Destinata (Valguard)

by Nicole Daffurn

  Charlie assumed that El’ and Matt had more pressing matters to worry about and shrugged it off as good luck as she moved through the big house to the shower. Washing off the dirt and grime of the night settled her some but didn’t completely get rid of the feelings circulating through her body. She was relaxed sure, but in the back of her mind she knew that things would never be the same again, she knew what she must do and the first step in doing so was getting out of the comfort and warmth of the shower and getting dressed. She loathed getting out of the shower on the best of days but today was particularly worse. She felt safe, she felt comforted and she felt mostly at ease but she knew in order to get up the courage to walk out the door and talk to Mikal, she would have to get moving. Courage wasn’t easy to come by and she would need to use all her pent up anger and resentment to pluck up the strength to have the conversation she was dreading and so it was time to move.

  Charlie turned the shower off reluctantly and started to dry her hair but just as she was about to tie her hair up in the already too wet towel, she heard a familiar low voice. The sound carried up the stairs like he was speaking through a megaphone and she knew instantly who it was. Frantically trying to put some fresh clothes on she stumbled and fell hitting her already bruised head on the door handle.

  “I need to speak to Charlie now Eloise, it’s important, she’ll know what it’s about.”

  Oh god no! There is no way in hell I am having this conversation with him again tonight.

  “She’s in the shower Zane, but you’re welcome to wait.”

  Charlie heard the door squeak slightly as Eloise opened it to allow Zane to pass through. She was probably happily waving him on into the lounge never knowing that she was letting a would-be rapist into the place.

  Crap! Now what?!

  Once she was dressed she took to the stairs two at a time, hoping that she could rush passed the lounge without being seen by Zane and into the dark night to find Mikal.

  “Charlie! We need to talk.”

  Crap! Really? El and Matt let me go without so much as a stern talking to about being in the woods close to midnight and yet getting passed Zane was just too much to ask for.

  “No we don’t Zane, I think we said everything we needed to out there in the woods don’t you?”

  She could see El’s face peering around the corner of the lounge door, her eyes as wide as saucers, clearly realizing that Charlie had been lying to her earlier but Charlie just shook her head slightly willing her to leave it until later. Right now she had to get out of the house and away from the distracting man who stood in her way.

  “It’s not about that Charlie, it’s something else. We can’t talk here, just come over to…”

  “No! No way Zane, I am not going anywhere with you. Especially not now. Not after…”

  “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean… You know I didn’t want to…”

  “What? You didn’t mean to… didn’t want to push me down in the middle of the woods, cut up my arms, pin me down and feel me up? Because it sure felt like you did Zane! I have nothing more to talk to you about, now if you’ll excuse me I have things to do.”

  “At midnight? Where the hell are you going now?”

  It wasn’t Zane who spoke to her that time; it was El’ in her most convincing motherly tone of disapproval. It didn’t much matter at this point though, she had plucked up enough bravado now to confront Mikal and she wasn’t afraid of using up some of those resources on El’ first.

  “Yes El’. At midnight. I’m a big girl, I can do what I like without your permission.”

  “Be careful Char.”

  “Always.”

  Charlie pushed passed Zane who closed his eyes and exhaled slowly – he really was a fan of the whole deep breathing thing – as she walked out into the dead of night to find the man she was told was her father.

  Glad that she grabbed her coat on the way out the door, she shrugged it on her shoulders and hunched into herself, trying to get a slight reprieve from the unrelenting cool breeze. Though she suspected half of the chill she was experiencing wasn’t from the breeze at all but the sense that she didn’t know anything about herself anymore, she was lost. Everything she knew about her life was a lie and now she would go searching for the truth and her first stop was only a five minute walk.

  She reached the small coffee shop in record time but now that she was here she didn’t know if she had the nerve to go in. She knew that Mike lived above the shop that he owned and run and he was probably sound asleep at this time of the night. What would he do to her if she woke him to ask him the question she desperately needed an answer for? She didn’t even want to think about his reaction, she was just going to charge in there and do it.

  Deep breaths Charlie, deep breaths… Who am I kidding? Breathing isn’t going to help me through this. I can’t do it.

  She turned to walk away only to find her way blocked by Zane, the ever persistent pain in the butt routine was getting old fast. Yea so she had followed him into the woods, she was curious and who wouldn’t be in her situation. Yea so every time she looked at him she couldn’t help but blush under his gaze, it’s pretty safe to say that every woman would blush when stared at like she was something to eat rather than a person. It didn’t mean that he could stalk her through dark streets at midnight. Hell, she didn’t even like the guy, at least if she had the slightest bit of interest in him, she wouldn’t be so upset over the fact that right now he was following her like a lost puppy.

  “Get out of my way Zane!”

  “You can’t talk to him yet Charlie, it’s too soon. You have to wa…”

  “I don’t have to do anything! I’m not your god dam child Zane. You can’t just think because you told me a few things that you can continue to tell me what I can and can’t do now!”

  “That’s not what. I’m not trying to control you, I just…”

  “You just what? Don’t want me to ask Mike if he really is my father? You don’t want me to speak to anyone but you about what happened in the woods today? You want me to go home and sit and think about it all to myself? That’s not going to happen! I’m not going to roll over and pretend you said nothing to me today, I’m going in!”

  “If you’re going in, then why were you trying to walk away?”

  “I… I… I don’t know, I lost my nerve I guess.”

  Charlie looked down at the road, unable to keep eye contact. She was embarrassed by the fact that she had yelled at Zane for telling her to not do exactly what she wasn’t going to do anyway. She couldn’t do it, not yet. Maybe if she spoke to her mom first. But her mom was the one that had lied to her for eighteen years, why would she expect anything less than that now?

  “There is someone I want you to meet Charlie but not until you’ve had some sleep. You look like you’ve been five rounds in the boxing ring tonight. I’ll walk you home.”

  Does everyone around here think that I am a child?!

  “I can walk myself home thank you!”

  She knew that he would follow her anyway, they were neighbors after all but she put every bit of attitude she had into her stomping along the way so that Zane would get the idea that she didn’t need or want an escort for the short walk home.

  She slammed the door forcefully behind her when she got back to her house and diverted Eloise’s questions before she could utter a word, all she wanted was to go to bed and have a hopefully dreamless sleep and wake up to find that everything was just a nightmare, but instead she lay in her bed and went over and over the conversation she’d had in the woods with Zane until her head hurt.

  It was about 3am by the time she finally drifted off into a fitful sleep full of night terrors that she was sure would haunt her for the rest of her days. Why couldn’t it be a simple thing to just turn back time? She would never have followed Zane, she would never have even taken notice of him from the moment he got into town. She could have just avoided everything, if only she could rewind to the day before. Now she could only hope
that the morning would bring some relief and that Zane would choose to stay away and give her some time to think.

  Chapter Three

  Charlie’s alarm was set to go off at 6am like it always was. No matter how much sleep she got the night before she always had to be up by 6am to see in the new day. It was a routine that she had never broken and didn’t intend to any time soon. There was something about being up as the sun rose that calmed her and on this particular morning she definitely needed it.

  Her body clock must have known something was wrong because at three minutes to six she woke with a start and looked at her alarm, it had been turned off already. In her groggy, sleep deprived state she was slower than usual to wake up, taking her time to stretch every limb willing every part of her body to wake up individually before giving one finally full body stretch and opening her eyes. Upon opening them she saw what she thought was Zane sitting on the dresser chair in the corner of her room but surely her mind was playing tricks on her. Rubbing her eyes and holding them shut for a few seconds to get rid of the images that still circulated through her mind after storming home the night before, she willed herself to open them to a completely empty room. Zane was not something she wanted to wake up to and for good reason.

  She peeked out of one eye before resigning to the fact that it wasn’t her mind playing tricks, Zane really was sitting in the corner of her room.

  “What the hell are you doing here Zane? Like yesterday wasn’t bad enough you had to come back today and add insult to injury?”

  “I told you last night, I need to talk to you, did you really think I would give up so easily?”

  Well, maybe not easily but I definitely didn’t think you would turn up unannounced in my bedroom at 6am.

  “I seem to specifically recall that I told you last night that I didn’t want to talk to you. How did you even get in here?”

  “Through the front door. I knocked and no one answered, I tried the handle it was unlocked so I…”

  “So you thought you could just wander on in uninvited at 6am?”

  “Oh no, I’ve been here since five.”

  He had an irritating, arrogant smirk attached to his face that Charlie wished she could wipe off with a swift punch to his pretty mouth but that would require getting out from under the covers and she wasn’t exactly dressed appropriately for that.

  “You’ve been watching me sleep for an hour? Can you say stalker much?”

  “You’re kind of cute when you’re asleep you know.”

  Forgetting about her lack of clothing Charlie jumped from the bed – tired of Zane’s smug tone and lack of caring for personal boundaries – and punched him in the mouth. She was satisfied to see a small trickle of blood running from the corner of his mouth as she turned to get some clothes from her dresser.

  “Still think I’m cute?!”

  “Definitely. I like a girl with a bit of gusto, I thought you would have realized that last night.”

  Breathe, just… Oh stuff the breathing, storming is more effective for relieving tension!

  She started to stomp her way through her room to the bathroom to get dressed but once again was interrupted.

  “Where are you going?”

  “Well Zane, it’s Monday, and some of us have to go to work. You know, bills to pay, lives to live that sort of thing.”

  “But we need to…”

  She didn’t let him finish the sentence, knowing he was going to end it with we need to talk. Talking was the last thing on her mind. Well, talking with him anyway. Without returning to her room, she was dressed and downstairs in five minutes, hoping he’d had the sense to leave her to her thoughts for a while, and yet once again she underestimated his determination.

  “Go away Zane.”

  “Not until you talk to me Charlie.”

  “Fine then, how’s the weather today?” Her voice was dripping with sarcasm and she knew it would get to him but she couldn’t help herself. She didn’t understand how someone could be so pushy, and so conceited and so charming all at the same time.

  “Well, my radar says fine with a chance of grumpy from the girl next door. How ‘bout yours?” She glared at him from over the freshly made coffee that was now steaming just below her top lip.

  Maybe if I ignore him he’ll just leave.

  Finishing her breakfast and pulling her shoes on at the front door, she walked out and with Zane still following her, waited for him to join her on the other side before closing and locking the door behind them. It would be hours before Matt and El got out of bed. Neither started work until after lunch and they both liked to stay up late and lay in late. It worked well for the housemates who unlike others, weren’t continuously in each other’s faces. They each led their separate lives and came together for dinner and a chat and maybe a movie or a game on one of their numerous consoles before Charlie went to bed. The house they lived in had belonged to Charlie’s mother up until last year when due to unforeseen circumstances her mom had left and she had invited El’ and Matt to live with her. And although their arrangement had worked well since then this morning, she would have welcomed the extra company, maybe Zane would have felt uncomfortable if her housemates had been up and about with her and left.

  He followed her to work - the café right beside the coffee shop that Mike owned - staying about a meter behind or beside her the whole way and then sat at the counter watching her open up shop for the day. She was trying her hardest to ignore him but after the five minute walk and staring her down for the last fifteen minutes while she booted the cash register, opened the windows and set the tables, she was starting to feel annoyance creep in and resignation for the fact that he wasn’t going to leave her alone until she let him talk to her.

  “Go home Zane, I’m here until two, meet me at home when I’m done.”

  “You’re no fun, you know that. Maybe I like watching you, maybe I want to sit here until you’re finished.”

  She knew that was a lie, she could see that he was bored already but he wouldn’t leave, giving her the chance to not turn up when she was finished.

  “I’m not going anywhere, you know as well as I do that no one leaves Tole without a full council meeting and permission from the Mayor.”

  “I’m not so sure that will apply to you shortly. The Valguard are allowed to come in and out as they wish, they just choose not to.”

  She had been trying not to think about the fact that she may or may not be part Valguard but with Zane constantly shoving it down her throat that was kind of hard. Mike was right next door, she could just walk in right now and put the question to him but she was afraid of the answer she would get. She pushed the thoughts aside, willing herself to forget about it and to just get through the work day. She didn’t need any extra distractions at the moment, it was always busy on Mondays, she needed to present for that and not hung up on what may or may not be the truth of who she really was.

  “Still… Where do I have to go Zane? My whole family here is. This is my life. I will meet you at home when I’m done. Please?”

  She saw the defeat on his face before he spoke and the look gave her an immense sense of satisfaction.

  “Ok but if you aren’t there by 2:15 I will come looking for you.”

  He turned to walk out the door but turned back as he reached for the handle.

  “And I will find you Charlie, you know that.”

  His crooked smile twisted something in her stomach, but she had trouble identifying whether it was fear or desire, either way it was unwelcomed and unwanted.

  Two O’clock couldn’t come fast enough, Monday’s were always busy, with everyone coming in on their way to work, always moving too fast, not allowing time to have breakfast before starting their day. Then came the mid-morning rush for snacks and yet more coffee. The last hustle of the day came at lunch and lasted right up until the shift change at quarter to two. There were people lined up out the door waiting to refuel with sandwiches, slices and quiches amongst other things. You
name it Sally’s Café sold it. You wouldn’t think that Sally’s would get so much patronage considering the prices that were charged compared to Mikal’s next door. But people knew good food when they tasted it and good service when they saw it and that was one thing that everyone at Sally’s always strived towards. Good customer service along with the good food made sure that customers returned time and time again, which meant that everyone who worked there had a job as long as it was upheld.

  El’ came in at quarter to two for the shift change and although she didn’t have time to inundate Charlie with questions about the previous night, she did however have time to glare at her and clearly send the message that once she was home tonight they would be talking about it.

  Great! Just what I need… Another person who wants to talk to me! At least this one is human and doesn’t make my insides squirm like it’s about to jump out my throat.

  She purposely walked home slower than usual, taking round about side streets and sitting in the park to watch the kids on the swings, just to prolong what she knew was coming. As she turned into her street, she saw Zane walking towards her, the look on his face told her that he had been worried she wouldn’t turn up and considering it was sixteen minutes past two and it was only a five minute walk, she couldn’t blame him, but a settling sense of satisfaction crept through her and she knew being late had been worth it. That is until they met in the middle of the narrow walk way.

  “Where were you? I was about to come and find you.”

  “I decided I needed some fresh air and went for a walk. I’m here now aren’t I?”

  “We’ll talk at my house, I’ve made lunch. I know you don’t get to eat at work.”

  “Uh… Thanks, I guess.”

  There was that dammed feeling in her stomach again, why Zane? Why her? Why now? She hated him and yet he did something to her that no other person had been able to in her life time.

  Zane’s house was pretty much identical to Charlie’s and all the other houses in the street, they were mass built back in the sixties or something and they were all made exactly the same. Three stories, weatherboard, lean and tall, casting shadows half way across the street at the right time of the day. The interior all made from clean lines and light colored surfaces, probably to make everything in the dreary town of Tole look a little brighter. As you walked in through the double front doors into the narrow entry hall the lounge was situated on the left, the dining room on the right and if you kept walking, at the end of the hall- which was comprised of nothing more than the entry ways to the lounge and dining room and several closets - it opened into the kitchen and main eating area at the back of the house, to the right of the kitchen stood the stair case, which she knew led up to the second story balcony, behind the balcony was five doors. Each house had four bedrooms all roughly the same shape and size one bathroom (always a pain when there are three people in the house) and a door that led to the attic. Unlike most houses, the attics in these houses were massive, they were high set and you could add a whole other floor to the house if you could be bothered to do it up. Charlie sighed as she thought about the attic in her own house; it had so much potential but was more or less filled with chests and boxes full of forgotten memories. One day she would get around to turning it into another sitting area but she knew that it wouldn’t be any time soon.