Under My Skin (Skin Deep)

by Stone, J. M.

“So, Emma dear, how’s married life?” my mom asked her.

  Emma grinned and sighed, her eyes going all dreamy. “It’s great. It’s the same as it’s been since we started living together, but I get to call him husband now!” She giggled and I rolled my eyes.

  A little while later, I was holding a picture of my baby. It literally looked like a little peanut sitting in my uterus, so I guess Emma had been right with her nickname. But the doctor and the tech told me everything checked out fine, that I was progressing nicely, and I was about ten weeks along, which is a little further than I thought. So, in about six and a half months, I’d be holding a squirming little bundle of joy.

  Whoa. Six months. That’s not a lot of time…God, I have a lot to do!

  After running some errands to pick up some stuff Jackson had asked for, I headed back to the hospital, pictures in hand to show him. When I got in the room, Brandon was standing beside his bed and they both had serious expressions on their faces.

  “What’s wrong?” I asked, picking up on the tension in the room.

  Brandon turned his head away but Jacks gave me a smile and said, “Well? What did the doctor say?”

  “I’m fine,” I said, brushing his question away. “Now tell me what’s going on with you two. What were you talking about when I came in?”

  Brandon ran a shaking hand over his head roughly and blew out a long breath. “Allie, you know I love you, right?”

  I nodded, but I could feel my stomach drop to my toes…and it had nothing to do with the baby.

  He walked over to me, cupping my face in his hands. I felt tears threaten at the soft, sad look in his eyes. I shook my head no, because I knew something was coming that I wasn’t going to like.

  “Baby, I love you…I do. And I know you love me. But…what you and Jacks have is something special. You love each other so much more than you and I love each other. No,” he cut me off when I tried to speak. “I’m not saying you don’t love me, and I’m definitely not saying I don’t love you. But the love we feel for each other isn’t even close to what you and Jackson share. If you’re really true to yourself, and to me, Allie, you’ll agree with me. You know it’s true. And now you’re having a kid together…and…I think it’s best if I bow out.”

  “No,” I choked out, the tears falling faster now, dripping down my cheeks. “Why? Why would you do this now?”

  He kissed my lips sweetly, the briefest of touches, and then sighed, pressing his forehead against mine and staring into my eyes. “This is for the best, Allie. I know it doesn’t feel like it right now, and trust me…it hurts me. God, does it hurt. And don’t think that Jacks didn’t try to talk me out of this, too, because he did. That’s why we were arguing when you came in.”

  I could do nothing but shake my head. I squeezed my eyes shut and wanted to plug my ears. I didn’t want to hear this…this couldn’t be happening. “I’m so sorry I pushed you away when Jackson was hurt…I apologized for that, Brandon! Please, don’t do this!”

  “Shhh…Allie…calm down, baby. I’ve already made up my mind,” he said gently. “Trust me, I think this is best for us all. But I’ll still be here for you and for the little one here.” He pulled one hand away from my cheek and laid it against my belly. “And for Jacks. Always.”

  He took a deep breath, kissed my forehead, and pulled away. “There’s a big tattoo convention out in L.A. that Luke and I have been toying with the idea of attending. I told him today that I wanted to go. I’ll be gone for two weeks or so because Chloe is going with me and we’re going to get her stuff packed up and brought back. I already hired a moving company for you two; they’re coming this weekend to move Allie’s stuff into the new house. I left you a present in one of the rooms, too.”

  He turned to Jackson. “Take care of our girl.”

  Jackson nodded, but his eyes were sparkling with emotion. “Take care of my sister…and you always have a home with us, Brandon. No matter what.”

  Brandon inclined his head, but we all knew that it would never happen. Not now that Brandon was walking away.

  “This isn’t goodbye. Not by a long shot. Let’s just say we’re closing a chapter of our lives and moving on to the next. Okay?” he asked. “Take care, baby.” He reached his hand out to run it down my arm, and the minute his hand fell away from mine, I felt him distancing himself- physically and emotionally. Without another word, he turned and left.

  The door closed softly behind him and the finality of that movement pierced my heart. I watched Jackson’s face, his emotions playing across his face; regret, sympathy, sadness…and love. I wiped my tears and climbed carefully into the bed beside him, sinking into his embrace with a small sob.

  He held me quietly, soothing me with his presence. After a minute, I reached out for my purse and pulled out the strip of photos the ultrasound tech had printed for me. I handed them over to him and watched his smile grow until he was beaming with pride.

  “This is our baby?” he asked reverently.

  I nodded, smiling back at him. “Yep. That’s our little peanut. And he or she will be here in about six and a half months.”

  “Six months?” he asked, his eyes widening.

  I nodded again and he laughed in joy. “That’s great! God, Allie, I love you!”

  “I love you, too, Jackson. I really do…”

  My words got cut off by his lips, kissing me deeply and thoroughly until I was breathless. We broke apart only when we heard an ‘oops!’, my face flushing in embarrassment. The nurse that had popped in flushed, too, and laughed nervously until Jackson told her it was fine.

  She made quick work of her rounds, excusing herself with a wry smile, and we were alone again. The silence grew and I could feel the melancholy settle over me again. Determined not to let anything bring Jackson down, I pushed it deep and forced myself to smile, saying lightly, “Well, I guess I’m moving in with you!”

  Jackson smiled at me, but it was an uncertain smile. I did my best to let him know that I was good with moving in there. After all, it was what we had discussed to begin with, along with Chloe taking my house. The only difference was that Brandon would have been moving into Jackson’s house with us and now…I guess he’d be going back home with Luke and Emma.

  Jackson and I made small talk for the rest of the evening and then I curled up with him in his bed and we fell asleep, only to be woken up early in the morning by Chloe peeking into the room. I sat up, stretching and waving her in.

  She tiptoed in like she wasn’t certain of her welcome, but she’d done nothing wrong. No one had really done anything wrong, unless you count breaking up with someone out of the blue for no real reason as something wrong. Which I might…just a little.

  “Good morning,” I yawned.

  “Morning,” she whispered.

  “Chloe, you don’t have to whisper- I’m awake,” Jackson said, smiling and winking at his sister.

  She sat down beside the bed and didn’t wait for any opening. She just blurted out, “I’m so sorry, Allie. I didn’t know that Brandon was going to break things off with you and then just tell you he was taking me to L.A. to get my stuff. I didn’t mean anything by it when I asked him if he wanted to go with me, and it’s not like he’s actually taking me, but he said that he was going to go to the tattoo convention out there and I need to get my stuff, and there’s really no way in hell that I want to go by myself because I’m so worried that-”

  “Jesus, Chloe! Breathe!” I interjected, trying to get her to slow down.

  I could see the panic in her eyes and I reached out and grabbed her hand, jerking it a little until she met my eyes. Slowly, so she for sure got what I was saying, I told her, “It is not your fault. Brandon made his choice and we’re going to respect that. It hurts; Goddamnit it hurts a lot because he did this without even really talking to me about it, but it is what it is and I’m not going dwell on it. Right now I have your brother to worry about so we can get him out of this fucking hospital and back home where he belongs. And
I have your little niece or nephew to worry about. Okay?”

  She nodded, I think a little taken aback by my little tirade, but then she smiled. “Did you have an ultrasound? Did you get to see the baby?”

  I laughed and got up off the bed to grab the pictures from my purse. I handed them to her and laughed even harder when she squealed with excitement, bouncing up and down as she looked at them.

  “Mom’s going to be so excited to see these!” she said. “Have you thought about names? When will you find out what you’re having? Do you even want to know?”

  Jackson chuckled and took over answering the barrage of questions she was throwing out. “No, we haven’t really had a chance to talk much about the baby beyond the fact that we are both very happy about it. I don’t know what the timeline is for finding out the sex of a baby, but I assure you that I want to know!”

  “Hey!” I cried. “I want to know, too! You don’t get to be the only one to know, buster…” I mock-growled.

  We had a nice visit with Chloe, but after a while she said she needed to get going. Before she left, Jackson asked if he could talk with her for a bit. I nodded and kissed him, letting him know that I was going to run home and get a shower and make sure things were going to be ready for the movers. Since Brandon was nice enough to do that for us, I wasn’t going to turn it down. I hated moving!

  Once I checked on everything at home, making a list of things I’d need to do before the movers came, I headed over to Jackson’s house to see what Brandon had left there. I walked into the empty house, moving from room to room and taking in the finished product of what Jackson had worked so hard on. With the accident and spending all my time at the hospital, I hadn’t thought much about what was happening at the house. The foreman had finished everything to Jackson’s specifications and it was gorgeous. Even empty, the house had a warm, inviting feel to it, and it felt like home.

  I found Brandon’s present in the bedroom beside the master bedroom. Sitting in the middle of the room, there was a beautiful espresso-colored wooden baby crib with matching changing table and dresser. I ran my hand over the smooth railing, smiling as I imagined the nursery all put together and ready for my baby…and then I sank to my knees on the plush carpet and, finally, where no one could see me, I dropped my head in my hands and sobbed.

  Chapter 22

  Emma walked beside me, laughing as she took in the huge grin plastered across my face.

  “What?” I asked her, giggling at her amused expression.

  “You…I swear you have sunshine rays and rainbows shooting out your ass right now!” Emma said.

  “I’m happy! Is that a bad thing? Jackson gets to come home tonight!” I squealed like a school girl, bouncing all around as we got into Emma’s car.

  She’d come by the new house and picked me up to go to the hospital. Luke, Sarah, and Chloe were all meeting us there, but I wanted to get a few things done so the house would look perfect when we got home. The move had gone off without a hitch, made better by the fact that I really didn’t have to lift a finger. Emma, Chloe, Sarah, Leah, Jenna, Jan, and my mom had all come over and help me get things unpacked and situated as best as we could. I couldn’t really lift anything too heavy, just because I didn’t want to risk anything with the baby, but between the girls and then, surprisingly, the guys including Brandon, it got done a hell of a lot faster than it would have otherwise.

  But now that the house was pretty much done and Jackson was coming home, it gave me the perfect excuse to throw up a few decorations for a small welcome home party. And yes, Brandon was coming to that, too. We talked a little bit…I missed him. I really did. It was hard not to run into his arms and kiss him when I saw him, and I know he struggled with it a little bit, but I wasn’t going to push it. Hopefully things will get easier because, like he’d said, we were going to be in each other’s life for a very long time.

  Emma plugged her phone in to the car and turned on her music. I laughed at her when Billy Idol’s White Wedding began playing. “Old school, much? We can listen to this any time, but I have a new song for you. Check this one out!” I unplugged her phone and switched it out with mine, turning on the song that I’d stumbled upon by accident the other day.

  “You know how much we love Halestorm…” I told her. She nodded because yes, we definitely sported girly wood for Lzzy Hale, the front woman for Halestorm. She’s badass and she’s hot, and most importantly, she fucking ROCKS!

  “Well, this is Adrenalize by In This Moment. They’re like Halestorm on crack and not in a bad way. This bitch is badass and if you think we have girl crushes on Lzzy, just wait til you see Maria Brink in action!” I crowed, clapping my hands together.

  Emma’s brows raised and I knew I’d caught her full attention. She pulled out onto the street as the song began and halfway through she handed me her phone to download it for her. “Love it!” she yelled.

  We rocked out all the way to the hospital but when we pulled in, Emma looked a little bit guilty. She just shook her head when I asked her what was wrong, so I shrugged and brushed it off.

  I practically skipped into the hospital, groaning in frustration when Emma told me to slow down and wait for her. She was walking like an old woman! We got into the hospital (finally) and eventually stepped into the elevator. We heard a shout and had to hold the elevator for a man rushing toward us with a huge bouquet of flowers.

  I sighed as he took his time getting situated behind the flowers and then pushed no less than three buttons as he looked at the card on the flowers again and again, muttering beneath his breath when he hit the wrong ones. I rolled my eyes at Emma who smiled and started tapping her toes to the song playing. I found myself singing along in my head with Bruno Mars’ Marry You. The song lasted through two of the three floors we had to stop at, and a new song had started when we finally got rid of flower guy and were on our way to our floor.

  I glanced at Emma in surprise when the new song turned out to be Marry Me by Jason Derulo. I was a little confused when her eyes looked suspiciously misty, but then she started singing along to the beautiful lyrics. The elevator dinged and the doors opened; I gasped. The music was louder here, and there was a line of nurses stretching down the hallway.

  Each of them held a single flower, alternating between star gazer lilies and red roses, both of my favorite flowers. They were all grinning and holding out the flowers for me to take as Emma, tears now freely flowing, pulled me down the hall toward Jackson’s room. I took the flowers, thanking the women distractedly as we walked until we turned into the doorway of his room.

  The door was open and Emma pushed me through to see Brandon, Luke, Sarah, and Chloe standing in a line, but I didn’t see Jackson anywhere. As the chorus started again, each of them held up a sign with one word on it as it was being sung…

  Brandon’s: Will; Luke’s: You; Sarah’s: Marry; and Chloe’s: Me?

  OHMIGOD! I clapped a hand over my mouth in shock and my eyes welled with tears.

  As soon as Chloe’s sign went up, they parted in the middle and there was Jackson, sitting in a wheelchair and holding up a ring box…

  Emma pushed me forward and I spared her a glance, my eyes widening and more tears flowing as I noticed that my parents, my grandparents, and Emma’s whole family were crowding the room behind me. I turned back to Jackson and stepped towards him on unsteady feet. The song finished and silence fell. It was so quiet that it seemed like everyone was holding their breath to hear what would happen next.

  “Allie…” Jackson said. “I love you. We’ve known each other for a relatively short time, and have been together even shorter…but I know you’re it for me. You are The One. We’ve had an unconventional relationship-” he paused when a couple people hooted over that (namely Calland and my Nanny), “but I wouldn’t change a thing. Everything that has happened with the accident and all, well, it made me realize that tomorrow isn’t promised. But if I were to die tomorrow, God forbid, I would go happy knowing that I’ve loved and been lov
ed perfectly. Because that’s what I have with you. A love that’s messy, fun, true, and so imperfect…that it’s perfect. We fit. And you’re having my baby!”

  He grinned up at me and I dropped to my knees in front of him, careful of his still casted leg.

  “So, Allison Anne McCormick, would you do me the honor of becoming my wife?” he asked, the hope and love he felt shining so brightly in his face that it took my breath away.

  I couldn’t help but glance at Brandon before I answered…and I smiled softly at him when he nodded and winked, his face showing just a hint of sadness, but it was overshadowed greatly by the happiness and yes, even love I saw there.

  I turned back to Jackson and gave him the only answer there could ever possibly be. “Yes. YES!” I cried, laughing through my tears as the room erupted with cheers and applause. My hand shook as I held it out for him to slip the ring on my finger, and I gasped as I finally paid attention to what it looked like. It had a good size cushion cut center diamond surrounded by small round diamonds, with two smaller cushion cut diamonds on either side of that, and the whole band was set with a double row of small round diamonds. It was absolutely breathtaking.

  Once the ring was on my finger, Jackson hauled me into his lap, settling me carefully before he kissed me deeply, pulling back only to whisper, “I love you, Allie.”

  “I love you, too, Jackson,” I whispered back, claiming his lips with my own.

  Later that night, after the welcome home party, Jacks and I were cuddling on my couch now situated in our new living room in front of the stone fireplace and I was holding my finger up, completely infatuated with staring at my ring.

  Jackson chuckled and hugged me close to him, kissing the side of my head. “I’m glad you like it, baby.”

  “I do! But how the hell did you pull all that off?” I asked him.

  “Well, I said I wanted to talk to Chloe the other day…” he shrugged. “She helped me set it up. But, ah…Brandon picked out the ring and got it for me.”

  My jaw dropped, literally, brows raised until they probably met my hairline (not really, but that’s how surprised I was). “What?” I gasped.