by Jillian Dodd
“I’m glad you like it. I was hoping you’d come to the party.”
“Oh, I would, but I don’t have a costume, so …” I lie. That’s not why I’m not going.
He goes back outside, comes in, and says, “Thing is, I need a cowgirl.” He holds up a very skimpy-looking black fringe and hot-pink costume. “Come on. It will be fun. I know you like candy.” He starts to hand me the costume but then pulls it back. “I don’t want you to feel obligated. It’s just … I saw you in the window.”
“When I saw you down there a few minutes ago, you weren’t in a costume.”
“I haven’t dressed up for Halloween in years even though it was always my favorite holiday as a kid. For the most part, Lori found it tacky. If we did get invited to a more formal party, she would rent us elaborate costumes that usually smelled like mothballs.” He takes me in his arms. “There’s no one I’d rather dress up with than you.”
“And where did you get these costumes on such short notice?”
“Jadyn bought them last year. Phillip wouldn’t wear his because the pants were way too short. They were nonrefundable, so Jadyn kept them. It’s kind of funny because, as soon as I saw the costume, I thought it looked like something I would wear, not Phillip.”
“And, now, you are,” I say compassionately. I grab the bag from his hand. “Stay here. I’ll go put this on.”
When I come back out, his mouth literally drops open. “You look … incredible. Damn.”
“You don’t think it’s a little too risqué for a backyard party?” I ask, looking down at the black lace one-piece topped with a black fringe skirt. A hot-pink suede belt wrapped low on my hips and a matching vest are the only things keeping it from being completely indecent.
“I think it’s perfect for any party,” he says, his eyes still blazing trails up and down my body.
“What about the boots?”
“I think the black suede thigh-highs are hot. Now that I’ve seen you in them, you can’t wear anything else. This rhinestone cowboy is going to have rocks in his pants all night,” he jokes.
“How about this?” I ask, putting on the pink suede cowboy hat.
“Gotta wear the hat,” he says, pulling me back into his arms.
“We should take a picture!” I hold my phone out in front of us. When I snap it, he kisses the side of my face, giving me a goofy grin. “Ohmigawd, Danny, we’re so cute!”
But it’s so much more than that. They say a picture speaks a thousand words, and this one is saying that we both look incredibly happy.
“Come on, little doggie,” he says, giving my butt a playful slap. “Let’s get down there.”
We have a ball at the party. There’s music playing, face-painting, silly games, and lots of food and drink. Danny even clears out the bounce house, so the two of us can bounce around together. He told me that my skirt would be indecent while bouncing but that he didn’t mind.
Just when I start thinking about the fun we could have tonight, he says, “I’m glad we dressed up, Jennifer. Thanks for coming to the party with me.”
“Uh, are you leaving?”
“Yeah, I have to get to the hotel. The team stays together the night before each game.”
“But I thought your game was here.”
“We do it for both home and away games. It keeps players from partying the night before. We eat together and have team meetings to discuss the game plan. We even have a mandatory curfew.”
“Oh,” I say, feeling disappointed.
“Um, so I guess this is good-bye,” he says, taking my hand and bringing it to his lips. “It was really nice seeing you, Jennifer. Have a great flight tomorrow.”
And then he’s gone without so much as a kiss.
October 30th
Jennifer
I’m awoken by the sound of knocking. I toss the fluffy comforter back and say, “Yes?” as I pull on a robe.
“It’s Chase. Mom said to tell you there are warm cinnamon rolls on the counter, and if you want one, you should come get them. ’Cause my mom makes them from scratch. And they are really good. Okay, uh, bye. It was nice to meet you.”
I hear footsteps across the wood floor, the door slamming shut, and then car doors and the garage door opening and closing.
Now that I’m awake, I notice the enticing smell of cinnamon. I go into the bathroom, run a brush through my hair before pulling it back in a ponytail, and decide to brush my teeth after I eat. I look at the clothes Jadyn bought me, all lined up in the closet, suddenly feeling like doing something I haven’t in a long time—running. I work out with my trainer, have to in order to keep my figure camera ready, but at some point, I stopped running.
I thought it was because I had grown out of the need. Running was always my escape when I was young. When I started acting, it became my escape from the pressure—something I did just for me. When Troy suggested we share a trainer, even though Troy didn’t work out often, I stopped running in favor of that.
I put on workout pants and a matching jacket and tie up the running shoes.
However, I think I need to stop in the kitchen first.
When I swing the door to the office open, I notice a plain white envelope on the floor. I open it and pull out a ticket to tonight’s game, a sideline pass, and a little note that says, In case you decide to stay. There’s a heart and Danny’s signature.
I clutch the ticket to my chest, emotions flooding me. I feel bad for making him think I was leaving. I thought if he thought I was leaving it might spur him on.
But Danny hasn’t been behaving like most guys would in this situation. He hasn’t been throwing himself at me. If anything, I feel like I’ve been the one pursuing him.
I make my way to the kitchen. Find a note from Jadyn, saying she has appointments most of the day but that it was really nice to see me. There’s a phone number for a car service I can use to get to the airport.
I let out a whoosh of air, feeling like the wind got knocked out of me. She didn’t say good-bye.
But then again, she opened her home when I needed it, and I didn’t have the decency to tell her I was leaving. I’m a shitty friend.
I cover up the rolls, deciding to have one when I get back, do a few stretches, and then take off for my run. I have no idea where I’m going or if I’ll ever be able to find my way back, but it feels good to be out here. My feet hit the pavement with a rhythmic sound, my breathing increases as my heart rate rises, and my mind clears.
I follow the road to a park that leads down to the lake. I head toward it and soon find myself sitting on a dock, cross-legged, looking out at the water.
It’s a gorgeous late fall day. The air is a little crisp, but the sun is warm. A light breeze from the north causes gentle ripples to roll across the lake. I close my eyes and try to focus on my breathing.
When I open my eyes a short time later, I know what I need to do.
“You’re still here,” Dani says, coming through the Mackenzies’ front door after school to find me camped out in my spot in the study. “Chase and Damon not home yet?”
“No, just me.” I point down at the dog, who’s been by my side all day, like she knew I needed the support. “And Angel.”
“Angel seems to really like you,” Dani says, causing the dog to furiously wag her tail.
“She’s a good dog.”
“She’s a freak of nature,” Dani says. “Most Labs don’t live to be so old. Jadyn says it’s because of all the love she gets here. She loves Chase the most though. Slept under his crib when he was a baby.”
“I love her,” I say, leaning down and letting the dog kiss my face. It’s funny how good a dog can make you feel. Like you’re not alone in the world. Like someone loves you. Besides having kids, a dog was always on my list of things I wanted in life. Maybe, someday, I’ll buy a house with a big yard for a dog just like Angel. “I even love her name.”
“Do you know how she got her name?” Dani asks.
“Because she’s such a
good dog?”
“No, when Jadyn was a senior in high school, her parents died in a car accident. A divorce is bad enough; I can’t even imagine what it would be like to lose your parents so young. Her dad always called Jadyn his angel.”
I let out a totally inappropriate snicker.
“I know, right?” she says. “If you’ve ever heard the stories about her and my dad when they were younger, I’m pretty sure she had her dad fooled. When Jadyn and Phillip were engaged and bought this house, my grandpa bought her Angel. The story goes that, on what was her dad’s birthday, Grandpa went to a place where he and Jadyn’s dad used to shoot skeet. They had a litter of puppies, and when the owner told them one was named Angel, he felt like it was a sign and brought her home.”
“I’m surprised he didn’t get your dad one, too.”
“Are you kidding? I remember when I was little, begging for a puppy. Even looked up breeds that don’t shed. My mother said something like, ‘Over my dead body.’ Although, from what I’ve heard, Angel wasn’t an angel when she was young.”
“Well, she’s grown into the sweetest dog ever,” I say as the dog kisses my hand. “So, how was school today?”
“Interesting. The entire varsity cheer team got called into the coach’s office. And then we were interviewed one-on-one, which was a little nerve-racking, but I did exactly what you said to do. I told Coach that it wasn’t the captain’s fault, who really invited the guys, that the guys were already drunk when they got there, that they brought all the alcohol, how she tried to get them to leave, and how it got out of control.”
“You told the truth,” I state.
“Yep. And it felt good. She shouldn’t have to get in trouble because of the other girls. Plus, the coach must have told her because, after school, she gave me a hug.”
“And what about Dalton?”
“His hand is in a cast. You know what that means, right?”
“That he can’t play?” I offer.
“That Chase, who’s not even in high school yet, is now the second-string quarterback for the high school team. A guy in my class told me that the coach wants to make Chase practice with them. Although, I don’t think he or my brother will like that.”
“Damon was trying to talk the high school coach into letting him on the team, too.”
“That sounds like him,” she says with a laugh.
“You didn’t tell me how your night was on Saturday. Did you and Chase have fun?”
She lets out a content little sigh and clasps her hands together. “Did you see how he decorated everything? It was beautiful. And our dinner—did you know about it? I can’t believe I’ve known him my whole life, and I never knew about their family tradition. Now, I want a bucket of chicken and champagne every time we celebrate.”
“Did you dance?”
“Yeah. Mostly, we talked. We talk about everything.”
“That’s sweet.”
“It is. He’s my best friend, but the guys at school are …”
“Older?” I reply.
“And they drive.”
“How does Chase feel about you dating someone else?”
She sighs. “He says any guy I date had better treat me right. He thinks he has a say in that, but he doesn’t. I can date anyone I want.”
“I hope you’d only want to date guys who treat you right.”
“That’s the goal,” she says. “And there’s this guy I kinda have a crush on. He’s older, he drives a motorcycle, and he’s so sexy. His name is Matt. He asked for my number today at lunch and has been texting me all day.”
“Isn’t that the guy who was all over you at the eighth grade football game?”
“Yeah.” She beams. “I guess he likes me.”
“But Jadyn said he’s not a good guy.”
“Auntie Jay doesn’t know him like I do,” she replies as Chase and Damon barrel through the front door, followed by Haley. “And you’d better not tell anyone. Besides, it’s not like I can do anything. I’m grounded for life. I don’t even get to go to Dad’s game tonight.”
“You’re still here,” Chase says to me in greeting.
“Yeah, I decided it might be fun to go to the game tonight. Danny left me a ticket.”
“Sweet.” He glances at my clothes and sees that I’m still in my running gear. “Um, you might want to change. If you need a team shirt to wear, I can get you one of my mom’s. She’s going to be home at five thirty, and we’re supposed to be ready to leave as soon as she gets here. We’ll eat dinner at the stadium.”
Angel ditches me for Chase, and the kids all declare that they have to get downstairs and get their homework done.
I figure I’d better do as Chase said and get ready. I run up to my room, stopping briefly to smell the gorgeous roses before I hop in the shower.
Soon, I’m standing in front of the closet, trying to decide on what to wear. I think back to what I wore to the Nebraska game years ago and compare that to what Danny’s wife was wearing to a middle school football game—which crosses such a wide spectrum, it’s no help. So, I do what any normal person would do. I ask Google what pro football players’ wives wear to games. I find a photo of a famous model who is married to a quarterback and peruse some of her photos, and I decide that Lori was a tad overdressed. I look in the closet again, grabbing a pair of black jeans, tall black boots, and a red plaid shirt, and I throw them on.
When I look in the mirror, I feel a little like a lumberjack.
I’m considering changing when my phone rings. I cringe when I see Jason’s name.
“Hey,” I say.
“Look, Jennifer,” he says, “I’m just going to lay it on the line. I don’t know where you are hiding out, but I need you to come back. You’ve got to help me talk Troy into going to rehab.”
“He hasn’t gone yet?”
“No. He says, without you in his life, why bother? That his life is shit. I got a call from the hotel bar the two of you used to frequent.”
“Why did they call you?”
“Because he was wrecked, and they wanted someone to come get him.”
“Celebrities get drunk there all the time.”
“Yeah, not like this. He was drunk. High. Saying he wanted his life to end. They probably didn’t want to risk a lawsuit. I’ve canceled his next few gigs, but we’re getting into the busy season here. He’s got a huge New Year’s Eve party in Vegas. It’s been sold out for months. I need him dried out—at least for that. If you can get him to commit to sixty days in rehab, then I can pull him out and take him to Vegas myself.”
“Jason, you just need to tell him all that. I can’t do it. Not again.”
“I can make excuses to get him out of his other contracts, but if I cancel on Vegas for New Year’s Eve, he won’t work there again. They were getting ready to offer him residency at one of the big clubs. He’d do two weekends there a month. It’s what you’ve been wanting—for him not to travel so much. It means, you could finally settle down. Have some kids.”
“Maybe you didn’t understand when I told you before, but I’ll say it again. I’m done, Jason. I’m absolutely not getting back together with him. I can’t. And if you think I’m going to have kids with him, you’re as crazy as he is.”
“Fine. You live your life however you want. But please, lie to him. Tell him whatever you have to. Just get him to rehab. You were together for years and supposedly loved him. Don’t you owe him this?”
“All you saw were the two big crashes that made the tabloids and forced him to go to rehab. But don’t think that was the extent of it. It was a constant battle just to keep him relatively sober. A battle that I didn’t often win. I wouldn’t have put up with it if I hadn’t loved him.”
“Prove it,” he challenges.
I don’t reply because I can’t. I know, if I open my mouth, I’ll agree. Not out of love for Troy, but guilt.
“Where are you anyway?” he asks.
“I’m not telling you that. But I’ll think abo
ut it.”
“Don’t think about it too long, or he might end up dead. Yes, I’m worried about the contracts, but mostly, I’m worried about him. This is bad. Really, really bad. And I’ve known him for longer than you have.”
“Bye, Jason.”
I hang up the phone and find it hard to breathe, feeling like I just got the wind knocked out of me.
I once thought I was having a heart attack. I had just come home after hours of being with Troy at the hospital. Of taking care of him and telling him it would all be okay. That’d we’d get through it. But as soon as I got home, I felt like I was going to die.
My friend called a doctor, who came to have a look at me, checked my heart, and told me it was stress. My friend told me that it was my body’s way of telling me that I was making the wrong decision regarding Troy. That I knew deep down I should leave him. That our relationship wasn’t a good one. She even told me, if I chose him again, we wouldn’t be friends anymore. That she couldn’t deal with the drama I was bringing on myself.
I feel like it’s happening again. That I can’t breathe.
I take deep breaths, trying to calm myself. Tell myself it will be okay.
My phone buzzes with a text.
Jason: Please just think about it.
I grab my handbag and run downstairs, putting the text and Troy out of my mind as I decide to take Chase up on the offer to borrow something of his mom’s.
When I get to the laundry room and am about ready to enter the kitchen, I find Jadyn and Phillip standing at the island, having what appears to be an intense discussion.
“Don’t take no for an answer,” Jadyn says to him.
“You don’t think I’m being unreasonable?” Phillip asks, looking stressed.
Jadyn reaches out and touches his face. “It’s your company, Phillip. That’s why you didn’t take any of the other jobs you have been offered over the years. You want to be your own boss.”