The Bellator Saga: The First Trilogy (Dissident, Conscience, and Sojourn)

by Cecilia London

  Christine pushed Caroline back against the wall. “Let it go. I’ll buy you a new outfit the next time we go to Nordstrom.”

  “Liar.” She blinked her eyes shut.

  “I don’t care whether you believe me or not. I’m just trying to keep you from going into shock.”

  Caroline heard a noise and opened her eyes. Jack ran toward her, breaking through the crowd of people who had gathered outside the boundary the police had set. A policeman trailed behind him, unable to keep up. He dropped to his knees on the floor next to her.

  “Jesus Christ,” he said. “Christine, what the hell happened?”

  Christine tightened her grip again. “Caroline is going to be fine, Jack. She decided to play hero, that’s all.”

  He cradled Caroline’s head in his hands. “Are you okay, sweetheart?”

  When had they argued in her office? Yesterday? The day before? She couldn’t remember, and he didn’t seem to be dwelling on it. Seeing the concern in his eyes made Caroline come close to breaking down. She bit her lip to stymie the tears, but failed. They started to fall anyway. “My arm hurts,” she whispered.

  Jack clenched his teeth. “Baby, I know it does.” He kissed her forehead. “But the ambulance will be here soon and you’re going to be fine. You hear me? You’re going to be fine.”

  His hands were nice and warm and she wanted nothing more than to lean into them. Caroline closed her eyes and let her head droop.

  “Keep talking to her, Jack,” said Christine. “Keep her attention.”

  Caroline cried out in pain. Jack glared at Christine, who was still squeezing Caroline’s inner arm tightly with one hand and pressing against her left side, near her heart, with the other.

  “Could you stop doing that?” he asked.

  “She’s lost a lot of blood,” Christine hissed. “I’m trying to contain the damage here.”

  “You have a hell of a bedside manner.”

  “Just try to keep her conscious,” she snapped.

  “Come on, sweetheart.” Jack lightly slapped her face. “Stay here.”

  “Why do you two keep hitting me?” Caroline mumbled. “That’s really rude.”

  “I’m sorry, Caroline. I’m very sorry. About everything.”

  She didn’t care about his apologies right now, but she’d feel guilty if she didn’t express her own regrets as well. “I’m sorry I yelled at you.”

  “Just now, or before?”

  “Both, I think.” The room spun. She was very mixed up. “I don’t know. Mostly before. I’ve been yelling at you a lot.”

  “Don’t worry about that now. That was my fault. We can talk about that later.”

  “I love you,” she whispered.

  Jack kissed her forehead. “You’re going to be fine. I love you so much. I’m so sorry I hurt you.”

  “You’re a good man,” Caroline slurred, hoping Jack could hear her. The noise rushing through her ears made the room sound like a wind tunnel. Had anyone else noticed it? “You’re going to make a wonderful governor.”

  He pressed his lips to her forehead again. A clumsy gesture, as if he were trying to soothe himself more than her. “We don’t need to talk about that now, sweetheart. Just breathe and concentrate on the sound of my voice.”

  Her mind drifted. “Will you go to the hospital with me?”

  “You wouldn’t be able to keep me away if you tried.” His voice started to float away.

  “I love you,” she said again. Or had she spoken at all? She wasn’t sure.

  “Caroline!” She could hear Jack but he was being very quiet. “Stay here. Come on, baby. Stay here...”

  * * * * *

  Caroline blinked a few times and looked around. Her mouth was unbelievably dry. Sterile environment, beeping machines, bed with rails….she was in a hospital room. Ugh.

  Her left arm was bandaged and wrapped in a sling, and her right arm had an IV drip, containing what she hoped were some painkillers. Upon closer inspection, she seemed to be in a cast. Man, did she hurt. She felt a weight on her lower abdomen and lifted her head up to take a look. Not that she could see too much. She didn’t have spectacular vision and her contacts felt like small, pointy torture devices.

  Jack was asleep, his head on her hips, his arms draped idly across her stomach and legs. He must have been exhausted, since her pelvis seemed like it would be a very uncomfortable resting place. Caroline reached over to pet Jack’s hair. He started to wake up. She hadn’t intended to rouse him, but wanted to make sure he was comfortable.

  “Jack,” she croaked. It came out rough. She tried again and continued running her fingers through his hair, repeating his name.

  He raised his head slowly. “What?”

  He looked like he’d been hit by a truck. She brought her hand to his face, hoping that he could tell how happy she was to see him there.

  Jack yawned as she caressed his cheek. “Hi, sweetheart.”

  “Hi,” she said softly, pulling her hand away. “What time is it?”

  He checked his watch. “It’s almost midnight. Don’t try to talk.”

  “But-”

  He put his fingers to her lips. “Let’s get someone in here to take a look at you first. Do you remember what happened?”

  She nodded yes.

  “Are you in any pain?”

  She bit her lip and looked away, then nodded yes again as a tear rolled down her cheek.

  “Don’t cry,” Jack whispered. “It’ll be okay.” He wiped the tear away with his thumb, letting it linger for longer than necessary. She could still feel the heat of his touch even after he reluctantly pulled away. He gave her a small smile and stood up. “I’ll find a nurse. Don’t go anywhere.”

  * * * * *

  The older African American woman tending to her was friendly. She’d been kind enough to get Caroline some eye drops, so the room was no longer blurry.

  “Congressman, would you like some coffee?” she asked. “One of the other duty nurses made a pot.”

  Jack rubbed his eyes. He still looked shaky on his feet. “I think I’ll take you up on that,” he said, and went in search of caffeine.

  The nurse hooked up another IV. “He’s a sweetheart,” she told Caroline. “He’s been here all night, holding your hand, talking to you. I think I even heard him singing.”

  “He fell asleep on my lap,” Caroline said. What was the nurse’s name? Barbara? Brenda?

  The nurse laughed. “The second one,” she said. “It’s Brenda.”

  “Did I say that out loud?”

  Brenda laughed again. “You did. I’ll pretend it was the anesthesia.”

  Caroline wasn’t about to tell her that being occasionally scatterbrained was part of her charm. Brenda would probably figure that out after she hit the call button seven or eight times.

  She continued to work, checking the machines, fluffing Caroline’s pillow. “My daughter Chloe lives in your district. She thinks you’re the best representative she’s ever had.” Brenda injected the IV with another dose of morphine. At least, Caroline hoped it was morphine. Her surgeon had promised her morphine. She smoothed the blanket covering Caroline’s feet and looked up at her. “You did a brave thing today.”

  Caroline bit her tongue, not wanting to tell the woman that she thought she was a complete idiot for doing it, especially with two young children who needed her. “Whatever you say,” she mumbled.

  Brenda checked the IV a final time. “Chloe met you at a town hall once and told me you don’t like it when people tell you nice things about yourself.” She turned when Jack walked back into the room, Styrofoam cup in hand. “You’d better hold on to him,” she whispered, putting a reassuring hand on Caroline’s good shoulder. “Let me know if you need anything else.”

  “Thank you.” Caroline smiled at her as Jack sat down beside the bed.

  She was extremely lucky. For whatever reason, the gunman had not chosen a large caliber weapon. He’d armed himself with a plinking gun, a .22 Smith and Wesson, bu
t still got off a shot that fractured her humerus.

  Christine had been correct. The bullet nicked her brachial artery. She lost a massive amount of blood and needed a transfusion during surgery. Her surgeon removed a few bone fragments but observed no other major damage. He was confident she’d make a full recovery with some rehab, although he warned her she’d probably have a small scar. He stuck around to speak with her in person, even though she’d been asleep for hours. Caroline wondered if he would have extended the same courtesy to someone who wasn’t a member of Congress.

  Jack stroked her hand. “So, how are you feeling?”

  “Better, now that I’ve heard what the surgeon had to say. And now that he’s given me permission to use my voice.”

  He smiled. “I was being overprotective, I guess. I still want you to mostly listen to me, though.”

  Caroline didn’t have enough energy to argue with him. “Fine.”

  “Marguerite and Sophie are with the Sullivans at your house. They’ll be here first thing in the morning. I called Christine while the nurse was giving you more meds.”

  She didn’t want to start crying. There would be plenty of time for that later. “Are they okay?”

  “They want to see you. They tried to stick around until you woke up. It took some effort to convince Christine that they all should go home and get some sleep.”

  “I’ll bet.”

  “As you might expect, I didn’t touch that one. It was all Tom.”

  Caroline laughed softly, then winced.

  Jack rubbed her good shoulder. “Oh, sweetheart. I’m sorry. I won’t make any jokes.”

  “How is that different from the way you usually are?”

  “I’m glad to see the aftereffects of surgery have not dampened your wit,” he said, but his voice had an unmistakable edge.

  “Is everyone really okay?”

  He tucked her hair behind her ear. He seemed obsessed with having constant physical contact with her. She wasn’t about to complain about it, when it comforted her so effectively. It took him a moment to speak.

  “It was not a fun evening. But Tom kept the girls reasonably calm. I did my best too. From what he told me, their flight was pretty rough, even though I assured him that your injuries weren’t life threatening.”

  “Flight?”

  “Tom took my jet up to Massena. He brought your children home from camp.”

  Did he mention a jet? Privately owned aircraft had never come up in any of their conversations before. She must have misheard him. Probably the morphine. “You did that for them?”

  Jack gave her a shy smile. “Your daughters are very important to me.”

  They wouldn’t be the only ones affected by her injury. Caroline knew to ask about the usual suspects. Kathleen would be fine but everyone else was a question mark. “What about Chrissy? And Jen?”

  He took a very long sip of coffee. “Katie and I had to convince her to change her dress and clean herself up a little before she saw the girls. She was not in a good place. Neither was Jen. You’ll probably need to hug them or something when they get here tomorrow morning.”

  It didn’t hurt to ask. “Katie’s okay?”

  He gripped the cup a little tighter. “She’ll be fine. Held most of us together, as I’m sure you expected. You had a lot of people checking on your condition, and she herded them all around since Jen was a little shaky.”

  Caroline took a good look at him. His face was drawn and pale, almost gray. Had anyone checked on him? “How are you doing?” she asked.

  Jack set the cup down and closed his eyes. It was a while before he opened them again. She could have sworn she saw his lip tremble. He turned away from her and cleared his throat before reaching over to squeeze her fingers.

  “I am very, very glad to be here with you right now,” he said softly. He slid her hand in between both of his, careful to avoid the IV needle. “And I’m not going to waste this opportunity while I have it.”

  “You don’t have to worry. I’m literally not going anywhere. I don’t have any clothes here and I think they’d notice me trying to escape.”

  Jack didn’t laugh at her cheap attempt at humor. “Do you know why I was so mad at you about what you said about me during the campaign?”

  He didn’t want to waste too much time with small talk, did he? Caroline leaned back into the fluffed up pillow on her hospital bed. She didn’t want to talk about that speech. Not now, not ever. “Jack-”

  “Don’t, Caroline. I know what you’re going to say. I really have forgiven you for giving that speech. I mean it. And I know you hate talking about it. But I realized a while ago that it struck a nerve with me because it was grounded in truth.”

  She glared at him. “It wasn’t the truth and you know it.”

  “You know how many women I’ve been with. How many I’ve used. You know the bad decisions I’ve made, the terrible things I’ve done to make money, get ahead, close the deal, get laid. You know how I’ve manipulated people. And you know that deep down inside, I’m an entitled asshole who thinks he can get whatever he wants, whenever he wants. That’s precisely why I ran for Congress. I wanted the power. I wanted the attention. I wanted everything that came along with it, so I could take that next step.”

  “That’s not the real you,” she said.

  “The hell it isn’t. You as much told me the same thing over the course of the last week, and you were right.”

  “I’ve said a lot of awful things to you recently. Things I shouldn’t have said. You’re not that man.”

  “Who am I, then?”

  “That’s not the way you are with me.”

  He brushed her hair away from her forehead. “Why do you think that is?”

  If she could answer that question, maybe their entire blowup could have been avoided. “I don’t know.”

  “How do you know I’m not going to use you like I’ve used everybody else?”

  “Because I trust you,” Caroline said. “And I love you. And I know you love me. I should have given you a chance to explain things better.”

  “You still love me?” Jack asked in amazement. “After everything I’ve done? Even knowing who I really am?”

  “Just because I was in severe pain earlier today doesn’t mean I wasn’t telling you the truth.”

  “Do you know how terrified I was? How scared I was of losing you?”

  He didn’t need to be so melodramatic. “It wasn’t that bad.”

  “It was. All I could think was that something horrific had happened and I might never get the chance to make things up to you, to prove my love and tell you how sorry I was, that you’d – that your last memories of me would be of how I’d hurt you so much that you hated me for it.”

  Completely, over the top melodramatic. “I don’t hate you, Jack.”

  “Maybe not, but I still hurt you terribly. I know that. And I hate myself for it.”

  “Please don’t feel that way. I said so many rotten things to you and you didn’t deserve any of them.”

  “I shouldn’t have accused you of running away.”

  Caroline blinked her eyes furiously. “You were right,” she whispered. “I am. Or I was.”

  “You wouldn’t have done it if I hadn’t lied to you.”

  “I would have found some excuse to do it eventually.”

  “Caroline, I mean it. I shouldn’t have said it.”

  “Why do you think I said all those things to you?”

  Jack looked down at her hand and squeezed it again. She should have known he wouldn’t want to answer that question.

  “You know why.” She sniffled loudly. “I was pushing you away. Protecting myself. Last year was hard, Jack.” Her voice shook as she said his name, and she paused to compose herself. Sometimes the memories were still too much. “Really hard. I still don’t know how I got through it. I wouldn’t have had the strength to do it if I didn’t know that I had to do it for Mo and Feef. Or if everyone hadn’t been there to help me. The thought
of going through something like that again…it makes me so frightened. I don’t think I could bear it.”

  “You’d rather be alone and miserable?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “You deserve to be happy. Or with someone and miserable, instead of alone and miserable.”

  “Would that someone be you?”

  Jack grinned at her, a very welcome sight. “Baby, if you give me the chance I’ll make you the most miserable woman in the world.”

  Caroline laughed. “You promised not to make any jokes.”

  “I’m being serious. I’m a pain in the ass.”

  “I know. You wouldn’t let me push you away.”

  “I did my best to coerce you into doing it. I should never have lied to you.” He rubbed his eyes. “Do you know why I didn’t tell you about the governor’s race? I should have. I know that. Every logical bone in my body told me that. There were so many times when I opened my mouth intending to tell you, and then stopped because I was afraid of how you’d react. You’d finally started opening up to me, and I thought, maybe I can earn this woman’s love. Maybe you’d want to be with me, maybe we could have something. I thought if I told you the truth, I’d ruin what we had. That you’d pull away and never be willing to see if we could make a relationship work. I know it was selfish. I’m sorry. I was scared of losing you before I even had you, and that wasn’t fair. I should have told you and dealt with the consequences.”

  “You’re right. You should have told me.” Caroline appreciated his apology but her feelings still hurt. They couldn’t just sweep everything under the rug. “I don’t know if we can move forward if you don’t trust me enough to be honest with me.”

  “I’ve learned my lesson. I have no good excuse for not telling you. I’ve told you almost everything else about me. It’s a mistake I won’t repeat.”

  “How do I know that’s true?”

  “Look at me. Do you think I’m lying?”

  Caroline held his gaze for as long as she could, searching for any sign of deception and finding none. He wasn’t a perfect man. Their relationship would probably never be without its difficulties. They might have to work harder than they wanted to ensure their mutual stability. But all their disagreements didn’t seem important anymore. Her path forward was with him.