The Bellator Saga: The First Trilogy (Dissident, Conscience, and Sojourn)

by Cecilia London

“I was in Philadelphia last week. I stopped at home and randomly checked our bedroom and discovered that something was missing. Any idea what it was?”

  Caroline told herself not to blush. “I have no idea.”

  “You’re lying, baby. You’re such a terrible liar.”

  She blushed anyway. “I am not.”

  “I found it curious that this item was gone,” he continued. “I started looking around our bedroom here. I knew it had to be somewhere, somewhere no one would look. And guess what I found hidden in your closet?”

  Caroline unconsciously grabbed the chair in front of her, trying not to shake.

  Jack laughed. “If you could see the look on your face right now.” He pulled a long wooden paddle out of the drawer, holding it up, smacking it against his palm.

  “Oh my,” she said softly.

  “‘Oh my’ indeed,” he said. “Why would this have been in your closet?”

  She was in trouble. Good trouble, but trouble nonetheless. “I-”

  “When were you going to tell me you had it here?”

  “I don’t know,” Caroline said.

  “Why did you bring it, then?”

  “You know why.”

  Jack smiled. “Do you remember the first time I used this on you?”

  She closed her eyes. “Yes.”

  Caroline often reflected on the fact that she never thought she’d end up with a frat boy, let alone one who was a moderately conservative Republican. She could see the Greek letters burned into the front of the paddle. Sigma Chi. Jack’s fraternity nickname had been “Otter,” which Caroline found charming. She’d always harbored a secret crush on Tim Matheson, and he’d been cute in Animal House. Jack’s frat brothers thought he looked like the actor, plus he made quite an impression on the ladies during pledge season. The nickname fit him perfectly.

  Almost two weeks after they returned from Ellen’s fundraiser in California during the last election cycle, after that hot night in the hotel when her ass had hurt like a bitch for the next few days, he pulled the paddle out of a drawer and asked her if she’d like him to use it on her. He let her try it out on him first and she jokingly asked if that had been part of his hazing process in college. They’d only used it on a handful of occasions since then, but she always remembered it was in the nightstand drawer. A constant reminder of how far she was willing to go in order to achieve satisfaction.

  Jack turned the paddle around in his hands. “I have to admit, when I showed it to you that first time I thought you were going to run away screaming. But you smiled, even though you probably didn’t intend to. It was the most erotic reaction I’d ever seen.” He gave her an indecent look. “That was a great night.”

  All the nights had been great, but the first had by far been the most intense. “It was,” Caroline whispered.

  “Why didn’t you tell me you brought this here?”

  His words and deeds had the capacity to turn her on like nothing else, but she wasn’t sure she’d ever felt so exposed before. “I don’t know,” she said.

  Jack walked over to the chair and put his hand on her shoulder. “Sweetheart, there’s no shame in telling me what you want. Have you missed this?”

  “Yes.”

  “We haven’t used it all that often.”

  “I know.”

  “I mean, we’ve done a lot of other things but-”

  Caroline blushed deeper, if that was even possible. “I’m fully aware of the other things we’ve done. Especially recently,” she said, remembering the last time they’d been alone in his office.

  Jack kissed her cheek. “Why didn’t you tell me instead of dropping clues?”

  He wanted an easy answer and she didn’t have one. “Sometimes it’s a little inelegant to ask you to paddle the shit out of me.”

  “Does it hurt when I do it?”

  She couldn’t sit down for a day or two afterward, if he did it right. “Yes.”

  “But you enjoy it.”

  Caroline bit her lip. “Maybe too much.”

  “Does it make you feel bad?”

  “No.”

  “Does it humiliate you?”

  “No.”

  He seemed determined to get to the root of her concerns, which was why he kept peppering her with questions. “What do you get out of it?”

  “I like waiting for it,” she whispered. “The anticipation, the aftermath. I like the sting. I like knowing that you really aren’t going to hit me too hard, just enough for me to enjoy it. The look in your eyes, the tone of your voice. The way you act when you’re doing it. I like thinking about what you’ll do to me next. And what I want to do to you.”

  He grinned. “And what’s that?”

  She blew out a frustrated breath. “It makes me want to fuck your brains out, all right?”

  Jack squeezed her to him affectionately. “No need to get testy. You’re well adjusted, you like sex, and sometimes you like it rough. What’s the problem?”

  Caroline sighed, some of the heat leaving her face. “It’s not something I’m supposed to want. I haven’t survived some sexual trauma, I’m not rebelling against anything. There aren’t any deep seated, repressed psychological issues. It’s something I enjoy, for whatever reason. I like the way it feels. And I like the way it makes you feel. I couldn’t imagine wanting to do this with anyone else, either.”

  He kissed the top of her head. “I do like spanking you. Hard. I love how excited you get, how you react to it. Half the time I almost come in my boxers by watching your response, you know that?”

  “Jack-”

  “Caroline, you’re so confident, so self-assured in other areas of your life. And you’re pretty damn assertive in bed, most of the time. You have no misgivings about telling me what you want under other circumstances. Why does this have to be any different?”

  “I feel like this makes us deviants or something.”

  Jack grinned again. “We are pretty perverse. And we’re both in control the entire time, no matter what you believe or what I say. There’s nothing wrong with wanting something that you’ve been taught is bad. We’re in a loving marriage. We support each other. We know what to give each other. We never run out of things to do in bed, and you’re always willing to try new things. Even if I have to coax them out of you. That excites the hell out of me.” He licked his lips. “Did you ever think that our relationship would turn into what it has?”

  The flush continued to fade away. His reassurances were working. “Not really,” she said. “I figured you’d be good for some fuzzy handcuffs and dirty talk but never this.”

  “If it helps, I marked you as a bad girl from the very beginning.”

  She laughed. “I bet you did.”

  “That first weekend. When you masturbated in front of me. That’s when I knew.”

  At the time Caroline had considered performing for a partner to be the furthest extent of her sexual explorations, but she’d been so, so wrong. “Lascivious old man. Congratulations on your foresight, because at no time did I believe I’d become someone who would let her husband smack her around.”

  “It’s all consensual,” Jack pointed out.

  “Doesn’t matter. It’s hard to break free of all the societal messages you receive about what is and isn’t normal behavior.”

  “I relish doing things like this to you,” he said. “I love to give you a good spanking but this is so much deeper, so much more intense. I can see how much you enjoy it too. I’ve never met a woman who wants to please me as much as you do, not just in bed, but in all aspects of life. You’ve given up so much for me, Caroline, and given me so much in return.”

  “Now I sound like a doormat.”

  Jack laughed. “I don’t think anyone would mistake you for that. You’ve never sacrificed your own wants and needs in order to make me happy. You don’t let anyone push you around. You have a good heart. It’s part of who you are. I simply meant you’re a generous person.”

  “Who likes to be spanked.”r />
  “Yes. Who likes to be spanked. You like jewelry too.” His eyes twinkled. “And you’ve done such a great job of earning it.”

  “I’m a doormat who sexes you up in exchange for gifts?” Caroline huffed. “You’re going downhill quick, McIntyre.”

  “You make jokes about earning jewelry all the time,” he said, trailing his fingers down her arm. “My little concubine.”

  “They’re way more funny coming from me than from you.”

  Jack laughed again. “Is this conversation going to end with me having to read a book by Gloria Steinem?”

  She frowned at him. “I’m leaning in that direction. Maybe Susan Faludi.”

  He stepped back from her, putting the paddle down on the chair. Was he abandoning the idea? “Caroline, you are an enthusiastic, passionate, fiery woman. You throw yourself into everything, including our relationship. I hope you know what that means to me.”

  It was hard not to pick up the paddle and hand it back to him. “Very complimentary. You might have made up for the jewelry remark.”

  He must have noticed her eyeing the chair, because he picked the paddle back up again. “I love you. More than my own life. I’ve never wanted to make a woman feel the way I want you to feel when you’re with me.”

  Caroline smiled slightly. “That’s a very romantic thing for you to say with a wooden paddle in your hand.”

  Jack smacked his hand with it again. “Oh, this thing? I wasn’t sure you remembered I’d picked it back up.”

  He was messing with her but she blushed anyway. “I haven’t forgotten.”

  “I’ll give you anything you want tonight. If you want to scrap this and go upstairs, I won’t stop you.”

  She tried to keep her voice from shaking. “No, I want this. I feel a little weird about doing it in your office, though.”

  Jack smiled again. “I like being in here with you. Alone.”

  He didn’t mean when they were talking legislation. “I’ve noticed.”

  “I’m serious. It gets me through those lonely nights when I’m away from you.” He lifted the paddle up, his fingers drifting over the Greek letters etched in the wood. “And I have no problem with taking it up a notch,” he said quietly.

  He was ready to go but she had her concerns. “Can’t we get in trouble for this?” she asked. “We’ve debased most of this mansion. What if someone finds out?”

  “I don’t think the governor can be impeached for fooling around with the first lady when the day is over. Can he?”

  “I hope not. They’d have a rock solid case against you for damn near every night we’ve lived here. It seems unprofessional somehow.”

  “Was what we did last time unprofessional?”

  Oh, for Christ’s sake. Was he kidding? Caroline put her hands on her hips. “You mean, when you fucked me up against the wall, or when we had sex on your desk? And oh, when your chief of staff walked in as I was standing there in my bra, free-buffing under my skirt. That was awesome.”

  Jack laughed. “That was pretty humorous once I got over him practically breaking down the door. ‘That desk is an antique, sir.’ Jesus.”

  Caroline tried not to smile. In hindsight, it was funny. But this topic wasn’t, in general. “To answer your question, Jack, I’m thinking the answer is ‘yes’ either way. What we are doing is remarkably unprofessional. By the way, are you sure the door is locked?”

  He glanced over his shoulder. “Yes, and I made Greg give me his key.”

  “Good.”

  “Is this why you never let me rip your clothes off in your office when we were in Congress?”

  “Yes.”

  He pulled her to him again. “That’s a damn shame,” he whispered, nipping at her neck. “We could have had so much fun on that desk of yours.”

  Her breath hitched, and he had to have heard it because he didn’t stop what he was doing. “Too late now,” she said. “Probably for the best. I doubt the Rayburn House Office Building has ever seen the kind of debauchery we have to offer.”

  “Oh, but we could have tried. If only you weren’t such a goo goo.” Jack undid the first few buttons on her blouse, brushing his fingers against her breasts. “I keep the personal and professional separate. This is just a room, Caroline. A very nicely decorated room where I happen to spend a lot of my time. And when I’m not with you, I wish I was. Thinking about you splayed out over my desk while I’m doing all sorts of naughty things to you is what gets me through when I’m here late at night trying to wrap my head around all the crap I have to do.”

  His hands were very distracting. “You aren’t thinking about sex when I’m in here during strategy meetings, are you?”

  “Do you really want to know the answer to that question?”

  She pushed him away. When he touched her she couldn’t think clearly. “Never mind. Maybe I should lessen my advisory role. You need to focus on your job, not on my tits and ass.”

  “No way. Your input is too valuable. Even the lieutenant governor admitted it the other day when you were out of earshot.”

  That was nice, even if Caroline didn’t trust the guy. “Stop thinking about me naked when all those officials are in the room. It’s gonna weird me out.”

  “You know nothing of the male mind, my dear. It can’t be helped. I’m going to think about your tits and ass all the time, and you cannot stop me.” Jack closed his eyes. “In fact, I’m going to think about them right now.”

  He was no doubt remembering where his hands had just been. “See, that’s why we’re different,” Caroline said. “If we did anything like this in my office I’d never be able to set foot in there again.”

  “Then we’d better stay in here.” Jack smacked his palm with the paddle again. “What say you, my lady? Up for an adventure? I’ll be gentle, I promise.”

  Gentle but harsh. A ruthlessly inconsistent dichotomy. “I know you will.”

  “You’ll like it.”

  Caroline let out a shaky breath. “You have no idea.”

  “Oh, I have a rough idea,” Jack said. He twirled the paddle in his hand again. “Remember when I told you about wanting to spank you over my desk?”

  Caroline swallowed back a moan. She hadn’t forgotten that fantasy, not since the moment he’d told her about it. “Yes.”

  Jack ran his palm back and forth over the side of the paddle. “I won’t be too harsh with this, though. Unless you’d prefer that we go upstairs and do it on the bed instead.”

  Caroline smoothed her sweaty hands on her skirt, realizing she’d been clutching her blouse tightly in her fists. She wanted him to be ruthless. Cruel. Unyielding. Whatever he damn well wanted to be.

  “Here is fine,” she whispered.

  He put the paddle behind his back and approached her, kissing her cheek. “You might be in some pain tomorrow, sweetheart. Will you be able to get away with hiding in the bedroom all day?”

  She smiled shakily. “It’s the weekend. I think so. Are you going to dote on me?”

  “I shall dote on you until you get sick of it. Saturdays are almost always ours anyway, during the summer.” Jack put the paddle on the chair and pulled her to him, teasing her lips, easing his tongue inside her mouth once she granted him access. Caroline started to loosen his tie as he kissed her neck.

  “I love you, baby,” he said. “But you’ve been very disobedient, hiding that paddle from me.”

  “I know.”

  “Isn’t there something else you want to say?”

  He was in a naughty mood. It took her a minute before she could speak again. “I’m sorry,” she whispered.

  He bit her earlobe. “Try again.”

  An excessively wicked naughty mood. “I’m sorry, sir.”

  He grinned against her cheek. “I love when I can get you to say that.”

  She tried to catch her breath. Words escaped her. He hardly ever made her address him that way unless they were deep inside one of their more extreme games, but every damn time it happened it drove her
insane.

  “Despite your apology, you need to be punished a little,” he said. “I can’t let you get away with that sort of thing without being taught a very firm lesson.” He started to inch his hands up under her skirt, smiling when he felt the wetness of her underwear. “That conversation made you crazy, didn’t it?”

  He was feeling naughty but wasn’t in an entirely controlling mood, despite their previous exchange. Caroline had some leeway. Whatever playtime was coming, it would be intense but not overwhelming.

  “No, you twirling that damn paddle in your hand did it,” she said. “Do you have any idea how much I wanted to jump you the instant you took that thing out of your desk?”

  “How long did you have it hidden in your closet?”

  “A few weeks. I’m disappointed you didn’t find it sooner.”

  “Maybe I’ll need some punishment for that transgression.”

  What a delightfully dirty idea. Caroline untucked his shirt. “Maybe I’ll pull a Lysistrata and withhold sex for a while.”

  He chuckled. “There’s no way in hell you could do that. You’d last a day or two, tops.”

  She stopped pulling his tie down his collar. “Are you implying that I have no willpower?”

  “No,” he said, pulling down his suspenders as Caroline began to unbutton his shirt. “Just that you’re not going to give up something that you want to penalize me.”

  “I could do it. I could totally do it.”

  He eased her panties down her thighs. “Do you want to?”

  “No,” she said softly. “I’d go crazy if I couldn’t touch you every day.” She swept her fingers over the top of his head, mussing up his hair, stepping out of her underwear when it fell around her ankles. “Do you think my reputation will be sullied by this behavior?”

  “No one ever needs to know what we do in private, Caroline. That belongs to us alone. In public we can be as decorous and elegant as possible but we can always come home and fuck like there’s no tomorrow. And what I love about you is that you can do both, so easily. My lovely, bawdy lady.” Jack pulled her to him again, lifting up her skirt to toy with her garter belt. “I’m so happy you wore this.”

  “I always wear it when you’re around.”