The Bellator Saga: The First Trilogy (Dissident, Conscience, and Sojourn)

by Cecilia London

  “My girls really like you,” she told Jack.

  “I know,” he said. “I don’t get it.”

  “They’re good judges of character. They’ve never been wrong.”

  “I’m sure they’ve been wrong once or twice.”

  “Nope.”

  “I like them too,” Jack said. “Very, very much. Mostly because they remind me of you.”

  “They’re also their own little people.”

  “Oh, definitely,” he agreed. “But your bond with them is more than obvious. And they don’t seem to think of me as an intruder, which I like.”

  “They like having normal people around.”

  Jack chuckled. “I’m far from that.”

  “You treat them like kids but you don’t condescend to them. They appreciate that.”

  He smiled at her. “Marguerite and I had a very spirited, advanced discussion on The Wealth of Nations before we started playing Monopoly. She’s quite intelligent. But I suspect you know that.”

  “What was your first clue?” Caroline asked.

  “Oh, I think the fact that she beat a woman with a law degree and a man with an MBA at a game of cunning and strategy was pretty telling. And a kid her age shouldn’t know nearly as much as she does about complicated economic concepts.”

  “Did you two really talk about Adam Smith?”

  “Yes.”

  “I can’t even hold a conversation about that kind of crap without feeling like a troglodyte,” Caroline said. “She must have studied up online or at the library, because I don’t have any books like that in the house.”

  “That’s because you’re a bleeding heart.” Jack grinned. “Not a troglodyte.”

  “I just have other boring interests, like philosophy and sociology. Ask Mo about Carl Jung or Alexis de Tocqueville the next time you come over.”

  “I will.” He shook his head. “She’s only eleven.”

  “She is smart,” Caroline said. “Incredibly smart. She tests much better than I did at her age, and I did extremely well. Sometimes it’s hard to keep up with her when she gets on a tear but she’s careful only to do it with people she knows won’t be put off by it.”

  “Sophie can hold her own, too.”

  Caroline’s sensitive youngest child tried her best, but was often overshadowed by her big sister. “Indeed she can, but she’s less forward about it. It’s harder for her since Mo is so far ahead of where she is.”

  “They seem to get along pretty well.”

  She wondered how long that phase was going to last. “Their father’s influence.”

  Jack squeezed her hand. “I’ve seen the way they interact with you. It wasn’t all him.”

  “Mo has an IQ that’s off the charts. MENSA level. I still haven’t told her.”

  “Why not?”

  “I don’t want it to go to her head.”

  “I don’t see what it would hurt.”

  “It’s not just that,” Caroline said. “She’s done so well with maintaining a solid group of friends and keeping up her grades and playing sports…I don’t want her to feel different. To start second guessing herself. She’ll have plenty of time to do that as she gets older. And she already tries to dumb herself down sometimes in ways that make me extremely unhappy.”

  “You don’t want her to hide her intelligence.”

  “No. I don’t.”

  “You do it sometimes,” Jack observed.

  She frowned. “I don’t play dumb or anything, do I?”

  “No,” he said hastily. “I guess you don’t really hide your intelligence. But you’re very adaptable. You do a good job of relating to people no matter their intellectual level or educational background. That’s a wonderful gift to have. And it’s probably easy for you because you’re so damn smart.”

  Aha. She knew a compliment was coming from him at some point. The frown relaxed into a smile. “Thanks.”

  They lapsed into silence again. It felt awkward but Caroline wasn’t sure how to address it.

  “I’ve missed you a little,” Jack said.

  “Really?”

  “Seeing you is usually the highlight of my day.” He looked at her with concern. “How have you been doing lately?”

  “I’m all right.” Caroline was not eager to get into a deep discussion with him, because she didn’t want to admit that things had been pretty lousy. “How about you?”

  “I’m all right,” he echoed, but his tone didn’t match his words. “I’ve got a few things to do in Philadelphia this weekend but I definitely want to spend some more time here before I head home. I’ll probably drive up in the morning.”

  “Any dance contests?” she asked.

  Jack laughed. “No. Where did that come from?”

  “I might have done a little more checking up on you. I saw some footage of you swing dancing at a campaign stop.”

  “Ah, that was a good night.” He laughed again. “There was a little old lady who used to do the jitterbug who insisted we sashay across the floor. She didn’t tell me that her granddaughter was recording the entire thing. Or that she was still in such outstanding shape. She wore me out.”

  “You looked good,” Caroline said. “Where’d you learn how to dance like that?”

  “Cotillions for formal dancing, and I learned swing in college. The basketball groupies and sorority sisters loved that almost as much as my athletic ability.”

  She looked down at her hands. “Do you think you could teach me how to dance like that?”

  Jack sounded surprised. “Sure, if you want.”

  “I’ve always wanted to learn how to dance properly. Nicky and I learned a few basic moves before our wedding but he wasn’t all that good at it.”

  “You need a man who knows how to lead,” he said. “I don’t mean that as an anti-woman or an anti-Nick statement.”

  “No, it’s true. You have to be confident in what you’re doing. It helps when you can follow along and cheat from the other person.”

  “Do you have any good music?”

  “Some Glenn Miller, Benny Goodman, oldies, late ‘90s swing revival remakes and originals, that sort of thing. I also have some classic waltzes and American jazz standards.”

  Jack gave her a sly grin. “You’ve wanted to do this for a while, haven’t you?”

  Caroline shrugged sheepishly. “Yeah. I just never had anyone to ask. You’ll have to be patient, though. I’ll probably step on your feet a lot.”

  His grin widened. “Do me a favor and take off your shoes. You can dance in socks for now.”

  Caroline set up a playlist on her iPod speaker system and Jack started to teach her a few basic moves. After several songs, he even managed to get her to do a small lift. She had the jitterbug, Lindy Hop, East Coast Swing, and foxtrot down in a couple of hours.

  “You catch on fast,” he said. “Incredibly fast.”

  “I don’t know how I’m doing it.”

  “Let’s try something with a little quicker pace,” he suggested. “See how you do with that.”

  Caroline put “Sing Sing Sing” on the stereo and they started to dance. A minute or two in, she realized that she’d forgotten it was an almost five minute song. By the end of the dance she was winded. As the music stopped she doubled over, trying to catch her breath.

  “You’re killing me, McIntyre.” Caroline looked up at him. He had barely broken a sweat.

  “Maybe you’re right,” he said. “Maybe you do need to get to the House gym more.”

  “Jackass,” she panted. “If I weren’t so tired I’d punch you.”

  “That would be quite improper behavior coming from the nicest person in Congress.” Jack pulled her to a standing position. “How about a classic waltz instead? It’s less jumping around.”

  “Okay,” Caroline said. “Just give me a second.”

  They cranked out a few more slow dances, and she was again amazed at how quickly she’d caught on. They were twirling across the basement floor to a waltz by Dvorak. Ca
roline felt as if she was floating on air. Jack’s hands were secure and confident, but gentle. He guided her from move to move, and she realized she didn’t want the dance to end. But soon it was over, right after she’d twirled out of his arms and started laughing.

  She clapped her hands, spun around, and turned to him, breathless. She tossed her head back and laughed again, amazed at how she’d managed not to trip over herself yet again.

  “This is fun,” she said.

  Jack smiled at her. “You really are quite good for a beginner.”

  She tried not to blush. “I have a good teacher.”

  The next song came on. Caroline recognized it immediately. “The Way You Look Tonight.” She’d forgotten that she added it to the playlist. One of her favorites.

  She closed her eyes. “Oh, I love Tony Bennett’s version of this song.”

  “Well then, my lady, let’s take this one a little slower.” He reached for her hand and pulled her closer to him. She put her arms around his neck and leaned in. His cologne smelled so good. They started to dance.

  “You’re lovely,” Jack murmured into her ear.

  Was that directed at her, or was he mimicking the lyrics?

  He was holding her closer than she thought was necessary for a dance between friends, but she wasn’t about to complain. They moved slowly but they’d been practicing all night and were starting to fatigue. Caroline leaned into his shoulder as if it were the most natural thing in the world, not realizing that they had almost completely stopped dancing.

  “Caroline?” She heard Jack’s sweet voice again. “I’m not sure we’re dancing anymore.”

  “Does it matter?” She lifted her head up.

  Jack looked into her eyes. “Not unless it matters to you.”

  He slowly brought his lips to hers. She didn’t turn away this time but closed her eyes and waited. It was sweet, kind, tender…and definitely not platonic. And it felt incredibly good, the pleasure wafting over her. She’d forgotten what it was like to be kissed, really kissed. She didn’t want him to stop. Jack cupped her cheek in his palm and pulled her closer to him with his other hand. Caroline brought her hands up to his hair and held them there, not wanting it to end.

  She had been wondering what it would be like to run her hands through those gorgeous, perfect silver locks. His hair was soft, and she traced her fingers through it as Jack teased her tongue with his. She wanted to tug at it, bring him even closer to her, but then saw Nicky’s face in her mind and pulled away.

  Caroline covered her mouth with her hand. “What was that for?”

  Jack withdrew his hand from her waist. He seemed to be confused. “I-”

  “It was the music,” she stammered. “We - it’s a romantic song. It’s hard not to get sucked into it. It’s fine.”

  She thought Jack looked a little unnerved, but he recovered quickly. “Sure. Just a little kiss between friends. It didn’t mean anything.”

  “Right.” Caroline kissed him on the cheek. “See? Nothing whatsoever.”

  “Yeah.” Jack looked at his watch. “It’s late. I’d better head home. I have to get up pretty early tomorrow.”

  “Not a problem.” She exhaled, grateful for the escape. “Thanks for the dance lessons.”

  “Anytime,” Jack said. “I mean that.”

  “I know.”

  “See you on Tuesday?” he asked. “Lunch, maybe?”

  “You bet.”

  She turned off the music and escorted Jack up the stairs, watching him through the window as he started his Cadillac and drove away. It was nothing, that kiss. That song, the entire night…they’d gotten too caught up in the entire thing. Dancing could be an extraordinarily sensuous experience between two people who knew what they were doing, and Jack was an excellent instructor. It was only natural that she felt such incredible physical chemistry with him. That was it. Nothing more.

  But Caroline was still trying to avoid the thought running through her mind – her increasing desire for him to turn his car around, run through her front door, and take her in his arms again.

  Chapter Nine

  Caroline

  June

  Caroline looked out of the window in Jack’s office. His view wasn’t nearly as nice as hers, but freshmen usually got the shaft when it came to such things. They’d gone to dinner then headed back to Capitol Hill so that Jack could finish up a few things before heading home. She dreaded the drive back to her house in Rockville but the longer she waited, the quicker her commute would be. Thankfully school would be out in a few days. Then she wouldn’t have to deal with nearly as much traffic. Although that also meant Marguerite and Sophie would be leaving for camp soon, and she would miss them terribly.

  “I should probably get going.” Caroline rolled down the sleeves of her blouse and put her suit jacket back on. “Thanks for dinner.”

  “My pleasure,” Jack said.

  She grabbed her purse and started to walk toward the door.

  “Do you ever think about that night we kissed?” he asked. “During that dance lesson?”

  Caroline turned around. “We talked about that, Jack. It didn’t mean anything. We got caught up in the moment. I’m surprised you’re still dwelling on it, to be honest.”

  “That’s not how I interpreted it,” he said. “I know you felt it, Caroline. Just admit it.”

  “It’s late. I really should leave.” She twirled back around and headed for the door.

  Jack came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her shoulders. “That day after it snowed. That night in the basement. That dance lesson. And any other number of times I’ve felt the heat coming from you. I know what you want, Caroline. It’s the same thing I want. And I know you’re fighting it. I wish you’d let yourself go,” he whispered. “We could be so good together. You must have figured out how I feel about you.”

  “We’re friends, Jack. That’s all.” Caroline was trying to ignore the warmth of his body pressed up against hers, the strength of his arms, the smell of his cologne. She told herself to pull away from him but found herself riveted to the floor.

  “We’re not just friends, sweetheart.” His mouth was at her ear and his voice, dripping with desire and seductive promise, was driving her insane. “You know that. We have a connection. I want to be with you, as much more than friends.” He traced his fingers down her throat to her collarbone and she quivered, hearing a thudding noise as her purse dropped to the floor. “You want this,” Jack whispered. “You need this. You know you do. And you know I can give it to you. You deserve to be cherished, adored, taken care of.”

  Her inner feminist ignored that last line, because everything else he said caused her heart rate to rise.

  Jack spun her around to face him, tracing the outline of her lips.

  Caroline couldn’t meet his eyes. “We can’t-”

  “We can,” he said firmly.

  Before she realized what he was doing, he kissed her again. She felt the rush she had before, more intense this time, as he pressed against her, hard, until she was backed up against the wall next to the door. His tongue teased her lips and she opened them for him, letting him taste her. Jack cupped her cheek in his hand as he stroked her hair with the other.

  Caroline involuntarily reached up to grab his suspenders to steady herself, then realized the move was completely intentional. Jack was right. She wanted this. She wanted this so badly and he was finally giving it to her. He was warm, and safe, and oh so good. She leaned into his kiss, tugging at his collar. She wanted more. She wanted to touch him, taste him, feel him on top of her, moving inside her.

  She nipped at his lips, trying to tease him closer. Jack gripped her ass, starting to inch his fingers toward the bottom of her skirt. He slid a hand up her nylons. Caroline moaned softly against his mouth, imagining the many delicious places that hand could go. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders, hoping to provide him with further encouragement, but he abruptly pulled away.

  “I’m sorry, Caroli
ne,” he said. “I shouldn’t have done that.”

  She brought a hand up to her mouth. One kiss and she was panting. Actually panting. “No one’s ever done that before.”

  “No one’s ever kissed you?” Jack’s tone was amused. “I did it a couple of weeks ago.”

  “No, kissed me like that without asking. That was rather impolite.” Caroline tried to hide the fact that she was having trouble breathing. She didn’t bother adding that no one had ever made her react like that, either.

  “If the way you responded to me was any indication, you enjoyed it.”

  Caroline ran her hands through her hair and straightened her skirt, trying to bring herself back to reality. “Jack, we can’t do this.”

  “Of course we can.”

  “No, we can’t.”

  “We’re consenting adults. We’re unattached. We can do whatever we want.”

  “You know what I mean.”

  “So you want to ignore this? This attraction we have to each other?”

  “Yes.”

  “You want this, sweetheart. You know you do.”

  “It doesn’t matter what I want.”

  “Caroline, you’re an incredible person. A beautiful woman. I like you. I’ve liked you since the night I met you. I want more than friendship.”

  “I can’t give that to you,” she said softly.

  “I think we could have something. Surely you must feel it, too.”

  “How I feel is of little consequence. This can’t happen.”

  Jack reached over to cup her cheek. “Why not?”

  Her voice was getting shorter and she took a step back from him. “Because we can’t. It’s not right.”

  “It is right. You know it. You’ve known it for months.” He reached toward her again. “Caroline-”

  She swatted his hand down and took a step away from him. “I’m not ready,” she snapped. “We can’t do this because I’m not ready. I am not ready for this, for someone new, for something other than what I’ve been dealing with for the past year. I’m not ready to feel anything for anyone, least of all you.”

  Jack looked hurt. “What is that supposed to mean?”

  Caroline let out a hard breath. “I didn’t mean it the way it sounded. I’m sorry. I like you. I like you a lot.”