String Theory

by Ashlyn Kane

  Jax squeezed his fingers. “Let’s not get ahead of ourselves.” But his voice was warm and wry.

  Another car pulled up at the curb, and Ari checked his phone—this one was theirs. He tugged Jax along with him into the night and bundled him into the car. “Come back to the hotel with me?”

  “Hmm,” Jax said as though he were considering. “I should probably go to the lab. I want to double-check some calculations—”

  Ari put a finger to his lips. He wouldn’t kiss Jax in someone else’s car—that was too much when he didn’t know the driver personally—but he met Jax’s eyes as seriously as he could.

  “—which I can absolutely do in the morning. Yes, good point,” Jax finished against Ari’s fingertip.

  He didn’t let go of Ari’s other hand until they were in the hotel room.

  NOW THAT Rebecca had wrangled together his defense committee once more, with a substitute advisor in the place of her late husband, Jax really did have work to do in the lab. A day after his dinner out with Ari’s professors, he got an official defense date: February 23. And suddenly he remembered why he hadn’t dated much when he was doing his PhD.

  Most of Jax’s work was in the program itself, which allowed the input of growth factors and various conditions like temperature and humidity. He’d even built in a widget that could take raw data and spit out functions that defined the variables in terms of each other so the user wouldn’t have to guesstimate. Unfortunately he couldn’t prove that it worked well without spending hours in the laboratory, carefully calibrating bacterial cultures under strict controls with the help of two other researchers, who were both thankfully studying biology and better at this type of lab work than Jax.

  When he wasn’t at the lab, tweaking code, or revising sections of his thesis, he was eating or passed out in bed under every blanket in his apartment because it was frigid and Ari wasn’t around to keep him warm. On Jax’s good days, he remembered to call. On the bad days, it was nine thirty before he remembered to check his text messages.

  And it was a hell of a lot easier to concentrate now that he had medication.

  “What are you listening to, anyway?” Bokyung asked one afternoon—evening?—when she breezed into the lab to find Jax up to his eyeballs in growth medium.

  “Boyfriend’s last album,” Jax answered as he cast around for the damn pipette. Where—there it was. “New one’s not out yet, but there’s too many songs with lyrics anyway. Distracting.”

  Bokyung was quiet for a moment and then asked, “Your boyfriend’s a classical musician?”

  Jax finished what he was doing, put the petri dish in the incubator, set it at precisely 30 degrees Centigrade, and noted the time in his log. “Uh, sort of?”

  She shrugged. “Cool. I like it.”

  It turned out she must mean it, because the next time Jax entered the lab, he found her listening to the same album, bobbing her head gently to the rise and fall of Ari’s violin. He snapped a picture—without any personal identifying information—and sent it to Ari with the caption the lab is now an Ari Darvish zone.

  An hour and a half later he remembered to check for a reply. Ari had written Careful, or Noella will try to add you to my “hype team.”

  Please. As if Jax were not Ari’s number-one hype man.

  The weeks passed in a blur, until one day Jax looked up at a knock at the door of the computer lab to find a walking bouquet of roses. “Delivery for Jax Hall?” the roses said.

  “Uh?” Jax answered. They had to be from Ari, right? But why?

  The roses shifted to one side, revealing arms. The arms set them down on a table near the door, thankfully far away from any equipment. Then the feet stepped back and a full person emerged from behind the flowers. “Sorry, pal, but we don’t deliver after five, and we had special instructions. You got a way to get these home?”

  “I think I’ll get an Uber,” Jax said faintly.

  “Good call. Happy Valentine’s Day, buddy.” And the guy saluted and left.

  Oh. Well. That explained the roses. They sat like a beacon at the door, drawing Jax’s eye, and his lab partners’ as well. They kept smirking and shaking their heads.

  Jax gave up working an hour later. He booked an Uber and carried his ridiculous bouquet out of the building. At least the sheer number of petals hid his burning face.

  At home, he searched the flowers for a card. It was small and said only, Since we cannot be together today, this will have to do. —A.

  Jax dialed up his boyfriend.

  “So a plant walked into my lab today,” Jax said in greeting.

  “Did one?”

  “Yes, a rather large red one. It wanted me to know my boyfriend is a sap of epic proportions.”

  “Maybe, maybe not. It could just be that you inspire romance in others.”

  Grinning ear to ear, Jax said, “Now that is ridiculous.”

  “Only with you,” Ari murmured.

  “Happy Valentine’s Day,” Jax said back. They sat in warm silence. Jax only wished that Ari were with him so he could lean into his space and get all the comfort he needed.

  “Tell me about your day,” Ari said, and Jax curled himself under a blanket and started to talk.

  Unfortunately, Jax’s days were mostly the same. At least after talking about how boring but productive the lab was, Jax was able to offer, “I heard from Afra today.”

  “Oh?”

  “Yeah, she wanted to send me the most recent tour schedule. She mentioned something about the fostering stuff being stressful, though.”

  Ari hummed. “Yes. They have had a relatively smooth experience with getting themselves onto fostering lists. Things are happening much more quickly than Afra anticipated, I think. She’s trying not to panic.”

  “Oh, yikes.”

  “It would seem there is a need for foster parents.”

  “There usually is,” Jax murmured.

  Ari blew out a breath. “They could end up with a child before the end of the year. I have attempted to ask her what her plan is for touring, but she is being… reticent.”

  “Maybe she and Ben need to talk more about how they want things to work?” Jax suggested. His heart thundered and he hoped he didn’t sound guilty. “Anyway, it’s not like she’s gonna leave you in the lurch. She’s your sister.”

  “I am aware. Only… I find touring very stressful, and knowing she has my back….”

  “Hey, Ari. Everything will work out just fine. You know it will.”

  “Well—” Ari cleared his throat. “—if you say so, it must be true.”

  “Of course. I’m right about everything.”

  “That has generally been the truth of my experience.”

  And what could Jax say to that? “Long-distance is terrible, because that deserved a kiss.” Ari hummed, and Jax got a great idea. “Hey, Ari? What are you wearing?”

  Ari choked and sputtered, but he did eventually answer the question, so Jax counted Valentine’s Day a success.

  The next week passed in a blur of research and writing, and then it was the twenty-third and Jax brought his findings before a committee.

  Jax walked into the room, and an hour later he stumbled out again. Rebecca stood waiting in the hallway. She’d told him he could have a cup of tea with her while he waited for their decision.

  “How are you feeling?” she asked.

  He shrugged helplessly. “I… have no idea.” He rubbed his head. He was pretty sure that he answered questions of some sort? “I said stuff?”

  Rebecca slung an arm around his shoulders. “Well, I’m glad to hear that you said stuff.” She guided him down the hallway and into her office. Jax let her lead; his brain was not up to tasks more complex than basic locomotion.

  Which he proved when the office door opened and Jax made an extremely obvious observation out loud. “Christine? Ari?”

  His mother glided across the room, her long coat-like sweater ballooned out behind her like wings, and enveloped him in her arms. “
I wanted to be here to support you on your big day, but I didn’t want to distract you beforehand.”

  Still kind of numb, Jax clutched her tightly. “Thanks.”

  When she released him, Jax turned to Ari, and some of the numbness faded. Jax flung himself into his arms.

  “Oof,” Ari grunted but held him close.

  “Shut up,” Jax murmured. “I thought we agreed to meet at my place tomorrow? Did I hallucinate that?” He was sure Ari had insisted on coming to town for his defense, but Jax had insisted even louder that there was nothing Ari could do and Jax didn’t have the time or energy to see him until it was over. Besides, he didn’t want anyone to see him while he was a nervous wreck, awaiting a decision that would let him know whether four years of schooling had been for nothing.

  He’d obviously been wrong about that, because he couldn’t seem to make his arms let Ari go, and now he was trembling a little. Good thing Ari had ignored his directions.

  Ari had the grace to look somewhat chagrined. “I couldn’t not have a celebratory dinner with you tonight.”

  “I found him loitering in front of the building,” Rebecca said.

  Jax found the strength to pull back somewhat from Ari’s arms and arch his eyebrows. “Hooligan.”

  Ari flushed.

  “He was trying to appear inconspicuous, but it’s hard to hide when you’re that gorgeous.” Rebecca smirked, and Jax laughed a little too loudly. He felt like he’d taken one too many pills this morning—his heart racing too fast, everything a little too sharp, too bright, too much.

  Well, people got punch-drunk when they were stressed out and sleep-deprived. And Jax didn’t know anyone with a PhD who’d made it there without a crippling caffeine addiction. But he tried to act normal, for Ari’s sake, and he reached up to stroke his cheek. “Aw, did you get spotted by an adoring fan?”

  Ari turned his head to kiss Jax’s palm, which had the effect of bringing Jax’s anxiety down at least three points. “Hardly.”

  “More like some lustful undergrads were trying to figure out if he was famous. Luckily for him, we’re old friends.” She winked. Rebecca had been instantly enamored of Ari when Jax brought him over for dinner.

  For the first time since he’d begun his defense, Jax felt like he could breathe. Fake it till you make it. “What about Christine? She loitering too?”

  Christine settled in a chair and put up her feet. “Please. As if I couldn’t use a directory to find Rebecca’s office.”

  Christine hadn’t exactly gotten on with the Graylings before, but academia was a small world, and Christine and Rebecca had known of and been acquainted with each other for longer than Jax had been a postgrad. They were both scary-smart women who respected the hell out of each other and loved Jax—

  Rebecca’s desk phone chirped.

  And there was the anxiety rushing back. Jax felt the blood flow out of his face, and he might have actually staggered if Ari hadn’t been there to steady his elbow.

  “I think that means they’ve made their decision,” Rebecca said. “Time to go back, Jax.”

  Okay, but what if he just stayed in this office forever? It held a few of his favorite people. They could get pizzas delivered!

  But Ari was already leading him to the door, because once again Jax’s navigation function had crapped out and left him with ambulation only. Figured.

  “Hey, Jax,” Bokyung said when they reached the corridor. She’d replaced a researcher on his advisory committee who had moved on while Jax was away. “We’re ready for you. Come on in.”

  Ari paused at the door. “Do you want us to come in?”

  Jax thought about it. No matter what, he wouldn’t be alone—not really. But part of him felt like he had to stand on his own two feet for this, see it through to whatever end, just to prove to himself that he could. “No,” he said firmly, dredging up a smile. “Thank you, though.”

  On legs that felt like they might melt into the floor, Jax walked into the room and faced his committee.

  Marie Greenwood, his advisor, looked up from her place in the middle and smiled. Relief flooded through him so fast it almost swept him away. “Congratulations, Dr. Hall.”

  Rebecca insisted on taking them all out for dinner to celebrate. Ari glanced dubiously at what Jax knew were deep and unattractive circles under his eyes, and suggested that it be an early one.

  It turned out she’d made a reservation at a little place down the street from Ari’s hotel, where Jax celebrated by allowing himself to drink two and a half cocktails, since he’d woken up at five and decided he might as well take his pill.

  He couldn’t have said what he ate or even what he drank or given any details of the conversation. But he came back to himself when the door to Ari’s hotel room opened and he nudged Jax into it, and Jax saw the enormous bed.

  “Ari,” Jax said.

  “Hmm?” Ari asked, pressing his lips to the side of Jax’s head, just over his ear.

  “I really wanna have sex with you.”

  Jax would’ve sworn he could feel Ari smiling against his scalp. “I’m not into somnophilia,” he said wryly.

  “Yes!” Jax said. “That’s the problem!” He turned around so he could face Ari and pressed his hands to his chest as he pushed him toward the bed. “You have coffee, right?”

  “Coffee you’re not supposed to drink on your medication,” Ari reminded him.

  Yeah, that rule had been bent to the breaking point in the past five weeks. “But—” Jax began.

  “No buts,” Ari interrupted.

  Jax’s lips twitched.

  “Yes, very funny. None of that type of butt either. At least not until you’ve gotten some sleep.” Jax wanted to pout, but it was difficult when Ari was gently kissing his lips, carefully removing his clothing, turning down the covers. “Go wash your face and brush your teeth, and if you can keep your eyes open for that, we’ll talk.”

  Jax marched into the bathroom with renewed determination but unfortunately fell asleep standing up with the hotel toothbrush in his mouth. He stumbled back into the bedroom, all but collapsed onto the mattress, and sighed as Ari tucked him in. “Okay,” he said, admitting defeat, “but after this, sex.”

  “I promise,” Ari said solemnly, and Jax let the darkness take him.

  KNOWING HOW exhausted Jax was and how hard he’d been working, Ari expected him to sleep for at least twelve hours.

  He should have known better than to underestimate Jax’s sex drive.

  Perhaps three hours after they’d gone to bed, Ari woke to find Jax had gotten up to use the washroom. He glanced at the clock and saw that it was just after midnight. Jax would probably go right back to sleep—

  “Oh good, you’re awake,” Jax said, and he swayed right back into bed and entwined his body with Ari’s.

  From the slight incoordination of his movements and the heat coming off his body, Ari deduced he was probably still a little drunk. That didn’t dampen his arousal any; it had been weeks since they’d been together like this, and he’d missed….

  Jax lifted his head and brushed his nose against Ari’s.

  He’d missed this.

  Ari kissed him, and Jax groaned into it He lifted his hand to Ari’s shoulder, then his chest, his waist, his ass. His cock was hard against the meat of Ari’s hip, and Jax rubbed against him.

  They needed to be naked. Ari bit at Jax’s lower lip and tore his hands from Jax’s hair to paw at his boxers. “Take these off,” he ordered, voice rough but quiet. “Come on.”

  “You too.” Jax batted Ari’s hands away to take care of his own clothing.

  Once they’d shimmied out of their boxers, they came back together and pressed their naked bodies head to toe.

  Jax fumbled to settle himself on top of Ari and lifted his face for a kiss as he began to grind his hips. The drunken coordination might have been amusing if Ari hadn’t been Jax-deprived for a month. But then Jax found his rhythm, braced his hands and knees on the mattress, and rubbed his cock
into the hollow of Ari’s hip. Since that also had Ari’s dick rubbing against Jax’s hip and belly, Ari could hardly complain.

  He grabbed Jax’s ass and held on.

  Jax pressed his face into Ari’s neck, rubbed his nose and lips against the tender skin where it connected to his shoulder, and moaned into the hot, humid space. Ari tangled his fingers in Jax’s hair and breathed him in while Jax thrust his hips and let out happy, desperate noises as he moved. He was, Ari realized, almost unaware of Ari or what he was doing—Jax was chasing his orgasm, sleepy and horny, and anything else, including Ari’s own orgasm, was incidental. Which was hot as fuck.

  Usually Ari would have flipped Jax over and either taken over the thrusting or swallowed his cock. But watching Jax single-mindedly get himself off was a new kind of pleasure Ari hadn’t known he wanted.

  He pressed a free hand under Jax’s chin and lifted him up for a kiss. Ari needed that mouth right now, so he pressed his tongue inside and swept it against Jax’s to discover all his secrets, devour him, communicate to Jax just how much he was wanted.

  “Ari!”

  Jax came shuddering, gasping into Ari’s mouth, and Ari ran his hands over Jax’s body to ease him through it. Jax slumped and pressed his mouth to Ari’s neck again. He hummed softly, content, sleepy. And fuck no, Jax was not going to sleep just yet, not after that show.

  Ari flipped them and settled over Jax’s body. He reached for Jax’s hand, and a fraction more awareness settled into Jax’s eyes as Ari guided his hand through the mess of come and down over his cock.

  “Oh fuck.”

  Jax was perhaps too tired to do the work himself, but that was okay. Ari wrapped his fingers over Jax’s and used his hand the way Jax had used his body, until Jax murmured, “Yeah, come on. Come on me, Ari.”

  What else could a man do? Ari redoubled his efforts until he came all over Jax’s belly and cock, worsening the mess between them. He swooped in for another long, filthy kiss as he came down from the high.

  “That was awesome,” Jax slurred. Now that Ari had also come, it seemed that Jax was no longer able to keep his eyes open.