by Olivia Black
“So, what’s going on?” Tyler’s voice went from playful to serious.
“Why does there have to be something going on? Can’t I just call my brother for a chat?”
“Of course you can, but I know you. There is always more to our conversations than simple chitchat. Since it’s past my bedtime and a work day tomorrow, I thought I’d just hurry this along.” Tyler was the psychiatrist of the family.
Tyler worked at a small practice in Denver. Mostly, he worked with troubled youth in the area, helping them cope with past abuse issues and finding them places to live and work. He was a good man. Lucky for Jacob, if he ever needed advice or guidance he had Tyler to turn to. There weren’t any secrets between the two. Out of all their siblings, they were very similar in personality and close in age.
“I met someone last night.” Jacob took a deep breath and blew out hard before continuing. “I really thought that he might’ve been perfect for me. It’s hard trying to find a man when there are certain things I need for the relationship to be successful. It’s even harder in this dinky town.”
“Did you feel that it was necessary to tell him everything on the first night you met?”
“First off, you’re the one that’s always telling me to be upfront and honest. ‘Put all your cards out on the table, Jacob’…does that sound familiar? Besides, I didn’t announce what kind of relationship I wanted. He saw my tattoo and told me he wanted a daddy. We talked about it a little bit, had amazing sex, and in the morning he was gone.”
“I’m sorry, man. You wear your heart on your sleeve. It would be better to meet someone that was looking for the same type of relationship, but take things slow. Don’t give away your heart, make a man earn it.”
“Yeah, I know you’re right. I just…I’m getting older and I want to find someone that I can spend forever with,” he said, bearing his soul.
He’d been dreaming about finding the right man for so long that when he met Jared, Jacob wanted to jump in with both feet. Unfortunately, the young man didn’t feel the same, which left him feeling hurt. He needed to follow Tyler’s advice. Instead of getting overly excited about the prospect of finding someone, he needed to step back and move slow.
Why can’t the perfect man just show up at my door? He’ll call me Daddy. I’ll call him baby boy. And then, boom, relationship.
Jacob let out a grunt and shook his head.
“You’ll find him when the time is right. Listen, I have some vacation time saved up. How would you feel about me driving down for a week? I’ll work behind the bar with you and prove that with some extra help around Marilyn’s, you’d be a lot happier,” Tyler said, and Jacob grinned.
Tyler had been bugging him for years to get some help. After last night, he realized that he needed a break. It would be nice to have some family in town for a little while.
Initially, he’d moved to the area to get away from the city. He liked the peace and quiet, but now, things were a little too quiet. He saw the same people and worked constantly. He didn’t have a life. He merely existed.
“That would be great. It’s been a while since we’ve been able to hang out.”
“I agree. I’ll be there next week sometime. I need to make sure all my clients are settled and hand off a few files to my colleagues.”
“Are you sure you want to drive the six hours instead of fly? I can always pick you up in Telluride.”
“No, I like driving. Besides, it will give me time to clear my head before I see you.”
“Okay. Thanks, Tyler,” Jacob murmured.
He had started to feel a little lonely. At least now, he’d have his brother in town for a short visit.
“Don’t mention it. I need a break. I’ll see you soon.”
“Good night.”
“Night.”
Jared clicked the end button and stared at the phone. Taking a deep breath, he leaned his head back, feeling a little bit better.
It wasn’t meant to be.
Forcing himself to stand, Jacob dropped his cellphone on the counter and headed to bed.
Chapter 6
Two Days Later
Jared sat inside the airport terminal in Telluride, nervously bouncing his legs as he waited for Gabe’s plane to arrive. Staring at the automatic doors, he tried to calm the anxiety running rapidly through his body. His stomach was in knots, making it nearly impossible to eat or sleep. The nightmares returned with a vengeance and the one peaceful night cuddled in Jacob’s arms was a thing of the past. He couldn’t decide if he felt sick because of Gabe’s visit or the way things had ended with Jacob.
He didn’t blame the older man. How could he, when Jared did exactly what Jacob accused him of? Letting out a pain-filled groan, Jared leaned forward and covered his face with his hands. He couldn’t get the image of Jacob out of his head. He replayed the night they shared in his mind repeatedly. It felt like more of a dream than reality and he started to wonder if it was all a fantasy that he’d concocted inside his head.
I finally found a man that can give me what I’ve always dreamed of and it’s over before it even starts. Fuck!
“Jared?” Gabe’s voice pulled him from his thoughts and he looked up. “What happened to your beautiful hair?”
Jared shrugged, as he stood, rubbing a hand over his shaved skull. “I needed a change.”
“You haven’t cut your hair since I’ve known you.” Gabe reached out as if to touch Jared’s head, but pulled back. His gentle features were full of concern, his eyes soft with worry. “What’s going on with you?”
“Nothing.” He smiled. “I’m the exact same.”
“Bullshit,” he snapped, completely out of character. “You’re not the same. Something is going on with you.” Gabe dropped his bag on the ground before crossing his thin arms around across his chest. “I’m not stepping foot outside this terminal until you tell me what the hell is happening.”
Bending at the waist, Jared leaned down and picked up Gabe’s duffle bag. He swung it over his shoulder and stared at the only man he’d ever loved and trusted. “Let’s talk as I drive you to the ranch. I’m not going to have a private conversation here.”
Gabe exhaled loudly and reluctantly nodded. “Fine, lead the way.”
Jared held out his free arm, but Gabe refused to take it, which showed Jared how truly upset his friend was.
“I’m just parked outside,” Jared told him before walking toward one of the ranch trucks, waiting in the parking lot.
He didn’t bother looking over his shoulder. Jared knew without a doubt that Gabe was following his lead. He couldn’t believe that Gabe put him on the spot in the middle of the airport. It proved that Gabe wasn’t the lost, needy young man any longer. Normally, Gabe would’ve taken his word and dropped it. Today, it seemed his lifelong friend wasn’t going to allow Jared to shrug it off and pretend that everything was fine.
When he reached the truck, Jared opened the passenger side door for Gabe. He climbed in and grabbed his seat belt, clicking it into place before Jared shut the door. He tossed Gabe’s bag in the back of the truck as he walked around and opened the driver’s side door, making himself comfortable.
The inside of the cab was completely silent as he pulled out of the parking lot and headed back to the ranch. He honestly didn’t know where to begin. Gripping the steering wheel, Jared tried to collect his thoughts.
“Why did you cut your hair?” Gabe asked, jumping right in.
“When other people touched my hair, it reminded me of you. You always liked my long hair. I just—I was ready for something new.”
He snorted. “I guess that answers my next question.”
Jared was quiet as he waited for the next series of questions. He didn’t want to hurt Gabe, but the truth would be exposed sooner or later and he preferred that Gabe hear it from him.
“Are you…” Gabe cleared his throat. “Are you seeing someone right now?”
“No.” Jared shook his head. “I met someone, but…no.”
/>
“When did you stop loving me?” he whispered.
“I still love you, Gabe. When we were younger, we depended on each other, and I needed you so much. More than you probably ever needed me. I still need you, but in a different way now. I’ve changed. I don’t want to hurt you. I don’t want to lose my friend.” Jared took his right hand off the wheel and held it out for Gabe.
He glanced over and Gabe looked at him with sad puppy eyes. Moisture filled Gabe’s eyes, but eventually he nodded and held Jared’s hand.
“I’m so sorry, Gabe. I don’t want to hurt you.”
“I don’t want you to apologize. I want you happy, Jared.” Gabe tightened his told on Jared’s hand. “After everything, you deserve some happiness.”
“I’m happy,” Jared insisted.
“No, you aren’t,” he snorted. “You haven’t been happy for a long time.”
“That’s not true.”
“Yeah, it is. We live together, but we don’t share a room or a bed. I never said anything because it was obvious you needed space. Whenever I tried to have a serious conversation with you or tried to get close, you pushed me away. You force yourself to smile and you’ve become really good at pretending. The only time you seem content is when you’re playing your guitar, but the music has a sad tone.”
“Jesus,” Jared whispered. He didn’t realize that Gabe was so observant. It seemed that he wasn’t very good at hiding his true thoughts and feelings after all. “I don’t want everything to change. I was happy. I want that feeling, but there are other things I need.”
“I know that our relationship is going to change, it has changed over the years. We met when we were teenagers. I just want us to be able to still be close regardless of what happens. Is that possible?”
“Yeah, of course, you’ll always be an important part of my life.”
“Good,” Gabe said. Jared peeked over, catching a big smile on Gabe’s face. He was filled with a huge sense of relief. “Now that we’ve got that covered, tell me what you need.”
“What I need?”
“Don’t do that.” Gabe sighed. “Don’t pretend that you have no idea what I’m talking about. What happened with the guy you met?”
“I…” Jared shook his head.
He didn’t want to have this conversation with Gabe. Their relationship wasn’t on sturdy ground. Adding Jacob to the mix at this point didn’t seem like a very good idea, especially since Jacob was a thing of the past.
“I met someone, but it didn’t work out. That’s it.”
“I met someone,” Gabe volunteered.
“What? Really?” Jared couldn’t believe his ears. Gabe met someone? He was dating?
“Why is that so shocking?” Gabe asked, his tone slightly angry.
“It’s not. You’re a great guy. I guess…I didn’t realize that we really haven’t spoken in a while. I’ve been so stuck inside my own head that I didn’t even know what was happening in your life. I tried so hard not to hurt you, but I managed to do it anyway. I feel like such an ass.”
“We don’t talk, Jared. I stick to the daily routine you set up, in hopes that you’ll welcome me back into your life. I understand that things change.”
“I know shit changes.” Jared pulled his hand away from Gabe and gripped the steering wheel once more. “Every home was different. Every room wasn’t mine. You were the only constant in my world and now that’s different, too.”
“You’ve let me depend on you for so long, it’s time to start trusting me. That’s what real friends do, they talk and lean on each other. I want to be here for you. It’s time to start being honest and real.”
They sat in silence for a few minutes until finally, Gabe said, “Pull over.”
Jared followed his request, pulling the truck to the side of the road. Putting the gear into park, he stared out the windshield as his mind went crazy. There were too many thoughts, questions, and concerns for him to differentiate between them. The past, the present, and the future were a jumbled mess inside his head.
Where was he supposed to go from here? What the hell was he supposed to do? He didn’t know his purpose. Didn’t understand everything he needed.
“Jared.” He turned his head and looked at Gabe. “You need to let go of the past.” At his words, moisture filled Jared’s eyes, turning Gabe into a blurry mess.
“I don’t want to talk about it,” Jared whispered, shaking his head.
“We need to talk about it,” Gabe insisted.
“No,” he said firmly, wanting Gabe to just stop talking.
“You were just a kid…” he started, and something inside of Jared snapped.
“Shut the fuck up! I’m not talking about this, Gabe!” Jared shoved the driver’s side door open and climbed out.
He slammed the door behind him and started walking away from the truck. The last place they’d lived in together was hell. He’d managed to protect Gabe and sacrificed himself to the abuse. Luckily, he turned eighteen and got the fuck out of the system and far away from the people he despised. And he’d protected Gabe. He fulfilled his vow.
He didn’t want to go back there. He didn’t want to relive anything of the past. Why couldn’t Gabe just let it all go? He was trying so hard to forget, even with the damn nightmares.
“This always happens, Jared.” Gabe chased after him. “I keep trying to get close to you, but you won’t tell me the truth. I can’t continue down this path with you if you aren’t honest with me. Don’t you get it?” he asked, raising his voice, but Jared didn’t get it. He didn’t understand why they needed to talk about the past. “If you can’t face the past and move on, you can’t have a future, and I can’t either. At the last home, something happened with the assistant director. Tell me what happened.”
“Don’t tell me what to do, Gabe.” Jared turned then, facing the other man. “You don’t know anything.”
“You’ve always been the strong one. You saved me. You loved me. You’ve been the only person that’s ever loved me. I want to help you.”
“I don’t want your help! I want someone to take care of me for a change, to take the pain away. I want to be loved and protected this time.” He choked, wondering where those words were coming from. “I want all the memories burned from my brain.”
“You deserve that and more, but it won’t happen until you really let go of the past. Not talking about it isn’t helping. Don’t you see that? Locking yourself inside your bedroom with your guitar isn’t going to change anything. Running away to a ranch in Colorado isn’t going to change shit either.”
“Shut up, Gabe.” Jared growled.
“What happened that night? What happened to you? What did he do?”
“I said, shut up, Gabe!” Jared screamed as his eyes once more filled with moisture.
“You locked me inside the closet that night. I know something bad happened, but it never stopped you from protecting me. I love you. Please.” Gabe choked on emotion and Jared shook his head.
Turning on his heel, Jared kept walking.
He didn’t turn around to see if Gabe was following him, he just kept going down the two-lane highway.
Chapter 7
Gabe Austin watched Jared’s back as the man walked away. Inhaling deeply, he blew out his breath in defeat. He wanted to chase after him, but decided against it. Jared needed some space to come to terms with the past and maybe then, he’d finally feel comfortable enough to confide in him. Gabe hadn’t meant to bring up the past, that wasn’t his intention when coming to visit Jared and his new family.
Going back to the truck, Gabe leaned against the vehicle and looked around at the beautiful, green pastures that surrounded him. He could understand the draw of this place. It was quiet and peaceful. A breeze blew, ruffling his hair, and Gabe closed his eyes, lifting his face toward the sun.
After almost an hour of sitting by himself, Gabe started to worry about Jared. Was his friend coming back for him? Should he get in the driver’s seat and try to f
ind the Belt Buckle Ranch? Nibbling on his fingernail, Gabe moved from his position outside the vehicle and into the cab.
“What the hell was I thinking?” Gabe shook his head. “Why did I say anything? God, I should’ve kept my damn mouth shut. I’m a fuckin’ idiot.”
Gabe continued to curse and chastise himself until he heard a door slam. Turning around, he stared out the back window as a man climbed out the driver’s side door. He fixed a cowboy hat on top of his head and strode toward Gabe with confidence.
As he got closer, Gabe noticed how good looking he was—tall, muscular, fit, with salt-and-pepper-streaked hair, brown eyes, and an unshaven face.
He peered inside the truck and smiled, changing his features and making himself appear years younger. “Howdy, do you need some help?”
“Uh…yeah.” Gabe nodded. “Is there any way you can tell me how to get to the Belt Buckle ranch?”
“Yeah, that’s not a problem. My name is Trent Weston. I own the property next to the Belt Buckle.” Trent held out his hand and Gabe took it.
“I’m Gabe Austin.”
“Did you get lost or something?” he asked, looking around, but it was obvious it was just the two of them. Jared was already out of sight.
“Or something.” Gabe shrugged. He wasn’t going to volunteer any information to a stranger.
“Does the vehicle work?” Trent asked, with a raised brow.
“Yeah, it’s fine. I just got lost.”
“If you’ll follow me, I’ll lead you to the ranch.”
“Thank you, I really appreciate you stopping and helping me out.” And Gabe was grateful.
He wasn’t sure if or when Jared would return. He wasn’t angry with his friend. He was disappointed in himself for saying anything at all. If he would’ve continued to pretend, everything would’ve been fine and his visit could’ve been considered a success. As it was, Gabe wondered if he should head back to the airport. He didn’t want to hurt Jared, he wanted to help, but it was obvious he was way out of his league.