Painted Red

by Kelsey D. Garmendia

  “Me too—”

  “As in I don’t wanna stay here.”

  I look up at her feeling my heart pound against the back of my rib cage. “Are you serious?”

  “Yes.” She sits next to me again. “Nothing good comes out of living in a place like this—”

  “So what do you wanna do? Run? Like before?”

  She nods and glances out of the corner of her eyes at me. The door pushes open and Hunter trots through the small gap. He drinks water from the ceramic bowl in front of us before heading to his piles of blankets.

  “I heard Nikia. I know she doesn’t want us here.”

  “It’s because she doesn’t think that we’ll be able to provide for everyone. You don’t have to worry—”

  “That’s where you’re wrong Xavier.” Hayley swallows, and her grip tightens on her arms. “Ido have to worry about things like this. I’m not just looking out for myself anymore. Nolan, Aisley and Tristan are trusting me to make the right choices. I don’t know Nikia. I can’t trust her with my family’s lives. And you shouldn’t either.”

  “They took me in when I was barely a human. How am I supposed to turn away from everything we built here?”

  “You just do it,” she says taking my head in her hands. She looks me over again, that same searching gaze scanning my face frantically. “Every good thing comes with a price. I’ve learned that. Just when I was getting comfortable at the fort is when things fell apart.

  You have no idea the things I’ve done to keep our family safe. A month out there running was torture, but I had control over everything. I knew everyone was safe. Since we’ve come up to this room, I’ve done nothing else but worry about my family downstairs.”

  “If we leave, all these people here will suffer.”

  “And if we stay,” Hayley says pulling her hands from my face. “It’ll only be a matter of time before the walls come crumbling down.”

  The door opens the rest of the way. Tristan carries Nolan in the bedroom. “Oh, sorry,” he whispers. “He fell asleep downstairs, and I didn’t want to leave him on the couch.”

  “Thank you Tristan,” Hayley says. She scoots over and pulls the covers back on the bed. Tristan lays Nolan down and covers him.

  “Aisley and I are going to stay up a little longer,” he says combing the hair from his face. “We’ll be up in about fifteen or twenty minutes.”

  “Ok,” she responds. “Be safe.”

  “Will do.” Tristan marches from the room and closes the door without a sound.

  “I never got introduced to him.” My thought comes out of my mouth before I can stop it. “After all, I would like to know the story of the kid who pistol-whipped me across the face.”

  “I think Aisley and him are like you and I,” she responds. I look at Hayley as she brushes Nolan’s hair from his face. She smiles at him, and I barely can bring myself to feel some type of connection to my son. I’m a horrible father already.

  “They depend on each other?”

  She lays her lips against Nolan’s forehead and kisses him once. “She loves him.”

  “She’s fourteen—”

  “She’s seen enough in the past five years to be a forty year old,” Hayley says. “I’ve been in her shoes before. Maybe not under the same circumstances, but I know what it’s like to love someone and not want them to know.”

  “Where’s Tristan’s family?” I say feeling my cheeks fill with heat.

  “Dead,” Hayley says standing from the bed again. She kicks off her boots and leaves them at the foot of the bed. “His father was military. He died at the fort before we got there. Aisley and him were in the same classes.”

  Silence fills the room while I watch Nolan breath steadily under the covers. “I’m broken, Xavier. I’m not mad at you for what you did with Nikia. I thought finding you would feel different. Feel better. But I barely even felt anything after you told me about what happened between the two of you.

  When Gunnar was torturing me, I let this wall in my head break. It was the only way I would get through the pain. And I did, didn’t I? Although, I guess I lost a huge part of me in doing that.

  I don’t know if I’ll ever go back to the girl I was before the fort. I want you to know that because I can tell you’re still you. Even after everything, you’d still wait for the Hayley you wrote to in those letters. I just don’t want you to get your hopes up.”

  I open my mouth to speak, but she lays a finger on it. Her hand travels to the back of my neck and she kisses me. I let our lips move in unison, my heart finally beating a little more normal than before. My hands travel down her sides.

  She flinches when my skin touches her ribs followed by a whimper. “I’m sorry.”

  “It’s ok. I think it’s going to take a while for things to heal, huh?”

  She opens her eyes and attempts a smile. It falls short of being genuine though. My best friend isn’t the same person anymore. We both aren’t. But what else can you do in a world like this other than cling to your past and hope you don’t lose yourselves in the process?

  Family: February, 2018

  Hayley and Nolan are gone when I wake up. I shoot up and spot the blankets on the floor where Aisley and Tristan were vacant as well. Did I dream finding them? No that definitely wasn’t possible. I felt Hayley’s skin on mine. I felt the uncomfortable tension after telling her that I slept with Nikia.

  Shouting from outside of my door makes me spring from bed. Hunter pops up underneath the covers. He stumbles around as he tries to find the exit to the tent that he created for himself. I tug on one end of the covers until his head is exposed.

  When I open the door, the shouting is even louder. I look over the railing to see Nikia and Hayley going at it. Tristan holds her in a bear hug while she kicks and screams. Two does the same for Nikia.

  “What the hell is going on?” My voice echoes over the banister. Hunter and I jog down the stairs two at a time. Two and Tristan release their grips on the girls.

  “I try to be nice to her, and she flipped!” Nikia responds.

  “Bullshit.” Hayley’s face beams a red color that I’m sure is fueled by rage. “You slept with Xavier because you thought what? He would forget about us? Keturah fought to remember you. She fought through the brainwashing for you! And this is how you repay her?”

  The clap echoes in the main hall before I realize Nikia slapped Hayley. We all go quiet. Hayley pulls back her fist and lands it into Nikia’s nose. She screeches and throws her hands up to her nose. Blood gushes out from her fingers.

  “I have no idea what Keturah saw in such a bitch.” Hayley storms off. The back door slams making us all jump.

  “I want her out.” Nikia glares at me through her bloody grip on her nose. She stalks past us and into her bedroom.

  Two shakes his head and goes off after her. Tristan, Aisley, Nolan and I stand in the main hall with similar confused looks on their faces.

  “You slept with her?” Aisley says looking at me.

  I nod too embarrassed to say it out loud.

  “Ew.”

  “Yeah, that probably wasn’t a wise decision,” I say rubbing the back of my neck. I look off towards the back door where Hayley stormed off to. “Hayley’s pissed.”

  “That’s an understatement.” Aisley crosses her arms across her chest. “She punched a soldier at the fort while she was pregnant with Nolan. And that was hormone induced. I don’t even think I can guess the level of angry she is right now.”

  I head to the back door while everyone else follows behind me. Nolan latches onto my hand—I do my best not to flinch this time. The winter air is brutal. A fresh blanket of snow must have fallen sometime last night because as we walk, our feet sink into the freezing white powder. Hayley does pull ups on the monkey bars at the playground.

  “She’sreally pissed,” Aisley comments. “She only works out for two reasons. One, she’s nervous or stressed. Two, she’s fuming.” She clamps her hand down on my shoulder. “God spee
d soldier.”

  I laugh and shake my head. “Thanks Aisley.”

  “Anytime Xavier.”

  “Go on inside and get some soup into your system. I’ve got training with the youngin’s later if you want to join.”

  “That sounds like fun,” Tristan says.

  “You want me to shoot circles around them for you?” Aisley smirks and throws a wink in too.

  “It might deflate a couple of their egos if you do.” I look off at Hayley switch to pulling herself up the fireman’s pole. “I better go before she rips her arms out of the sockets.”

  “We’ll see you in a bit.”

  The walk across the backyard feels like I’m walking to my own death. I can hear Hayley’s heavy breathing when I’m about ten yards away. She jumps down from the top of the fireman’s pole and begins to climb it again.

  “You know, there are better ways to get your anger out—”

  “Well apparently punching Nikia in there isn’t therightway of handling it,” she responds. “So here I am.”

  “Listen, I know things are tense between you two—”

  “Why would sleep with her?” She drops from the pole and lands with a soft thud in the snow. “I waited for you. I spent night after night alone. Half the time I believed you were dead. I mean that could’ve been the only reason you didn’t come for me, right? But no. You were screwing another chick—”

  “Hayles, it was not like that.”

  “Then how was it? Enlighten me!”

  “It was hell. It was guilt, regret, depression, hating myself—turning into a soulless monster who liked killing the things out there that forced us apart.” My voice cut through the icy air in a burst of white smoke. “It was completely changing who I was just so that I could survive. ‘Cause that’s what it was all about right? Surviving. Surviving to sit outside the fort and try not to get spotted by snipers in the towers. Surviving for the small glimmer of hope that I’d see you again. Survival took priority until I finally let my past back in. I stopped smothering everything and I fell apart.”

  Hayley’s nostrils flair and she looks away from me into the forest. I inch toward her.

  “I made a mistake. She knew which strings to tug on to get me to unravel, Hayles. But I didn’t hide it. I didn’t lie. I told you because for five years I thought that you were dead.” My hands fall into hers. Snow falls again in light, small flakes. Several land in Hayley’s brown hair while we stand there. “I didn’t have Aisley or any friend to tell me that you were ok. I had maybes and it drove me to places I’d never thought I would find myself. I’m sorry, Hayles. I’m sorry.”

  We don’t look up at each other. The silence is comforting. Snowflakes trickle down, heavier by the second, onto my shoulders sending a chill down my spine. I look off into the sea of green pine trees. It’s been extremely quiet since I came back with everyone. I don’t know if that’s a good thing or if something horrible is coming.

  * * *

  Nikia, Doc and Two sit at a separate table in the dining room. Nikia sports a plastic bag with snow on her face. I close my hands around Hayley’s. The corner of her mouth turns up.

  “I have to talk to her and set things straight ok?”

  Hayley nods her head and lets go of my hand. Nikia looks less than thrilled when I find my usual seat across from Doc. “Thought you had your girl back. Figured you sit with her—”

  “Stop it.” My voice comes out sounding like my father’s. Nikia glares at me from the other side of the table. “You’re acting like a high school teenager and it’s not only annoying, but counterproductive. Get over yourself. Get over what happened between us. And just watch how much easier things will get.”

  She clenches her jaw and shakes her head. The bag moves from her nose revealing a dark purple bruise. “Your girlfriend laid into me and now you want me to be understanding?”

  “I want you to grow up,” I respond. “I waited for this moment for five years. If you can’t handle the fact that I’ve found my family then we’ll leave.”

  “Xavier, I don’t think that’s necessary—”

  “No Doc, clearly it is.” I glare at Nikia until she turns away. “I’m sorry that I slept with you. I shouldn’t have done that to you. I shouldn’t have let my emotions get the best of me.”

  Two looks between Nikia and I with his eyes bulging. Doc nods and takes a sip from his tea mug. I push myself to standing and turn back to where Hayley, Aisley, Tristan, and Nolan sit. If that didn’t touch on the point I wanted to make, it looks like we’ll be running again. But as of right now, I don’t mind either way.

  Visitors

  Hayley sleeps against the side of my body. I’m afraid to touch any part of her because of her wounds. Nolan sleeps like I do—mouth wide open and snoring quietly.

  Hayley gasps and shoots up in bed.

  “Hey, it’s ok.” She takes a swing in my direction, and I duck just in time. “Hayles stop!” She catches me in the jaw with a right hook. I expect an onslaught of punches, but I hear sobbing instead.

  I look around my arms and see her body shivering in the moonlight. Hunter jumps up on the bed and whines at her feet. I reach out to her and lower my hand on her shoulder.

  “I’m sorry,” she says in between hyperventilated breaths.

  “Don’t apologize” She looks around the room and then to Nolan before laying back down. “Everyone’s here, Hayles. I checked myself.”

  “How many times have I woke up like that?”

  “About a dozen.”

  Her body collapses onto my chest again. A sigh escapes her lungs. “I’m never going to get past what he’s done to me. He’ll live with me until the day I die.”

  “Not while I’m here. We’ll get past all this, Hayles. I promise.” At least I hope so. I kiss the top of her head and pull the covers over her before shutting my eyes.

  * * *

  The morning sunlight bleeds through the curtains. Hunter’s tail thumps against the comforter the moment my eyes open. Nolan somehow found his way on top of my chest during the night.

  “I forgot how much he looks like you,” Hayley whispers. She combs her fingers through his hair. “Being together is—strange.”

  I nod. “Are you happy we are?”

  “I don’t know if happy will ever be a feeling I can wrap my hands around again.”

  A knock at the door wakes the remainder of the room up. Two sticks his head around the corner. “Xavier, wake up.”

  “I’ll be back.” I lay my lips on Hayley’s forehead. The only T-shirt I have is tattered and stained from my month looking for everyone in the woods. I throw it on anyway. Hunter jogs past me and squeezes out of the gap in the door. “What is it?”

  “There are soldiers outside,” Two says. “Nikia’s out there with them right now. They’re looking for your family.”

  “What do you mean they’re looking for my family?”

  “They’re saying that a girl named Hayley started the explosions. They want her.”

  My heart races. “What do I do?”

  “You’ve gotta get out of here.”

  “I’m not leaving you—”

  “Xavier,” Two says shaking his head. “You don’t have a choice. They want blood. They’ll come in here if you don’t leave. They’ll slaughter all of us.”

  “They’re from the fort, aren’t they?” Hayley stands in the open doorway fully dressed. “Aren’t they?”

  “Yes,” Two responds. “They’re looking for you.”

  Hayley’s mouth goes into a straight line. She clenches her jaws and disappears behind the door again. Nolan stands sleepily in the doorway rubbing his eyes. “Morning Dad.”

  “Hey kid,” I say squatting down to his level. “Go on and get dressed. We have to leave.”

  “Are the bad guys here? The ones who hurt Mom?”

  I nod, not knowing what else I could possibly say.

  “Ok,” he says and scurries back into the room.

  A gunshot travels through
the main hall making my blood run cold. “You bastards—”

  More gunshots. Then silence.

  “Where are the youngin’s?”

  “Holed up in Doc’s office—”

  “Get ‘em out of there.” I sprint past him down the stairs.

  “Xavier!” Hayley’s voice stops me halfway down the stairs. “What are you doing?”

  “Someone might be hurt out there—”

  “We need to go.Now.”

  “Head to my truck on my say so,” I say. “The keys are in the visor. Two will help you.” I run to the door and grab the AR15 leaning up against the inspection station.

  The front door is cracked open a bit. Seven soldiers hack away at the lock on the gate with the butts of their rifles. Several of them scream at the top of their lungs, “Ms. Henderson!” They sound manic.

  I stick my rifle out the front door and aim at them.

  “Are you sure you want to take them at this angle?” a boy’s voice says. Tristan stands behind me with Aisley. They’re fully dressed and Aisley carries a 9MM in a homemade holster.

  “What were you thinking?”

  “Give me the rifle,” he says. “I’ll head up to that makeshift lookout tower at the front of the house. You head out the front door after about fifteen seconds. Create a distraction for them. Let Aisley go out the back and get at them from the side. Hayley has Nolan in your truck already.”

  “Sounds like a plan,” I respond. I hand the AR15 to him. “You know how to use one of those right?”

  “Fort boy—what do you think?”

  “Right.” I slide my boots on and lace them up. “Go.”

  I take a deep breath in and out. After the banging on the front gate stops, the soldiers begin arguing with each other. They might be able to be their own distraction. Whatever happened at the fort obviously got under their skin. I walk out into the cool air.

  Nikia lays next to Madison on the ground. Hunter licks the youngin’s face. Nikia’s hand presses onto her side while she tries to do compressions on Madison with her free one. I can hear her sobbing from the front steps.