Follow the Ashes: Book 1 of the Executioner Trilogy

by Kindra Sowder

  I walked to one of the trellises and touched one of the delicate flowers. The drops of dew came off cool and slick on my fingers. It felt almost like silk. I was in perfect happiness at that moment, and everything felt right. Everything was falling into place like it should, and I just hoped to God it would stay that way.

  The fog started to clear and patches of yellow poppies started bursting from the ground all around me. It was like they had been waiting for the right time to make themselves known. I turned away from the trellis when the sun came into view and the clouds parted, revealing its wonderfully brilliant light and warmth that reminded me of Gordon. The sky was a cornflower blue and so beautiful I wanted to cry from pure joy.

  The sun’s rays warmed my skin and the soft glow that it usually had was amplified to an almost bronze radiance. It looked like I was emitting a light all my own. I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply, and let out a sigh of contentment. I wasn’t going to give up on this happiness. I had no limits, and I could use it to defeat whatever came my way—even Lilith.

  This was what perfect harmony felt like, wasn’t it? It had to be. I had never felt anything like it before so this had to be it. I knew this was only a dream, but I hoped to awaken with this same feeling and prayed it would never leave me in the cold and unforgiving darkness of what my life was becoming. The sunlight on my face was enough to make a silent tear escape and a smile to cross my face. I had never felt so elated before. Almost nothing was better than this.

  No matter how many horrible things came into my life I knew I treasured it for these moments. Moments like this were what life was supposed to be about. As people we have a tendency to focus on the negative and let it overwhelm the positive. This moment wasn’t real, but it felt real enough to me. I was so happy to be enveloped in it even if it was just a facade.

  No matter what I would encounter once I awoke, this would forever stick out in my mind as a moment of pure happiness. If I could find a few more moments like this when I woke up then I’d be the happiest person on the face of the planet. If I woke up and Gordon was still there lying beside me that would be all I needed. Nothing else would matter nearly as much, as long as he was always there with me.

  That happiness when you wake up to find the love of your life still there beside you was the next most perfect thing I could ever experience besides this. It would be a moment away from all the blood, sweat, and tears. I needed it to turn into one filled with happiness, love, and sunshine.

  As the sun beat down on me with its perfect rays, I woke up to my dark bedroom. Gordon’s arm was draped over me, and his breathing sounded like the softest sigh. Gordon was my light, but he was so much more than a flicker. He was as brilliant and warm as the sun. He was going to guide me through the deepest blackness that could ever exist until we would emerge from it to meet a world where darkness was a distant memory.

  As if he could sense I was staring at him in his deep slumber, his eyes slowly opened. It seemed like they almost couldn’t adjust to the dark that threatened to overtake us. But then he focused and lazily beamed at me. I knew he had my heart forever, no matter who else came into my life trying to change that.

  I smiled back at him and took his hand in my own, locking them together like a vise so that no one could tear us apart. Not even Lilith’s darkness could take him away from me. This was perfect happiness, and there was nothing more seamless than this. The darkness that was surrounding us was nothing compared to this. This was the light that was going to lead us out. Our love was the North Star, and all we had to do was follow it to our salvation, to a life of peace. There was nothing out there that could rival this. No blackness deep enough to swallow us.

  “What?” he whispered as he smiled at me. I could feel the happiness pouring out of him like flood gates had been opened. There was definitely no way to close them now. I felt like I had a Cheshire cat grin on my face that I needed to wipe clean before he thought I was crazy.

  All I could do was shake my head. There was absolutely nothing wrong. Not even with Lilith breathing down my back, threatening to take my life and everything in it. I was sure he could see the longing in my eyes and feel it emanating from me as he held onto my hand like nothing else existed. “Nothing,” I said.

  He clearly didn’t believe me, but there wasn’t anything truly wrong that could ruin the moment. I could tell by the look in his eyes. Absolutely nothing was wrong. This was my happiness, and nothing could spoil it. First, the most perfect dream that I could’ve ever had, followed by an awakening of pure unadulterated bliss that no one could take from me.

  I moved in closer to him and just snuggled there, hugged up against his chest. His warmth took away anything that chilled me. At the time it wasn’t anything I couldn’t handle. I had almost completely forgotten about Lilith and her band of worshipers, but nothing could erase her from my thoughts completely. All they did was push all thoughts of her to the back of my mind. For a few picture-perfect moments I could just lie there and forget everything. Everything, that is, but the light in his eyes when he looked at me. He was my treasure, my pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, and it was time I let him know that.

  As I looked at him his eyes sparkled. They had caught the little bit of light that filtered into the bedroom from the moon flowing in from between closed curtains. Pure happiness radiated from those eyes and I could feel it flowing from his hand and into mine. It was filling me up to the brim and threatening to flow over the edge. I knew I was worried about what he was to begin with, but that worry had been completely wiped away by the love he showed me. The first kiss we had shared set my body on fire. It made me wonder what the second would be like.

  I leaned into him and he closed the distance between us. When our lips met it was like fireworks had gone off. The same electricity that was there the first time had returned for a second round. Gordon leaned towards me and kissed softly along my scar across my right collarbone. My body responded so strongly I couldn’t help but give into the most primal of urges. My arms wrapped around him of their own volition and I knew this was the night we were going to make love to each other for the first time. I couldn’t have been happier.

  Chapter 13: Jasmine Filled

  Happiness

  When I woke up I had to quickly close my eyes as light filtered in from outside almost blinding me. Why oh why had he opened the curtains? He had opened the curtains before I woke up like he knew that the warmth and light was what I craved. It may have been, but it sure killed my eyes. As I slowly opened them back up the light became more bearable.

  Gordon wasn’t in bed, but I could hear whistling coming from downstairs. The salty smell of bacon wafting up the stairs and through the cracks of my bedroom door was welcoming. He really did know how to make his way into my heart. One of the easiest ways was to cook some bacon. There was no way I could explain my happiness at that moment. It was a mixture of bliss and giddiness that he was still there even after the fact. It was just like I had hoped. Most men like to leave before you even wake up, so you don’t ask them where they’re going and why they’re leaving in such a hurry, all while they’re trying to pull on pants as they are running out the door. Thankfully, Gordon was still here.

  I could not only hear his cheerful whistling, but I could also sense that familiar buzz of his energy and delight coming from the kitchen downstairs. Those wonderful smells continued to waft through the house. As I turned over on the bed to the side he had slept on all night, I could still smell his scent all over the sheets and pillow. It was like he had never gotten up. I burrowed my face into the pillow and inhaled as deeply as my lungs would allow. It was a mixture of musk and old spice. As it filled my lungs I couldn’t help but grin and let out a small laugh. Oh, how life was so good to me even when so many things were falling down around me.

  His scent was still all over every inch of my skin. As much as I would have loved to leave it there, the smell of my own sweat was too much for me. It didn’t have a bad odor. That wasn’t the
problem. There was just too much of it. My hair was drenched in its residual oils, and I could feel fine salt crystals all over my skin from where it had evaporated on my skin overnight. Thanks to the light filtering through those salt crystals, I looked like I was covered in a fine glitter. I pushed the covers off of myself and stood up on incredibly shaky legs. At least this time it wasn’t because of debilitating visions of one death after another. Wrapping up in my bathrobe was also a chore. My arms didn’t want to cooperate much and the knot I tied was flimsy. That really didn’t matter much seeing as I wasn’t going far.

  I made the quick journey from my bedroom to the bathroom situated between my room and Beth’s. I was so quiet you’d swear I wasn’t even there, if you hadn’t seen me. Hopefully we hadn’t kept her up, if she went to sleep at all. With how obsessive she was about a lot of things I worried about whether she actually slept or not.

  She was absolutely obsessed with this Lilith stuff now, and wanted to know everything she could about the creature. Well, more like the mother of all evil creatures I had encountered and had yet to encounter, however many that would be. There were countless creatures in the world, some that I had encountered and some I hadn’t. Who knew which I would have the displeasure of meeting next if I made it past all of this.

  The salty and smoky smell of the bacon Gordon was busy cooking filled my nostrils and was making my mouth start to water. I also noted the faint smell of pancakes mingling with the bacon. The sweet bready smell of it was making my mouth water even more. Oh, how I loved that smell. When I was a child, my mother would indulge in bacon and pancakes every Sunday morning. It was our tradition I guess you could call it. There was almost nothing better than that smell, and I had come to love it.

  I even wished they made a candle for that particular scent, so I could buy them out of business. I could clearly picture my mother cooking her heart away at the stove, encased in the kitchen island. She was one of those people that could flip pancakes in the air. She would also make a show out of it whenever I would come downstairs just to see me happy and to make me laugh. My father was the silent spectator, always judging and criticizing us. He never really joined in the fun. He would just sit back and drink his coffee with eyes that could almost make you stop laughing.

  I was okay with this arrangement. It was fun and sometimes she would even make the pancakes into shapes like Mickey Mouse. She would even make some that you wouldn’t think people could make with pancake batter, but she was just that talented. She would also have fresh jasmine in a vase every Sunday. The jasmine seemed to brighten up the room with its delicious aroma as it mingled with the bacon and pancakes. While this made her and myself happy, my father would always have that scowl painted across his face.

  I was in charge of making fresh-squeezed orange juice. I was also hoping to see it downstairs. That would almost complete the traditional Sunday morning. If only my mother could be here. I sighed in sadness and jumped into the shower, the warm spray flowing over me like a million tiny waterfalls and flowing in rivers down my skin.

  My mother had a real fondness for jasmine that had also become my own. I believed it was largely because of her. The smell was enough to send me back to the old days where we would sit outside in the chair swing. She would read to me under the jasmine. Treasure Island. Huckleberry Finn. Any classics you could think of, we enjoyed together surrounded by jasmine.

  I even had a trellis of my own outside filled to the brim with the tiny white flowers. I had a plaque put right next to it as a tribute to my mother. If she could see it herself, she would have loved it. I could even imagine her leaning in to smell the delicate white flowers with a smile that radiated through her entire expression. I could only imagine the grace she would have had as she did so. I could truly see her in my mind like this. Happy and brimming with such a light like she had before she fell ill. Even then you could still see remnants of how she was before cancer tore her down and turned her into a shell of a person.

  I let the water run down my back. It quickly soothed the muscles underneath. I was sore, but I didn’t care. The reason I was a little sore was one I was okay with. The tiny rivulets of water coming from the shower head were like liquid gold to me at this moment. As I let them run over my face, soaking my hair, I couldn’t help but breathe a sigh of relief. I took a small palm full of shampoo and rubbed it through my hair, taking the extra time to make sure I soaked every strand in the stuff. As I rinsed, I watched the steam collect on the bathroom mirror through the glass doors of the shower. There was a note on it from Gordon. That was just too cute. I decided I was going to inspect his little note after I was out of the shower, though.

  I loaded my body with my jasmine scented body wash and rinsed quickly, making sure not to miss any suds. It was the great thing about such a delicate wash. It left no residue. The cool air hit my skin as I exited the shower as cautiously as possible so I didn’t slip. This sent goose bumps across it that just as quickly disappeared as my skin warmed in the steam surrounding me. It was like they had never been there. I sucked in a deep breath, and I was able to smell the gentle scent of my jasmine body wash in the air. It had seemed to penetrate the steam. The smell always reminded me of my mother, no matter how much I tried to keep memories from flooding back. Any of my visions of a happy family always seemed to end with the one of my mother being zipped into a body bag and wheeled out the front door.

  I shook the image from my mind and wrapped myself back up in the safe confines of my robe. I stepped closer to the bathroom mirror to read the message that had been left on its slick surface. It read, “You are my light in the darkness.”

  I was so happy to see he had been thinking the exact same thing I had thought about him. That filled me with such joy I could barely contain myself. Now, all I wanted at that moment was to get downstairs to see the man who had made me so happy. He was able to take every pain from my body and every ghastly image from my mind with a single look. He would banish the image of my beloved mother being taken away in such an upsetting manner from my mind.

  I tried to head down the hallway and stairs as quietly as possible, but I knew he was already aware I was awake and moving around. When I finally made it to the kitchen the sight of him made my breath come out in a silent rush.

  He was standing at the stove that was conveniently placed in the kitchen island just like in my childhood home. I could see him perfectly from my place in the doorway. He was wearing a white tank that showed off the muscles of his arms. I could see the muscles in his chest perfectly through the cotton of it. His dark hair was a tussled mess, but still looked amazing on him. When I had originally met him his hair was much the same way, but seemed to have been stylized more than it was at that moment.

  I think I preferred the messy look to be completely honest. To me, he looked like perfection. He flipped a pancake in the air and caught it right in the center of the frying pan just like mom used to do it. I couldn’t help but smile at him. It was like he knew I loved watching this even though he had no idea I was standing there just yet. I couldn’t help but watch and think of how amazing he truly was and how lucky I was to have him in my life.

  The image of him like this almost made me forget about Lilith’s looming threat. I could nearly feel her breathing down the nape of my neck. At the same time, I had a feeling of absolute happiness overwhelming me while I was around Gordon. His presence soothed any anxiety I was feeling.

  I was trying to decide if this was a good thing or not when he looked up at me. His smile lit up his face like a million tiny Christmas lights. All I knew to do was to return the expression. The beauty in my life was slowly being replaced with terror and blood. My light was being replaced by shadows and blood-soaked sheets. I would beat Lilith at her own game, and I would dodge every curve ball she threw in my direction. I would do it until I had bested her.

  This woman was very quickly becoming a swiftly spreading wildfire in my world of joy. She was burning down everything I held dear till there
would be nothing left. If it weren’t for Gordon I would have become a completely negative and cold person. I would be full of depression and rage and I didn’t want to become someone like that. My father was like that, and I always strived to be nothing like him. Wasn’t that just how it happened, when you tried so hard not to become someone you hated? You always turned into them no matter how hard you tried. His eyes were cold, and he never seemed to show any type of emotion besides annoyance. No happiness and no joy, and I wasn’t going to let Lilith turn me into someone like him.

  That was the exact moment where I needed to put on a fake smile for him and keep it up for a little while until we found out something new. I wanted to be one hundred percent sure she was really a threat to be taken seriously. I walked over to the kitchen island, and watched him as he poured some pancake batter into the pan. The pancake was a perfect circle. I had always had a hard time making a perfectly circular pancake no matter how hard I tried, and no matter how long my mother tried to teach me.

  He looked up at me with those haunting eyes and pointed. “You need coffee.” He was in a good mood and I didn’t want to spoil it, so I agreed without hesitation. It wasn’t a complete façade, though. I was happy he was there, and I definitely did need coffee. Its bitter warmth would soothe any anxieties I was currently feeling. He poured me a cup, and then turned to flip the pancake before it burned. He didn’t flip it in the air this time. To my surprise the sugar and my Irish Cream coffee creamer were already in front of me as soon as I looked up from the mug. I hadn’t even noticed that he had opened the fridge or the cupboard to get them. Was he good, or what?

  I put in a splash of the coffee creamer and two teaspoons of sugar. I stirred them in until I could no longer feel the sugar on the bottom of the porcelain and then took a greedy sip. I let it warm me from the inside and let out a content sigh. I saw him smile in my peripheral vision as he poured more batter into the pan. I could feel its warmth working its way through my muscles, draining away the tension, and then down into my bones. Sitting down on the bar stool nearest to me, I took another sip. The slightly sweet taste of the Irish Cream made my taste buds sing with delight. It was one of my favorite flavors, but the love of that flavor was being replaced with the immense love for something more. That something was standing two feet away from me, making pancakes.