Perfection

by J. L. Spelbring

  Strangely, Ellyssa’s heart went out to her. Ellyssa knew Candy’s secret, the one that she’d tried to keep from everyone. She wished she could transmit her thoughts, like Jeremy, to let the redhead know her secret was safe.

  “No,” Candy cried, tears squeezing from the corner of her eyes. She struggled against Mathew as she tried to get up. After a few more attempts, she crumpled in defeat, sobs breaking free.

  “Get me a clean rag and the bandages from the locker,” Mathew ordered to nobody in particular, “and the ointment.”

  Ellyssa went and retrieved the items and handed them to him. “How bad is she?”

  “Just a gash,” he answered as he cleaned the area. Blood pooled in the wound and leaked over the torn skin. “She’ll have a headache.”

  Ellyssa knelt next to Candy and patted her hand, awkwardly. Candy didn’t pull away with disgust, so she continued. “What else can I do?”

  Mathew’s eyes raked her, accusingly.

  Why shouldn’t it be she who appeared guilty? She was the enemy. But Mathew? Her delusion of acceptance had been nothing more than that—a delusion. Hurt, she stood and backed away, while the doctor’s trained hands worked on the injured woman. Soft sobs escaped Candy’s lips.

  Rein grabbed Ellyssa’s hand and pulled her protectively against him. “He attacked Ellyssa. And Candy,” he said, pointing at her, “was helping.”

  “No. That was not what happened. Candy had nothing to do with it. She was as confused as you were,” said Ellyssa.

  Rein glanced at her.

  “Candy came in after Jason attacked me.”

  “That’s a lie,” yelled Jason, his tinny voice high-pitched. “I was defending myself.”

  Rein whipped around and took a threatening step. “Why’d you have a knife?”

  Jason sputtered, his mind flickering faster than she could perceive, reaching for some explanation. No conclusion decided upon, he refolded the bloody cloth and pressed it against his wound.

  Hatred burned in Jason’s mentality as he blamed Ellyssa for his crumbling world. Then a little light flicked on, and his psychological world reformed. Still, he didn’t see himself at fault, his perception of right and wrong tilted in his favor. After all, Ellyssa had invited him to “visit”. She wanted him; he’d seen it in her eyes. It wasn’t his fault she’d changed her mind. Jason was the victim.

  “We’ll let the council decide,” said Jason. “Are you going to help me or what?”

  “Just hold the cloth to it until I’m done,” Mathew answered, his fingers nimbly picking stray hairs from Candy’s laceration. She hissed every time his fingers grazed the tender spot.

  Shutting out Jason’s sick sense of morals, Ellyssa continued, “Rein walked in and…” She trailed off. Rein knew the rest of the story.

  “And?”

  “Jason tried to attack her with a knife, and I shot him,” Rein said.

  “I see.” Mathew’s lids narrowed as he watched the writhing man on the ground. “Tomorrow, we’ll figure everything out.” He wrapped his arm around Candy and slowly helped her to her feet. “We need to get you into bed.”

  Candy’s face screwed up like she was going to protest, but as soon as she stood upright, all color drained from her skin, leaving behind a waxy pale green. Her eyes rolled up under her lids, and she went limp.

  “Whoa,” Mathew said, struggling to support the deadweight. “Help me, Rein.”

  Rein cradled Candy in his arms and laid her on the cot next to Ellyssa’s. Mathew covered her with a blanket.

  Ellyssa approached Candy while the doctor tended to Jason, and Rein busied himself with rearranging furniture, dragging one of the cots far away from where Ellyssa slept.

  Candy’s eyes opened, landing on her. “Please,” she whispered.

  “It is safe with me,” Ellyssa mouthed.

  The corner of the redhead’s lips curved into a weak grin as her eyes closed. Soft, even breaths signaled she’d fallen asleep.

  “It’s a only a graze. Took a chunk of flesh, though,” Mathew said from behind her. The doctor had torn away the leg of Jason’s pants, and had the wound already cleaned. “Hold this here.” He pushed a bandage against the injury and began ripping off strips of surgical tape.

  The male Ellyssa had met in the council meeting, Eric, darted through the door, holding a shotgun. He skidded to a stop, his eyes settling on the pool of blood, then on Doc. “What the hell happened?” he said.

  “Long story. I’ll explain later,” Doc replied, as he secured the dressing. “Help me.” He assisted Jason onto his feet.

  Eric grabbed Jason’s elbow and helped the doctor walk the injured male to the other side of the room, where Rein waited next to the cot he’d moved.

  “Is someone going to tell me what’s going on?” Eric asked while helping Jason onto the cot.

  “I didn’t…” Jason started.

  “If you utter another word,” Rein interrupted, “I’ll finish the job.”

  Jason snapped his mouth shut.

  “I’ll catch you up to speed,” Rein said to Eric as he poured water from the basin Ellyssa had used into a bucket. Rein’s low voice carried over as he mopped up the blood off the stony ground with Eric.

  Mathew approached Ellyssa. “Let me have a look at your injury,” he said.

  Ellyssa blinked in surprise. She’d forgotten all about Jason sticking her.

  “What? You didn’t think I’d noticed?” He took her by the back of her arm and led her over to his chair. He pulled apart the ripped fabric, exposing a small gash.

  “I had forgotten about it.”

  “It’s not deep.” Mathew swabbed ointment on it and applied a bandage. “I want to apologize,” he said, patting her knee.

  “No need.”

  “No, there is. You’re my friend, and I doubted what happened. I’m sorry.”

  “I understand.”

  “That doesn’t excuse my behavior,” Mathew stated, moving toward Candy. He pulled a penlight from his pocket and shone the light into Candy’s eye.

  “Hey! What the hell,” she said, her voice drawn and tired. “I was sleeping.” She batted his hand away.

  “I have to make sure you don’t have a concussion.” He repeated the process, against her objections. “Good,” he said, smiling. “You’re going to be fine, but in the morning, you’ll have a headache.”

  Candy grumbled something and turned to her side.

  “It’s a mistake that won’t happen again,” Mathew said to Ellyssa, slipping the penlight back into his pocket. “Why don’t you help Rein?”

  On the way to where Rein and Eric knelt, sopping up blood, Ellyssa grabbed a small pail and filled it with fresh water. She squatted next to them. “Here.”

  “It’ll be days before the stain wears away,” Rein said, dipping the rag into the clean water.

  Ellyssa glanced at the pool of red that Rein and Eric had managed to smear around. She didn’t want to have to look at the stain for the remaining time she slept there; it would remind her of all that’d transpired, remind her how fragile friendships were. “Yes, I know.”

  Then, she thought about Jordan. Neither Rein nor Mathew knew about their beloved leader. Should she tell them?

  After a quick debate, she leaned back onto her heels. “I have something to tell you and Mathew.”

  “Doc already knows,” Eric stated.

  Rein looked from him to Mathew. “Knows what?”

  Mathew’s face fell. “I was coming to tell you, when…” He swept his hand in an arc.

  “Knows what?” Rein repeated.

  “Jordan.” He didn’t elaborate. The look of sadness told the story.

  Rein glanced at Ellyssa, his face questioning.

  Ellyssa’s stared back at him. What were the right words to tell someone when a loved one died? What was she supposed to do? Comfort? She knew Woody had made her feel better, but her feelings for the dead leader were nothing compared to Rein’s, who’d been raised by Jordan. Something tol
d her she should try though, that the response was right, but instead, she sat there, stupidly. The words were all wrong. She swallowed the consolations down and nodded instead.

  The towel Rein had been holding dropped to the floor. Unshed tears glistening in his eyes, he stood and left the room without a word.

  As the padding of his shoes disappeared down the passageway, Mathew pulled her close, circling his arm around her shoulder. “Go, talk to him,” he said.

  “I don’t know what to say.”

  “There are no right words. Just be there for him. That’s all you can do. Woody told me that’s what you did for him.”

  “Woody?” she asked, surprised. “He was the one who helped me.”

  “Did he?”

  She thought he’d helped her with feeling her first true loss, the profound sadness, but maybe they had helped each other. A moment shared between two people who had needed comfort.

  She went after Rein.

  Holding the music box, Rein sat in silence inside Jordan’s holey. He watched as the little dancers twirled to the harmony, forever caught in an eternal embrace. No threat of blond police coming to destroy the only home they’d ever known. No death.

  He envied the figurines.

  His chest felt hollow. He wanted to scream in anger, bash things, break stuff. He wanted to cry. Nothing came. Empty, he was drowning in a sea of loss.

  The emptiness lessened when he thought of Ellyssa. Her soft skin, the scent of her hair. He filled with warmth and yearning…and with love. Then guilt followed for his mind wandering from Jordan.

  A vicious cycle feeding itself.

  “Can I come in?” Woody asked, pushing the tattered curtain aside.

  Rein preferred to be alone, but he scooted over, affording the room. Woody crawled inside and sat with his back toward the entrance.

  “I never had the chance to say goodbye,” Rein said.

  Woody patted his shoulder. “He knew how you felt.”

  “I know.” Tears stung his eyes; he blinked. “It’s just, without his guidance…” He glanced at Woody. “I guess Doc told you guys.”

  “About the search parties? Yes.”

  “We’ll have to prepare the group.” He sighed, looking down at the whirling figurines. He wished he knew the right steps to take. “What’re we going to do?”

  “Survive. Just like we’ve always done.” Woody lowered his head to catch Rein’s attention. “Hey. You know what to do; we both do.”

  “Did the others—you know—take it well?”

  “They knew it was coming.”

  Rein nodded, understanding. Jordan’s failing health hadn’t been a secret. “What about you? How are you doing?”

  “I said my goodbye.”

  “Our little family keeps getting smaller and smaller.”

  Woody reached over and folded Rein’s fingers around the music box. “He would want you to have that.”

  “But…”

  “You always appreciated it more than I did.”

  Finally, the tears stinging Rein’s eyes slid down his cheeks. “Thank you.”

  “Rein?”

  Ellyssa’s soft voice surprised him. He hadn’t heard the echo of footsteps down the rocky path. Her prowess as a soldier, he was sure.

  Woody gave him a sad smile, before he flipped over. “Here, let me out.”

  Ellyssa stepped back and Woody crawled into the tunnel. Before he left, he ducked down, eye level with Rein. “We’ll be fine.”

  “I know.” Rein said the words, but didn’t really believe them. All that lay before his little community—his family—was an undetermined future. It was up to him to make sure they were all safe. His responsibility, because he was the one who had led the enemy to their door. “Would you call together a council meeting for tomorrow, after lunch?”

  “Of course.” Woody squeezed Ellyssa’s hand once before leaving. Apparently, she and his best friend had reached an understanding.

  Ellyssa hovered outside of the holey, as Woody’s shoes scraped across moist rock. The sight of her warmed his heart; her hair reflected yellow from the fluorescent bulbs, her sky-blue eyes wide with concern, her face saddened.

  Rein wiped away the tears and offered her a sad smile. “Please, come in.”

  Ellyssa crawled into the cramped space and sat on her heels. For a few moments, neither of them said anything as the figures danced within their glass dome. Finally, the music slowed, then stopped.

  “What’s that?”

  “Jordan’s music box.”

  Her full lips shaped a small O. “It’s beautiful.”

  Despite the sorrow weighing in his chest like an anchor, he grinned at the wonder on her face. “Yes, it is. It belonged to Jordan’s mother. The only thing she brought that wasn’t an essential. It’s Mozart, but he can’t remember the piece.”

  “Fantasia No. 3.”

  Rein looked up in surprise. “You’ve heard this?”

  “Yes. We learned all about classical music. Hitler believed in the arts, regardless of his shortcomings. Appreciation was not allowed, though; it was just a learning tool.” She leaned closer to him. “I secretly enjoyed the music,” she said, as if the declaration betrayed her.

  “I really miss him.”

  “I do, too.” She twisted around, crossing her legs and resting her forearms across her thighs. Unconsciously, she wrung her hands together. “I know I am in no position to even say something like that. I barely knew him,” she said, raising her eyes to meet his, “but in a short time, I really grew to like Jordan, much like I did Mathew… and you.” A flash of red colored her cheeks. She glanced down, her blond hair falling forward, obscuring her face, fingers kneading in nervous tension. “I have never given trust so freely.”

  Rein thought she’d never looked as beautiful as she did now. The nervousness, the tension, the shyness…the vulnerability. He placed a finger under her chin. “It’s not a competition of who feels worse, or who has the right to feel the way they do.”

  “I know. I feel as if I have no right to be sharing your grief, though.” She flipped her hands up. “I don’t know how to explain. I don’t know how to act.” He smiled at the ease with which she dropped her robotic tone. This was the first time she had ever spoken so freely to him.

  “For all I was trained in,” she continued, “for all the knowledge I have, I’m childlike emotionally. How am I supposed to comfort you?” She held his gaze, her eyes trying to tell him what her words could not. She blinked and looked away.

  “You being here is helping me.” He twined his fingers around hers. Heat flowed from her touch and ignited in his heart, where only minutes ago sorrow had reigned. “I’m really glad you’re here.”

  A hint of a grin tugged her lips. “Just let me know when you prefer to be alone.”

  “I don’t think that’s going to happen.”

  Silence wavered in the air. He enjoyed watching her, her tentative exploration of a foreign world. For a long while, there was no one else but the two of them. No missing family members, no problems. Almost like they weren’t in a cave at all, but were sharing this moment in a place free of worries.

  “Ellyssa,” he muttered as he wound the music box, then handed it to her.

  Her face lit up as she watched the two figurines. “It really is beautiful. We were never allowed possessions back at The Center. Possessions subtracted from training.”

  “I have to tell you something, but when I’m done, you have to promise me we’ll talk about it tomorrow during the council meeting.”

  She nodded while running her finger along the delicate designs of the box.

  “You have to say it.”

  Frowning, she glanced at him. “Say what?”

  “That you promise.”

  “Oh,” she chuckled lightly.

  He’d never heard her do that before. The quality of her laughter was musical, like wind chimes. He couldn’t imagine coming across an emotional barrage like she had had over the last few weeks,
the breaking down of years of training.

  “I promise,” she said, bringing the music box closer to her face. The figures reflected in the blue of her eyes.

  He interlocked her hand with his and pulled it close to his chest. Funny how she made him feel whole, just from being with him.

  “They are looking for you.”

  Clouds obscured the brightness, and her face blanked. “I do not understand.”

  “While we were out to get the supplies, we slept in an old barn. They came in.”

  What little pink was in her face drained.

  “It’s fine. They looked around and left, none the wiser. We came back here safely. I promise no one tracked us.”

  She snatched her hand back. “Are you sure?”

  “Positive.”

  “I have to go. I am endangering you all.” She handed the box back and moved toward the curtain.

  “You’re breaking your promise.”

  Her head snapped around. “What?”

  “You promised me we would talk about it tomorrow, during the meeting. Not now.”

  “That was before—”

  He placed his finger on her mouth. “No.” He pulled her back toward him and circled his arms around her. There was no way he was letting her go. “Just stay with me.”

  “If I turn myself in, they will be none the wiser. The community will be safe.”

  “Tomorrow, please.”

  Without another word, she settled into him, her head resting on his chest. He buried his nose in her hair, inhaling her scent. Her mind reeled; he didn’t have to have psychic abilities to sense that. Her tense shoulders and the stiffness of her back told the story.

  He kept hold of her, humming Fantasia in her ear. After a while, the stress released from her body, and she melted into him. Deep, relaxed breaths followed, and she played with his arm, running her fingers across his skin, leaving behind a trail of tingles.

  As time ticked away, comfortable with her in his arms, he said his goodbyes to Jordan, promising to remember everything he’d taught him, all he had said, and promising that, no matter what, the community would survive.

  28

  Ellyssa rested against Rein’s chest as it rose and fell rhythmically in sleep. Sounds of padding footsteps moved quietly down the tunnel. It amazed her how well the community worked together, showing respect through tiny acts of kindness like that.