Fighting Perfection (The Perfection Series Book 2)

by Guimond, Heather

  “Maybe not,” I said, “but again, the average woman would have responded in a much more rational way. She might be angry, but she wouldn’t necessarily wish you bodily harm.”

  “She wants to harm you far more than me, I believe. In the brief time we spent together, she was always uncomfortable if your name came up.”

  “Uncomfortable?” I asked. “How so?”

  “Let me put it this way--she would get bitchy. I think she was very jealous.”

  “Well she knew you and I had been seeing each other. I never understood why she thought it was okay to go after you. I guess simple social mores just elude her.”

  “No matter what she was thinking, we’re stuck with her flawed logic, if you can call it logic at all. Now we just need to see this through to the end. Stay away from here for as long as you can, Peaches.”

  “I have every intention of doing so,” I replied firmly.

  By two p.m., I was ready to leave for Lemoore. Justin had hung around, not wanting to leave me alone just in case Delia had posted her bond. As he was walking me out to the car, he turned me toward him and lifted my chin with his fist.

  “You know I love you,” he stated, rather than asked. “It kills me inside to have you so far away and with another man. I’d rather you be in one piece and free from fear. So even though I promised to behave, I’ll send you back to him, but not without doing this.” He leaned in and placed a gentle kiss on my lips.

  I was immediately out of sorts. My body couldn’t help but respond to Justin. He was so incredibly sexy and his lips were full and soft. I didn’t think there was a woman alive who wouldn’t swoon from their touch. However, I immediately felt guilty because of James. I didn’t return the kiss, but didn’t exactly push him away, either. What did that mean for me?

  “That really wasn’t fair, you know,” I remarked as he pulled away.

  “I don’t plan on being fair, Peaches. You should know that ahead of time. This is just to give you something to think about on the ride up there. Soon enough, I’ll give you a whole other slew of reasons to rethink your relationship with James.”

  I hugged him quickly without saying anything and jumped in my car. I rolled down the window, giving Justin a brief wave and essentially ran away. On the way up to Lemoore, think is exactly what I did. I couldn’t deny my attraction to Justin, and surely I loved him more than almost anyone in this world. However, I was beginning to suspect that any inclination I might have toward being in a relationship with him would be in part due to my feelings for Vance. We three were inextricably tied together. Justin was my only remaining connection to Vance. Our friendship had definitely transcended that connection, at least for the most part, but there was always the figure of Vance hovering in the background. Just as my friendship with Justin was forged over my issues with Vance, I would always be connected to him through Vance’s memory. There was still also a slight sense of wrongness about being more intimate with Justin. I didn’t think Vance would disapprove, but I would always remember they were the best of friends, and I still had some sense of loyalty to Vance in that aspect.

  James, on the other hand, we had a brand new slate that we were beginning to fill. He was separate from my past and was as different from Vance as night and day. When I had thought about getting involved with someone again, I had felt hopeless because no one could ever be as perfect as Vance was for me. I was slowly coming to realize that perfection, in terms of love, can take many different forms. No relationship is ever perfect, but you can be perfectly in love. I contemplated the differences in myself between now and before Vance had died. Losing him had changed me, just as Laurel had said. I was surely not the same person I had been when I had Vance. I was older, more mature, and not nearly as willing to open myself to somebody. James had speared my defenses with his charm and willingness to prove himself to me. Thus far, I’d been given no reason to doubt him or his affections so I felt myself gradually becoming more vulnerable with him. I still wasn’t ready to jump off that cliff. Perhaps there never would be a jump, but more of a slow fall. There wasn’t the heady thrill I’d experienced with Vance, but again, even though I’d been twenty-four when I met him, I was still very much a girl when it came to love. I was no longer that little girl.

  I was still musing the issue when I arrived at James’ house, but when he came out to greet me, all of those thoughts were wiped away. I was so happy to see him, it surprised me. We’d been apart only for two nights, and I realized just how much I had missed him. I jumped out of my car and straight into his arms. He was beginning to feel like home to me, which was something I never expected to find again.

  “Welcome home, Kitten,” he said as he pulled me into his arms tightly. He leaned down and took possession of my mouth in a very long and passionate kiss. I returned his ardor, my hands stroking his chest greedily.

  Once he pulled away, he looked me in the eye with a gleam and said, “Wow. It seems somebody missed me almost as much as I missed her.”

  “Maybe not that much,” I teased, “but probably something close to it.”

  He swatted me on the behind and ushered me toward the house. “I’ve got dinner in the oven so let’s get inside before it burns. I’m making this great chicken enchilada recipe, along with rice and beans with cheese. You’re going to love it.”

  After we finished our meal, we both sat relaxing in his living room. Out of nowhere, he asked, “Did Justin behave himself?”

  I faltered for a moment, and James looked at me with one eyebrow raised. I found my voice finally and said, “For the most part yes. He didn’t try any funny business, if that’s what you mean.”

  “It was what I meant, but now I’m wondering what you mean by ‘for the most part’.”

  “He didn’t do anything you wouldn’t like. He just said a few things that I know you won’t,” I fudged.

  “Go on,” he said, motioning to me with his hand.

  “It really wasn’t anything major. I definitely don’t want to upset you.”

  “Mimi…”

  “Okay, okay,” I conceded. “He just made it clear that he’s not giving up on us having a relationship at some point. He said that he wouldn’t try to pursue anything while the Delia mess is still ongoing, but he essentially warned me that all bets would be off once it was done.”

  “That motherfucker. You made it clear we’re in an exclusive relationship now, didn’t you?”

  “Not in so many words.” I admitted.

  “Why not?” he growled. “Are you having second thoughts?”

  “I’m not. In fact, all of my thoughts on the way up here centered on how close we have grown and how comfortable I have become with our relationship. However, we’ve never really had an outright conversation about making a commitment to each other so I wasn’t sure what I should say about it.”

  “So agreeing to be mine didn’t mean anything to you?” he asked in astonishment.

  “Of course it did. I just wasn’t sure if it meant anything to you beyond a bedroom promise. I don’t take your willingness to move to the next level for granted just because of something said in the heat of the moment.”

  “In that case, let’s have this conversation here and now. You’re mine, Mimi. I took your agreement seriously whether it occurred in the throes of passion or not. You have to decide, right now and out loud, whether or not this is the direction you truly want to take.”

  I looked at James for a moment, taking a final inventory of how I felt for him versus how I felt for Justin. There was no doubt in my mind that I was ready to proceed with James. Justin would always be my best friend, and I would forever carry that love for him. I didn’t know what the future held for my ultimate relationship for either one of them, but I was absolutely certain that James was the one I wanted be with at this point in my life.

  “I choose you, James.”

  “Are you sure? It took a minute for you to respond,” he asked skeptically.

  “With no reservations. I paused for
a moment to think about it since it was a serious question you put to me. It called for at least a little introspection, don’t you think?”

  “That’s fair. As long as you are sure because I am in this for the duration, Mimi. I don’t want to wake up in a few weeks or months to you saying, ‘Gee, sorry James, but I think I made a mistake’.”

  “No, I am sure. I’ve been falling a little more in love with you every day since we’ve met. I thought about that on the way up here. I have told you before how my relationship with Vance began, and that it’s been my one and only experience with love. You and I have sparks, there’s no denying that, but this time I’ve taken my time getting to know you and discovering the many wonderful things about you. Likewise, I’ve revealed myself to you slowly. I didn’t want to throw my lot all in at once like I did before. Losing Vance was devastating because I was so inexorably tied to him. I lost my whole heart when he died. It took some time to grow back, and I’ve been unknowingly guarding it ever since.

  “You’ve changed that though. You’ve opened me up in ways I never even imagined. Not only did you sneak under my skin, you snuck right into my heart.”

  With that, he pulled me close and kissed me deeply. Stroking his hand down my hair and back up my cheek, he looked into my eyes intensely. “I love you completely, Mimi. I don’t ever want to be without you. I’ve had my wild ways, the days of burning the candle at both ends, just working my way to the next party. All of that ended for me when I met you. I’m not asking you to settle down and have kids with me—yet. I just want to know that we are going to be together, just the two of us without your head getting messed up by some guy who just won’t accept or respect our relationship.”

  “Don’t worry, James. Once I tell him straight out that we’ve made a commitment to each other, he will respect it. While he thinks he’s the one who would make me happiest, he wouldn’t go out of his way to ruin something good in my life.”

  “We’ll see,” he said, obviously not reassured.

  “Trust me, James,” I said, giving him a light peck on the lips. “I know him. He wouldn’t jeopardize our friendship like that.”

  “I guess I’ll just have to take your word for it and trust in your commitment to me. Just know if he gets out of line, I’m kicking his ass.”

  I laughed. “I don’t want anyone fighting over me. God knows I’ve had enough violence in my life. You’re stuck with me, James. I’m not going anywhere unless or until you give me a reason to.”

  He pulled me back into his arms and kissed me again whispering words of love and a bright future together. Then he proceeded to make love to me slowly right there on the sofa.

  Seventeen

  I managed to keep myself busy during the weeks leading up to Delia’s new hearing date. I tried many recipes I looked up online, tried to teach myself how to knit (a real disaster), and read book after book. I made a few friends of the other pilots’ wives, and we got together for lunch every now and then. I felt a little out of my depth as they had very different lives than mine. Two of them had small children which I couldn’t relate to even a little bit. The third was trying to conceive. I imagined if I’d still been married to Vance, I’d have a lot more in common with them considering we’d have been married five years and probably have a small family of our own. Such thoughts were pointless so I didn’t dwell on them. At any rate, they were all nice ladies and they kept any need for social interaction satisfied.

  One night about a week before I was scheduled to return to Los Angeles, James came home looking grim-faced. I was immediately on alert as I had been conditioned years ago that such a countenance forebode something very bad for me.

  “What’s wrong? What’s happened?” I immediately asked from my place at the stove. I had been in the middle of preparing a beef stew which I planned to serve over rice. Everything was boiling, but I turned down the flames and went straight to James.

  He took my hand and led me to the sofa. Sitting me down, he said, “I have some news, and I’m not sure how you’re going to take it. I’m being deployed next month.”

  My eyes rounded in fear. “Syria?” I asked with my heart in my mouth.

  He smiled softly and said, “No. I’ll be in Israel, fortunately. I’ll be gone at least six months, however.”

  My relief at him not going into a war zone buffered the news that we’d be apart for an extended period of time. When it finally hit me, I felt my heart sink.

  “What does this mean for us?” I asked nervously.

  “I don’t know about you, but nothing has changed as far as I’m concerned. I still want us to be in a committed relationship. I know it will be hard being apart this first time, but you have to realize this is part of being involved with someone in the military. We’ll have periods of time where we are separated. Tell me now if you don’t think you can handle it.”

  “It’s going to be lonely as hell without you within driving distance. However, I’m not giving up on what we have.”

  “Are you positive? This life can be hard on even the most faithful of people.”

  “If you’re worried I’m going to go out and cheat on you, you don’t know me as well as I thought you did.”

  “Even with Justin?” he asked bitterly.

  “Now, wait a minute. If I wanted to be with Justin, I would be. I picked you. It’s not going to be a situation of ‘out of sight, out of mind’,” I said feeling offended. “Just because we’ll be separated does not mean I’ll be unable to control myself and jump on the most willing target.”

  “I’m sorry. You’re right. This is just a touchy subject for me considering my past with my ex-wife.”

  “Oh, wow. I’d nearly forgotten about that since you never mention her.”

  “I figure I’m mostly immune to thoughts of that time now so no point in talking about it. I guess I never totally got over the betrayal though,” he admitted.

  It dawned on me suddenly that he must have loved her very much. “You were so matter of fact about it when you told me, I developed the opinion that she hadn’t meant very much to you. That’s not true at all, is it?”

  “God, no. Like I told you, she was a S.N.A.G., but I didn’t know it at the time. I was head over heels for the girl. Our relationship, at least how it began, was not so different from what you described feeling for Vance. I threw myself off that proverbial cliff into her waiting clutches. I thought she’d felt the same. I didn’t realize until well after things were done and she’d moved in with that other pilot that she was just a status-seeking slut.”

  I took his hand and looked him in the eye. “You don’t have to worry about that with me. Like you told me when I first met you, being a pilot is what you do, not who you are, and it’s who you are that I love.”

  He was quiet for a few moments, then said, “You know, that’s the first time you’ve said that to me. You’ve acted like you love me so I never let it bother me, but until just now, I didn’t realize how much I needed to hear you say that out loud.”

  “I didn’t know until just now how much I do.” I said, smiling softly at him.

  He pulled me closer and we laid back on the sofa, snuggling close. “We’ll make it through this. My one concern is not being here while you have to go through the Delia thing. Who knows when her trial will be set? With her out on bail, you’re in constant danger when you’re down there.”

  I hadn’t had time to consider all the things his deployment meant for me. Aside from missing him and the strain it could put on our relationship, I’d be losing my safe haven. “Maybe I should sell my house and move out of Los Angeles,” I wondered out loud.

  “I wish I could say you didn’t need to go to such extremes, but that woman is a menace. Perhaps you could rent an apartment until she goes to trial?”

  “That’s probably the best solution. Oh God, James, what if she’s not convicted?” I moaned.

  “That’s not going to happen. If she’s smart, she’ll strike a deal.”

  “The evid
ence is hardly irrefutable. It’s not like there’s DNA evidence against her.”

  James’ face fell into a troubled frown. “Let’s take it one step at a time. I’ll make sure to have another conversation with Justin before I go. One where he is left with no doubt about where you and I stand and what I’ll do to him if he tries to fuck it up. I hate to say it, but he’s our best option for your protection at this point.”

  “I could get a Rottweiler,” I said thoughtfully.

  “Having a dog around is not a bad idea. Tomorrow let’s go check out some pet rescue places and find you a good watchdog.”

  I agreed, and we settled down to eat dinner. I didn’t pay much attention to how the meal tasted, and I doubt he did either, our minds swirling with thoughts of him being a world away and of Delia’s madness overshadowing my life.

  By the time I woke the next day, James had been up researching animal rescues and making phone calls. He had a list of places to visit already and was eager to get started. I had a quick breakfast of cereal and coffee and hurried through my shower. James was in that much of a hurry. I didn’t think the world would come to an end if we didn’t find a dog before noon, but he seemed to think it would so I just went along with his incessant urging.

  We were out on the road by nine a.m. I realized that most of these places were at least an hour away which may have accounted for some of his impatience. He was bound and determined we’d have a dog today.

  The first place we stopped only had a few dogs on site. There was a Golden Retriever that was absolutely sweet and lovable. I felt a connection to it, but James insisted we needed a dog that was just as menacing as it was fierce. He reminded me that this was not the average pet to be pampered and have fun with. He told me to consider it a work dog more than a pet. I had too much of a fondness for animals to ever consider viewing one that way.