Painted Red

by Kelsey D. Garmendia

  I turn and look at Nikia’s face. It’s red with anger—probably directed towards me. I feel a pull in my stomach. It catches me off guard, but I think that’s what guilt used to feel like.

  Doc pulls up on my upper lip and examines the work he did on my gums and teeth. “The colors don’t match, but when we come across stuff like this, we can’t pass it up,” he says.

  “Thank you.”

  “Only liquids for a couple days,” he says pointing a finger at me. “Make sure you rinse out with the peroxide I gave you.”

  “Yes sir,” I say.

  “Doc,” he says gripping my shoulder. “No need to be so formal.” He walks past me down the hallway to his room.

  I walk down the staircase with Hunter close on my heels. My feet barely make a noise as I cross the foyer, but the low murmur dies down when I walk in front of the entryway to the dining room. Hunter pants and looks up at me.

  “You can’t come with me if I go in there.”

  He tilts his head to the side and pulls his tongue back into his mouth.

  “I know, that’s what I said too.”

  He barks and heads back towards my room.

  “Hunter,” I say. He stops and turns back toward me. “You don’t have to go back up there. We can go outside. I don’t have to eat in there.”

  He barks again and trots up the stairs until I can’t see him anymore.

  “Looks like he wants you to eat by yourself,” Nikia says smirking.

  I clench my jaw. I turn and look into the dining room. Everyone stares at me, some with their mouths full of eggs. The general consensus judging by their gawking is that I’m not the typical person that walks into this house.

  Thanks Hunter. Now I have to sit at a table while everyone stares at me like I’m a circus animal.

  * * *

  I shovel eggs onto my plate out of the giant metal containers on the far side of the room. I’m alone in the long line of different foods because most of the people duck away to avoid me. I grab a piece of bread and head back to the emptiest table in the dining room.

  Scooping a huge forkful of eggs into my mouth, I attempt to chew. A searing pain shoots into my head. I spit it out back onto the plate.

  “I thought I told you to stick to liquids,” Doc says sitting across from me.

  “Yeah.” I rub my temples to calm the aching.

  “Here, I brought you some chicken broth.” He places a large bowl of murky soup in front of me. “It’s pretty decent. We had to slaughter some of the chickens the other day because of the low intake of game.”

  “I told Nikia I could hunt longer. But there’s rules preventing me from doing that.”

  “So I’ve heard. Guess you’re good at it, huh?”

  “How do you think I survived this long? I sure as hell wasn’t eating people.”

  The dining room gets silent again. I look at the faces of everyone gawking at me and shrug my shoulders. People are so damn sensitive here. Doc clears his throat and takes a huge gulp of water. The rest of the room comes back to life and turns their heads to their plates.

  “The hunting parties are glad to gain a new member,” he says. “I’m sure Nikia would love for you to go on more hunts.”

  “I already told her I’m not part of this cult—”

  “We’re not a cult.”

  “Whatever. The point is, I don’t want to join up and pray that the cannibals out there don’t eat me every night before going to bed.”

  “Wendigos, you mean,” Doc says taking a bite from his bread. “And the way I see it, is that I fixed your teeth, and that broth you’re eating was from our chickens.”

  I look down at my bowl and feel the pulse of pain in my mouth from my teeth. “I’m not staying here.”

  “You don’t have to,” he says. “But you have to at least repay us for those two things, and one hunting trip ain’t gonna cut it. We want to save everyone we can, Xavier. Don’t think for a second that we don’t want you here.”

  I suck down three more spoonfuls of soup and grab the plates of eggs and bread. Hunter is probably hungry.

  “Where are you going?” Doc asks.

  “Hunter,” I say and stalk through the foyer toward the stairs. I never realized how annoying people sounded all the time.

  Let Me In: May, 2014

  The air is thick with moisture. I start sweating by the time I reach the bottom step outside of the house.

  “Where are you going?” a voice says behind me.

  God dammit, Nikia. Leave me alone. “Out.”

  “Are you leaving?”

  “No.”

  “Well, then I’m coming with you.” She follows close on my heels.

  I pick up my pace in the direction of the fort. I spot the blurry film in the night sky that could only be the constant stream of smoke from inside the fort’s walls.

  “What are you doing?”

  “I’ve been doing this for months on my own without anyone questioning me,” I respond vaulting myself over a broken tree trunk. “I don’t need any dumb questions now.”

  “I thought things were going good at the house—”

  “And I thought I made myself clear. I don’t follow your rules because I’m not joining yourfamily.”

  “Right. You’re still daydreaming.”

  “If you don’t like the fact that I have my own agenda, then maybe you should back off.” I push faster into the forest and drown out the sound of Nikia’s response.

  The smell of burning wood slows the pounding in my head. The fort looks vacant aside from that constant stream dissipating into the night sky. I crouch down and run to the closest concrete wall. A light flickers at the highest point in one of the towers. The low murmur of voices carries from there to the ground.

  “Why do you continue to come here? You know what’s going to happen; guards rotate on a regular basis, no lapse in time between them—”

  “I don’t care about the guards Nikia. I come here to wait for them.”

  “Yeah, been there, done that.”

  I turn to her and frown. “What are you talking about?”

  “My girlfriend is in there,” she says nodding her head towards the entrance. “Last thing I remember from being in there was her screaming.”

  I look up at the fort and then back to her. I can see it now—the hurt. I can see loss swimming in her dark eyes. She combs her fingers through her hair.

  “What happened to her?”

  Nikia laughs. “Probably was killed. Corporal Gunnar doesn’t play well with liars.”

  “I lied to get Hayley and Aisley in there.”

  “So that’s who you’re so fixated on getting back.” She leans against the wall. “I’m telling you, forgetting about them is your best bet.”

  “The hell it is.” I return my gaze to the fort’s towers.

  “Things got a lot easier for me when I gave up my pursuit of her—”

  “Well I’m not you!”

  “Hey!”

  Nikia and I look over our shoulders to spot two flashlights. I turn back in the direction we came from and sprint through the woods. I hear shouting from behind, but I don’t turn around. The wind swirls around me like a cyclone. The shouting dies off until I’m standing outside the stone walls of Nikia’s house.

  “So,” she says leaning her hands on her knees. “Hayley and Aisley. Learned another thing about you tonight.”

  I breathe through my nose and put my hands on my hips. Nikia raises her hands in surrender. I pull my boots off and chuck them on the top steps.

  “If you want to go and wait for them every night, at least let me come with you,” she says placing her boots on the bottom steps. “It’s the only thing I ask.”

  I clench my jaw and bend over sucking air like it’s water. A couple months here, and I’m already out of shape. I push the hair out of my face and walk up the stairs into the house. The foyer is dark aside from a few candles that were left on. I head towards the stairs and pull myself up them. “Se
e you at breakfast?” Nikia says from the bottom of the steps.

  I look over my shoulder at her and let out a puff of air. She smiles and nods. Pushing her luck isn’t in her best interest at the moment.

  Liar

  “So, Nikia tells me you left family at the fort,” Doc says.

  I like Doc, but with each slip of Nikia’s tongue, I’m starting to hate this place a little more. “It was supposed to be between her and I.” I take a spoonful of broth and gulp it down.

  “She never—”

  “You’re lying.”

  Doc smiles and takes a bite from his bread. “Well, sue me if I’d like to get to know you.”

  I shake my head. “I’m not that interesting.”

  “I beg to differ.”

  “I’m an open book.”

  “So, that’s why you have so many fans?”

  I look down the dining room table to find everyone staring at me. I feel like the new kid in high school. They all turn their heads back to their plates simultaneously.

  “I’m not saying you have to tell everyone your entire story, but it’s all we have in the house anymore.”

  “Listen, I get what you want from me,” I say. “If you or Nikia want to hear the rest of my story or get to know me that’s fine. But there are kids here, and I refuse to let everyone in on the details of how I got to be like this. Everything leading up to me being here is a disaster.”

  “What about that dog?”

  “I killed and ate his mother.”

  “You did what you had to survive, but you managed to give him another chance,” Doc says. “Just like I’m sure you did the same for your family—”

  “Like hell I did.”

  He frowns. “Why would you say that?”

  I clench my jaw and stir my soup with my spoon. I’m not caving into this crap. This isn’t what I signed up for. The only reason why I’m here is because of its close proximity to the fort.

  “Xavier, your story can’t be as bad as you think,” he says. “You always have to remember where you came from to remember who you are—”

  “I don’t want to remember!” I say slamming my fist onto the table. “I’m tired of waking up every morning trying to scrub people’s blood off my hands.”

  The room goes silent. I look around and see everyone with their mouths hanging open like a door with broken hinges during a windy day. I clear my throat and glare at my reflection in the murky broth in the soup bowl. “I’m gonna go feed Hunter,” I say while standing and grabbing my leftover food.

  “Xavier!”

  I’m halfway up the stairs before he can call out to me again. Hunter flops off the bed when I push open my door. The silence after the door slamming comforts my pounding head. I knew going to breakfast was a bad idea. Nikia tried to trick me with Doc, but I won’t make that mistake again.

  Hunter stretches and then sits when he spots the soup bowl and bread in my hands.

  “I figured you were hungry.” I place the food down. “It’s got some venison in it I think.”

  He shoves his head into the bowl and laps broth into his mouth as well as all over the floor.

  “People weird me out now, Hunter. It’s hard to explain, but I think it’s because of you.”

  He stops eating for a moment and looks up at me from the bowl.

  “It’s not like that. It’s just that I haven’t had people to talk to for months. Or is it years now?”

  He buries his head in the bowl again.

  “I don’t know if I’m gonna be the same again,” I say picking dirt from my fingernails. “I’ve been trying to remember who I was, but I can’t.

  Hayley and Aisley were the only reason I wanted to keep going, keep surviving. I can still remember how my heart stuttered when I saw her bleeding into the snow. I remember my insides shredding when the soldier at the fort’s gates told me I had to let them go.

  But the anger set in. Who I was—it might be there somewhere, but I don’t want to try and go back to that person. There’s too many things that I’ve done that someone with a soul couldn’t live with.”

  But what about us?

  Aisley’s tiny voice echoes in my head. I let out a long sigh of air. They always seem to have the perfect timing to put their two cents in.

  We could still be waiting for you.

  You promised me.

  “I know, but maybe I’ve just gotta let the old me go. All the memories of you two will still be there, but it’ll be that much easier to keep going. I can be a little more normal if I forget some things.”

  The door swings open and Nikia comes barreling in. “Doc is trying to be friendly.”

  I clench my jaw down and keep my back turned to her. “That’s nice.”

  “You hate me? You don’t like that I shared something about you to one person? Fine, but don’t fucking take it out on Doc. He’s done nothing but help you—”

  “Nikia,” I yell slamming my fist on the table. Hunter jumps and knocks the bowl of soup onto the ground. I take in a deep breath and close my eyes. “Leave.”

  She scoffs and then, the door slams. Something wet falls onto the back of my hand. I look down expecting blood, but when I see the clearness of tears, I frown. I wipe my hand on my pants and shake my head.

  “Push it down, Xavier,” I say. “Forget.”

  Fractured: June, 2014

  The sun glows through the trees at dawn. I sit on the steps and play fetch with Hunter. He pants heavily onto my legs and drops the gnarled stick at my feet. I chuck it further into the woods, and he sprints off after it.

  “Xavier,” a voice says from behind me. I turn and see Nikia just on the outside of the door. I let out a long sigh and turn back to Hunter who drops the stick at my feet again. I hear her sit next to me as I throw the stick back towards the woods. “I’m sorry about yesterday—”

  “Why is that everyone’s first thing they say?” I keep my eyes on Hunter. “I don’t care how angry or frustrated you get with me.”

  “I know,” she responds. Hunter flops down on his side in front of me and drops the stick. When I throw it, he watches it fly off into the forest and flops his head back down. “I think he’s tired.”

  “We both are,” I mumble. I look back out into the woods and listen to the birds chirp among the budding trees. “I don’t know what you’re expecting from me. I lived alone out there. I know for damn sure I don’t expect anything from you.”

  “I’m not—”

  “You talk to me like bringing me here was your choice. It wasn’t. I chose to follow you back. I needed a safer shelter. The winter was brutal in that shack. I figured, by your appearance, that you were better off.”

  “That’s the only reason why you followed me?” I shrug my shoulders and rub my palms together. She laughs and shakes her head. “When I got thrown out of the fort, I spent weeks trying to get back in. I’m diabetic and insulin is extremely important to me.

  I was on death’s doorstep when my girlfriend got us to the fort. They treated me there. They hadeverything I would need until some order came back to the world.

  My girlfriend was never one to show public affection. We had been dating for five years and the time made us understand what loving someone meant. She was pregnant when all this happened. It was a girl. She lied because it was what she usually did when judging eyes glared at us—said we were sisters.

  They treated me, and my symptoms went away. They allowed visitation the next day. She came, and I couldn’t help but kiss her. I felt our baby kick. I guess all those years of hiding who were we came flooding back at that moment.” She looks down at the ground and turns her head away from me. I didn’t know where she was going with the story, but the uncomfortableness grew with each word she spoke.

  “I was taken from my room in the middle of the night,” she continues turning her eyes to the forest. “She was screaming. Screaming for me. I still was too weak to get to her. Next thing I knew, Corporal Gunner was throwing me out the front doors. The la
st thing he said to me was, ‘Lying in here is an act of treason.’”

  I shifted my weight and scratched at the back of my head. “That sucks,” I say. She glares at me out of the corner of her eye. I shrug and go back to being silent.

  “I understand where your loyalties lie,” she says after a moment’s silence. “I know you don’t want to get attached again. If you do, you risk losing everything once more. But without letting people in, you turn into what they want.”

  “Who’s they?”

  “The government. They did this to us.”

  I scoff and shakes his head. “That’s not the first time I’ve heard that.”

  “It’s because it’s true,” she says resting her elbows back on the concrete steps. “There’s no other entity in this country that could’ve orchestrated the food going missing. Public officials—police, firemen, local governments—they were the first to go—”

  A gunshot rings in out making us both jump. I look to where Hunter was laying, and he’s gone. I’m running through the forest before I can scream out his name. “Hunter!” Branches whip across my skin leaving microscopic cuts to bleed. “Hunter!”

  Another gunshot. I push myself faster, the wind circling in my ears, deafening the world around me. I hear a bark and sprint toward it. People’s voices make their way past my ear drums. I see his wagging tail whip back and forth between the tree trunks. Two men stand on the other side of him, one looking down the barrel of a rifle.

  I throw myself at him and knock him to the ground. My hands squeeze around his throat. “You shot at him!” I yell. I feel hands attempt to lift me from his body, but I refuse to break my grip around his neck. “You shot your gun at him! Why would you do that! He’s my responsibility! They’re my responsibility!”

  “Xavier!” Nikia says grabbing hold of my jacket and forcing my shoulders to turn toward her. I breathe heavily through my nostrils and glare at her. “It’s the brothers. They were hunting. Hunter is fine. Everything’s all right.”

  I release my grip on the brother’s throat and let out one last heavy breath. Hunter licks my face and plops down next to me. “I’m sorry.” I push myself from the ground and stalk off in the opposite direction.