I tensed my legs and abs so I could lift my hips off the pillow and be at the height he wanted, squeezing him tight.
"Gods, Gabriel. You feel divine."
I spread my cheeks for him, and as Florian held my hips in a tight grip, pulled out and drove back in, he filled me even deeper than usual. I whimpered and wiggled around while he pumped in and out slowly, then with one stroke of luck he hit my prostate and I saw stars.
Florian chuckled. "Right there?"
"Yes. Heavens above."
"Hands on the headboard."
I practically squealed as he ramped up his pace until he was pounding into me. His balls slapped audibly against my ass, and every slam against my prostate ratcheted me closer to orgasm. I did not dare remove my hands from the headboard, and my dick trailed precum over my stomach with every thrust.
Florian screwed his eyes shut and swore softly at the ceiling. "Fuck, Gabriel."
I could not summon words, only gasps as he gripped my hips in a vice, his thumbs digging into my cheeks and spreading them apart as he shoved in forcefully, over and over. Pleasure coiled in my gut, my orgasm building, and I clenched down.
Florian groaned and rammed through my tightened muscles. "Yes, baby. Tighten up for me. Holy shit."
Before I realized what he was doing, he fondled my balls, then fisted my cock. I cried out in surprise and seized up.
Florian immediately released me, bucking wildly for two pumps and then freezing. "Oh fuck."
I watched as he spent himself inside me. My lover was so beautiful when he came.
I winced as he pulled out and tossed the condom. Then he dropped to his knees and nuzzled my pubic hair, caressing my balls. I bucked against him, and he pinned my hips to the bed with both hands, gently sliding my foreskin down with his lips as he swallowed me. I sighed at the warmth of his mouth, relishing the exquisite laving of his tongue on the underside of my dick.
"Florian, I…"
He hummed encouragement, unrelenting as he sucked me off, wrenching my orgasm from me. My climax almost took me by surprise, flinging me over the cliff, and I spurt down my lover's throat. Florian seemed to know when I'd grown sensitive, and he pulled off and dragged the back of his hand across his mouth. Then he crawled up the bed and wrapped me in his arms.
My beloved's eyes took me in, savoring my pleasure with a sense of wonder and awe. "You came back," he said so softly I almost didn't catch it. "You came back to me."
Finally, I released the headboard and pulled him in. "I did not want to leave."
He kissed my lips softly. "I know."
I dozed in bed for another couple of hours, listening to the hand-crank vinyl playing soft music downstairs. Florian's occasional conversation with a customer and the loud pull of air into the espresso machine sang me a gentle lullaby. I dimly noticed the rattling downstairs became louder and more clear. This meant Florian had the inner door between the shop and his apartment open. My suspicions were confirmed when I recognized Florian's gait on the stairs. The velvety scent of espresso filled the bedroom, and I rolled over.
I scooted up to sit against the headboard as Florian sat on the edge of the bed with an amused smile. I took the cup and gratefully drank—probably looking the part of having been mauled a couple of hours ago.
"Solomon just rang. Said he took the day off work and the two of you are going to spend it figuring things out about yourself. Mr. Buchinger is closed on Mondays, right?"
"Mm-hmm." Was it Monday? For the last month, every day had been Tree Day.
I finished the shot and blearily handed the cup back to him. Florian chuckled and stood, holding his free hand out. "Come on, sleepy bones. Let's get you in the shower."
Facing the music, I slid off the bed and stood, not actually needing his help. Then I took one step and swayed, my body going both heavy and light as darkness reached for me—
"Gabriel!"
The cup clattered to the floor as strong arms grabbed me and shook. I found my feet again and looked down into Florian's startled eyes. "Sorry."
"Did you faint?"
"Almost."
What scared me was that feeling of being pulled apart at the seams had returned. It was like Augarten's tree had not known how to assemble me. I was a stitched together, scarecrow version of a human being.
From the look on my lover's face, I could tell he would be calling Solomon as soon as he got back downstairs.
I straightened and lied. "I feel okay now."
"I don't believe you," he replied firmly. "I'll draw you a bath, so you can sit down."
Solomon met me at the gate to Augarten and led me to the lounge with an eager bounce in his step.
I followed behind, feigning the same energy. "You look really good in civilian clothes, Solomon."
He cocked a half-smile over his shoulder at me. "You say that every time I'm not in my work clothes."
I considered that. "Well, you're handsome in your cassock and robes as well, but it seems strange to say that to a priest while he's working."
"Indeed. The uniform is designed to signal the priesthood but otherwise be nondescript."
In the lounge, a large spread of colorful vegetables covered one table in a bright array fit for a king. Onions, mushrooms, several types of squash, bell peppers of every color, olives, garlic, then some butter, cheese and eggs off to the side.
"This is a feast."
"I'm cooking you breakfast," Solomon declared proudly. "Your job is to taste each vegetable and find out which ones you like. Then you'll know one more thing about yourself, and we can have a frittata scramble of your favorite things."
I scoffed, bashful. "You didn't have to do that."
Solomon beamed at me. "I wanted to. Now—I'll get the onions browning, since you've already told me you like those, and you tell me what else to add."
Solomon got to chopping up an onion, and I surveyed the spread. Picking up a small heirloom tomato, I bit into it, trying to remember what foods I'd already tried, and what just felt normal to me from before I lost my memories. The tomato was nice and juicy, and before I even knew what I was doing, I'd popped the whole thing into my mouth. Well, that was one down.
The scent of butter warming in the pan soothed me, and I plucked a yellow bell pepper and crunched a bite.
"Where's the tomato? Gabriel, don't eat the whole thing—we're supposed to put them in the frittata."
"Ah yes, sorry." I set the half-eaten pepper down. Oops.
The challenge then became to try each thing before the onions finished browning, so I chomped into vegetables like a mad man, and diligently forced myself to then set them back down before I ate the whole thing.
When Solomon finally turned around, a dozen vegetables waited for him, one bite taken out of each. "What's the verdict?"
I held my hands out wide. "I declare a free-for-all."
He laughed at me in disbelief. "I think you just like to eat. I'm going to need another pan."
"The more, the merrier."
He huffed. "I should have brought capers. Everyone has a strong opinion on them, one way or another. But since I wouldn't be able to eat if they were included, I selfishly left them out."
"I'll take your side, Solomon. From this moment forward, I hate capers too."
He shook his head and pulled out another knife and cutting board. "Will you sous chef for me, then?"
"Absolutely."
"How many eggs do you want?"
"How many are in that carton?"
"It's full."
I gave a half shrug and winked at him. "A carton of eggs between two grown men is nothing."
Solomon's shoulders shook with laughter. "Your appetite is indomitable."
"Challenge accepted."
We ate like kings, and while I finished the last of the dishes, Solomon hauled a bag out from under one of the tables and plonked it down on the tabletop. "Next, we're going outside. Augarten is perfect for this."
I dried my hands. "What's all that?"
I blinked at him, but Solomon slung the bag over his shoulder and strutted outside, heedless of my consternation.
There was nothing quite like instructions of sports and play coming from a Catholic priest.
"Do not kick the ball with your toes," Solomon said gravely. "You'll shatter the bones in your foot."
"Good gods."
Soccer was so awkward I was almost falling, and for some reason in volleyball, I kept spiking it right into my face and clopping my jaw. Frisbee was great, but mine always went flying, arcing up harshly, then after Solomon danced around trying to see where it would go, it curved down right back to me.
Solomon stopped and stared. "You'd be good with a boomerang."
"I'm a lover, not a fighter," I said with false bravado through my wounded pride.
Solomon's smile turned soft and a blush dusted his cheeks. Surely I wasn't making him run around that much.
"Okay, just one more." He withdrew two small rackets and a plastic cone. "This is badminton. At its most basic, we just whack the shuttlecock birdie back and forth to each other."
I readied myself, and without further ado, Solomon tossed the birdie in the air and served. The netting attached to the ball caught air and whistled as it sailed toward me with reduced speed, giving me the chance to gauge where it would be. I struck with a mighty whack, full-strength, and yet the birdie caught so much air it floated toward Solomon like I'd barely done a thing.
Solomon volleyed it back my way, and once more, the birdie defied my every effort to send it soaring. Laughter bubbled up out of me, erupting from my chest with such glee I could barely hit it back when it came over.
Solomon grinned. "What's got you in stitches?"
Swiping a stray tear from the corner of my eye from laughing too hard, I readied for his volley. "This game is a lesson in futility, a war of attrition."
He waggled his eyebrows at me. "So you like badminton."
I snorted. "I do." Though in all honesty, it was spending this day with him that was bringing me so much joy.
A bicycle bell rang insistently. "Yoo-hoo!"
Solomon and I turned toward the intrusion, the birdie landing at my feet. A young woman in her early twenties stepped down from a bike with far too many baskets on it. Her clothes reminded me of Augarten's: a fluffy dress with multi-layered ruffles in every color befitting of the late fall season. Like a magical faery had decided her costume for the Fasching Karneval parade would be a femme scarecrow from The Wizard of Oz. Though short in stature, her impeccable posture reminded me of Anne.
She propped her bike on its kickstand and charged over, scanning me from head to toe. "I rarely second guess the seamstress, but when I saw your measurements, I couldn't believe it."
"You must be Milly."
She smiled up at me, tugging the hem of my ill-fitted shirt. "Yes, hallo, Gabriel. Nice to meet you. Do you mind if I take a look at you myself? It makes it much easier to picture your proportions when I'm digging around for a match at the used stores."
"Please go ahead."
Milly circled me, giving light yanks to my clothing at different angles and humming to herself. Solomon gathered the sports equipment back into the bag and walked over.
Solomon introduced himself to Milly and the two shook hands. Then Milly stepped back and appraised his clothing without a hint of remorse.
"Ah yes, very good. I wish I could say the same for Gabriel's situation. Though I am Anne and Sarah's tailoring intern, I run a service called Tattered Rags where I find cheap, used clothing for people who can't stand to shop or have no fashion sense. I will make sure that Gabriel has some things that fit him until his suit is finished."
She beamed at me, her freckles highlighting bright hazel eyes and her dishwater blonde hair that defied gravity in wild curls. If Augarten were human, these two would resemble each other. Now I knew the meaning of the phrase "cute as a button."
"Do you think you'll actually be able to find something for his height?" Solomon asked.
Milly hummed, then rummaged in the fanny pack at her side. In a flash, she snagged the end of my flannel shirt and stuck a pre-threaded needle through it, sewing up a small hole in just a few seconds while I watched in amazement. Her well-practiced movements pulled my eyes along with them as she tied off the thread and yanked sharply to break it, then repocketed the needle in a small case in her pack.
"We'll see what I can find," she repeated. "If I don't come back with anything inside of a week, I'll sew you a shirt and trousers myself, free of charge."
"Nein, Milly," I protested. "I'll pay your rates. Just add them to my invoices with Anne."
She quirked a cute smile and stood on her toes, sending me air kisses on each cheek. "Tah for now, you two."
"Servus," Solomon replied. "See you later."
We watched her bike out of the park, then I turned to Solomon. "So what now?"
He nodded, ticking things off on his fingers. "You like to eat, and you enjoy badminton. I thought next we could walk around the Schloss Schönbrunn gardens. You haven't been there yet, as far as you know, right?"
On the subway, nerves swam in my stomach. Solomon was so excited to help me discover myself—yet it wasn't as if I had not tried to do this already. Such introspection was a daily, indeed an hourly occurrence, in my free moments ever since I had woken up in Augarten the first time. Trying to discover my memories, and who I was before, now triggered despair. The most painful kind of emptiness grew in the pit of my stomach.
I knew Solomon was not trying to make me feel that way, but the expectation of discovery still weighed on me. What if he planned this whole day out and still we came up with nothing? Would he be happy if I showed up emptyhanded? Florian never asked about my memories, which made so much more sense now that he'd disclosed his tragic past. Florian knew what it was like to pick up the pieces from a shattered life and struggle forward. He'd had to wing it pretty hard, which was why he so freely offered his open arms to me and did not expect me to bring anything more to the table than I already had.
The only person in all the universe who did not react in surprise when I turned inward, yet came up with nothing, was my angel. The guardian angel who had known me before I lost my memories, Ian seemed to only care that I was working on my meditation technique and mental capacity. When staring at the blank wall of my memories overwhelmed me, I always found him there, not as an emotional comfort, but as a teacher ready to teach.
Solomon touched my arm, hope in his eyes. "We're here."
The Schloss Schönbrunn had been a huge summer palace of the imperial family, where Maria Theresia had raised her daughter, Marie Antoinette, and listened to music in the parlor played by a young Mozart. The front area by the gate was filled with tour buses, and Solomon thankfully led me past all the photo shoots and into the gardens. We first climbed to the top of the hill and got a view of the city, then worked our way down through the maze.
At different junctures were remnants of statues that had once decorated the gardens, some of them repaired after the war, and some left in their pummeled state. Solomon and I marveled at a statue of Jupiter, and another of Poseidon fighting a massive sea monster. I wondered whether the people of that time felt just as lost as I did now. The people of the past had so much culture and history, so many traditions to build on, and yet they too looked into their past trying to find themselves, referring to the gods of a fallen civilization and diligently ignoring whether their own civilization might share the same fate.
For most of the walk, we had avoided families and groups of tourists, but as Solomon led me in a certain direction, more people seemed to be headed there with us. Some gates stood far ahead covered with signs I could not read at such a distance.
"Where are we going now?"
Solomon's eyes twinkled with excitement. "The Schönbrunn Tiergarten is up ahead. I thought we could visit the zoo,
and you could see if you liked animals. They even have a panda."
I forced a laugh, but my unease grew as we approached the gates. Then before the ticket stall, I finally stopped, trying to parse why I felt this way.
Solomon stopped and returned to my side, his eyes filled with concern. "Is everything all right?"
"I…can we skip this one? Something feels wrong about it. I'm not sure I fully understand this myself."
Solomon's expression was clearly dismayed. "Sure. No problem, Gabriel. I'm sorry—"
"No, there's nothing to apologize for." I struggled to touch my emotions with my fingertips and sift them into some semblance of words. "Does it make me a hypocrite that I don't want to see animals in cages, when I still eat meat?"
Solomon shook his head. "That's two different things. The animals in there would be wild had humans not destroyed their habitat. They'd be free, if not for us."
I nodded.
He continued. "But Gabriel…Florian knows the farmer from whom he sources his meat for the shop. Those farm animals were never wild, and they led happy lives right until the end. But you needn't worry about the animals at Tiergarten. This zoo is huge. If they had any more room to run around, this place would be a wildlife preserve."
I dragged my hands through my hair to hide their trembling. "I feel trapped in my own skin, Solomon. I'm impeded by this body, this meat suit holding me in. It's like someone forced my soul to inhabit this body that a nature spirit grew from a tree. Someone forced my intellect to inhabit a brain the size of a meat loaf, a stupid fucking meat loaf with no memories of who I am or where I came from."
I found open pain written in my best friend's eyes. "I don't pity you," Solomon said softly, after a long moment. "I hope you know that."
"I do. I just…I can't handle a zoo right now. What was next on your list for today?"
Solomon cracked a wicked grin. "Cake."
He took me to a huge traditional coffee house with a glass bakery case that stretched through the entire shop. Solomon held his hands out, a prince blessing his kingdom. "We just added another forty euros to the cake budget by not going to the zoo, so why don't we get something from every category for starters, then go back for a repeat performance should you find something you like?"
Equinox (Augarten Book 1) Page 17