Destinata (Valguard)

by Nicole Daffurn

  I just need to do it. I need to get out…

  April 29th

  I’m out! After Mikal, Emily and the other council members granted Ava and I passage out of town, they set us up in our own nice little flats in the city. They aren’t anything like the house we lived in back in Tole but they are more than livable. Hell they even set us up with a job each. I’m now a proud employee at L. C. Jenkins Architects. Maybe they aren’t so bad after all.

  Something strange crossed my mind today. I was thinking back to the day I left Tole and I remembered something that suddenly seemed odd to me. On the borders of town as I was leaving, there were two men standing guard. And if that isn’t weird enough in itself I could swear blind their eyes were glowing. I deem myself paranoid and crazy for thinking this. I mean, eyes don’t just glow! And I’ve never even given it a thought before today… Just crazy.

  I miss Charlie and El’ like mad, I even miss Matt a little. Mostly though, I feel guilty for leaving El’ and I miss Char more than I could have imagined. I never realized how much I had leaned on her for everything. I know, I know… Suck it up princess. I just wish I could see her again.

  You know, I’ve been thinking about that day that Eva went crazy. I mean I know she was crazy but what did she mean by he needed to tell us and Charlie the truth? Was there even a truth to be told? Eva had always seemed so rational and happy and level-headed to me, I just can’t understand why someone like that, who had a daughter like Charlie to come home to every day would just go nuts without warning. I suppose you never really know someone…

  May 25th

  It’s my birthday. Happy Birthday to me, Happy Birthday to me. Yea, blah, blah. I haven’t had the greatest birthday. First work, then I come home to find Ava crying at my front door, something about a boyfriend dumping her. Then I tried to ring El’ and Charlie but no one was home. No missed calls, no messages. Nothing. Just a pity party for one.

  Now back to that bad day at work. It was more odd than bad. Some guy came striding straight up to me today and just started chatting away like we were old friends. I asked if I knew him, naturally thinking I had blanked and forgotten ever meeting this guy and he says ‘Ah no, no you never saw me, I didn’t come here ok Ford. OK?” I wanted him out of there so of course I agreed and who the hell would I tell anyway? I have limited friends in the city, the only people I really interact with is Ava and the guys at work and I’m not about to tell them that some strange guy just decided to have a good old chat with me.

  And I thought that was the end of that. Apparently I was wrong. I caught the guy following me home! I turned on him in the alley that runs beside my place and pinned him against the wall, though not before he gave me an awesome shiner. He still claimed I don’t know him and wouldn’t give me any answers whatsoever so I taught him a lesson he wouldn’t be forgetting in a hurry and let him go.

  That’s when I came home and found Ava. Poor girl just isn’t good with men. She thinks they need nurturing and to a certain extent I suppose we all do but what we don’t need is someone who is going to turn up at work to ‘have a chat’ with the boss about how unfair they are treating us. I mean she has to realize that is going to lose her a boyfriend right? Apparently not.

  I think I might head to bed, it’s been a long, strange day. I can’t wait for sleep.

  June 20th

  Ava’s talking about moving. She doesn’t like living in the city and I’m not so sure that I can stay here without her. At least with her here it feels like home even if it isn’t. She’s been offered a job in some small remote town somewhere and I think she will take it. I haven’t been offered a job and I’m not so sure that I could move away without the security. I mean yea, I could but I just figured if I ever moved anywhere again it would be as a family. Family being me, Ava and El’ at the least. I still feel guilty over leaving El’ behind. I haven’t heard from her in almost two months. Every time I ring no one answers and I certainly haven’t missed any calls so maybe she isn’t finding being separated as hard as I am.

  I haven’t seen the strange guy from my birthday in almost a month. That is until today. He turned up outside my work this afternoon. I don’t think he knows I saw him but he was definitely there, lurking in the shadows being all creepy. I honestly don’t know what his problem is! Maybe he has some bromance thing going on with me in his head. Who knows. I think I will keep on keeping my distance for now. Maybe I can figure out what he is doing without a confrontation.

  Nights are the bane of my existence lately. I can’t sleep. Every time I close my eyes and start to drift off I see those glowing eyes from the day I left town. I wonder why my mind won’t let go of that little fact. I mean, it’s not like I even really remember it. It’s just something that popped into my head one day. Here’s to hoping the images go away before I end up in the same boat as Eva.

  July 4th

  Independence day! I know that on this day more than any other I am supposed to be grateful for our independence and freedom but I just don’t feel it this year. Independence and freedom are the reason why I am feeling more and more depressed day by day. I don’t like being alone, there is such a thing as too much freedom I think. I’m lonely, more than I could have ever imagined from gaining the freedom I had desired from Tole.

  Today something weird happened with the strange guy. He was watching me from his usual hiding place and then all of a sudden out of nowhere, these two big guys in suits and glasses (yea I know total Men In Black style) came out and just grabbed him. They dragged him into a car with windows so dark I couldn’t see through them at all. I was wondering whether they could see out of them actually. I tried to follow but being on foot I didn’t get too far before losing them. Don’t get me wrong, I’m totally happy that I won’t have to endure coming out of work and seeing him staring out at me every day anymore but I still hope they haven’t hurt him.

  I wonder if the girls miss me as much as I miss them.

  September 16th

  I think I might be going crazy. I don’t sleep anymore, I don’t want to eat, I don’t go to work. (Why I haven’t been kicked out of my apartment for not paying rent yet I have no idea.) Hell I don’t even bother trying to contact Char and El’ anymore. What’s the point? All I ever get now is the engaged signal and they don’t bother ringing me. Or maybe they do and they are getting the same signal. Either way, I have no contact with them anymore.

  Ava left just like she said she was going to. She packed up her belongings and moved to some remote town tucked in the bushland like Tole. Maybe I should just go home. I feel like I need to be there but I just can’t bring myself to go. After eighteen years I finally got out, how can I possibly go back?

  November 5th

  I met a girl. She’s completely right for me in all the wrong ways. She doesn’t look like Charlie, she doesn’t sound like Charlie, she doesn’t care like Charlie, she doesn’t even smell like Charlie. She is as far from Charlie as you can get and yet I still can’t stop thinking about Charlie. Why hadn’t I just told her that I loved her. Maybe she would have come with me. Hell, maybe I would have even stayed with her. Claire is great. She’s loving and beautiful and successful but she just isn’t Charlie. I’ll have to break it off with her I know it; I just can’t face breaking her heart.

  Ava rang today. She’s settled in nicely and found herself a steady boyfriend. She says he is… different but wouldn’t say any more than that. Apparently they are coming for Christmas so that we can meet. Let’s hope it lasts that long, considering her track record with relationships isn’t that great, I highly doubt they will make the distance.

  I’ve been feeling this strange pulling (for lack of a better word) lately and I can’t explain it any better than that. It’s like something inside me is pulling me towards some unseen force but I can never quite reach it. I feel empty, hollow, homesick… all the time.

  December 25th

  As I thought it would, Ava’s new relationship ended before it really even started. We spen
t Christmas alone in my small apartment. It was nice, nothing special just dinner and drinks. We didn’t even exchange presents this year. I finally went back to work, I had to, no one can survive without eating and money is an essential part of gaining food to eat. I don’t want to be there anymore but I have to do the right thing and keep myself alive, if for nothing else, for my sisters. They need their brother to look after them, not become the big hulking pile of mess that I was turning into.

  This feeling of homesick is getting ridiculous now. Every day I feel like I don’t belong, like I’m being pulled in the other direction, like I’m not even supposed to be here. If I could just figure out where it is trying to pull me to maybe I could settle the uneasy feeling in my stomach just for a short while.

  I’m not making a new year’s resolution this year, I have nothing that I need to resolve. That’s a lie, I have plenty, I just don’t want to face any of it at the moment.

  February 28th

  It’s Charlie’s birthday today. I sent her a card and present last week so it would get there on time but it was returned to me today. The package said ‘Not at this address’. I wondered briefly whether Charlie, El’ and Matt had moved but it was fleeting. I remembered that the place they lived in was Eva’s house. There is no way Char would be forced out of it. Maybe I will surprise them with a visit soon.

  I got another call from Ava today. Her and the mysterious boyfriend from last year have rekindled things. The guy must be a glutton for punishment. They’re coming in the next few weeks to visit. Can’t wait.

  Still have the strange homesick feeling, but I’m ignoring it as much as possible.

  March 26th

  I’m on my way back to Tole. As much as I despise the place, I can’t get through to El’ and I desperately need to talk to her.

  Things went from weird to batcrap crazy last week. Ava brought her ‘boyfriend’ (Tony) to meet me finally only when they got there, the man I had heard so much about was my creepy stalker guy. To say it was a tense reunion was an understatement but a few pissing matches and a broken nose later we were getting along like old friends. I let the past lie in the past and we actually got along like a house on fire. That was until they were ready to leave. Ava got real teary while packing her stuff up to go and I swear she was trying to tell me in code that something was wrong. She kept shifting her eyes to Tony and rolling them when I couldn’t understand what she was on about. She excused herself to the bathroom before the long drive home and left Tony and I in a very awkward, uncomfortable silence standing beside the door. On her way out, I saw her discreetly place something on the side table that I kept near the phone but I couldn’t make out what it was. She smiled brilliantly walking towards us, something I know she didn’t do often, and that was the first warning sign. The next wasn’t so subtle. As she neared us, I could see the glisten of tears in her eyes and before I could ask what was wrong Tony had her by the throat. He was rambling on, asking what she had left on the side table but she insisted it was nothing. The next thing I knew, Tony had pulled a knife from god-knows-where and had it held to her throat. I couldn’t move, I couldn’t help. I could see the madness in his eyes and I knew if I made one wrong move she would be dead. As it happens, I didn’t even get to make a wrong move. Within seconds Ava’s throat was slit, the blood pulsing out of her like a fountain, staining my beige carpet forever. Tony ran and I did nothing. I collapsed to my sister’s side, knowing there was nothing I could do to save her. I wiped away the last tear that had escaped from her eyes before closing them and praying for her safe journey to wherever her life would lead her now. I held her hands in mine and when I pulled away I looked down at my own blackened hands. I hadn’t remembered touching anything black, the only thing I had touched was… Ava’s hands. I flipped them over as carefully as I could and saw the words ‘Save El’‘ hastily written in whiteboard marker across her left palm and LC on her right. LC? No idea, I guess she have been testing the pen. The thing she had placed on the side table had been a whiteboard marker from my bedroom.

  I knew in that moment that I would finally be returning to Tole. If El’ and Charlie needed saving, I would protect them to the ends of the earth.

  Chapter Eight

  The desire to run to Ford and the need to devise a plan with Zane warred within Charlie but in the end the want to rescue her mother won out and she returned to Zane’s living room with only a glance behind her to see Ford looking somber leaning against the metal gate, once again his clothing soaked through.

  “Was that Ford?”

  “Yes.”

  “Hmmm.”

  “Hmmm what Zane?”

  “Nothing. It’s just, don’t you think it’s a bit curious that after all this time, he just happens to turn up within days of you finding out you’re half-Valguard?”

  “No actually, I don’t. Ford is El’s sister, obviously he wanted to come back and see her. We haven’t seen him in over a year.”

  “I guess.”

  “Geez Zane! He isn’t some evil doer lurking around to try and win me over just to feed me to the enemy, which remind me is who exactly? Coz it seems to me that I don’t actually have any enemies, I am part of both races surely that grants me some sort of rightful passage to work alongside both parties right?”

  The diversion worked. Zane, preferring to answer her questions rather than amble on about the fact that Ford had returned to town unannounced and uninvited.

  “That’s not exactly how it works Charlie, there will come a time when you are going to have to choose sides. I’ve said it over and over but the war is coming and unless you can figure out a way to stop it, you are going to have to choose to fight alongside the Valguard or the humans. You can’t choose both.”

  “Right well. First things first. I want my mom out of that dam cell!”

  “You might want to invite your friend Ford along for this discussion, we’re going to need the muscle.”

  “No! No way! After what I just saw, you think I’m going to invite him along to his death? You’re crazy.”

  “That was what was to happen at that time, there is no certainty it will happen this time. And you want to tell him anyway don’t you?”

  Charlie swore she heard a touch of jealousy in his tone but shrugged it off for now.

  “Yes but…”

  “No but’s.”

  Before she could stop him Zane was at the front door gesturing for Ford to join them and she was letting out a low, exasperated groan.

  “Oh come on Charlie, it’ll be fine.”

  Ford settled in, a scowl on his face aimed at Zane and a towel wrapped around his broad shoulders. The atmosphere in the room was tense to say the least. Charlie sat and strummed her fingers on her knee waiting for the awkwardness to subside. Thankfully it wasn’t long before Ford spoke up, saving her from having to break the tension herself.

  “Charlie. I need to talk to you… Alone preferably.”

  Zane getting the hint that he wasn’t wanted left the room, heading up the stairs where they heard his bedroom door close firmly behind him.

  “Ford, I’m going to explain everything, just dry off a bit and I’ll get you a coffee.”

  “Explain what? I really need to talk to you it’s about…”

  “I know what it’s about Ford and I said I will explain, just give me a minute ok?”

  “What no Charlie. Listen to me please, it’s nothing about you.”

  “Oh, but then what is it? Is El’ ok?”

  “Eloise is fine for now. It’s Ava. She was killed yesterday.”

  Charlie wept while Ford explained to her what had happened with the creepy stalker guy Tony and all the events that had led up to Ava’s death.

  “But why? Ava never hurt anyone. I’m so sorry Ford.”

  “Me too.”

  Crushed by the devastation that was painfully clear on Fords face Charlie reached over to gently wipe the tears that had escaped from the corner of his eyes. Taking his hands in hers, he turned to hi
de his face ashamed by his weakness but Charlie let go of his hands to cup his jaw in her palm and turn it back towards her own tear-streaked face, letting him know that in her company, he never need be ashamed of any feeling. Moving in she watched Ford closely for any signs of resistance and finding none wrapped her warm arms around his cold neck. Overcome with grief, they sat for what seemed like an eternity not speaking, not moving just holding each other until the tears seemed to dry up.

  Ford whispered thanks to Charlie as he pulled away, his face now dry but the pain he felt was still evident in the way he spoke.

  “Have you told El’?”

  “Yea, Matt’s taking care of her, I just needed to get out of there.”

  “Ok. Do you think I should go and see her?”

  “Nah, she’s pretty broken up, she just needs to be with Matt.”

  “What’s with Tony though? First he stalked you, then went out with Ava, then killed her. And what was Ava trying to warn you about?”

  “I don’t know, but as soon as I saw the writing on her hand I left town and came straight here. And then I saw your creepy eyes this morning and it reminded me of everything a little too abruptly, is that what you wanted to explain to me?”

  “Oh, right. Not great timing really. I’ll get Zane, hang on a tick.”

  Charlie ran upstairs and knocked quietly on Zane’s bedroom door, cautioning him to be nice to Ford and quickly recapping what had happened, they walked back down in silence.

  “Ford. I’m sorry to hear about your loss and just as soon as we get things sorted here, I promise we will find this guy.”

  “Ah thanks but what exactly do we have to sort out here?”

  Zane explained quickly everything that he had told me and everything that had been going on the last few days and to Charlie’s surprise he took it rather well.