Sean

by Giulia Lagomarsino

  I smiled at his frankness. I wasn’t used to people being quite so crass around me, but since I met his friends, I just learned to roll with the punches.

  “I don’t want to start over. I want to learn from our mistakes and move forward.”

  “As long as you realize there will probably be many more mistakes for me to learn from.”

  He pulled me forward, sealing his lips over mine in an earth shattering kiss. There was no gentle anymore. He had shown me that he would respect my wishes, but now he was showing me that he desired me. We made out on the couch the rest of the night. My lips were swollen by the time he left and my heart was in danger of being completely stolen by this man.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

  Sean

  “SIR, I’M NOT sure I follow. What exactly do you want me to do?” The woman behind the counter at the spa looked at me in confusion.

  “I want you to pretend that my girlfriend won a free spa day. It’s for her birthday.”

  “We don’t just hand out free spa days for someone’s birthday. That’s not the way this works.”

  I sighed in frustration. “I’m not asking you to give her a free spa day. I only want you to pretend you are. I’ll buy a gift card and then you can pretend she won.”

  “I’m confused. Why don’t you just give it to her as a birthday present?”

  “Because her birthday was last week. It’ll make her feel like she’s won something wonderful. It’s exciting when that kind of stuff happens.”

  “Won’t you just look like an ass for forgetting her birthday?” she questioned.

  “We weren’t together last week.” She pursed her lips at me. “We had a fight and broke up. Now we’re back together and I want to make her feel extra special. So, I would like to buy a gift card from you for her spa day. Then, I’d like to send her something in the mail that specifies a day that she can come in for a free spa day because she’s won a free spa day. Meanwhile, I’ll be getting a big party together for her for when her spa day is done.”

  “That seems awfully complicated.”

  “Can you just do it for me?”

  “Let me talk to my manager about this.”

  I growled in frustration. How difficult could this be? I wanted to surprise her and make her feel extra special for the day. The manager walked out a few minutes later and I explained what I wanted again. She smiled and started clicking on the keys.

  “Okay, what day would you like to have her here?”

  “How about next Saturday?”

  “Of course. What package would you like?”

  “Give me the ultimate package. I want her to be pampered the whole day.”

  “Alright. I’ll just need a credit card and we’ll finish getting everything set up.”

  “Perfect. Can I also have you write up a letter for her stating that she won a free spa day and the details of it?”

  “Sure, I’ll even mail it for you. This is so romantic. I would love it if someone went to all this trouble to make me feel special for one day.”

  I turned and glared at the other woman that had tried and failed to help me. She looked a little ashamed, but said nothing. When I finished, I headed back home to finish up my plans for the rest of her party.

  ✯✯✯✯✯

  I was close to being cleared to get back to work, but I still had a few therapy appointments to go to and I had to pass the field test. My final doctor’s appointment was in a week, so hopefully I could be back to work within two weeks.

  I spent every minute of the last week with Lillian. We spent as much time as we could going on walks and exploring nearby parks. I could tell that I was still dragging a little, so I pushed her to go on longer hikes every day. She thought I was pushing it too hard, but if I didn’t, there was no way I’d be ready for the physical and field test.

  It was five days until her party and she hadn’t said anything yet about going to the spa. I was getting a little worried that the lady had forgotten to send the card. I was on my way over to her house, so I’d have to do some snooping when I got there.

  Originally, the plan had been to have the party at my place, but I changed my mind when she told me she had been wanting to paint her living room and kitchen. Her going to the spa would be the perfect way to get her out of the house. I called all our friends and roped them into coming over to help paint while she was at the spa. With all of us working, it would be done in no time. It took a lot of persuading, but I finally got her to pick out paint colors, and I would pick them up later this week.

  When she opened the door, a bright smile filled her face. She pulled me inside, practically bouncing off the walls. “Guess what I got in the mail today?”

  “I don’t know. What?” Thank God I didn’t have to snoop.

  “I got a free spa day. Apparently I won some contest, but I don’t remember entering.”

  Shit. I hadn’t thought out how she won the contest. “Huh. Well, when’s the spa day?”

  “It’s this Saturday. Good thing I don’t have anything going, right? I mean, what kind of business gives you something for free, but then demands you use it on a certain day?”

  She shook her head, but her smile remained. Inside I was grumbling that she was complaining over something that I put so much thought into, but then I had to kick myself because she didn’t know I had done it. I was such an idiot. I should have just given her the gift card.

  “Anyway, it’s really exciting. I’ve never been to a spa before, so this’ll be fun!”

  I sighed in relief that she was excited about my present. Now I just hoped that everything else went off without a hitch.

  ✯✯✯✯✯

  I walked into the chief’s office at the end of the week, hoping he would shed some light on the case. He had been unwilling to talk to me up to this point because he knew I would want to get involved. I was through with that shit, though. I needed answers. I had given my account of what happened, but when I asked what happened afterward, all that was said was that Officer Stevens was in the hospital with some facial injuries, but he would recover. Nothing had been said about Carlos Ramirez or the other officer that had been at the scene.

  I knocked and waited for the chief to let me in, but I already knew he was available. I had made sure before I came down.

  “Chief.”

  “Donnelly. It’s good to see you doing better. Sit down.”

  I took a seat across from him and watched as he watched me shrewdly, looking for any sign of continued injury.

  “How are the ribs?”

  “Good. My last doctors appointment is tomorrow. I should get the all clear. I’ve been feeling pretty good.”

  “Still taking pain pills?”

  “Not since my third week home. I hated the way they made me feel.”

  He nodded. “Well, that’s good. As soon as you get the all clear, you can take the field test again. I guess we’ll see you back in here next week. That’s if you’re cleared with the psychologist, of course.”

  “Of course.”

  He went to stand but I stopped him. “Chief. I need answers.” He sighed and sat back down. “What’s going on with Ramirez?”

  “We put out a statement that he was killed, then we had him transferred to a different hospital. He was in pretty bad shape. Just got released a few weeks ago. He’s in protective custody now.”

  “What’s the plan for him?”

  “We still need him. We think he could still be useful to us. I think we could use him against Sawyer and Calloway.”

  “To set a trap.”

  The chief nodded. “What about the assailants? Are they all dead?”

  “You killed one. The other officer on scene killed the other. The third got away and Ramirez couldn’t identify him.”

  My thoughts immediately went to Lillian and a conversation we had had when we first met. Would she think of me as a killer now? Would she think I was going to hell because I had killed a man? My second kill. Most officers didn’t hav
e a need to pull their weapons in a small town like this. I had already discharged mine several times.

  “Donnelly.”

  I hadn’t heard the chief talking until he practically shouted at me. “Yeah, sorry. Lost in thought.”

  He eyed me warily. “I’ll set up that appointment with the psychologist for you. I’ll call you with the details.”

  He turned to his phone, dismissing me in the process. I left his office questioning for the first time if what I had done was wrong. I knew that it was what I had to do because it saved my life and the lives of others. More than that, it was my job. Still, Lillian’s voice was in my head and I had to know what she thought.

  I headed over to her house, not wanting to wait another minute before I talked to her. When I pulled up, she was just leaving her house.

  “Sean. What are you doing here?”

  “I need to talk to you. Can we go inside?”

  “Sure. Is everything okay?”

  “Yeah,” I said distractedly as we walked inside. I began pacing her living room, trying to find the right words. I wasn’t sure what I needed to hear from her and that was part of the problem.

  “Sean, whatever it is, you can talk to me.”

  I stopped and turned to her. “I killed a man. The night that I was attacked, I killed a man.”

  “Okay,” she said hesitantly.

  “And you don’t believe in killing others, even if the kill is righteous. This is the second man I’ve killed in the line of duty. There could be more before I retire, and I never really worried about it all that much. The first man deserved everything he got. The night I was attacked, I was defending myself and others. In my mind, there was absolutely nothing wrong with what I did.”

  She didn’t say anything, but continued to stare at me curiously. I watched her, wanting to ask her, but not sure I would like the answer. Her beliefs were strong and so different from mine.

  “What do you need to ask me, Sean?”

  “You believe that killing is a sin and that you’ll go to hell for those sins.”

  “If you don’t repent.”

  “The whole point of asking for forgiveness is to atone for sins that you’ve committed and pray for the strength to not repeat those sins.”

  She nodded again.

  “But I can’t do that. I can’t ask for forgiveness for something I may very well go out and do again the next day.”

  “I understand what you’re saying. What I don’t understand is what you’re asking me.”

  I took a deep breath and ran my hand over my mouth. “I need to know if you think what I’ve done is wrong. What I may do in the future. I need to know if you stand by me and the decisions I make. Because I can’t be out there doing my job and then questioning whether or not I’ll lose you if I have to make a tough decision. It’ll fuck with my head and likely get me killed. I need to know that you’re behind me one hundred percent.”

  She stood and walked over to me, placing a hand on my chest. “What you do out there is dangerous, and I know that you have to make tough decisions. I know that you’re not a murderer and it’s not easy for you to take a life, but you do it without thought when necessary because you are a protector. My beliefs should never enter your thoughts when you’re out there-”

  “But they will,” I interrupted.

  “I don’t want you to think about anything other than doing what is necessary to come home to me. I don’t believe that you’ll go to hell for killing someone that is trying to kill you. What I meant before was that I didn’t think I would be able to because of what it would do to my soul. I think it would eat at me and I’m not sure asking for forgiveness would ever make me feel clean again.”

  “I don’t want you to ever look at me like I’m a monster. I don’t think I could handle that.”

  “Sean, I think you made peace with your decisions a long time ago. Don’t let my beliefs influence what you believe is true. I will stand by you and support you whatever your decisions because I know you’re a good man.”

  I took her in my arms and crushed her to me. I needed to hear that more than anything else. As long as I had her by my side, I could do anything.

  ✯✯✯✯✯

  It was the day of Lillian’s party and I had gone to her house early with a bag of groceries. When she answered the door, she looked confused, but I told her I was planning a nice meal for when she got back. She was so thrilled that she didn’t even question me further. After she left, I hauled in the rest of the groceries and the painting supplies, then called the guys over.

  When Harper showed up, I gave Jack a stern look. “Why did you bring her? You know this doesn’t bode well for us.”

  “Relax. We’re painting. The girls can do the trim work.”

  “The girls? What the hell? I said for the guys to come.” I gripped my head and looked at the ceiling, praying that I could find a way out of this. “Shit. This is going to be so bad.”

  “Hey. Calm down. It’ll all be okay.”

  Two hours later, we were almost done with the living room. Cece, Sarah, and Maggie were taping the kitchen while Anna, Harper, and Alex worked on the trim in the living room. There were way too many of us trying to work around each other.

  “Harper, how many times do I have to tell you to be careful? You keep dripping all over the place,” Jack scolded.

  “So what? That’s what the plastic is for.”

  “I’m stepping in paint. Just be more careful,” he said in irritation.

  “Luke, what are you doing? You’re getting paint on the top of the trim,” Anna asked with her hands on her hips.

  “You can’t see it anyway. What does it matter?” Luke said.

  “I’ll know it’s there and when Lillian goes to hang the curtains, she’ll see it. It’ll drive her nuts!” Anna responded.

  “She’s not gonna care. She’ll be so grateful it’s painted that she’ll overlook it.”

  Anna glared at Luke with wide eyes. “Really? Have you ever met Lillian? Everything has a proper place with her and she’s not going to like it. No woman would like it. She’ll always know it’s there and every time she looks at that window, she’s going to notice that there’s something not quite right about it.”

  “Fine, woman. I’ll fix it.”

  I’d had enough of the constant bickering and needed to get out of there.

  “I’m gonna go clean up these brushes so we can start on the kitchen.”

  I walked outside and over to the side of the house to the spigot. This wasn’t what I had planned when I asked for help. There were too many of us and the women were all arguing with us over every single detail. There’s nothing a man could ever do that would be right in a woman’s eyes.

  When I finished washing out the brushes, I walked back inside and grabbed the next color of paint. After I popped the lid, I brought it over to a clean pan.

  “Wait! Don’t step there!” Harper shouted.

  I looked down to see a giant puddle of paint that my foot was hovering above. I took a step back, sighing in relief that I hadn’t just stepped in that.

  “Sorry. I was going to clean it up. I just got preoccupied.”

  I took a step to the right just as Drew backed up from where he was working. I took a step back to avoid colliding with him and stepped right in the puddle of paint. I tried to catch myself, but I was sliding backwards too quickly and couldn’t hold myself up. The paint can flew up and out of my hands.

  Paint fell over me as the can catapulted through the air. I watched in slow motion as it headed toward Lillian’s couch.

  “Oh, shit!” I shouted, just as the paint can landed on the middle cushion. Paint flew out of the can and splashed the back and seat cushions. I fell to my ass, splashing in the paint and no doubt ruining my clothes.

  I glanced up and saw Harper and Anna covering their mouths in horror. The guys looked like they were trying to keep from laughing.

  I sneered at Jack. “Trouble. I told you this was trouble.”<
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  I got up and glanced back at my ass that was now covered in yellow paint. My hands and most of my face also had paint on them, and now Lillian’s couch too.

  Taking a deep breath, I glared at Harper. “You’re done for the day. No more touching paint. No more taping. In fact, I don’t even want you in the house. You and I are going to the furniture store because now I have to buy her a new couch before she gets home in four hours.”

  “Um..you have to change first. You have paint all over you.”

  “Really? I hadn’t noticed.”

  I thought Harper was going to cry for a second, but then she burst into a fit of giggles. Soon, every woman in the house was laughing at me covered in paint. I shook my head and went out to my truck where I always kept spare clothes. After showering, Harper and I headed for the furniture store.

  After paying extra for delivery in two hours and carry away, Lillian had a new living room set, complete with a sofa, two armchairs, two side tables, and a coffee table. The delivery truck had just left and I still had to finish clean up in the kitchen and start the grill for the food. We hadn’t decorated a thing.

  “She’ll be happy with the place being painted and new furniture. You don’t have to decorate the place, too,” Logan said.

  “I wanted this to be perfect. This day is going to crap.”

  “It’ll be fine. We’ll finish cleaning up. Why don’t you go get the grill started and the girls can start making the girly food.”

  I nodded and got to work getting the grill out and the outdoor furniture set out. Since it was still the beginning of summer, Lillian hadn’t gotten any of her summer stuff out yet. I got it all wiped down and ready for her party. When I went back inside, the girls had hung my decorations I had bought and the place looked fantastic.

  “Hurry! She’s home early,” Sarah said as she ran into the kitchen. We all hustled into the opening to the kitchen so she would see us as soon as she opened the door. I heard her walk up to the door and prayed that this was a good surprise and she wouldn’t be pissed about the furniture.