by Olivia Black
Throwing open the door, he spotted Tyler behind the bar.
“Beer?” He held up two bottles, a big smile on his face, and Jacob chuckled.
“It’s good to see you, man.” Jacob shut the door and strode toward the bar, pulling up a stool and sitting down.
“How does it feel to be on the other side of the bar?” Tyler asked, removing the caps and coming around.
He took a seat next to Jacob, handing off a tan bottle, and Jacob took a sip. Spinning the barstool around, he looked out at the empty bar.
“It feels good actually. Having the place closed hasn’t been all bad. I can’t remember the last time I actually had a little break.”
“Wow,” Tyler muttered, and Jacob looked over at him. “What happened to Mr. Workaholic?” When Jacob only raised a questioning brow, Tyler continued. “You refuse to hire help or close down for a night. Now, all of the sudden you’re happy about taking a break? What’s really going on?”
“Jared Carter.” Jacob couldn’t help but smile when he said the man’s name. “He’s a gorgeous young man that blew into my life and now, I don’t want him to leave. I thought it was over, but he showed up today and I’m glad that I didn’t have to worry about the bar. I was able to take care of him.”
“Is that the same guy we talked about the other night?” he asked.
“Yeah.” Jacob nodded and took another sip of his beer.
“What happened to him?” Tyler placed his bottle on the counter and looked intently at Jacob. He went into shrink mode and Jacob shook his head.
“It’s not my story to tell. I trust you, but I don’t want to share his secrets. He trusts me and I want to keep it that way.”
“You’re such a good guy.” He smiled. “Just promise me this guy isn’t messed up. I don’t want you getting hurt.”
“I appreciate your concern, but I’m a big boy.”
“I can’t help it. I worry.” He shrugged.
“I appreciate that. So, tell me what’s new in your life.” He changed the subject, putting the attention back onto Tyler.
“I’ve been working too much.” He sighed. Now that Jacob was focused on Tyler’s features, he noticed that his brother looked exhausted. “Working with troubled youth is starting to affect me emotionally. I used to be able to stay one hundred percent professional, but after hearing thousands of stories regarding abuse, I don’t think I can do it anymore. I don’t think I can walk away though, either, because there are too many people that need help. If I’m not there, who’s going to help them? But, damn, I’m tired.”
“You’re feeling burnt out,” Jacob stated, and Tyler nodded in agreement.
“I think it’s time for me to do something else. At least for a little while.” He looked around the bar, before saying, “I know I’m needed, but I just don’t have it in me anymore. What would you think about having a new partner?”
“You want to leave Denver and move here?” Jacob asked and Tyler nodded. “What about the practice?”
“I handed off all my cases and I told my colleagues that I’d be taking an extended leave. I need time to decompress. I need to rest and relax. I’ve been working nonstop since I earned my degree,” Tyler said, and Jacob could relate.
That was one of the reasons for moving to this small place outside of Telluride. He wanted to be away from the stress. He wanted to enjoy his life without all the drama that constantly surrounded him when he lived in the city. He was a cop for twelve years and then became a detective. Dealing with drama was an everyday occurrence. When he realized how truly stressed and exhausted he’d become, Jacob was smart and retired.
“My place only has one bed. You can use the pullout sofa, but I’m not sure how comfortable it will be.”
Tyler shrugged. “I can always look for a place if your apartment gets too crowded.”
“There isn’t much here unless you’re looking for property.” Jacob took another gulp of his beer.
“I don’t know what the future holds right now, but I do need a fresh start.” Tyler stood up and stretched out his back. “Do you mind if I head up and take a shower? I feel gross after the long drive.”
“No problem. Do you want some help carrying your things up?” Jacob grabbed both of their empty bottles and tossed them into the recycle bin behind the bar.
“Sure. I’d better do it now. Once I’m showered and sitting on the couch, I won’t want to get up.” He chuckled.
“While you’re showering, I’ll grill us up a couple of steaks.”
“That would be great. I’m starving.” Tyler rubbed his flat stomach and Jacob followed him out to his car.
It didn’t take the two of them long to empty Tyler’s car. His brother hadn’t packed up his entire life, only a few suitcases and a couple of boxes. Once they were settled upstairs inside his apartment, Jacob started making dinner while Tyler showered.
While he placed the steaks carefully on the grill, his mind wandered back to Jared and the hours they’d spent together. A lot had happened in such a short period of time. He now knew a lot of information about Jared’s past, including his first love and a childhood trauma. Just thinking about all the young man had endured left Jacob questioning his role in the guy’s life. It also had him questioning the daddy-boy relationship dynamic as well. The last thing he wanted to do was cause Jared any emotional distress.
Their one night together had been everything Jacob had ever desired. The connection, Jared’s sweet voice when he’d called him Daddy, and the way he was able to hold and care for the young man, fulfilled his needs. But would the relationship fulfill Jared’s needs? Or would the dynamic eventually break the boy due to his past?
Taking a deep breath, Jacob wondered if he should ask his brother for advice, since he wasn’t sure how to proceed. He’d never dealt with anything this serious with any of his past partners and he didn’t want to screw it up.
“It must be important,” Tyler murmured, pulling Jacob out of his thoughts.
“What?” He turned his head and watched as his brother took a seat at his small kitchen table.
“You’re thinking awful hard over there. It can’t be about the steak and veggies.”
“What do you say to people that have suffered from abuse? How do you deal with it?”
“It’s not that easy. I can’t give you one answer that will be a cure-all.” He shook his head. “People are different and they’re affected in different ways. Some are more resilient than others. I’ve seen a wide range of youths and adults, with the type and severity of abuse ranging from minimal to extreme. With therapy and support, a lot of people are able to move on and have successful lives, but some are so damaged emotionally that they relive the trauma every day.”
Jacob was silent as he listened to Tyler. He still didn’t know Jared that well and the more he learned, the more questions ran through his mind. Had Jared gone to counseling? Did anyone know what had happened to him? His first impression was that Jared had kept everything locked deep inside and only shared the past with him because he was desperate to talk to someone and trusted Jacob.
“Is this about your new friend?”
“Yeah,” he whispered.
He didn’t want to betray Jared, but he knew he wasn’t equipped to handle the young man’s past. He wasn’t going to abandon him or end things, so the only other option was to educate himself.
“You don’t need to tell me details. I will say that if he experienced abuse in his past, you need to tread carefully.” Jacob nodded as he transferred the food to two plates.
Carrying them over to the table, he set them down before taking a seat across from Tyler. He took a bite of his steak, but didn’t really taste it. His mind was too consumed with thoughts of Jared.
“Do you want me to talk to him?” Tyler asked, looking genuinely concerned.
“I don’t even know how to approach the subject without making it sound like there’s something wrong with him. What do I say, ‘this is my brother, Tyler, he’s a
therapist and I think he can help you’?”
“Do you think he needs therapy?”
“I honestly don’t know.” Jacob shrugged his shoulders.
“What are you afraid of?” Tyler prodded.
“I don’t want to do something that could bring back bad memories. I don’t want to do anything to hurt him in any way.”
“The daddy dynamic?” Tyler asked, raising a knowing brow.
“Yes, the daddy dynamic.” He nodded. “The night we were together, I didn’t know anything about his past, but Jared seemed really excited about the prospect of me being his daddy. Now that I know certain things, I’m a little worried.”
“Just take things slow and pay close attention to his body language. You’re a good man and you’ve always been very conscientious in past relationships. I have no doubt that Jared is in good hands. If he wants a daddy, be his daddy.” Tyler smiled. “Now I think I’ve said daddy enough for one night.”
Jacob chuckled as he took another bite of steak. He felt a lot more relaxed now that he could talk to Tyler openly without revealing too much information. His relationship with Jared was still in the beginning stages. He planned to pay close attention to the young man and if he needed counseling, Jacob would help in any way he could. After all, that’s what daddies did. They took care of their boys.
Chapter 10
Jared spent the rest of the evening giving Gabe a tour of the ranch and getting him settled into one of the guest rooms. They had dinner with the all the guys and so far, things seemed to be flowing smoothly. Nobody asked him any questions and he was grateful to not have to explain. Even Gabe let him off the hook. He didn’t mention Jacob or push to find out more about the older man.
Now, they were sitting on the porch swing, rocking it back and forth, watching the sun set.
“Do you care about him?” Gabe asked quietly, and a picture of Jacob popped up inside Jared’s head.
“Yeah,” he admitted.
“I’m glad you found someone. I’ve only ever wanted you to be happy.” Gabe reached across the short distance that separated them and put his hand on Jared’s shoulder, giving a little squeeze, and Jared looked over at him. “I really am glad that you aren’t out here alone. I was worried about you, but it seems like Jacob is willing to watch out for you when I’m not around.”
“How do you figure?” Jared asked.
“It was the way he looked at you.” Gabe grinned.
“We haven’t known each other that long.” He immediately rejected Gabe’s claim.
“It doesn’t need to take long. You went to him when you needed someone and he was there for you. I’m not sure if you opened up to him or not, but if you did, that means something.”
“I…” he started, but Gabe interrupted him.
“Please don’t deny that you have feelings for the man. I’m not upset. Like I said, I’m glad you have someone.” Gabe dropped his arm.
He started a slow rhythm, rocking them back and forth, as the night sky turned dark and the colors from the sun setting faded away. The screen door creaked open and Jared looked over as Easton peeked around the door.
“Hey, guys, do you want to make some s’mores? Wyatt is world-renowned.” He chuckled and Jared looked over at Gabe.
“Yeah.” He stood. “That sounds great. God, I haven’t had a s’more since…” He paused.
“Since the boy’s group camping trip when we were seventeen?” Jared supplied, standing and stretching out his legs.
“Oh yeah.” He chuckled lightly, as if remembering. “I hate camping.”
“Me too,” Jared easily agreed. “I’ve never been the outdoors type, which is one of the reasons I’m so useless when it comes to doing chores around this place.”
“Don’t worry. We’re using the fireplace. You two will be fine. There won’t be a sleeping bag, tent, or bug in sight,” Easton assured them.
“My hero,” Gabe teased, following Easton inside, and Jared couldn’t help but laugh.
It was nice to see Gabe so happy and relaxed. The man seemed to blend in easily and got along with the rest of the guys. It took a moment, but suddenly Jared stopped dead in his tracks as a thought occurred to him. Maybe Gabe wasn’t the problem in their friendship after all. He’d been irritated by Gabe, wanting to escape and leave Portland behind, thinking that Gabe couldn’t let go of the love they’d shared, when in reality, he’d been holding onto the past while Gabe had been trying to move forward.
Swallowing the lump in his throat, Jared knew that Gabe was right.
“Jared,” Gabe whispered. “Are you okay?”
“I didn’t want that bastard to touch you, Gabe. I knew it would change you, like it changed the other guys. Like it changed me,” he admitted.
“It’s okay.” Gabe wrapped his arms around Jared’s shoulders and pulled him in for a hug. “You didn’t do anything wrong.”
“I thought if I offered myself to him, that he’d back off. That he wouldn’t touch you, but I was wrong. When he was done with me, he wanted you, and I couldn’t allow that to happen. I promised you that I would take care of you.” Jared wanted to stop talking, but the words spilled out of him.
“You did, Jared.” He sniffled. “You took care of me.”
“I shot him, Gabe.” He hadn’t meant to confess, but it was too late now.
“I know,” he admitted, tightening his hold, and Jared stiffened in his arms.
“What do you mean, you know?” Jared kept his voice tightly controlled.
“Benny told me. That night…” He paused for a moment. “I snuck out of the closet when I heard the gunshot. Benny found me in the hallway. He told me to go back to the room.”
“Oh, my God.” Jared thought that he’d hidden everything so carefully.
He had no idea that Gabe knew everything.
He allowed that man touch and use him. All of it was to protect his innocent little Gabe. He’d been so ashamed, sick with self-hatred, which hadn’t completely gone away. That night, the night he’d helped to kill the assistant director, was a major turning point, not only in his life, but in his relationship with Gabe.
“You saved us. You saved the other boys that would’ve been sent to live there as well. Who knows how long the abuse would’ve gone on?”
“I’m tired,” he mumbled, extracting himself from Gabe’s arms. “You go ahead and join the others for s’mores. I’m going to head to my room.”
It looked as though Gabe wanted to say more, but instead of speaking, he gave a reluctant nod and went into the house. The screen door shut and Jared waited for a few minutes before walking inside the house. He jogged up the stairs to his bedroom and went through his normal routine, getting ready for bed.
His body was exhausted, but his head was a mess.
Jared tried to sleep, but he couldn’t. His mind was a whirlwind of memories. He was thinking of the past—the other guys from the boy’s home—and about the present. Jacob. He’d been lying in bed for hours, staring at the ceiling until everyone went to bed.
Groaning, Jared rolled out of bed and shuffled to the bathroom. He’d been able to sleep so easily when he was wrapped in Jacob’s arms. Now, it seemed he couldn’t sleep worth a damn. He didn’t understand how it was even possible. He’d been able to sleep alone every other night of his life, so what was different? It made no sense. Leaning against the counter, Jared turned on the faucet and splashed cold water on his face. He looked up and stared at his reflection and the water dripped down.
Why can’t I fall asleep without you, Jacob? Why do I want you so badly? How can I trust you and not even know you?
Making his way back into the bedroom, Jared got dressed. He grabbed the key to Jacob’s house off the side table and shoved it into his pocket. Before leaving, he grabbed Jacob’s leather jacket off the hanger inside the closet and put it on. The scent of the leather and Jacob’s cologne made him shiver with excitement.
* * * *
Jared held the key to Jacob’s place i
n his fist.
Looking up at the dark windows, he knew that Jacob was probably fast asleep. He stood there in the dark for a few minutes, weighing his options. He transferred his weight from one foot to the other. He wasn’t sure how long he stood there, staring at the brick building. When the door opened suddenly, he stepped back in surprise.
“Hi, can I help you?” A man he didn’t know or recognize stepped out wearing a pair of sweat pants and a T-shirt.
Jared stared at him for a moment, unsure of what to say. Who was this guy? Was he sleeping with Jacob? “Uh, no…” He finally shook his head. “I-I was just looking.”
Turning on his heel, Jared started walking toward the truck. A sharp pain in his chest caught him off guard and he almost stumbled. Was this what heartbreak felt like? Because he was almost positive his heart was breaking in two.
“Are you looking for my brother, Jacob?” he asked, and Jared stopped. “You’re Jared, right?”
“Yeah.” He turned around.
“I’m Tyler Monroe. I was just sitting in the bar since my brother’s pullout couch is very uncomfortable.” He held the door open and tilted his head. “Come on in. I was just having a beer.”
“That’s okay. I didn’t realize how late it was. I’m just gonna head back to the ranch.”
“You came here for a reason, don’t run away now. Come inside,” Tyler insisted, and Jared relented, stepping past him and into the bar.
He stood just inside the door, watching as Tyler shut it and clicked the lock into place. He felt incredibly uncomfortable standing here with Jacob’s brother. Why didn’t he stay at the ranch? Why did he feel the need to see Jacob so much?
“Take a seat and relax.” Tyler walked passed him. “Would you like a drink?” he asked, stepping behind the bar, and Jared shook his head.
“What are your intentions toward my brother?” Tyler set a beer on the counter, staring intently at Jared.
Swallowing hard, Jared realized this wasn’t going to be an easy conversation. He inhaled sharply and walked to the where Tyler was. Jared pulled out a barstool and sat down.