Mistresses: Bound with Gold / Bought with Emeralds
Page 86
She closed her eyes, shut him out, didn’t let him see whatever she was thinking. But he was almost sure he had got through to her. At least she didn’t snatch her hands away.
‘What would happen if you became ill while you were living alone?’ he urged. ‘Even now, with this morning sickness, you need someone with you. Anna, please come back with me—even if it’s only until the baby’s born. At least give yourself a chance, give me a chance to prove that I do truly love you and I’ll never hurt you again.’
Her eyes slowly opened and in their green depths he thought he saw hesitation, uncertainty.
‘If,’ he went on, ‘once the baby’s born, you decide that you cannot bear to live with me a moment longer, then I will let you go.’ Though he hoped it never came to that. He hoped time would prove to her that he meant what he said, because how could he let go the woman he loved more than life itself?
He would do whatever it took. He would demonstrate in every way possible that his love was unswerving and loyal, that he trusted her implicitly in all things.
come,’ she said eventually, ‘and it’s a very big if, it will be under one condition.’‘If I
The words were music to his ears. ‘Name it,’ he said magnanimously. Nothing could be worse than her not coming at all.
‘That we continue to sleep in separate rooms,’ she said firmly, her eyes almost glaring now, expecting him to object. ‘It will be a marriage in name only for the sake of the baby.’
It was not the answer he wanted but it was better than nothing. It hurt like hell that she didn’t want to sleep with him, but hopefully she would change her mind once she realised how deep his feelings for her were, once she accepted that he would never hurt her again. It was a matter, he supposed, of earning her trust.
He nodded slowly. ‘If that’s what you really want.’
‘It is,’ she declared firmly.
Anna knew that she had to be out of her mind agreeing to Oliver’s request, but the truth was she didn’t relish the idea of going through this pregnancy on her own. Oliver had hit on the truth—she was afraid of it. Perhaps all new mothers-to-be felt this way? She didn’t know.
And although all trust between them had been destroyed she did still, surprisingly, love Oliver. Why, she didn’t know considering the way he had treated her, but she did. Not that she was going to let him see it. Although how hard that would be was anyone’s guess.
They couldn’t get a ferry until the following day and it was late evening by the time they got home. Anna hated to admit it but it really did feel like home when she walked into Weston Lodge.
They had, after all, spent six happy months here and it had the familiar feel of a place where love had reigned supreme. It was such a pity that Oliver had ruined everything.
Oliver put her bags into the room she had used when she was here last. ‘This is what you want?’ he asked with grave concern. ‘You don’t have to sleep in here, you know. I’d much rather you—’
‘It’s what I want,’ she declared firmly.
‘Can I help you unpack?’
‘No, thanks.’ Another brisk retort. ‘I can manage on my own.’
‘Then I’ll ask Mrs G to make us a drink and perhaps a sandwich.’
Anna shook her head. ‘Don’t bother on my part. I’m tired. I’m going straight to bed.’
Oliver frowned. ‘You are all right, Anna? It’s been a long day, I know. Are you sure that—?’
‘Oliver, I am very sure.’ Her eyes flashed her irritation. ‘All I want to do is sleep.’ Last night had been stressful; she’d hardly slept a wink. All the time she’d kept thinking that Oliver might come waltzing into her room. And the truth was, she wouldn’t have been able to keep him at bay. No matter what her head told her, her heart dictated otherwise. And she guessed it always would.
Oliver too had been unable to sleep. She’d heard him go downstairs just after two and had been sorely tempted to follow, hoping that a hot drink might settle her. But it had been too big a risk to take.
Her feelings ran far too high for such close contact. She would have ended up in his arms—and what good would that have done? He would have thought she’d forgiven him and she hadn’t. It was doubtful she ever would.
But would she be able to sleep tonight, despite how tired she was? Would she still worry that he might come to her, that her body would give way to its cravings? They were questions she couldn’t answer.
‘I’ll say goodnight, then, Anna.’ Oliver gave her a chaste kiss on the brow. ‘If there is anything you need just—’
‘Please go, Oliver. I’m all right; I’m only tired. Stop fussing.’
He went then, reluctantly, and Anna flung herself down on the bed fully clothed. Had she made a mistake in allowing him to persuade her to come back here? Was he going to watch over her like a mother hen? Smother her?
She closed her eyes. She didn’t want that. She wanted to be left alone; she wanted to do things her way without him interfering or fussing. He had lost all right to be a husband to her. Tomorrow she would make that very plain.
Anna fell into an immediate deep sleep, waking some time in the middle of the night with a desperate urge to go to the bathroom. Thank goodness it was en-suite, was her first thought. If she’d had to walk along the landing, Oliver might have pounced. She’d like to bet that he had one ear cocked listening for any sounds from her room.
She shivered as she threw off her clothes and pulled on a nightie, but once she had curled beneath the duvet she went straight back to sleep.
The next morning she was woken by Mrs Green with tea and biscuits. ‘Eat these, my dear, and then lie down again for half an hour. You shouldn’t feel sick then. It always worked with me.’
Anna struggled to sit up and pulled an embarrassed face. ‘Oliver’s told you?’
‘Indeed he has. I’m very pleased for you both. I presume I should be pleased?’.
‘We’re back together,’ said Anna quietly.
‘But not in the same bed,’ pointed out the housekeeper tartly. ‘It’s not a good sign. I have no idea what’s gone on between you two but if you want my advice you’ll patch things up, and quickly. Oliver’s hopeful, I know. He was hell to live with when you went away. You two are made for each other. Don’t throw your love away.’
When Anna finally made her way downstairs Oliver was waiting for her. She had hoped he’d be at work, she didn’t want him disrupting his normal routine on her behalf, and she hoped it wasn’t going to become a regular thing.
‘What are you doing here?’ she asked crossly as she walked into the breakfast room, yet at the same time her senses leapt in response to him, an awareness filling her that almost had her running into his arms.
‘I’ve made an appointment for you at the doctor’s,’ Oliver informed her.
Anna felt a swift stab of resentment at the way he was taking over and was glad she hadn’t given in to her urges. ‘I’m quite capable of doing that for myself, thank you.’
‘Yes, I know,’ he answered, ‘but I wasn’t sure how quickly you’d do it and I thought that it was important you—’
‘I don’t need you to think for me,’ she retorted. And then decided that maybe she was being too hard on him. He still looked as though he hadn’t slept in a month, although he was freshly showered and shaven, and he was wearing a crisp blue shirt with a pair of navy linen trousers. ‘I’m sorry, of course you’re concerned. When is the appointment?’
‘Ten-thirty. We have plenty of time. Can you manage some breakfast now?’
‘Maybe a slice of toast.’
Oliver frowned. ‘That isn’t much.’
‘It’s all I want,’ she insisted. ‘I remember my sister saying little had often suited her better than big meals.’
The doctor confirmed that she was indeed well and truly pregnant. He shook Oliver’s hand and her own and wished them a healthy baby. ‘It’s a pity your father won’t have the pleasure of seeing his grandchild. ’
Oli
ver nodded curtly and outside the surgery Anna, having noticed his expression, said, ‘That was a bit insensitive of him, talking about your father like that.’
‘You don’t know the half,’ he muttered. ‘My father wouldn’t have wanted anything to do with his grandchild. ’
‘He wouldn’t?’ And then the ugly truth hit her. ‘Because of me? Because he never liked me?’ Goodness, had Edward’s animosity gone that far? He would have spited his grandchild because he didn’t approve of her?
‘Of course not,’ Oliver declared impatiently. ‘Because he didn’t like me. Get in the car and we’ll talk at home, if you’re really interested.’
Edward didn’t like his son? This was news to Anna and she pondered about it as Oliver drove. She’d never seen any signs. It didn’t make sense.
In the house she turned to him. ‘Tell me about your father. You’ve never hinted that there was anything wrong.’
Oliver drew in a deep breath and let it out slowly, ridding himself of some of his tension as they sat down.
‘That’s because we managed to rub along together,’ he admitted with a heavy shrug. ‘I respected him—it’s something I was brought up to do. It’s why I lived here instead of moving right away. He needed me, even though he wouldn’t admit it. But that doesn’t mean to say I’m not resentful of the way he used to treat me.’
‘He didn’t appreciate having to bring you up, is that what you’re saying?’
‘Something like that,’ he admitted ruefully. ‘I only went into the business to prove that I wasn’t the idiot he always said I was. Even when he retired he couldn’t accept that I was doing a good job. We had many arguments.’
And one of those arguments had resulted in his death, thought Anna sadly. She might not have liked Edward, and liked him even less now that she’d heard how he treated Oliver, but it didn’t mean that she couldn’t feel some sort of compassion for him.
She pulled a wry face. ‘I suppose that explains the way he behaved towards me.’
‘Not at all,’ Oliver told her crisply. ‘He married Rosemary in haste, without really getting to know her, and he thought he knew where we were heading. He would have accepted you in time.’
‘No, he wouldn’t,’ replied Anna firmly. ‘He actually offered me money not to marry you.’
‘He did what?’ Oliver jolted upright, golden eyes shocked. ‘Why didn’t you tell me?’
‘Because I dealt with it,’ she explained calmly. ‘I tore up his cheque. I told him I loved you and it would have made no difference if you were a pauper.’
There was faint admiration in his eyes now. ‘I bet he didn’t like that.’
‘I don’t think he did.’ Anna went quiet for a moment, wondering whether to tell him the rest.
‘There’s more, isn’t there?’
She had forgotten how easily Oliver could read her mind, and her lips contorted themselves into a regretful smile. ‘You know me too well.’
‘So out with it. I might as well have the whole awful truth in one go.’
Anna swallowed hard. ‘He threw me out. He told me it was his house and gave me a week to move.’
Oliver slumped. It was as though all the stuffing had been knocked out of him. ‘And you went—without coming to see me? Without telling me what he’d done?’
Then, with a swift recovery, he bounced to his feet. ‘The old bastard! Maybe it’s as well you didn’t tell me or I might have done something I later regretted. Anna—’ he spoke more quietly now, struggling to control his powerful emotions ‘—why didn’t you tell me?’
‘I thought you wouldn’t care,’ she answered quietly. ‘You’d never once been back to try and talk things over and I wasn’t coming up there with your father in the house. I had too much pride for that.’
‘So if my father hadn’t died, we’d have never got back together. Is that what you’re saying?’
‘It’s possible. I was hurting too much for a confrontation. You’d made up your mind and that was it.’
Oliver closed his eyes in self-recrimination. ‘I don’t know about calling my father a swine. I’ve been a pretty big one myself.’
‘You can say that again.’ But, despite all that had gone wrong between them, Anna still felt the strong pull of his sexuality. It was something that had never gone away, and she hated sitting here with distance between them. But sex wasn’t the answer, she had to remember that. It was where they had gone wrong in the first place.
‘Why didn’t you ever tell me this house belonged to Edward?’ she asked.
Oliver shrugged. ‘I never gave it a thought. But I do think we should sell up soon. I think we should be settled into our new place before the baby is born.’
Our new place! Our new place. Was this a wise move? She had a lot of forgiving to do before commitments were made, and a new house meant commitment. It meant he was expecting her to spend the rest of her life with him.
‘You don’t look sure about it, Anna?’ She hadn’t realised he was watching her, nor that her face was so expressive. She shrugged. ‘You said that if it didn’t work out by the time the baby was born, then I’d be free to go. I don’t see the point in us moving until we’re sure that—’
Oliver’s eyes flashed and he sprang to his feet. ‘Maybe you’re not sure, Anna, but I most definitely am. We are man and wife and that is the way I want us to stay.’
Chapter Twelve
ANNA’s first thought was that Oliver had tricked her. He had got her back here with the promise that she was free to leave if things didn’t work out and now he was saying that he had no intention of letting her go.
‘I love you, Anna,’ he continued before she could respond. ‘And I’d like to think that you still love me. The hurt hasn’t yet gone away, which is understandable, but I have every intention of making amends for my atrocious behaviour. You will never again have cause to think ill of me. In fact, you’ll thank me for coming after you.’
Her lips twisted wryly. ‘That’s a sweeping statement, Oliver.’
‘I won’t let you down, I promise,’ he said urgently. ‘Now I suggest that I find Mrs G and organise an early lunch. Are you feeling up to it?’
‘Actually I am hungry,’ she agreed, deciding there was no point in arguing. Only time would tell. ‘I’ll phone Chris while you’re doing that. Let him know I’m back.’
He nodded. ‘Good idea. Perhaps you ought to invite him over for dinner, one evening. It’s about time I met this brother of yours.’
‘You’re not still of the opinion that Tony’s lurking somewhere in the background?’ The question was out before she could stop it.
Oliver groaned. ‘Don’t remind me how foolish I’ve been. I don’t know why I thought he was involved. Well, yes, I do. You’d once said Tony was handsome and blond, and the guy my father saw you with matched that description. I never imagined that your brother would have blond hair.’
‘Perhaps your mother leaving for such selfish reasons messed you up a lot,’ she said. ‘Made you suspicious of everyone.’
‘It wasn’t Rosemary leaving, it was my father’s attitude,’ he retorted bitterly.
Anna wanted to go to him then, to hold him, to say that everything would be all right. But she couldn’t be sure. It was still far too early. How did she know Oliver wouldn’t come down on her again when something else went wrong?
It wasn’t easy, though, keeping her distance from him. In the weeks that followed Oliver became over protective, he was for ever asking how she was, if she needed anything, oughtn’t she to rest more?
It was a constant bombardment and she was glad when he found it necessary to go to work.
He put both houses on the market and there began a steady stream of prospective purchasers. Anna kept out of the way whenever the agents came to show someone around.
Often she would go out looking for property that would be suitable for her and Oliver. ‘I’ll leave the choice entirely up to you,’ he had said. ‘If you’re happy then I’ll be happy.�
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It was an onerous task, especially as she still wasn’t sure whether their marriage would last. But at least it gave her something to do.
And when she happened upon a cottage deep in the Cambridgeshire countryside, a cottage that somehow reminded her of the cottage in Ireland where she and Oliver had been so deliriously happy, she knew that this was where she wanted to live.
It was crazy really, because why did she want reminders of a life that might have been? Or was she living in hope that one day things might work out between them? Was that really at the back of her mind?
The cottage wasn’t for sale, so she didn’t know why she had stopped to look. It was much bigger than the holiday cottage. It had probably started out in life as a two-up, two-down, but it had been extended over the years so that it was now as imposing as a country manor, and yet it still had that cottage appeal. Diamond-leaded windows and ivy clad walls, chimneys and gables and what looked like a massive garden for the children to play in.
Anna checked her thoughts. Children? Was she planning to have more children with Oliver? Had she subconsciously resigned herself to the fact that their marriage would get back on track?
She had no way of knowing. Half of her wanted it to happen; the other half was so deeply resentful of the way he had treated her that it was doubtful she would ever forgive him.
Even as she stood and looked at the cottage, smoke curled from one of the chimneys and Anna wanted to go and knock on the door and ask to be let in. She wanted to sit before a cosy log fire, warm her hands and her toes and dream that it was her very own house.
Over dinner that evening, she told Oliver about the cottage. ‘It wasn’t for sale but it’s my dream house. I’d love to live somewhere like that.’
Her enthusiasm shone through and Oliver smiled appreciatively. ‘If that’s what you want, then that’s what you shall have. Take me to see it and we’ll start a search for a look-alike.’
And so on Sunday they drove out and when the elderly householder returned from taking his dog for a walk Oliver went to speak to him.