If I Loved You (Harper Falls Book 1)

by Mary J. Williams

  Jack took her hands, hoping to give her a bit of comfort. God, they were like ice. “Let me get you something hot to drink.”

  “I’m fine, really.” It felt so good when he cupped her hands in his, sharing his warmth, making it easier for her to continue.

  “It took about a month for the authorities to track down a relative. They asked me about my father, but I couldn’t tell them anything. My mother never told me his name." Rose remembered being afraid that no one would want her. "When she thought I couldn’t hear, my social worker told another woman that she doubted my mother even knew his name, but that wasn't true, she just didn't like talking about him. Then, when they finally found my aunt I was so excited. I started creating all these fantasies about how beautiful she would be and how she would love me and take care of me." Rose scoffed. "Well, she was beautiful.”

  “They just turned you over to her?”

  Rose understood Jack's outrage and was touched by it.

  “All I know is that a few days after they located her, Louise swept in, make-up perfect and every hair in place. She charmed everyone, including me. We left; I was with her for a few months and then she found a new man who paid for me to come here to Harper Academy.”

  “You’re leaving something out, Rose.”

  “It wasn’t that bad the first time I was with her,” Rose assured him. “Louise had just started dating the man who would become husband number three.” Chester Freemont was a widower with a lot of money and a little girl about Rose’s age. When he found out his new girlfriend could provide his little angel with a ready-made playmate, Louise used Rose as a way to upgrade her status to wife. Though she made it clear in no uncertain terms, that Rose was never to call her Aunt Louise. She only slipped once, and Rose found out that Louise knew how to slap and pinch—hard. The bruises were hidden by long sleeves and Rose never forgot again.

  “So you lived with her, the new husband and his little girl?”

  “Shirley was her name.” And she was spoiled rotten. The last thing she wanted was another child around to take away any attention away from her. Rose hadn't been there two weeks before she was being shipped off to the most remote location they could find.

  “Louise was happy to get rid of me and I was happy to go. Harper Academy was a dream come true. Dani’s and Tyler’s families welcomed me in like I was one of their own. For the next few years I was happy, unbelievably so. There was no reason to think it would end. I’d almost forgotten that Louise even existed, so why would I think she would come back into my life and turn it upside down?”

  “Drew said that one day you were in school and the next you were gone.” Jack braced himself for the next part of her story. His gut was already in a knot. He couldn’t begin to imagine how hard it was for her to tell him—to relive it through the telling. He wanted to know. He wanted to understand. But he didn’t want to cause her any more pain.

  “I need to finish, Jack.” Seeing the concern on his face, Rose gave his hand a squeeze. “It isn’t bad as you think it’s going to be, so don’t worry. I just want you to hear the rest.”

  With a nod, Jack settled back to listen.

  “It was about the same time of year it is now. I was fifteen and looking forward to getting out of school for the summer. Dani, Tyler and I had lined up jobs taking care of people’s yards. Dani’s dad was letting us use his lawn mower and other equipment, and we figured to make a good chunk of money. Then Louise showed up. No warning. She told me to pack a bag and get in the car.”

  At first Rose had been more confused than scared. Tyler’s father was away on business and her mother was easily intimidated. When Anita Jones tried to protest Louise pointed out that she was still Rose’s legal guardian, it was her right to take Rose and there was nothing anyone could do about it.

  “Mrs. Jones was no match for Louise but Tyler wasn't going to let me go without a fight. She dared Louise to call the police.”

  “You have to love Tyler.” Jack cheered the teenage hellcat. Unfortunately, he knew how the confrontation ended.

  “She was my hero,” Rose agreed

  She’d often wondered what would have happened if she’d stayed and fought. Would things have turned out differently? Who knows? In the end, Rose left with Louise without any fuss. Tyler’s parents had been so good to her she couldn’t stand to think of them getting in trouble because of her.

  She had packed one bag, got in the rusty Ford Escort and left the only real home she had ever known. She made Tyler promise to say goodbye to Dani for her. They hugged and promised to keep in touch. Rose had her phone and they planned on talking as often as possible.

  As soon as Rose fell asleep in the car, her phone “disappeared” out the window.

  “What the hell was her game?” Jack's meeting with Louise had been brief, but she hadn't come across as the kind of woman who would wake up one morning with the burning desire to play mother.

  “Louise was riding pretty low, maybe as low as she’d ever been. Why she hated me, I don’t know. But for some reason she got it in her head that if she was going down she was taking me with her.”

  Rose found out quickly that Louise loved the sound of her own voice. And most of what she had to say concerned how horribly life had treated her. Seven hours of almost non-stop complaining, most of which made little sense to Rose. Names she’d never heard, people she’d never met. Rose finally realized that Louise wasn’t talking to her; she was just talking. Rose would have listened to music, but she’d already lost her phone, she didn’t want to take a chance on losing her iPod, too. So Instead she composed music in her head. By the time they reached Boise she had three songs written.

  “Boise? Why Boise?” Jack realized his entire body was clenched. He took a deep breath and tried to relax. He wasn’t very successful.

  “That was where she had arranged to meet up with her current boyfriend, Gus Plank. He wasn’t up to Louise’s usual standards, but she was at that 'beggars can’t be choosers' stage.”

  Along with writing songs, Rose had been forming a plan. She knew she’d been an idiot to let Louise take her out of Harper Falls and away from anyone who could help her. So now she was on her own and this time she had to be a lot smarter. If she could get to a public library she could use one of their computers to email Dani and Tyler and let them know where she was. She doubted Louise would go to the police but just in case, Rose didn’t want to involve her friend’s parents. They could send her the money to buy a bus ticket home and they’d figure the rest out once she got there. But she never made it to a library and it wasn't long before she was incapable of contacting anyone.

  “We only stopped in Boise long enough to pick up Gus Plank. He was huge, Jack. For the first time, I was really afraid. But it wasn’t Gus I needed to be afraid of, it was Louise. She was relentless. She wouldn’t let me sleep longer than an hour at a time. And she would sit next to my bed and whisper what she was going to let Gus and his friends do to me when we arrived at their cabin. I knew I had to get away from them, but I was never alone. I think she started putting something in my food because I had no energy.”

  They moved around from small town to small town; their routine never varying. Rose was terrified of getting to "the cabin", the place where Gus and his friends would do terrible things to her. Between the lack of sleep, Louise’s nightly threats and the drugs, just one month after the nightmare had begun Rose had become a jittery mess of skin and bones. She didn't have any appetite, but Louise made sure she ate a few bites. Rose wanted to refuse, but she didn't have the strength to keep the food from being forced down her throat. She had no idea how much longer she would have lasted if Gus hadn’t come to her rescue.

  “He seemed like such a doormat. Louise dictated every move. Gus almost never spoke but when he did it was to agree with Louise.” Rose gratefully took the cup of tea that Jack had finally insisted on making for her. She let the heat seep into her hands; it felt wonderful.

  “It took the son of a bitch a mon
th to finally help you?” Jack was so disgusted he could barely grind out the words. “He was as crazy as Louise.”

  “You’re probably right. But something finally made him help me.”

  “What happened?

  “I have no idea.”

  Every day became just like the last, so Rose had no idea what had made that one different. She knew they had stopped, and she thought she could remember Louise complaining about needing to go to the bathroom. Suddenly Gus was lifting her out of the car. The next time she was aware of anything she was in a hospital in Harper Falls, hooked up to an IV.

  “I didn’t know how I got there. Later, Dani told me that her father had gotten a phone call in the middle of the night telling him where he could find me. He didn’t hesitate, Jack. He drove for hours to some no name town in Montana on the off chance the guy on the phone was telling the truth. Knowing that someone cared that much helped me get back on my feet. That and two friends who practically lived at my bedside. Tyler and Dani willed me to get better. I don’t know what I would have done without them.”

  “The police?”

  Rose shrugged. “They questioned me but the only thing I could tell them was who I was with and that at one point we were in Boise. To be honest, Jack, I’m not sure they believed any of it. I think they saw a runaway who had gotten in over her head and finally called home when things got too bad. Louise and Gus had disappeared. A few years later I read that he was in prison for armed robbery. I heard from Louise about a week after I sold my first song.”

  “She wanted money?” Jack was holding it together, but not by much.

  “No, at the time she was just offering me her sincere congratulations. And she wanted to let me know that she had married again and that he was a very wealthy man. I was in shock. I couldn’t move. Hearing her voice brought it all back again. My mind shut down just like the other day.”

  "Was there anyone there to help you?" Jack hated the thought of Rose going through that alone.

  Rose shook her head. "I was living in New York and my roommate had gone away for the weekend. Thank goodness. Tanya was never very good in a crisis. I crawled into bed and didn't budge for two days. After that, I was more prepared. It wasn't often that she called. When she did it was either to complain about how awful her soon to be ex-husband was treating her or how she had nabbed the perfect man, perfect meaning rich. I would change my number, but she always managed to get the new one. When I moved back to Harper Falls, I made sure she had the number of a land line I had installed just for her. For whatever reason, she was satisfied with that. She would leave the occasional message, and I would erase it.”

  Rose rolled her neck. Almost done. “She’s never tried to see me. I don’t know what changed. Her coming to see you makes me wonder what other nasty surprises she has up her sleeve.”

  Unable to stand it another moment Jack pulled her into his arms, burying his face in her hair. “Jesus, Rose,” he breathed, taking in her scent. “Jesus.”

  Rose just held on. Feeling the slight tremor vibrate through him she tightened her arms and let him start to process everything she had told him. It was a lot to take in, especially all at once.

  “The other day was a fluke, Jack.” Rose hated that she’d let Louise get to her. She was stronger than that; she’d made herself stronger. “She can’t hurt me, she holds no power unless I give it to her.”

  “I wish I had taken Drew up on his offer.”

  Had she missed something? “What offer?”

  “The other day when Louise showed up at our office he said, if necessary, he’d help me bury the body. If I’d l known then what I know now, I would have happily strangled the psychotic bitch.”

  “I’m glad you didn’t know. She’s not worth it.”

  Jack leaned back just enough to smooth her hair from her face. He gently kissed her, then pulled her firmly into his arms. He couldn’t let her go, not yet. He couldn’t get the picture she'd painted of her frail body in a hospital bed out of his head. How close had she been to not making it, how much longer could she have lasted being dragged from town to town? Being drugged and tormented.

  “How can you be so calm? So together?”

  “Time, therapy and amazing friends.” Sometimes she wondered how much good the therapy had done. She still had issues, big ones. But talking about her mother and Louise had made things easier to cope with.

  “I know it was a long winded explanation, but I hope you understand a little better what happened the other day. Though it was a bit extreme."

  “After what you just told me? I’d say you handled it pretty damn well.” Slipping his arms under her legs, Jack stood and carried her up the stairs. “We’re going to take a hot bath, jets set on high. And then have something to eat.”

  Jack was relieved when Rose didn’t argue. He was feeling pretty shaky, and he needed her to let him take care of her tonight. He dimmed the bathroom lights and started filling the tub. As the steam began to fill the room and swirl around them, he gently removed her clothes before lifting her and settling her into the hot water. He quickly shed his clothing and joined her, positioning her between his outstretched legs. He pulled her back against his chest and wrapped strong, protective arms around her waist.

  Before long Jack felt himself begin to relax. Rose was safe, no harm could touch her; he wouldn’t let it. Hearing her deep, steady breathing, he realized that she had fallen asleep. Dinner could wait. Right now Rose needed rest more than she needed food. And he needed…well, all he needed was Rose.

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  “I'M TELLING YOU, it won’t work, Jack.”

  They’d been having the same argument all morning. Or, Rose had been arguing. Jack smiled indulgently or patted her hand like he was placating a ten-year-old. Or he kissed her. As frustrating as it was, that was her favorite.

  Rose had awoken after ten solid hours of sleep, wrapped in Jack’s arms. It had been an emotional evening and they had both crashed like the dead. Snuggling closer, Rose looked at Jack’s sleeping face, relaxed and rested, and realized she felt the same. She felt lighter, almost buoyant. If she never told that story again she would be happy, but telling Jack had been freeing.

  Now she had to free Jack. Unfortunately, he wasn’t cooperating.

  “Nothing that happened to you was your fault and it certainly shouldn’t stop you from living your life to the fullest.”

  How to explain? “I know it seems that this is about what happened to me that summer, but it isn’t.” The look Jack gave her told her he wasn't buying it. “Really.” The man was impossible. “You know there’s a big difference between charming and bullheaded.”

  “I can’t be both?”

  Oh, boy,” Rose thought, could he ever. But that didn’t make him any less frustrating.

  “One more time,” she sighed. “Are you listening?”

  “Always,” Jack smiled. There was the charm.

  “This is about me. I know myself, Jack. I don’t do relationships.”

  The fact was; she’d had sex with Jack more times than with any other man. Probably because the others hadn’t been worth a repeat performance. What she did know was, if she could have seen a future with anyone, it would have been with Jack. But she wasn’t going to tell him that. He didn't need any more encouragement.

  “I don’t recall asking you for a relationship. In fact, I haven’t asked you for anything but a chance to get to know you better.” Jack shook his head as if baffled by the conversation.

  “I’m descended from all kinds of crazy, Jack. There's my mother and Louise. And don't forget a father who had no problem leaving me to be brought up by the poster child for antidepressants. My family tree should be ripped out by the roots and the ground salted.” Why wasn’t he running for the hills?

  “I know what’s bothering you?” Jack smiled as if he had a secret.

  Okay, she’d play along. “What’s that?”

  “You think that eventually I’m going to ask you to marry me.
”

  That was her problem? She thought about it for a moment. Maybe he was right, and it was a problem. A big one.

  “I’ll never marry you, Jack.”

  “You would.” Jack watched Rose with amusement. He could tell she was struggling not to knock him upside the head.

  “No. Never.” Now, there was the stubborn.

  “You would,” he qualified, “if you loved me.”

  “I’m not going to fall in love with you, Jack.”

  “I’m not saying you will.” Jack’s clear, blue eyes stared at her, unwavering. “I what I said was, if you loved me you would marry me.”

  Rose didn’t know why, but this seemed like a trap. She ran his words over in her mind, but finally gave up.

  “Fine. But since the first isn’t going to happen, neither is the second.”

  “As long as we’re in agreement.”

  Had they agreed? Technically she supposed they had but to be honest Rose was still trying to figure out what exactly it was that they'd agreed on. Jack had driven her to pick up her car then followed her into town. They never had gotten around to dinner the night before and they were both starving. Pansy’s Diner was packed with the usual morning crowd, so they had to wait a few minutes for an empty table.

  “Well, I’ll be. I wonder what Harry Eisner is doing in Harper Falls.” Jack waved at a man seated at the counter. “Do you mind if I leave you for a minute, Rose? I want to say hello to an old friend.”

  “Go ahead. I'll grab a table if one opens up and you can join me there.”

  Jack gave her a quick kiss before heading across the room.

  “Well, isn’t that cozy.”

  Rose sighed. She would recognize the dulcet tones of Jilly Underwood anywhere. Apparently Jack’s kiss had not gone unnoticed. And if Rose was correct, Jilly was a bit annoyed. Now, wasn’t that too bad?

  “Hello, Jilly. Beautiful morning isn’t it.?”

  Jilly glared at her, glanced over at Jack, and then glared again.