Make 'Em Laugh
Page 17
10
Happy Mother’s Day 2015
In April of this year, I called a friend.
“Guess what!” I said cheerfully. “I’ve got great news.”
“What is it?” she asked.
“I’ve got irritable bowel syndrome.”
After what seems like an eternity, my condition was finally diagnosed. My friend and assistant Donald looked up my symptoms on the computer. We asked the doctor to order the test, which finally led them to this conclusion. After all the doctor visits and the stay at the Mayo Clinic, Donald was able to help them find out what was making me sick.
I was euphoric. God willing, I can get out from under this and feel better.
At this time in my life I’m working to figure out my future. I like the idea of being retired, but I also like to be onstage entertaining my wonderful audiences. My heart wants to sing and dance but my health sometimes knocks me down.
You may wonder how movie stars spend their holidays. Don’t believe the Hollywood version of Mother’s Day where Joan Crawford is sitting in her beautiful yard in a chiffon dress and a broad-brimmed hat surrounded by her adoring children calling her “Mommie dearest.”
My version of Mother’s Day this year would never make it to a greeting card. My son, Todd, and his wife, Catherine, planned to come down from his ranch for the weekend. Todd arrived around 3:00 P.M. on Friday with his fourteen-year-old Australian shepherd, Yippee. Catherine arrived around 5:00 P.M. with her pet rooster, Nugget, age unknown.
Friday evening was uneventful. Carrie was next door with her daughter, Billie, who was home from being on location for her new show, Scream Queens. On Saturday afternoon, Todd went somewhere to look at a camera he wanted to buy. Carrie came over to visit with me, while Catherine was out in the backyard with Nugget. My dog, Dwight, was sound asleep.
This calm scene was interrupted by a loud splash and strange spitting sounds coming from my bathroom. When I built my little house, I put in a spa bathtub that is actually a small indoor swimming pool. It’s very therapeutic when I have back trouble. It measures about eight by ten feet across and is about four feet deep—more than enough depth to drown my son’s loyal companion, who is blind, deaf, and has trouble with his legs.
Frightened by the noises coming from the room, I rushed in to find Yippee yelping and terrified in the water, helpless. He must have gone over the side while trying to drink from it. Why couldn’t he drink out of the toilet like a normal dog?
Yelling for Carrie, I went down the four steps into the warm water, picked up Yippee under his front paws, and put him over my right shoulder. I was tits-high in the spa water holding poor Yippee, who seemed to be in shock. Carrie came in waving her phone and yelling. All I could hear was Yippee’s spluttering, which let me know he was still alive. Carrie got behind my left shoulder to hold me while I was holding the dog. Her phone went in the drink. We were both soaking wet in our clothes, trying to get this poor critter out of the water and onto the bathroom floor.
Catherine appeared in the doorway and stood there, frozen in her tracks, just saying “Oh” as she watched Carrie and me haul Yippee out of the pool.
Carrie yelled for my housekeeper, Rena, to bring her a bowl of uncooked rice so she could save her phone as we dragged Yippee up over the edge of the tub and laid him on my bathroom floor—eighty pounds of wet Australian shepherd on my tiles. We got some towels to wrap him up. Yippee was still spitting out water, but at least he was breathing. My daughter-in-law continued to just say “Oh” and look like a deer in the headlights.
Meanwhile in the backyard, Billie’s dog, Tina, was scheming to get Nugget out of his cage. Nugget is a well-cared-for rooster whose only problem is being near the bottom of the food chain. Tina is cute but I’m sure she’s on a terrorist watch list somewhere. Todd came home just as Tina was about break through Nugget’s wire cage.
In my bathroom, Catherine had finally come out of her trance enough to help us get Yippee dry. We put towels down on my bedroom floor, right on top of the beautiful carpet the shah of Iran gave me. When the dog was out of danger, Carrie turned her full attention to her phone, which had all her notes for her new book in it.
Just then Todd walked in and saw us huddled over his best friend.
“Anything happening?” he asked.
Once we’d told him, Todd took Yippee outside to recover and decompress.
Donald came home from getting his car inspected to find Rena grabbing at my wet clothes, trying to clean up the soaking towels in the bathroom, and helping Carrie. I slipped into a dry outfit and got into my bed to catch my breath.
After all the commotion died down, Billie and her boyfriend stopped by. She needed clothes for a press event for her new role as a Scream Queen. She found four outfits in my closet and was thrilled to go off to New York in my vintage clothes.
Everyone returned to their respective rooms. Nugget and Yippee were out of harm’s way. I smiled to myself as I savored the rare quiet moment.
“Shtick,” I thought, “always shtick.”
I’ve spent my whole life being a vaudevillian, a baggy-pants comedian.
Thank goodness.
But as Mae West said, “Goodness had nothing to do with it.”
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
My memories are full of the wonderful times I’ve shared with my children, Carrie and Todd. In bad times, they make me laugh through the tears. In good times, we are thankful for all our blessings. Maybe someday my extraordinary granddaughter, Billie Catherine, will share these stories with her children. They should know just how much fun we had in our day.
When I decided to write this book, I knew I could never do it alone. My dear friend Dori Hannaway is one of the funniest people I know. She helped me pull this book out of thin air by listening to my stories, asking lots of questions, and writing so well. Thank you, dear, for making all this work fun.
Donald Light and Margie Duncan continue to be devoted friends. We’ve all been through so much together. I’m so grateful to have you in my life.
Thanks a million, Dan Strone, my fantastic literary agent at Trident Media. I never would have done this book without your persistence in believing that there were more stories to be told after my memoir Unsinkable.
Jennifer Brehl, my editor at William Morrow. Thank you for your attention and support. It was a pleasure to work with you again.
Debbie and Dorian thank:
Rick Hersh of Celebrity Consultants.
Jackie Triggs of Trident Media.
Kelly O’Connor at William Morrow.
Thanks to the team at Morrow: Elissa Cohen, Michele Corallo, Lynn Grady, Brian Grogan, Doug Jones, Tavia Kowalchuk, Emin Mancheril, Shelby Meizlik, Michael Morrison, Joseph Papa, Mary Ann Petyak, Jeanne Reina, Beth Silfin, Liate Stehlik, Mary Beth Thomas, and Nyamekye Waliyaya.
Thanks to Renato Stanisic for his beautiful book design.
Special thanks to everyone who helped us by sharing their recollections: Margie Duncan; Donald Light; Pinky Bajian, Gary Simmons, Sandy Avchen; Phyllis Berkett; Jeanette Johnson, Jean Powers, Keith Alavolasiti, Don Rickles, George Schlatter, Ben Mankiewicz. And Carrie and Todd Fisher.
At the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences, thanks to Randy Habercamp, May Haduong, and Claire Lockhart.
And thanks to the Academy’s staff at the Margaret Herrick Library, especially Faye Thompson and Libby Wertin.
For their help with reading the manuscript and giving us their most welcome corrections and changes, thanks to Michael Miller, John Kalish, Dori Stegman, Donald Light, Cary Fetman, Nikki Smith, Tom Wilson, Carol Hannaway, Ken Sweigart, Dr. Joanne Steuer, and John Hazelton.
Thank you to everyone who helped with the many questions we had as well as with the many details. Abe Gurko, Mike Hannigan, Karla Thomas, Kathy Connell at the SAG-AFTRA Awards, Kenny DiCamillo, John Sala, and James Moore.
Many people helped with the wonderful photographs: Ron Mandelbaum and Howard Mandelbaum at Photofest; Manoah Bowman, Bil
l DiCicco, Lee Hale, Phyllis Marcotte, Jim Pierson, Matt Tunia, Greg Vines, Frank Vlastnik, Dan Wingate, and Stan Taffell.
And very special thanks to:
Tom Wilson. For a know-it-all, you’re still a nice guy. We appreciate your expertise as an entertainment historian and archivist. Thanks for sharing your amazing photo collection.
Carol Hannaway for her expert digital imaging and photo restoration on Debbie’s photographs.
And our wonder worker behind the scenes, our editor, Patrick Merla, for making everything sing.
INDEX
The pagination of this electronic edition does not match the edition from which it was created. To locate a specific entry, please use your e-book reader’s search tools.
Note: Page numbers in italics refer to illustrations.
“Aba Daba Honeymoon” (song), 40, 238
Academy Awards, 77–82
Adams, Casey (stage name), 179
Adams, Cindy, 145
Aghayan, Ray, 78
Ahmanson, Bill, 209
Ahmanson, Robert, 209, 210
Alavolasiti, Jen, 121, 122–23, 172–78
Alemán Valdés, Miguel Jr., 29, 30–32
Alive and Fabulous (one-woman show), 121
Allen, Gracie, 33, 88, 91–92, 94
Allen, Steve, 42, 200
Allen, Woody, 237
All Star Charity Show, 42–45
Allyson, June, 38, 40, 110
Aloha Paradise (TV), 75–76, 76, 215
Angeli, Pier, 26, 33, 34
Animal Crackers (movie), 101
Arnaz, Desi, 35, 85, 86, 87
Asmus, Grover, 129–31
Astaire, Fred, 33, 37, 40, 79, 89
Athena (movie), 34, 147
“At Last” (song), 242
Avchen, Sandy, 50–54
Azmil, Prince (Saudi Arabia), 121–23
Baby Doll (movie), 203
Bacall, Lauren “Betty,” 38, 39, 40
Baiano, Solly, 17
Baird, Bil, 156
Baker, Blanche, 204
Baker, Carroll, 203–4
Ball, Lucille, 35, 52–53, 83–87, 84, 88, 179
Barker, Lex, 28
Barr, Roseanne, 62, 73–75
Barth, Belle, 83
Baudouin, king of Belgium, 109–12, 112, 113
Baxter, Anne, 80
Beatty, Warren, 125, 225–27
Beckham, David, 122
Behind the Candelabra (movie), 144
Belem, Ray, 42
Belge, Burhan, 142
Benigni, Roberto, 122
Bennett, Tony, 57, 119
Benny, Jack, 33, 35, 38, 52, 53, 96–99
advice from, 98, 99
and Friars Club, 84, 84
and television, 88, 92, 96, 107
Bergen, Edgar, 38
Berkett, Lloyd, 215
Berle, Milton, 84, 88–91, 92, 151
Bernstein, Elmer, 16, 18
Bertha the Elephant, 57–59, 58, 59
Big Brothers of Greater LA, 42
Birch, Pat, 78
Bishop, Joey, 65–68
Blackstone, Milton, 33
Blackwell, Carlyle Jr., 24
Blowing Wild (movie), 29
Blyth, Ann, 33
Bogart, Humphrey, 38–39, 40
Bono, Sonny and Cher, 35
Booth, John Wilkes, 165
Borgnine, Ernest, 80, 183
Borscht Belt, Catskills, NY, 32
Bowers, Scotty, 89
Bradley, Omar, 129
Brice, Fanny, 83
Bridges, Beau, 237
Bridges, Jeff, 237
Bridges, Lloyd, 200, 237
Broidy, Steve, 15, 18
Brolin, James, 81
Brynner, Yul, 237
Buckner, Teddy, 42
Bull, Clarence, 182–83
Bundle of Joy (movie), 240, 241, 242
Burns, George, 33, 84, 88, 91–96, 108
Burton, Maria, 197
Burton, Richard, 126, 198
Buttons, Red, 200
Buydens, Anne, 110
Buzzi, Ruth, 157
Cadwallader, Stan, 133
Caesar, Sid, 51
Cahn, Sammy, 106, 234
Caine, Sir Michael, 113
Caine Mutiny, The (movie), 39
Campbell, Glen, 128–29
Cantor, Eddie, 32–33, 35, 52, 96
Cantor, Hal, 82
Carell, Steve, 152
Carlin, George, 133
Carmen (maid), 192
Caron, Leslie, 225
Carpenter, Carleton, 40
Carpenters, The 118
Carrey, Jim, 152
Carson, Johnny, 69–72, 98, 152, 164
Carter, Jack, 91
Catered Affair, The (movie), 183, 184, 219
Cavett, Dick, 101–2, 104
Champion, Gower, 230
Champion, Marge, 206
Channing, Carol, 179
Chaplin, Charlie, 79
Chase, Chevy, 113
Cher, 35
Christmas Wish, A (TV), 77
Chuckles the Clown, xvi
Church, George III, 42
Citizen Kane (movie), 207
Clooney, Rosemary, 42, 52
Coke Time (TV), 34
Colbert, Stephen, 62
Cole, Nat “King,” 234
Collier’s, 23
Collins, Joan, 7–8, 122, 197, 225
Come Back, Little Sheba (movie), 135
Cooper, Gary, 29, 35, 38
Cooper, Jackie, 200
Country Girl, The (movie), 36
Courtney, John, 224
Cowan, Ralph Wolfe, 213
Crane, Cheryl, 200, 202
Crawford, Joan, 33, 46, 232, 246
Crosby, Bing, 107
Cukor, George, 36, 80
Culp, Robert, 200
Damone, Vic, 34
Danza, Tony, 200
Davis, Altovise, 207
Davis, Bette, 80, 140, 143, 158, 182–87
Davis, Sammy Jr., 38, 40, 65, 207
Day at the Races, A (movie), 100
Day, Doris, 179
Debbie: My Life (Reynolds), 191
Debbie (album), 43
Debbie (Broadway show), 115, 148
Debbie Reynolds and the Sound of Children (TV), 73, 237
Debbie Reynolds Hotel and Casino, Las Vegas, 171, 207
Desilu Studios, 85
Dietrich, Marlene, 182–83
Diller, Phyllis, 83, 108, 113, 157, 158, 163–65
DiMaggio, Joe, 25–26, 25
Doda, Carol, 102
Donald’s Shepherd’s Pie (recipe), 165–66
Douglas, Kirk, 110, 237
Douglas, Michael, 237
DR Studios, 220
Dunaway, Faye, 122
Duncan, Margie, 6, 38, 176, 191–92, 215–20
Durante, Jimmy, 42
Dwight (dog), 175, 246
Dynasty (TV), 75
Easter Parade (movie), 37, 40
Eber, José, 195
Eden, Barbara, 200
Edens, Roger, 37
Edmond (freedom fighter/ violinist), 140
Edwards, Ralph, 15–19, 19
Eiferman, George, 146, 147–49, 149
Eisenhower, Dwight D., 229
Elizabeth II, queen of England, 113
Estevez, Emilio, 237
Evans, Harvey, 3, 4, 6
Evans, Linda, 197
Exceptional Children’s Foundation, 38
Fairbanks, Douglas, 45
Fallon, Bob, 214–15
Fallon, Jimmy, 62, 232
Farr, Felicia, 128
Faye, Frances, 172
Ferguson, Craig, 62
Ferrell, Will, 63
Fields, W. C., 155
Field, Sally, 99
Film Society of Lincoln Center, 98
Fisher, Carrie, 74, 85, 104, 115, 168, 169, 195, 196, 200
and Academy Awards, 80, 82
acting roles of, 225–26, 236, 238
and daughter (Billie Lourd), 2, 238–39
and Debbie’s SAG award, 3–12, 12, 13
and Girl Scouts, 49, 51, 54
growing up, 221, 235–37, 238
and Mother’s Day, 246–48
and parties, 231, 232
singing voice of, 236, 241, 243
in Star Wars films, 2, 10, 238, 239
and swearing, 224–25, 226–27
in Vegas, 239–43
and Warren Beatty, 225–27
White House visit of, 227–31, 230
Fisher, Catherine Hickland, 221, 243, 246, 247, 248
Fisher, Eddie, 31, 40, 87
and Bundle of Joy, 240, 241
divorce from, 63, 64, 110, 213, 217, 236
and Elizabeth Taylor, 161, 213, 236
engagement to Debbie, 21–22, 32–35, 35, 38
and friendships, 215–16
at Grossinger’s, 32
honeymoon with, 210–11
marriage to, 126, 184
and “Oh! My Papa,” 242
on the road, 189, 213
TV series of, 34, 61
Fisher, Todd, 115, 168, 175, 203
accident with prop gun, 169
and Bette Davis, 185–86
birth of, 216
and Debbie’s SAG award, 4–6, 8–9, 11, 12
and Mother’s Day, 246, 248
pet alligator of, 222–23
and show business, 237, 239
and swearing, 224
in Vegas, 239
wedding of, 18
Fitzgerald, Ella, 119
Fleming, Erin, 101
Fleming, Rhonda, 27, 200
Flowers, Wayland, 83, 151, 153–61
Follies (musical), 4, 158
Fonda, Jane, 98
Fonda, Peter, 98
Fontaine, Frankie, 40
Ford, Glenn, 55, 110, 112, 112
Foxx, Redd, 83
Friars Club, 83–84, 84, 88, 91
From Here to Eternity (movie), 129
Gabor, Eva, 107, 139–41, 144, 145–46, 145
Gabor, Jolie, 139–40, 141, 144, 145
Gabor, Magda, 139, 141, 143
Gabor, Zsa Zsa, 42, 139–44, 200