The Bellator Saga: The First Trilogy (Dissident, Conscience, and Sojourn)

by Cecilia London

  But Diana would tell him to stay.

  A million images flashed through her mind, stark and painful, stabbing at her heart. Filtering naturally until they got more specific. Mo and Feef blowing bubbles and chasing each other around in the backyard. Jen and Katie laughing along with her at a terrible joke. Chrissy glibly giving her a hard time about any number of topics on which they disagreed. And Jack...

  Jack.

  The grief was too much to bear so she pushed it aside. Buried it. Deep down in her soul where no one would ever find it. Six feet of dirt over a wound that would never heal.

  Caroline hurt. Caroline felt things. Caroline had a gaping hole inside her that grew with each passing day. Diana felt no attachments to anyone. Caroline may have needed to feel connections with people, might never have had sex with no strings attached but Diana could hop into bed with anyone.

  She wanted to be Diana. She wanted to forget. But wanting something wasn’t nearly enough. She was disgusted with herself for even thinking of letting Gabe kiss her, when all he wanted was for her to enjoy herself. Because all she could do was think of the men who had come before him. One more brick of guilt to add to the growing pile. She grabbed the bedspread and wrapped it around herself. Another layer of protection.

  “We can’t do this,” she said.

  Gabe sighed. “I know. I’m sorry.”

  He kept apologizing even though he hadn’t done anything wrong. The man was too nice. Too good, too compassionate, too decent for her. He’d want to make it right. But nothing he could do or say would change her mind.

  Caroline turned to face him. He had been gentle and kind during the entire time she’d been in his home. She knew he was a man of good intentions. She wanted to reassure him. To stroke his cheek or run a hand through his hair. But it felt wrong.

  “I need you as a friend,” she said. “But I don’t think – I don’t want you to get the wrong idea.”

  Gabe turned his head downward, but not before she caught the disappointment in his eyes. Why had she let him in her room? Everything she did led to disaster.

  “I’m sorry,” she said.

  It took a long time for him to look up and smile at her. “It’s okay,” he said. “I shouldn’t have pushed it. Not after everything you’ve been through. I’ll be here in whatever capacity you need.”

  She smiled back at him. In another life, she might have given him a chance. Or two. But she couldn’t get too close. Not now. Not ever.

  “Is there anything else I can do for you?” Gabe asked. “You seem like you’re a million miles away.”

  I am. Caroline closed her eyes, loosening her grip on the bedspread. The sick feeling returned. She knew damn well she was ready and willing to exploit his feelings whenever it was convenient or necessary. It was wrong but she couldn’t help herself.

  “Can you hold me?” she whispered.

  “Sure,” Gabe said, crossing around the bed and laying down behind her. He extended his arms.

  She willingly melted into his chest. It was soft and comfortable. “I miss being held.”

  “I want to help you,” he said quietly. “I can hold you all night long if you want.”

  He fell asleep first and she tried to clear her mind. But it was useless. Caroline knew that the dreams would come. She knew what she would dream about. Who she would dream about. The one person she’d tried to block out the most, aside from her children. And it wasn’t Gabe.

  Chapter Thirteen

  The Past

  Caroline felt soft lips against her cheek. A sweet voice in her ear.

  “Hello, sweetheart.”

  She curled in closer to the voice and was greeted by a hard, muscular chest. Two strong arms came around her shoulders.

  Jack chuckled. “You don’t know what it does to a man when he walks into his bedroom and sees his wife sprawled out on the bed wearing nothing but a blouse and a garter belt.”

  “Tired,” she mumbled. “Took a nap.”

  His hands moved down her body. “Managed to take off your skirt, though.”

  She’d come home after a hectic morning at one of her field offices. Early July meant constituent families would visit her with their kids in tow to give them a lesson in democracy. Caroline thought it was cute, though it did make her miss Marguerite and Sophie. After a few meetings she’d come home intending to take the shortest of breaks before preparing for the next morning’s House session.

  “Meant to get to the rest of my clothes after I rested my eyes for a minute,” she said.

  Jack chuckled again, nuzzling her cheek. “You failed.”

  Her husband was in Pennsylvania campaigning. Why was he in her bed? “Is this a dream?”

  “No. If it is, the black hose and matching bra are a nice touch,” he said, unbuttoning her blouse. “We’ll have to work on a French maid outfit for next time.”

  “Didn’t think about it. It’s what I wore to work.”

  His fingers trailed down her stomach, toward her belly button. They drifted over her garter belt. “Why did you wear this today?”

  “It reminds me of you.”

  He withdrew his hands. “You did think about it.”

  Caroline fell into his arms again, half asleep. “Don’t know.”

  Jack kissed her neck, casually palming one of her breasts. “I’ve missed you,” he whispered. “I want you.”

  She was trying to picture what she must look like half undressed and drowsy as hell. “My laziness turns you on?” she asked, trying to open her eyes.

  “You call it laziness, I call it consideration. Next time you can get completely naked and I won’t mind.”

  She had to be dreaming. “What are you doing here?”

  “This week has been hell. Being in hotel rooms, sleeping alone, wishing you were there beside me…I wanted to see you.”

  “You have a campaign to attend to.”

  “I have my job here in Washington, too. And a woman I love, who needs me.” He snaked his fingers down her body, inching closer to her panty line. “I’ve missed this. It’s been too long, baby.”

  She blinked and saw him lying next to her. “You really are here.”

  Jack smiled. “You thought it was a dream?”

  She spent half her time whether asleep or awake thinking about him and his magic hands. And tongue. And other things. “I can never be sure.”

  “Do you have a lot of dreams about me coming into our bedroom and ravishing you in your sleep?”

  Oh, the stories she could tell. “A lady reveals nothing,” she said softly. “But since I’m not a lady, I’ll tell you that yes, I dream about it all the time.”

  “Better do something about that, then.” Jack pulled her panties down and threw them on the floor, kissing his way up her thighs. He tugged at her garters. “I know what you want,” he whispered. “But I’m going to tease you first.”

  “You’re not playing fair,” Caroline gasped, feeling his breath on her pussy.

  “I know.” His eyes met hers and he crawled on top of her, kissing her deeply. “It’s fun.”

  “Not for me.”

  He laughed, rolling off of her. “You lie. You love it.” He reached up to cup her breasts over the black underwire. “Beautiful,” he murmured.

  He was such a tease, lying next to her fully clothed. “Jack, the least you could do is take off your shirt. Throw me a bone here.”

  “Nice double entendre.” He kissed her neck, tweaking her nipples at the same time, letting his fingers drift down to her clit. But he didn’t touch her.

  Caroline shifted toward his hand, sighing when he pulled it away. He brought it back again, teasing her. Rotten man. He kept doing it too, grinning every time he pulled his hand away. Then he’d put it back. One of his favorite games.

  “You – are – such – an – asshole,” she choked out.

  “Drives you crazy, doesn’t it?” Jack sat up, pulled down his suspenders, and yanked off his tie, starting to unbutton his shirt. “Woman, you ar
e so demanding sometimes.”

  If he was going to tease, she could do the same. She cupped her breasts in her hands, catching his eye as he continued to undress.

  “I like the entertainment,” he said. “That bra is fucking amazing.”

  Caroline drifted her fingers down her stomach toward her pelvis, but Jack grabbed her wrists and pushed her hands above her head.

  “Not yet,” he said. “You have to wait for that.”

  She struggled in his grip, just enough to let him know she really wasn’t resisting at all. “I don’t want to.”

  He released her, standing up and staring at her. “You will. You’ll see.”

  Oh, the sound of his voice. She needed to bottle that for when she went on solo trips or was in their giant bed alone. Just her and a few toys and her husband’s simple, seductive words. Caroline sighed as he pulled off his undershirt. “Is there anything I get to do?”

  Jack grinned. “You get to suffer as I tease you for hours.”

  That might not be as fun as it sounded. “Hours?”

  “Okay, maybe an hour. Depends on how many times you want me to make you come.” He leaned closer to her ear. “I could pull your favorite vibrator out of the drawer and get you off in about two minutes, but what fun would that be?”

  She tried not to shiver. Did he mean the Lelo or the Rabbit? The Magic Wand was under the bed. “Plenty of fun for me,” Caroline said.

  “Did you use it when I was gone?” Jack asked.

  Oh, he meant the Lelo. “Multiple times a night.”

  He brought a thumb to her lips. “Insatiable woman. Did you think about me?”

  She bit at him playfully. “What do you think?”

  Jack grinned at her, sliding the thumb into her mouth, only withdrawing it when she started to suck vigorously. If the look on his face was any indication, she’d caught him a bit by surprise.

  “You want that?” she asked.

  He kissed her. “Maybe later. The afternoon is young, my love.”

  “What time is it?”

  “I got here at three. You have me to yourself until tomorrow morning.”

  That meant he’d turned the ringer off and stashed his phone where he wouldn’t be able to check it. “Did you think about me while you were on the road?” Caroline asked.

  “I ruined many a bedsheet at a number of classy hotels over the past week. Made sure to tip well.”

  That sounded deliciously delinquent. The mental imagery would give her enough fantasy material for weeks. He’d be naked with nothing but a sheet covering him, sliding his hand up and down his cock. Maybe his eyes would be shut. Maybe he’d start groaning or whispering her name. What a turn on. “What were you thinking about?”

  He moved between her thighs. “Definitely this.”

  She tried to sit up. “What about your pants?”

  Jack pushed her back on the bed. “You have to wait a long time for those to come off. Patience, baby.” He kissed the inside of her thigh. “Fingers or tongue?”

  Caroline sank back into the pillow. His tone of voice was killing her. “I-”

  His mouth was at her ear again. “Keep in mind I already know what you want. What you need. And you’re not going to get it for a while. Next time I leave I might hide all the vibrators. Naughty girl.” He slid a finger inside her. “Do you want this?”

  “Yes,” she gasped.

  He pulled out and pushed in again, using two fingers this time. “How about this?”

  She bucked her hips up, trying to force him to go deeper, and he withdrew his hand. “Nice try,” he said, moving in for another deep kiss.

  Caroline tugged at his hair. “You enjoy toying with me, don’t you?”

  Jack kissed her collarbone. “Tremendously. And if you don’t stop fidgeting I’m going to tie you to the bed.”

  They did have a set of Velcro restraints hidden under the mattress. “All four limbs?”

  “Do you want to find out?”

  “Maybe.”

  He gave her a lopsided grin. “Eh, if you’re good.”

  “Promises, promises.”

  “Just for that, I won’t do it.”

  “You’re not doing anything I want,” she pouted.

  He laughed, easing his way between her legs again. “Bet you I will now.”

  Caroline felt his tongue on her clit. “Holy – you went straight from teasing to full on-”

  He pulled back to look at her. “Oh, you liked that?”

  She fisted his hair and forced his face downward, not saying a word.

  “A little rough, aren’t we, sweetheart?” he asked, blowing on her clit. “You’ll pay for that.”

  Caroline grabbed a pillow and pulled it over her face to muffle her cries. Whenever she did that, her voice didn’t hurt as much the next day. She might have to make a floor speech or hold a press conference. One never knew.

  Jack reached up and tossed it away. “None of that. You wanted this and I want to hear you scream until it makes you hoarse. I don’t care if you have to be important tomorrow.”

  Oh, that dirty mouth. That dirty mind. He knew exactly why she wanted to save her vocal cords. He’d be grinning like a banshee on the House floor the next day if she so much as slipped over a word while speaking.

  She closed her eyes, knowing he wouldn’t stop for a good long while. And he didn’t, teasing her with his fingers, licking and sucking her clit, driving her insane over and over but never quite letting her get to the end. She was begging him to finish when he pulled up his head.

  “What was that?” he asked.

  She was clenching the bedsheets in her hands, panting. Her throat was already raw. “Please, Jack. I can’t take anymore.”

  He smiled and leaned an elbow on the pillow next to her. He kissed her. She could taste herself on him. “You’ve been enjoying yourself. I can tell. Want more of that?”

  “Please finish,” she whispered.

  “Finish what?”

  Caroline closed her eyes. He was trying to get her to say what she really wanted when he knew she wasn’t comfortable asking for it. Even though she’d done it plenty of times during more intense situations.

  “Make me come,” she said softly.

  Jack kissed her again, sliding his fingers back inside her. “With my hands,” he murmured. “Just the way you like it.”

  Caroline arched against him, leaning into his shoulder. She resisted the urge to dig her fingernails into his chest, burying her face in his neck instead.

  “You’re so gorgeous like this,” he whispered. “So wonderful. So wet.”

  He cradled her head in one arm, stroking her with his other hand and cooing in her ear. Caroline cried out and Jack kissed her hard, his hand working its magic as she writhed against it. She tried to bat it away after her first wave of pleasure but he kept it where it was until she stilled, exhausted.

  “That was nice.” He kissed her forehead. “How many was that?”

  She closed her eyes, trying to return to reality. Counting? What was that again? “I – what did you just ask me?”

  He stood up and started to strip off his pants and boxers. “That good, huh?”

  So nonchalant. So blasé. Casually undressing while he watched her legs continue to tremble.

  “Egotistical man,” Caroline said.

  Jack climbed on top of her, wiping the sweat from her brow. “I know how you love to stroke my…ego.”

  “Fuck,” she said softly.

  “That can be arranged.” He slammed into her, allowing her oversensitive body to feel his length.

  She clawed at his shoulder blades. He’d have scratch marks on his back in the morning. Served him right. “Today was a nice surprise,” she gasped.

  Jack kissed her neck, gliding in and out of her. “I figured you’d appreciate it.”

  Caroline ran her fingers through his hair. “I love you.”

  “I know.” He wrapped his arms around her head and increased his movements, punctuating each word
with a thrust. “You’re so beautiful,” he whispered. “So fucking beautiful. I could do this to you all damn day.”

  Jack slowed his pace and they moved languidly, unhurriedly, until he whispered her name and thrust inside her one final time, his hips jerking, withdrawing when he was finished.

  “You are amazing,” he said.

  She took a deep breath. “You wear me out.”

  He pulled her into his arms. “You love it.”

  Caroline smiled serenely. “I do.”

  Jack yawned. “Want to finish that nap?”

  She drew the sheet over them both. “Absolutely.”

  * * * * *

  Caroline let the hot water run down her back, allowing it to massage her muscles. She closed her eyes, concentrating on the pounding of the water.

  “Mind if I join you?” Jack asked.

  She turned toward the glass shower door, startled. “You surprised me.”

  He grinned. “That was my intention. Why didn’t you wake me up?”

  “You’re more tired than I am. You need your beauty sleep.”

  “Baby, I’m always beautiful.”

  Caroline grinned back at him. “You have a very healthy opinion of yourself sometimes.”

  Jack slid behind her, grabbing her body wash. “Might I help the lady with her bath?”

  “Technically, we’re in the shower. And I was almost finished.”

  “No, you’re not,” he said, squeezing some of the soap into his hands. He pressed against her back, massaging the body wash into her breasts. “This part of you could use a little more attention.”

  Caroline leaned into him, rubbing her ass against his cock just for fun. “Horny bastard.”

  He tweaked her nipples in turn, causing her to let out a tiny squeal. “Have I told you how happy I am that you let me talk you into renovating this bathroom?” he asked.

  She smiled slightly. “I’ll admit, having a shower stall big enough for two has turned out to be a nice bonus.”

  Jack cupped her breasts, kissing the back of her neck. “I certainly enjoy it.”

  He spent more time in the shower with her than he did by himself. She rubbed against him again. “You whip out your checkbook almost as often as you whip out your cock.”