phone away from his ear, he stared at the device as his eyes filled with moisture.
“What the hell just happened?” he said aloud, shaking his head.
He slid off the bed and stood up. Rubbing his shaved head, Jared looked out his bedroom window toward the pasture. It was already starting to get dark outside, the sun setting, casting deep oranges, yellows, and reds.
His stomach growled and Jared finally realized that he slept the day away. He felt dazed and confused as he left his bedroom and walked down the stairs. Jared headed toward the dining room and the various voices carrying on multiple conversations.
“Hey, Jared.” Easton smiled as he pulled out a chair and sat down. “Did you have a nice nap?”
“Are you hungry?” Jackson asked, placing a tray on the table.
Instead of answering the questions, Jared lifted the phone. “Who does this belong to?” he asked, his voice carrying over the others.
The conversations stopped and all eyes turned toward him. He curled his free hand into a fist, ready for one of the men to admit to setting him up. He was ready for a fight.
“It’s one of the ranch phones,” Wyatt said, before picking up a fork taking a bite of his food.
“Do you want me to make you a plate?” Easton asked.
The guy was always thinking about others. It was driving Jared crazy, especially since the trait reminded him of Gabe. The small talk started up again, everyone going back to their dinners.
“How did this phone get into my room?” Jared wanted to yell.
Couldn’t any of them see how upset he was? Did they even care that everything he ever wanted was crumbling all around him? He just endured the world’s worst one-sided conversation thanks to Jacob and now nobody seemed to give a shit. He wanted answers.
“It was me,” Easton admitted. “I put it in your room.”
Jared couldn’t have been more shocked. It was the one person in the house that he didn’t want to punch in the face. He already knew the guy didn’t do it maliciously.
“Why?” Jared dropped the offending phone to the ground and abandoned it on his way to the table. He sat down next to Easton. “I…” he shook his head. “What the fuck, dude?”
“I thought I was helping you.” Easton was so genuine that Jared just waved him off.
“It’s fine.” He didn’t want the man to feel guilty.
“Jacob looked so upset while we were all cleaning up the mess at Marilyn’s. I saw you with him last night. And then you shaved your head. I just—I thought that maybe you two needed to talk. I was trying to open the lines of communication, as my grandma used to say,” Easton tried to reason out.
“Open the lines of communication.” Groaning, Jared leaned forward and banged his head up and down against the hard wooden table a few times.
“I really am sorry,” Easton whispered.
Jared could hear the regret in the man’s voice. If it would’ve been anyone else, Jared would’ve already punched him.
“How do we close the lines of communication?” Jared asked. The phone call from Jacob hurt more than he cared to admit.
“That bad, huh?” Easton gripped his shoulder in a comforting gesture.
“Easton, if you were anyone else, I would’ve kicked your ass.”
He snorted, “I doubt it. You’re a skinny guy. I could totally take you down.”
The silence around the table was short lived with that comment. Laughter erupted around them and Jared couldn’t he
lp himself, he chuckled. The Oklahoma cowboy always seemed to surprise him. He was a soft-spoken, respectable guy who wasn’t afraid of a fight.
* * * *
Jacob stared blankly up at the ceiling, praying for sleep.
He’d been in the same position for hours, ever since hanging up on Jared. He felt like hell. Usually, Jacob prided himself on always saying the right thing, having the perfect come back, or giving the best advice. Not tonight. When he heard Jared’s voice and the start of the lamest, oldest excuse in the history of breaking up, the hurt he’d felt all day spewed forth.
He couldn’t remember all the details of the conversation, just bits and pieces. Instead of keeping his cool, he’d let emotions take over.
He couldn’t figure out why he even cared so much. Jared wanted a good fuck and Jacob had performed. No harm, no foul. Working in a bar proved that he was no stranger to casual sex. So then, why did he feel empty inside? Why did Jared’s words have any sort of effect on him?
Throwing the blankets off, Jacob went in search of a pair of clean clothes. He wouldn’t be able to sleep, not until he talked to Jared. He wanted to clear the air and apologize, especially since the two would be living in the same area and would probably run into each other at some point. Once he was wearing a pair of sweats and a T-shirt, he turned on his cell phone and hit redial. The phone didn’t ring, just kicked him to an automated voice mail box. Jacob hung up. He didn’t want to leave a message.
Looking through his contact list, Jacob found the one other person he could talk to.
The phone rang twice before his younger brother, Tyler, picked up. “Hey, man, are you behind the bar? Did you call to gloat about some hot piece of ass you’re taking home tonight?”
Jacob laughed so hard he thought he might cry. His brother could always change his mood with only a few words. “Nope, I’m not working tonight.”
“Is it a holiday that I’m unaware of? Or did you finally hire a couple of people to help you?” Tyler asked and Jacob let out a grunt as he sat down on the couch.
“You know me better than that, man. I can run the bar without much help.”