Gunpowder

by G. H. Guzik

  - There, we’re half way through the trouble. An hour ago, the deputy chief of the port customs carried out the control of your ship and not having found any irregularities cashed in the duty fee for one hundred forty-four barrels of wine from your second in command. Here you have the receipts, the protocol and the trading permit. You owe me nearly three stellar coins in bribes and administrative costs.

  - I see you have not been idle. First-class work.

  - Wait. That's not all. Let me tell you about unusual events that occurred during your well-deserved rest.

  - I'm all ears.

  - Well, some time after my return from the first meeting with the deputy chief of the port customs, an unusual wench from the distant Northern Kaesary, of most probably noble descent, appeared on the low thresholds of my humble abode, in search of a captain crazy enough to take her to Smiteverden.

  - To Smiteverden? But it’s blockaded... Wouldn’t it be easier for her to pass through the mountains in the north?

  - She said the trail had led her already to Haaven, and thus Smiteverden was now only available by sea...

  - Hmm... How much is this poor creature willing to pay?

  - Three stellars up front and three after the work is done.

  - Half a dozen stellars… quite a pretty penny... It's just that if the Eastern Company catches me, even several dozen stellars won’t be of much help...

  - Kristoff, my friend, you wanted me to get you a job. Right? Right. I got it. Right? Right. And now you want to turn down half a dozen stellars?

  - I'm not turning down anything, I’m really not. Do not get jumpy, Hans. - He looked at the innkeeper suspiciously in a sudden epiphany. - Wait a minute, wait a minute. Haven’t you by any chance already cashed in these three stellars of advance?

  - Now don’t you, Kristoff, try to turn things upside down and inside out... A job is a job, and money is money.

  - Anyway, until we sell the goods, I’m not going anywhere.

  - And so it is exactly what I have told her. I asked her to come back in the evening, maybe by then something will have come up.

  Their chat was interrupted by Anne. She entered, as she usually did, silently, and almost without any sound. She smiled at them and her eyes pointed at the door behind her. She communicated with Hans using several gestures. The innkeeper nodded and grew serious.

  - We have a visitor. Possibly a customer. And to think we were just talking about it.

  - And where did he, the scoundrel, get to know about my cargo so quickly?

  - I wonder that too, but since he is already here, no harm will come to us if we listen to what he has to say. - The innkeeper sent his wife a soulful kiss and nodded to let the merchant in. A few moments later they were joined by a short, plump gentleman, unfolding around him an aura of distraction and confusion. He entangled himself in the curtains and upturned the stool on which he was about to sit down. Kristoff and Hans looked at him with a mixture of amazement and amusement. They waited patiently until the newcomer took his place at the table, at which point the captain gave the innkeeper a long look. The innkeeper nodded barely noticeably and took up the conversation.

  - So, mister, you say you are a “wine” trader? - Using the fact that the burden of the conversation rested upon his friend, Kristoff reached over his head, where hung a decoratively painted clay tankard. He wiped it with his own sleeve and placed it in front of the merchant, who was watching him intently, as if looking for support having faced such a perilous question. The captain poured him some beer, for which he received a thankful look. The merchant, on his part, used Kristoff's actions to think on his answer, which resulted in an uncomfortable silence.

  - No, not really. But then, from what I’ve heard, gents, the wine you are trying to trade, may prove to be very special indeed, and therefore, one does not need too much experience on the wine market to deal with it.

  - Indeed, the wine is very special, but you, sir, are somewhat too straightforward for my taste. And where, if I might ask, is this news being spread? - The sailor gave the newcomer an inquisitorial look, casually playing with a dagger pulled out from somewhere under the table. Small droplets of sweat appeared on the merchant’s face. It was obvious that the situation was a new one for him and becoming less and less comfortable. He was obviously as good a conspirator as a cavalryman could make a good sailor. Possible, but hard to believe. Clumsily he manoeuvred between words, trying to get to the bottom of the case while not calling spade a spade, but the captain persisted. Determined not to reveal his sources of information, the merchant, in an act of desperation, suddenly changed his tactics.

  - And where, if I might ask, one gives a two stellar bribe for a routine inspection of ordinary wine? - The portly gentleman squinted his eyes and studied the smuggler. He hit the target.

  - I see your point. Let’s end the stupid questions. And so, to business.

  - Indeed. Let’s agree to end the stupid questions and on three dozen stellars for the load.

  - You, mister, are insolently playing a jest on us. - Hans reached for the jug taking over the initiative. Haggling was his role in this partnership. - The wine is paramount and worth at least seven and a half dozen stellars.

  - And the barrels most probably have an abundance of knot holes that one can fuck and then save up on the whores in a brothel... - The merchant was perhaps awkward and unaccustomed to dark deals, but apparently he was looking to strike a bargain. The strangest thing was, that he seemed not only not to know what he was haggling for, but more importantly as if he didn’t really care. They might as well have been selling wool. He haggled just to haggle. - Half a hundred stellars and not a penny more.

  - Right you are that one could save up on brothel visits - Kristoff jumped into the conversation, seeing that the companion has lost his momentum. - Just not because of the knots in the barrels but due to their contents. For the rest of one’s life after having tried that wine one will feel so blissful that shagging will no longer seem worthwhile. One hundred. - The merchant took a long swig from his cup, poured himself a refill, and took another one. He calculated something in his head and took his time. Finally, after the third long sip he stomped the empty cup on the table.

  - You bargain well and even only for that a proper respect is deserved. I shall, therefore, out of this respect, consent to a little loss to show my good will here. I’ll give you five dozen stellars, but now if I hear you even begin to moan, then I will stand up, go out and shit is what you will get. - He looked hard into their eyes, first one, then the other of his interlocutors. They in turn looked uneasily at each other, measuring themselves thoughtfully with the proposal hanging over the table.

  - So be it, mister. Five dozen stellars... but your people will take care of the unloading and transportation of the goods.

  The merchant smiled and wiped his forehead with a batiste handkerchief. Now he was on familiar territory of negotiating the details of the transaction.

  - I wouldn’t dare suggest anything else, gentlemen. - He spat on the palm of his hand and put it forward over the table. Kristoff shook on the contract with his right hand and looked deep into his eyes.

  - If you plan to do me over, mister, know that I'll find you.

  - My dear captain, I'm doing business, not fakes. - He got up heavily and went to the exit. - Anyway, if you want to look for me, sir, your companion is after all a local. Until now we haven’t had the pleasure of trading, but by sight and reputation he probably knows me, and therefore, you will find me soon enough, sir.

  He pushed the curtain aside and walked out, leaving the two friends surprised speechless with such an unusual farewell. Kristoff recovered first and nudging Hans’ arm with his fist, he yelled happily.

  - Well, what a sneaky bastard. And what a day, what a day... So much money, so much money... Everything is deftly arranged. Tomorrow we will be rid of the illicit goods and I will be able to set sail, and yet still to come this evening, is your filly, the one who was looking for a ship thi
s morning...

  -... I think she must have brought this luck upon us, because soon after her visit a purveyor of our goods appeared, so eager that in one meeting we sold him the whole merchandise for a shitload of money.

  - May it never turn against us. And who is he, anyway?

  - A local merchant. Exemplary. The best kind. Least suspicious.

  - Does he know what he just bought?

  - He put forward five dozen stellars. If one is willing to pay you five dozens stellars for mere wine, even the best one, he is probably more suited to an asylum for the insane than to a trading office. Do not be afraid, he is not stupid. He knows what he pays for.

  Kristoff looked unconvinced, however. Something was telling him that the merchant was not honest with them. On the other hand, he just traded a cargo of illegal drugs stolen from the mob that has only passed customs after being inspected by corrupt officers who were handed a handsome bribe. Waiting for a fair and honourable merchant would be naive to say the least. His humour, however, was improved significantly after a few deep gulps of beer.

  The rest of the afternoon was spent on eating, drinking and telling lewd, ribald stories. Anne personally fetched subsequent jugs of beer and delicious snacks. Every time she came in, she sat for a moment on Hans’ lap and plunging her hand into his lush black hair listened to Kristoff’s sea stories. Then she got up, kissed her husband tenderly on the forehead, poured the beer and went out to look after the business. Knowing not why and when, Kristoff found himself with the eager waitress he had met before noon, sitting on his lap. The smuggler, initially reluctant to her advances looked with more and more interest at her untied corset, and his hand was wandering ever further north up her thigh.

  The evening found them already healthily tipsy, happy and well fed. They were just sipping light dessert wine, when Anne came into the room, shooed away a half undressed serving wench and soon returned leading in a simple-looking girl. The young newcomer was dressed in a plain green dress and her flaming red hair was plaited in two thick, though short plaits. She had plump cheeks, and slightly parted lips, which revealed protruding teeth. Steel-grey eyes seemed disproportionately large behind thick, round wire glasses. Kristoff never imagined that anyone could have as many freckles on one’s face. Hans brightened somewhat drunkenly at her sight.

  - Aaa... Welcome, my dissstinguishshshed lady. - He got up nearly knocking over the table. High, decorative flask of wine from innkeeper’s private inventory swayed dangerously, but was caught by Kristoff before it fell over. - In good time the lady comes to us, because a friend of mine sucssessfully arranged his businesses and will soon be ready to help you, young lady. - He pointed to the captain, who was rising cautiously. - Allow me, young lady, to present you, Captain...

  - … Janus Janus... from Port Sud - caught his word Kristoff, looking significantly at his companion. He came out from behind the table, bowed and gallantly took the newcomer’s hand placing a kiss upon it. Straightening up he pointed her to a seat.

  - I am glad to make such an acquaintance. Hanna von Blitzen, from Rixburg in the Northern Kaesary. Our helpful host recommended you, captain, to me as my saviour from a difficult situation. - The smuggler shook his head as if in disbelief, trying to comprehend his own promotion to the rank of saviour as well as connect in some way the word “helpful” with the hefty posture and the fierce mug of Hans. The girl sat down and thanked Hans with a nod for filling with wine the tin cup standing in front of her. The innkeeper broke the resulting silence with his stentorian voice.

  - Tomorrow, most probably, all matters relating to the cargo will be taken care of, and then the dawn of the day after tomorrow will find you already at sea, if you can agree upon all travel conditions tonight.

  - You are so eager to see an agreement because you already took of me three stellars for arranging a ship. But my life is dearer to me than money, and I will only set foot on a ship, which has the ability to safely slip through the blockade and release me ashore safe and sound in the port of Smiteverden.

  Kristoff smiled to himself and looking askance, interjected.

  - Miss, forgive me for interrupting you. My ship is the fastest and the most agile in the entire world.

  - Is it really? Why have I never heard of her?

  - Because she is just that good... - The girl stared for a moment in the eyes of the captain, and then she laughed out loud with a porky squeel-like laugh.

  - You just convinced me, sir. May she bring us safely to our goal. - She lifted the cup in a toast. The captain reluctantly joined his vessel to the enthusiastically lifted chalices of the young noblewoman and the innkeeper and drank the toast in silence. He spoke only after setting down his empty cup on the table.

  - Tell me, miss, why is such respectable a person looking for transport in such an infamous place - Hans's eyes widened and he put on an offended face, but before he could say anything Kristoff stopped him with a gesture of his hand. - Sorry my friend, but despite the huge layers of a sympathy that I have for you, it seems strange to me that the lady does not want to use the services of reputable sailors from the Guild, who remain regular customers of much better taverns.

  - Do not think, sir, that I was not looking in the better ones already. No offence to the host, but in fact this dump can hardly be called a peak of refinement. Well, to say it simply, no one wants to sail with me. My search for my father leads me to Smiteverden, where the port is now blockaded. You, captain, are the first to even talk to me. Everyone else just smiled and walked away, because the task is supposed to be, as it was deftly put, “a certain suicide.”

  - It is. Only I can reach that harbour.

  - For an ordinary ride I wouldn’t pay half a dozen stellars. Of which you, gentlemen, already took half in advance, so do not even try to bargain now.

  - I did not intend to. Do not get agitated in vain miss. Anger does not become beauty. - Kristoff smiled conciliatorily. - I only wanted to determine where a young lady could hear about us.

  - A sailor of the “Ramming Ram” came to up me after his captain had refused me and pointed me to this tavern, as the last, and sure, chance of finding a ship to charter. He claimed that the owner is able to arrange just about anything for the right, generous, fee. - She turned to Hans, as if anticipating his next question. - His name was Gorbo. Gorbo Gravedigger. He said to convey his greetings, which I am dutifully doing. - She smiled, baring buck teeth.

  Hans looked at his fingers thoughtfully. A moment later, his eyes brightened with a glimpse of recollection.

  - I remember him. Such a thin, tall lug. I sailed with him about ten years ago. He was barely a sailor then. His father was an embalmer, hence the nickname.

  - I am glad that I was able to bring back good memories. So, captain Janus, have I satisfied your thirst for knowledge?

  - I beg your forgiveness, miss. Nowadays, one never knows what one is getting into by taking a stranger aboard. Even more so, if the destination is so unusual and dangerous. I assure you, young lady, that I'll keep the agreement. I think I will be able to set sail the day after tomorrow before dawn. If the young lady would want to leave us her address, I will send a trusted messenger in the event of any change of plans.

  - Thank you, sir, but I believe that everything will work out our way and thus I will arrive on the waterfront on the day after tomorrow, an hour before dawn. If anything changes, you can tell me about it then personally.

  - So be it, Miss von Blitzen. The day after tomorrow arrive an hour before dawn on the western quay. My “Underwater Goat” is moored to one of the side piers.

  - See you there and then, Captain Janus. And I should say goodbye for a long time to you, innkeeper. Farewell then.

  - Farewell, miss. You will always be a welcomed guest here, miss, and my wifey, Anne, will be glad to accommodate you in case of my possible absence. - The conversation had visibly sobered Hans as he bowed to the girl quite coherently.

  Miss von Blitzen stood up, curtsied courtly, smiled at them and
left. They stared in silence at the curtain behind which she had disappeared until it froze in utter stillness. Hans was the first to speak.

  - Well, you have your cruise. A good day today.

  - Yes... yes... but something does not feel right to me. She was oddly cheerful for an orphan seeking her father.

  - Stop looking for a hole that's not there. An old companion recommended her. And she is paying us as if for a trip around the world. What do you want more?

  - Well, what indeed? Don’t you think it's all too... handy?

  - It seems to me that for an intrepid seafarer you definitely think too much.

  - And it seems to me that one can only be an intrepid seafarer, if one is not dead.

  - You should have thought this through when you were stealing the goods from the mob. Now it is perhaps a little too late for these precautions. How come you are not afraid of the mob, and yet you cower before the young lady with a good descent?