Until Then (Cornerstone Book 2)

by Noorman, Krista

  Michelle laughed. They were cute together.

  The guests took their seats on lawn chairs and blankets that were scattered about the yard. Pete sat with his neighbors chatting and smoking cigars. Maggie’s parents and their best friends, Dave and Vi, were seated around the bonfire circle, while Tom and Sarah sat in lawn chairs closer to the dock.

  Simon kept glancing toward the side of the house. Michelle didn’t have to ask why. There was still no sign of Maggie.

  He hopped down and went to get them drinks. When he returned, he leaned in close and nipped her earlobe. “I’m glad you’re here,” he whispered.

  She grinned and playfully grabbed his knee in that way of theirs, then kissed him.

  “Mags!” Sarah suddenly shrieked and came running across the lawn.

  Simon ripped his lips away and trained his eyes on Maggie, who was standing across the yard watching them.

  Maggie gave them a weak smile, then took a sparkler from Sarah and followed her across the lawn toward Tom.

  Michelle glared at Simon until she caught his eye. “Seriously?”

  He had no reply.

  Despite Simon’s earlier behavior, they cozied up on a blanket when it came time for the show. The fireworks were breathtaking, bursting in brilliant flashes of red, white, and blue against the starry night sky.

  Michelle rolled over, draped her leg over Simon’s, and rested her head against his arm.

  “It’s hot,” he whispered, then abruptly shifted so he was propped up on his elbows.

  She laid back and stared over at him. There was no doubt in her mind that his eyes were not fixed on the sky above, but on the pretty girl seated across the lawn.

  Tears burned her eyes, and she did her best to fight them off.

  I’m losing him.

  After the fireworks, the guys worked on starting the bonfire, while the ladies congregated around the picnic table. Maggie seated herself across from Michelle.

  “How are you, Chelle?” she asked.

  “Fine.”

  “How’s it going with you and Simon?”

  “Great.” She couldn’t talk to Maggie right now. If she did, she would lose it, and that was not something she wanted to do. She just wanted to get through this night and go home.

  Maggie didn’t push her for more conversation. She started talking to Sarah about wedding plans, chitchatting with her mother and Vi, and joking about the guys fire-making skills.

  “Good job, honey,” called Sarah.

  Tom gave her a thumbs-up and jumped back suddenly when a large flame licked up at him. “Ah!”

  The girls laughed. Even Michelle smiled at that.

  “Aren’t they so strong and manly?” teased Maggie. “We made fire.” She mocked them in her manliest voice.

  “Let us see you do it better, Canon,” Simon called across the yard.

  Maggie strolled across the lawn toward him, and Michelle could feel the jealousy start to burn inside her.

  One at a time, Simon took her hands and put the gloves he’d been wearing on her.

  Michelle thought she might lose it right then and there. Seeing him touch Maggie nearly pushed her over the edge.

  Simon patted Maggie on the back. “Go for it.”

  Maggie glanced over at Simon, who was poking at the fire with a stick. “What is it with guys and fire?” she asked. “Pyro.”

  “It’s a bonfire. You’re supposed to burn stuff,” he replied.

  “Go roast a wiener or something,” Maggie commanded. “Make yourself useful.”

  He laughed at Maggie’s comment, and Michelle’s heart ached. That laugh was supposed to be all for her. She glared at him when he walked over and grabbed a hot dog and went about roasting it on a stick. He didn’t seem to notice she was still sitting there. And the looks he and Maggie were giving each other were unacceptable.

  Michelle could stand it no more. She walked over and wrapped her hands around Simon’s bicep. “Simon, can you take me home now?”

  He continued to roast the hot dog.

  “We should have coffee next week.” Maggie smiled at her, so clueless, as usual.

  Michelle clung tighter to Simon’s arm and kept her thoughts to herself. She could barely control her anger. It was all-consuming.

  Simon finished the hot dog and walked across the yard to get a bun.

  Michelle watched Maggie’s eyes follow him. If she didn’t leave now, she would definitely say some things she would later regret.

  She glared at Maggie, then swiftly turned and walked away.

  “For you, Canon. Enjoy,” Michelle heard Simon say.

  She glanced over her shoulder and saw Simon hand the hot dog to Maggie as he passed by.

  Maggie grinned at him. "I'm a vegetarian." She tossed the dog into the fire.

  Michelle rolled her eyes and walked as fast as she could to Simon’s car and waited.

  Simon clicked the button on his keychain to unlock the doors, and they climbed in.

  “Everything OK?” he asked.

  Michelle looked over at him and shook her head. A little burst of air escaped her nose in disgust.

  “Chelle?”

  “That was humiliating.”

  He looked down in shame.

  “Just take me home.”

  When she arrived at the office on Monday, there was a large bouquet of roses waiting for her with a sweet card that read:

  Michelle,

  I’m so sorry for everything. You are my best friend in the world. Please don’t give up on us.

  Love always,

  Simon

  She so wanted to believe that they could make their relationship work. But, more and more, she felt him slipping through her fingers, and she didn’t know what to do about it.

  “Put on your best dress, Chelle. I’m taking you out tonight.”

  She grinned into the phone. “What’s the occasion?”

  “Remember how I was up for that big wedding?”

  She gasped. “The governor’s daughter? Oh, Simon! You got it?”

  “I got it!”

  She could hear the excitement in his voice, and she pictured him standing there holding the phone with a huge smile on his face. “I’m so happy for you.”

  “Thank you. Can you meet me at my place at six?”

  “I’ll be there.”

  Michelle put on her red halter dress with the wispy skirt that fell just above her knees. She always felt beautiful in that dress. She curled her hair for once rather than twisting it up in a messy bun and even applied some makeup. She stared at her reflection. Her walnut brown eyes really popped with a little eyeshadow and mascara. Deep red lipstick completed the look.

  She arrived early to Simon’s apartment and let herself in. She helped herself to a glass of iced tea and noticed a card tucked just under the edge of Simon’s laptop, which sat open on the counter. She tugged the card out. It was an invitation from Tom and Sarah to attend a surprise birthday party for Maggie at State Grounds a few nights before. He hadn’t mentioned it, and they had been together that night, so she knew he hadn’t gone. Maybe he truly wanted to make this work.

  She jiggled the mousepad on his laptop to pass the time on Facebook. The screen lit up to reveal Simon’s email inbox. There were many unopened messages. She was pleased not to see Maggie’s name among them. But when she scrolled further, there was, in fact, a previously read message from Maggie dated the same day as her birthday party. Her heart began to race as she read.

  Simon,

  Thank you for the pictures. Best gift ever!

  You were missed tonight.

  Maggie

  Michelle noticed that the message was in reply to one that Simon had sent to Maggie that same day. She scrolled down to see the content of the original message, which read:

  Happy Birthday, Canon!

  Click this link for your gift.

  - S

  Curiosity got the better of her, and she clicked the link, which took her to an online folder of images
from the photography conference in Vegas — the same conference where Simon and Maggie had kissed.

  There were several photos of girls hanging on Simon, posing, and laughing. She recognized a couple of them from the photographer dinner they had attended. Maggie was in the photos, but she was standing off to the side, not participating in their silliness.

  The last photo, however, made Michelle’s breath catch.

  Simon was dipping Maggie back. His nose was close to hers, their faces only inches apart, and they were smiling, while the other girls laughed behind them. The way Simon was looking at Maggie in the photo was so different than the way he looked at her.

  She paced the apartment in a panic. If I don’t do something fast, I’m gonna lose him.

  Simon arrived half an hour later. He greeted her with a grin. “Hey, beautiful.”

  She smiled back at him from her spot on the couch, but was inwardly cringing.

  “Let me get cleaned up and changed real quick, and we’ll go.”

  Michelle let out a sigh when he disappeared into the bathroom. She heard the water run and the squeak of the towel ring as he wiped his hands. He moved from the bathroom to his bedroom.

  She took a deep breath, stood, and walked to his room.

  He looked over his shoulder as she entered, standing there with a few buttons open on his dress shirt. His gaze moved from her head to her toes and back again. “You look nice.”

  She raised an eyebrow at him as her eyes took him in. “So do you.”

  He chuckled.

  She walked slowly toward him, and he grabbed her hands and pulled her to him.

  The feel of being in his arms was so comforting, but she didn’t want comfort tonight. She wanted more.

  Her fingers caressed the small section of bared chest and went to work on the next button.

  He took in a quick, unsteady breath.

  She leaned in and kissed the spot she had revealed behind the button, then undid the next button and kissed that spot, then the next and the next, repeating the pattern.

  He grabbed her arms and pulled her up to him, kissing her deeply.

  She smiled against his mouth, knowing that her plan was working. Her fingers traced a path down his bare chest again and unbuttoned the last two pesky buttons. She pushed the shirt over his muscular shoulders and off his arms.

  He shook the shirt off, letting it fall to the floor, and dragged her to him, finding her lips once more.

  Her hands moved down over the muscles of his back to the top edge of his pants. She slid her fingertips around to the front and popped open the button there.

  He jerked back away from her. “Michelle!”

  She moved against him again. “I want you, Simon,” she breathed into his ear.

  He groaned.

  She reached for his pants again, for the zipper this time.

  He grabbed her wrists and practically jumped back. “Stop!” He dropped her arms like hotcakes and ran his fingers through his hair.

  She stared at him in disbelief.

  “What were you thinking?” He looked completely panicked.

  “I was thinking we should take our relationship to the next level,” she blurted.

  His eyes shifted about the room, anywhere but at her.

  She stepped toward him. “I know you want me, too.”

  He backed away from her and shook his head. “Not like this.”

  “Not like what?”

  “We’re not doing this.” He grabbed his crumpled shirt from the floor.

  “Why not?”

  He looked her straight in the eyes. “I’m not having sex before I’m married.”

  She was sure her face was as red as her dress. Her cheeks were on fire, but not from the heat of their kisses. She was embarrassed and ashamed for what she had tried to get him to do. She backed up against the nearest wall, covering her face with her hands as she sank to the floor. Tears sprung to her eyes. And her mind suddenly flashed on Sean, whose entire life she had derailed for one night of sex. How could she have tried to use that very thing to keep Simon in a relationship with her? How could she do that? She had been so desperate to keep them together, when she knew deep down that it wasn’t working. She had been so willing to stoop to this level, when she knew it was a sin. And she realized that something was very wrong, something within her was still broken, and sex would never fix it.

  Simon sat on the foot of his bed. “Michelle?”

  She couldn’t look at him.

  “I love you very much,” he said.

  She glanced up at him then, tears streaming down her cheeks.

  “But I don’t think we’re meant to be.”

  A sob escaped before she could stop it.

  He moved to sit next to her on the floor and took her right hand between both of his.

  Her head fell onto his shoulder. “I’m so sorry,” she whimpered. “I don’t know what I was thinking. I wasn’t, really.” She spoke between sobs. “I was just trying to hold onto you any way I could. It was so wrong to do this to you. So wrong, Simon. Can you ever forgive me?”

  His forehead met hers. “Only if you forgive me.”

  She leaned away and looked at him questioningly.

  “I don’t wanna hurt you, Chelle, OK? I never wanted to hurt you. But I have to be honest with you.”

  She knew what he was going to say even before he put it into words.

  He looked out across his bedroom. “I have feelings for Maggie.”

  A brief flash of jealousy hit her, but it faded quickly away and was replaced with relief at the truth she had long suspected.

  “Whether I want them or not, they’re there,” he continued. “They have been for a very long time. And I can’t stay with you when I feel this way about her. It wouldn’t be right.”

  She didn’t know what to say, but something about his honest confession freed her.

  “You are one of the most important people in my life, Michelle. I hope you can forgive me for breaking your heart and ruining our friendship.”

  The room was uncomfortably silent for far too long. The entire night seemed like a very bad dream. But it was real. All of it. And if she spoke, it would be the end for them.

  “Please say something.” Tears had formed in his eyes, too.

  “You haven’t.” Michelle paused. “Ruined our friendship, I mean.”

  He looked at her hopefully.

  “You could never lose my friendship. Not ever.”

  He kissed the back of her hand, and she felt lighter somehow. The weight of wondering was replaced with the freedom of knowing.

  When she arrived home, she sat for hours against the wall in her bedroom, trying to figure out how things had gone so wrong. Not just in her relationship with Simon, but in all of her relationships. The hours of thoughts and tears exhausted her, and she finally changed out of her dress and climbed into her bed for much needed rest.

  In the middle of the night, she awoke in a panic. She couldn’t remember what she had dreamed or if it had been a nightmare, but her chest felt tight. She was sure she was having an actual panic attack. It was difficult to breathe, her brow was covered in sweat, and she trembled.

  She was suddenly overwhelmed by all that had happened in her life — her crappy childhood, the things she had done, and the many secrets she held inside for so long. Her thoughts raced as she pictured her father walking to his car and driving away. It played like a movie on repeat. She stood at the door over and over staring after him, crying for him, wanting her daddy. But he didn’t want her. He left her. Everyone always left her.

  Memories flashed by of all the high school partying, the guys she had been with, temporarily filling a void left by her father.

  Then she saw the faces of the ones she loved. Simon. Maggie. Sean. She had wronged them all with her jealousy and promiscuity. And it suddenly occurred to her that, although she had asked Jesus into her heart all those years ago, she had never truly given all of her past over to God. She had held onto sin
ful habits and let them carry into her new life.

  The slideshow in her mind paused on one particular moment — the day the invitation to Sean’s wedding had arrived in Simon’s mailbox. There was a wall of bitterness built up surrounding that day, and though she thought she had let it go long ago, she had not. She was angry with God for taking Sean away from her, and she realized that was it. That was the moment she had let come between her and God for all these years. From that day on, she had tried to find happiness on her own, rather than trusting God, and she had failed miserably.

  She sat up, whipped the covers off, and slid to her knees on the floor. She didn’t know where to start or what to say. As she began to lower her forehead down to the carpet, her eyes caught sight of an envelope lying under her bed. She retrieved it from among the dust bunnies.

  It was from Janice, postmarked nearly a month before, and she remembered the night that she had tossed the mail across the room when Simon stood her up. She opened the envelope and removed a simple notecard with a verse from Hebrews that read “I will never leave thee nor forsake thee.”

  Inside, Janice had written, “I don’t know what kinds of things you’ve been dealing with lately, but I felt God very strongly telling me to write you today. So I am. Sweetie, God loves you so much. He is your loving Father, who wants you with Him always. He wants you to give Him all of the burdens of your past and live for Him from this moment on. And maybe you feel like you aren’t good enough because of things you’ve done, but let me tell you right now … YOU ARE. You are worthy of love. No matter what your past looks like. God will never leave you nor forsake you. Believe it, ‘cause it’s the truth!”

  A sob ripped through her at the phrase “never leave you”.

  “Oh, Lord,” she prayed aloud as she rested her forehead on the floor. “I’m so sorry for holding all of this bitterness inside for all of these years about my dad and about Sean. Please help me to forgive my dad for leaving me, for not loving me like he should have. Help me to let go of everything that happened with Sean and forgive myself for it. I’m sorry for the horrible things I’ve done. Please forgive me. I don’t want to do them any more. Please give me the strength to overcome these sins that keep creeping back into my life. Please help me to let go of my past. All of it. Because I don’t want it to define me or have any part in the choices I make in the future. You made me a new creation, and it’s about time I start living like one.”