Painted Red

by Kelsey D. Garmendia

  Zachariah looks down at Georgia and squeezes her pale hand. “She’ll never know how I felt about her. The one thing I cared about in this piece of shit world is gone because of my own doing. I don’t want to give her an apology. I want to be in her place.”

  “That’s not how it works.” I let my hand slide off his shoulder. The paleness of Georgia’s skin makes me feel sick to my stomach. I peer around Zachariah at her. Blood still stains the skin around her nail beds. He grips her hand with both of his and lifts it to his lips. The white sheet over her stomach glows a deep scarlet under the florescent lights in the guest house.

  “I hope you’re right about everything,” Zachariah says, before disappearing out into the yard and leaving me in the sad, thick silence.

  * * *

  The flames lick at the open air like a demon’s touch. In the time that’s passed, tomorrow came sooner than we all wanted. The night sky confirmed that the beginning of another day was coming.

  The smell of burnt flesh keeps us pretty far from Georgia’s burial. Zachariah is no where to be seen. I didn’t expect him to show. Most of the youngin’s think it’s his fault as well. A handful of them called him a murderer to his face. When it came down to it though, none of them had the skill to be out there other than him. The same thing would have happened to any one of them—or worse.

  Nikia stands farther down the line from me with her head bowed and arms crossed over her chest. We haven’t made eye contact with each other since I saw her out by the fence. To be honest, I didn’t mind it in the slightest.

  The fire reflects off the dew-covered blades of grass giving the illusion of diamonds covering the lawn. If the flames weren’t burning the corpse of a teenage girl, I guess I would say that it’s beautiful.

  Life

  Five Years Later

  A New Dawn: December, 2017

  The winter air is fresh reminder of the new year. It seems like yesterday that I came to the house. But there were years that spanned. Years that make all the difference in each of us. The numbers have dwindled to eleven of us. It’s gotten much easier to keep the food stock up, but it hasn’t made surviving very rewarding.

  Zachariah stands where we burn Georgia and presses his hand into frozen ground. His leg healed pretty well given how mangled it was, but it’s not where it needs to be for supply run or hunting trips. The bear meat has lasted us through the summer and fall into the winter. We’re down to the last few strips of jerky. Maybe once that’s gone, there won’t be a reminder of Georgia’s death left anymore. Maybe he’ll be able to move on.

  “He’s killing me.” Nikia sits on the bench next to me with a sigh. “Lord knows I’ve mourned like him.”

  “We all have at one time or another.” We watch Zachariah limp across the lawn until he disappears into the house.

  “How long have you been sitting out here?” Nikia wraps her arms around herself and shivers.

  “Long enough for Hunter to get cold.” I look down at my hands and see beat red glowing back at me. “Just wanted to watch the sunset to be honest. Guess I lost track of time.”

  “What were you thinking about?”

  “What I’m always thinking about,” I respond zipping my jacket up further. “Do we have enough food, do the generators have gas, is Two alright, Zachariah—you know, just a little bit of everything.”

  “What about your family?”

  “Hayley and Aisley are always in the back of my mind somewhere. But they’re not as important as food or shelter is to me right now.” I glance at Nikia and catch the flash of a smile on her face.

  She looks off into the darkening night sky and lets out a long puff of white air. “Well, no need staying out in the cold anymore.” Nikia pushes herself off the bench and holds out a hand. “Lets get you back inside.”

  We walk in silence back towards the house. I start to head in the doorway to the kitchen, but she stops me. “I want to show you something,” she says. She nods towards her bedroom door. “Come on.”

  I hesitate. Everything in me wants nothing more than to close myself in my room and recite my life out loud like I’ve been doing these past six months. Everyone knows it’s how I deal with things, but clearly, it hasn’t been making things easier for me. So I follow her.

  Nikia’s room is huge compared to mine and the others I’ve been in. Having only been in it one other time, I never got the chance to really look around. A four-post bed lies in the middle of the room with two nightstands on either side. The amber light from overhead makes everything feel warm. I clear my throat and lean up against the wall.

  “This is the only thing I have left from before all this,” she says pulling something from the drawer in one of the nightstands. “It’s a photo album. I grabbed it from my girlfriend’s and I’s apartment before we left for the pharmacy the day we decided to run. For some reason when we leaving, I felt like that was the last time we would be in that apartment.

  When we told our parents about getting a place together, they stopped talking to us. I couldn’t give my girlfriend the life she wanted. We barely made it by those first few months on our own.

  This album was our fake wedding album. It’s mostly pictures of us signing our lease and then when we got trashed at our apartment afterwards. I almost burned this the first week after I met Doc and the others. But it’s what reminds me that I’ve grown into this skin I wear now.”

  “I don’t have anything,” I respond. “All I have is the constant reminder that everyone around me leaves eventually. Whether it be through extreme circumstances or death is up to a flip of a coin.”

  I didn’t hear Nikia get up. Her lips slam into mine and as much as I want to push her away, I feel everything that drowned me for years disappear.

  Xavier? Hayley’s voice booms in my ears, and I shove Nikia away from me. When we make eye contact again, I know that everything’s changed now. This world I built for myself in the house was crumbling under my feet.

  All We Know

  A beeping comes from Nikia’s nightstand—midnight. That beeping makes it five years since I left Hayley and Aisley. Five years of surviving has led to this moment. Rage bubbles back into my veins. “Xavier—” I turn towards her door and reach for the handle. She steps in front of me and pushes her hands into my chest.

  “Wait—”

  “Get out of my way!”

  “Let me explain—”

  “No! Move!”

  “You know, I’ve lost people from my past too, but I’ve learned to let them go,” Nikia says.

  “So you kiss me!”

  “I’m sorry if it was too forward for you, but if you haven’t noticed, I don’t let myself drown in sadness and anger.”

  I laugh and shake my head. “If you haven’t noticed, I leave the house every night to go to the hotel or to run by the fort to see maybe, just maybe, if my friends, myfamily are waiting for me. Don’t act like you don’t know I’m doing it—”

  “It’s killing you,” Nikia says gripping my shoulder. I shrug her hand off and move to the door again. “I’m not forcing you to forget them.”

  “Then what are you doing?” I yell.

  “I miss—”she starts. She clears her throat. “My past haunts me everyday. It’s something that will always stay with me. Not a day goes by that I don’t think of my girlfriend. She was the one, the first person I’ve ever loved. But if I let the memory of her run my life, the people here suffer as a result of my selfishness.”

  “So now you’re saying I’m selfish for keeping my promise to my best friend?”

  “I’m saying you’re lonely,” Nikia says turning me around. “You’re lonely and it’s killing you.”

  I clench my jaw. She’s right. Five years after dropping Hayley and Aisley at the fort and what have I got to show for it. A dog—that’s it.

  “If you don’t stop drowning yourself Xavier, you’re never going to be truly human again.”

  “I love them,” I say.

  “And I still lo
ve her too,” she says. “But in the end, you’re the one who’s here with me.” Her eyes drift to my lips and back up again. My hand reaches behind her neck.

  Don’t do this to me.

  Our lips crash together—the anger, the depression, the guilt just lifts away. I haven’t felt like this since Hayley kissed me years ago. I’m still in love, but I can’t climb from this pit I’ve dug for myself. Nikia isn’t who I want to be with—but I’m not who I want to be either.

  * * *

  The moon fills the room with a blue light. I open my eyes to Nikia tangled in the sheets. The guilt slams onto my chest like a lead weight. I scramble for my clothes on the ground in the dim light and slip them on in silence. What was I thinking? I leave the room and let the door shut without noise.

  “Sneaking out?” I hear from behind me.

  “Doc, Jesus,” I say wiping my sweaty palms on my jeans.

  “I was looking for you for hours.”

  “I went to uh—”

  “It’s not my business what or who you do things with here,” he says. “But just know Nikia has a gaping hole in her that she is desperately trying to fill.”

  “I know that,” I say folding my hands behind my back. “We talked about it.”

  “You haven’t been here as long as I have,” he says holding up his hand to stop me. “If you want to continue having a good relationship with her, you should refrain from late-night sleepovers.”

  “Yes sir.” God, I feel like I’m talking to my father.

  A boom echoes across the backyard vibrating deep in my chest. Doc and I race out the back door along with the rest of our house. A flash of light from the direction of the fort illuminates the tree line, followed by another deafening boom.

  Doc looks through the trees around me. A new plume of black smoke rises out of the forest. “That sounded like it came from—”

  “The fort,” I say, feeling my heart race behind my ribcage. “It came from the fort.”

  Oh, Glory

  I sprint back towards the house. Hunter follows close on my heels. His panting fills the noiseless spaces between the swirling wind and rushing breaths from my own lungs. The warmth of the main hall closes around my skin. I take the stairs two at a time to our room.

  “Hunter, I’ll need you with me on this one.”

  He barks and sits outside of the door.

  “I’ll just be a second.” I close the door and slip on my boots and jacket.

  Nikia bursts through the door, her hair still a mess from what I can only assume was from running after me. “What are you doing?”

  “That explosion came from the fort—I’ve gotta go check it out—”

  “You don’t have to do that right now,” she says crossing her arms over her chest. “It’s not even close to dawn.”

  “Explosion, the fort—which one of those things are supposed to stop me from going out there?”

  “Xavier, don’t be stupid.” Nikia steps through the doorway and just inside the room. “Just stay. Stay here.”

  “Why?” I respond, frowning. “My family—”

  “We’re your family! Don’t you see that? Why can’t you see what people are right for you?”

  My brow furrows more. She avoids eye contact with me, and her cheeks turn a bright red. Holy shit—Doc was right. “I’ve gotta go—”

  “It’s dangerous out there, Xavier,” she says, her voice rising with each syllable. “What happens if there’s soldiers out there? I’m sure they remember your face.”

  “An explosion that big leaving anyone behind is a shot in the dark—”

  “Exactly, then why go?”

  I swing my rifle over my shoulder and attach my holster around my hips. “Because there’s still a chance that they made it out. I taught them as best as I could how to survive.” We stand about six inches from each other. Nikia glares at me while clenching her jaw. “I don’t have time for this. Please, move.”

  “So you’re gonna ignore what happened between us?”

  “Nikia, you were the one who talked me to death about forgetting my past,” I say facing her. “You used my depression to get what you wanted.”

  “It’s not a one way street Xavier,” she says. “You chose to sleep with me too. To help forget.”

  “And this is me telling you that I was wrong to do that,” I say. “Not only was it selfish of me to take advantage of your depression, it was extremely selfish of you to use my screwed up feelings for your benefit. I broke my promise to Hayley last night. I promised her that I would always find her, always be there for here. And I threw it away because of you. Hayley and Aisley are the only part of my life that makes me a decent human being still. I’m going after them.”

  “I thought maybe I could help you move on,” she says. “I thought you would do the same for me.”

  “I’m sorry for being blunt,” I say. “But what happened between us was because I needed something to take my mind off of this hell. Not because I wanted to start over. We both have our demons we need to deal with. I don’t think us forcing a relationship under these circumstances is best.”

  She grinds her teeth and clenches her jaw. “Right,” she says. “Will you at least wait until morning. Wendigos are probably swarming the area as we speak.”

  I let out a long sigh. “Fine then.”

  Ash And Dust: January, 2018

  It’s gone.

  I watch the smoke migrate upward to the grey skies. Some of the rubble has spots that are glowing red. Hunter sits next to me and surveys the damage.

  I knew something was wrong. I knew I should’ve left right after it happened to check on the fort and the hotel. Now, there’s nothing left.

  “Come on Hunter,” I say. We walk in silence into the gaping hole where I brought Hayley so many years ago. The ground crunches under our feet as we walk over the remains of the fort’s gate.

  “Do you think—” I stop myself from finishing the question. If I let the thought that they’re dead into my head, then it’s over.

  Hunter squeals. I look down and see his hazel gaze looking up at me. He knows the chances that Aisley and Hayley survived this aren’t very high. Before I can let the feeling sink in though, his head perks up, and he trots ahead of me.

  They knew how to run—that was for sure. And if Hayley had her head on straight, she could think quick on her feet. Aisley was the survivor. She could hunt. And god, how old would she be now? Definitely big enough to shoot a rifle and shotgun, both of which are buried at the hotel.

  Hunter stops in front of me and growls. The hair on his back stands, and the muscles in his back legs tense up.

  “Wait Hunter,” I say. I walk past him in the direction he was pointing. I hear a mangled voice somewhere behind the buildings. “Hello?”

  Silence. I wait a little longer before I call out again. “I will shoot if you don’t answer me this time.”

  “I’m not one of them, if that’s what you’re thinking.”

  I whip my rifle in the direction of the voice and flip the safety off. “Well, at least you know how to use the damn thing,” she says.

  I look her over—no weapons, no bite marks, and no one with her. I lower my rifle and whistle for Hunter. He bolts in front of me and stands between the woman and I.

  “It’s all right Hunter,” I say.

  He stops growling and sits in front of me. His hair still stands on his back though—can’t blame him.

  “You were a soldier here?”

  “In a matter of speaking,” she says sliding down the remains of a wall.

  “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “Long story, but yeah. I guess I was a soldier.” She winces and grips her stomach. Blood seeps through her fingers and drips off her fingertips.

  “What happened?” I say nodding towards her stomach.

  “Shrapnel. That and a couple bullet holes I’m sure.”

  “I don’t see any shrapnel—”

  “That’s ‘cause I pulled it out,” s
he says. I frown at her—a soldier would’ve known that leaving it in was the better thing to do. “What? You’re telling me I should’ve left it in? Hell no, not when I’m the only one left.”

  “The only one?” I feel bile make its way up my throat.

  “Of the soldiers here,” she says.

  “But the people?”

  “Some made it out.”

  “Who?”

  She looks up and raises an eyebrow. “You looking for someone?”

  “Hayley Henderson and Aisley Pricket.”

  The woman starts laughing until she’s coughing in pain. She looks up at me and points a blood-soaked finger in my direction. “Xavier, I take it,” she says. “You’re the one who she was always depressed about.”

  “You know her!”

  “She’s the reason this place looks the way it does.”

  I swallow and scan the destruction. “How—”

  “Explosives mostly,” she says.

  “But they were safe here?”

  “The Fort wasn’t everything it was built up to be,” she says. “Let’s just leave it at that.”

  Hunter growls in the direction we came from. I turn to see the yellowed skin of a wendigo pointing in our direction.

  “Come on,” I say placing my arm around the soldier’s waist.

  She screams when I try and lift her. If the wendigos didn’t know we were, they do now. “Just leave,” she says through gritted teeth.

  “No,” I say looking over my shoulder. “I can’t leave you here—”

  “She’s alive,” she says clutching the front of my shirt. “If you try and help me here, you risk losing her out there.”

  I whip my head between the wendigos and the soldier. She kicks me in the foot and pulls on my shirt until my face is inches from hers. “Get the hell out of here.”