Walking on Glass

by Iain Banks

  Ajayi looked over at her companion, without him seeing. Quiss was busy mixing the dominoes up, frowning deeply at them as though he could somehow bully the pieces of dead animal into forming a correct pattern. Quiss, Ajayi thought, seemed to be surviving all right. She still worried about him though, because his urgent, intimidatory style was not guaranteed to last for ever against the castle's so often impenetrably purposeless-seeming regime. She was afraid that what he had constructed for himself was something too much like armour, too much like what the castle itself represented. That armour might have to give in eventually, just as no fortress ever built could withstand any siege (they had discussed this ultimate vulnerability of the static, the hardened, before they gave their first answer to the riddle), whereas she had tried not to armour herself, she had tried to go with the castle's strange mood; adapt to it, accept it.

  "Oh get on with it you two," the red crow said from its perch on the stump of a flag-pole about three metres above their heads, "I've had more fun watching snails fuck."

  "Why don't you go and do just that?" Quiss growled at it, without looking, as he took seven of the face-down dominoes from the shuffled log-jam of them in the centre of the small table. He held all seven of his pieces easily in one huge hand, the little bone-chips lost in the hard flesh's folds and creases.

  "Listen, greybeard," the red crow said, "it's my appointed duty to stay here and annoy you bastards, and that's just what I'm going to do until you have the sense - not to mention the common decency, considering you've grievously overstayed your welcome - to do away with yourselves." The red crow's voice twisted into an impersonation of Ajayi's least favourite teacher from her schooldays; "Ajayi, you old bag, pick up your pieces and play. We haven't got all day, you know." The red crow chuckled after this last sentence.

  Ajayi said nothing. She selected seven of the dominoes, biting her lower lip as she did so. The bird's voice really did grate; it war ludicrous really, but the damn thing was an uncomfortably accurate mimic and commanded a repertoire of hateful voices from the past.

  It was Ajayi's turn to start. She took one of the blank tiles and set it down in the middle of the table. She knew that there was something about the way she inspected her dominoes before placing them down which infuriated Quiss, who just picked out the first one that came to hand. Somehow, though, Ajayi needed this pretence; it was one of those little things which kept her going. She couldn't just pick up the dominoes, whack them down one after another, mix them up and do the whole thing again, even if that was the fastest way of getting through the games; that was too mechanical, too uncaring. It was important to her always to believe that this next game would be the right one, the one where everything fitted and all the junctions of all the pieces made sense, so giving them another chance to escape from here.

  So she placed her piece down carefully, thoughtfully. Quiss slapped one of his down immediately after her. Ajayi paused for thought. Quiss tutted impatiently and tapped one foot. The red crow coughed from the stump overhead. "Bugger me, here we go again. I hope you two get fed up soon and kill yourselves so we can at least get some people in here who'll be fun."

  "You're not the most gracious of hosts, crow," Ajayi said, putting a domino down.

  "I'm not your host, idiot," the red crow sneered. "Even you should be able to work that out. I know you've no balls but I thought you had the basic minimum of brains."

  Quiss snapped another of the white tiles down on the table, and Ajayi looked suspiciously at him, not sure if she could hear him suppressing a laugh or not. He cleared his throat. Ajayi looked up at the red crow. "Oh," she said, "I think you are in a way, whether you like it or not. In some ways you are a very fitting host, because you help to epitomise what this place is about, so" - she looked away from it and studied the pieces of ivory in her hand when she heard the tap-tap of Quiss's foot on the balcony floor, "-while you might not like it, you do play the part well."

  (The red crow was looking out over the snowy landscape and quietly shaking its head.)

  "Not pleasantly," Ajayi concluded, "but thoroughly."

  "What a load of bullshit," the red crow said, looking down at her, still shaking its head. "Bullshit from an old cow." It looked away from her, out over the white plain again. "You think you're being punished; I've got to stick around and listen to all this rubbish. I wonder why I bother sometimes, I really do. Must be easier ways of making a living."

  Ajayi was looking up at it, thoughtfully. She was wondering if there was some way of making a weapon with which they could shoot the red crow. If they did, what else would be added to their sentence, and would it be worth it? She could hear Quiss's boot going tap-tap again, but ignored it as she looked at the red crow. She had been aware of Quiss sniggering when the red crow was insulting her, and didn't see why she should hurry with her next domino just to please him. The red crow stared back at Ajayi, then after a few seconds shook itself furiously, spreading its wings briefly and stretching one leg out as though stiff. "Come on, will you?" it shouted at her. "Good god, woman, what got you in here?

  Prevarication or just plain stupidity? Or both? Get on with it."

  Ajayi looked away from the bird, selecting one of her dominoes and placing it slowly, carefully on the surface of the table. She felt her face flushing slightly.

  "Don't tell me," Quiss said, leaning close over the table to talk in a low voice as he put down his next piece, "that our little feathered friend has hurt you..." he glanced into the old woman's eyes as he leant back again. Ajayi looked away from Quiss's eyes, then shook her head slowly as she chose between the remaining dominoes in her hand.

  "No," she said, taking one of the ivory pieces from her palm, leaning forward to place it on the table, then changing her mind, putting it back and reconsidering, rubbing her chin with one hand. An exasperated choking noise came from above their heads.

  This is ridiculous," the red crow said, "I think I'll go and watch some icicles form. It can't be any more boring than this." With that, it opened its wings and flew off, muttering. Ajayi watched it go. Some other rooks and crows from higher battlements flew down and joined it as it flew off in the direction of the slate mines.

  "Pest," Quiss said after it. He drummed one set of stubby fingers on the table top and looked back at Ajayi, who nodded and put another domino down. "No," Quiss said, putting another piece down, "it's just that I wondered if it had struck a bit close to the bone with that remark. About how you ended up here." Quiss darted a look at his companion, who watched him look away again and smiled to herself.

  "Well," she said, considering the choices in her hand, "perhaps it's time we told each other why we're both here. What we did to be sent here."

  "Hmm," Quiss said, apparently not all that interested. "Yes, I suppose we might as well. Perhaps there's even some sort of clue to the right answer we should give; you know; something common to both our... reasons for being here which might help us out," He raised his eyebrows at her, a "what-do-you-think-of-that?" expression. Ajayi thought it politic not to remind Quiss that she had come out with exactly that argument for them trading stories not long after she had arrived in the castle. Quiss had been totally opposed to talking about their separate misfortunes at that point. She had decided all she could do - all she had better get used to doing - was be patient.

  "Well that might be a good idea, Quiss. If you're quite sure you don't mind telling."

  "Me? No, not at all, not at all," Quiss said quickly. He paused. "Ah... you first."

  Ajayi smiled. "Well," she said, taking a deep breath, "what happened was... I was aide-de-camp to our Philosophy Officer, who in our squadron was of Marshal rank."

  "Philosophy Officer," Quiss said, nodding knowingly.

  "Yes," Ajayi said. "He was a terribly keen hunter, and - rather unfashionably - enjoyed getting back to the great outdoors and the good old-fashioned ways of doing things, whenever he had the opportunity.

  "I could appreciate the concept of getting back to one's root
s and reaffirming one's integral relationship with nature - even if it was alien nature - all right, but I let him know I thought he took it too far. I mean, he would never take anything like communication gear or transport along, or even modern weapons. All we had were a couple of archaic rifles and our own legs."

  "You went along with him," Quiss said.

  "Had to," Ajayi shrugged. "He said he took me along because he liked arguing with me. So I used to go on these expeditions with him, and I became quite proficient at the art of rhetoric, and passably handy with the ancient, primitive weapons it amused him to hunt with. Also quite skilled at rejecting his rarely more than half-hearted advances.

  "One day, towards dusk on this... place... we were trudging through a swamp trailing some immense wounded beast he'd just shot, beset by insects, tired, out of contact with the fleet until a fast picket rendezvoused with us at midnight, wet, fed up... well, I was anyway; he was having a great time... when suddenly he tripped on a submerged tree trunk or something, and as he fell his hand must have closed on the trigger- his gun was so old it didn't even have a safety catch - and he shot himself in the chest.

  "He was in a bad way; still conscious but in a lot of pain (he didn't believe in taking modern medicines on these trips either). I thought I'd better move him out of the marsh and over to some rocks I could just about make out through the mists, but when I tried to move him he started screaming a lot; then I remembered reading some historical story about people being shot with these ancient projectile weapons and having bullets dug out of them without any anaesthetic, and what they used to do then, and I thought that what they did seemed oddly appropriate in the circumstances, even if it probably didn't do any real good, so I took a bullet out of my own gun and gave it to him to bite on while I dragged him over to the rocks."

  "And?" Quiss said, once Ajayi had stopped. She sighed.

  "It was an explosive bullet. Blew his head off soon as he bit it."

  Quiss slapped his knee with his free hand and rocked with laughter. "Really? Explosive? Ha ha ha!" He went on slapping his knee and swaying in his seat, howling with laughter. Tears came to his eyes and he had to put his three remaining dominoes face down on the table and hold his belly with both hands.

  "I knew I could count on your sympathy," Ajayi said dryly, putting down another ivory tile.

  That's beautiful," Quiss said, voice weakened with laughter. He wiped the tears from his old cheeks, took up his dominoes again. "I take it he was dead." He played one of the pieces.

  "Of course he was dead!" Ajayi snapped. It was the first time she had ever spoken loudly or harshly to Quiss, and he sat back, looking surprised. She tried not to scowl as much as she felt like doing, but went on, "his brains were spread over half the swamp. And me."

  "Ho ho ho!" Quiss said sympathetically. "Ha ha ha!" He shook his head, grinning widely, and sniffed.

  "What about you? What did you do?" Ajayi asked. Quiss was quiet all of a sudden. He frowned at the two remaining dominoes in his hand.

  "Hmm," he said.

  "I've told you mine," Ajayi said. "Now you tell me yours."

  "I don't know that you'd really be interested," Quiss said, not looking at her. He shook his head, still looking at his hand. "It's a bit of an anti-climax after yours."

  He looked up, a look of pained apology on his face, to see that Ajayi was glaring at him, not only more furiously than he had ever seen her looking before, but also rather more furiously than he would have thought her capable of looking. He cleared his throat.

  "Hmm. Well, on the other hand," he said, "I suppose it is only fair." He put down his dominoes on the table, put his hands on his knees and stared over the top of Ajayi's head. "Strangely similar to yours, in a way... might be a common link. There was this gun involved... anyway." He cleared his throat again, putting his fist to his mouth and coughing. He was still staring over his companion's head, as though the red crow was still on the broken flagpole above them and he was addressing it, not the woman.

  "Well, anyway... suffice to say that after a long... ahm... and strenuous campaign... and not one we had expected to survive really, I might add, I was with others of our guard corps on the roof of... this big palace in this city. There were celebrations; the... ahm... this dignitary... well, a prince actually; this was one of those backward places as well, and we were limited by the rules to fairly crude weapons and equipment and stuff... well this prince was due to appear on..." Quiss looked briefly at Ajayi, then around at the balcony they sat on,'... on a sort of balcony thing like this," he said lamely. He cleared his throat again.

  "Well, there was this huge crowd waiting to greet the prince; maybe a million locals, all armed to the mandibles with pitchforks and muskets and things - but all more or less on our side, and anyway glad the fighting was over - and we were guarding the palace roof with a few unobtrusive missiles, just in case there was some desperate last-ditch aircraft attack, not that that was very likely, we thought.

  "We were all a bit... umm... happy, I suppose, and we were celebrating too, and in high spirits anyway, glad to be alive, and we had some drink... and two of us - this other captain and me -were having a lark, daring each other to walk along this sort of balustrade thing on the roof, looking over the crowd, above the balcony where this prince and his cronies were going to appear, and we were closing our eyes and walking along, and standing on one leg and drinking, and using these big machine-guns to balance ourselves... sounds a bit undisciplined, I know, but like I say..." Quiss coughed.

  "This other captain and myself, we collided while we were walking along the parapet; walked right into each other while our eyes were closed... of course, our comrades thought it was a great laugh, but while the other fellow was falling towards the roof and into the arms of these other drunken types, I was falling the other way, over the edge of the roof. All there was down that way was the balcony about ten metres down, and then the ground about twenty metres beneath that. I was off-balance, going over, my comrades were out of reach; I mean that was it; I was going to plummet right down to my death. I was a goner." Quiss looked briefly at Ajayi, his expression one of pained sincerity, then he looked away again and continued.

  "But... well, like I said, I was holding this big machine gun, and just sort of without thinking about it, pure instinct I suppose, I... I brought this big machine-gun round, and pointed it down the way, and fired it off." Quiss cleared his throat loudly, shaking his head and narrowing his eyes. Thing was set on anti-aircraft rate; just about leapt out of my hands. Could barely control it, but the recoil was enough to bring me upright again, let me get my balance on the parapet before the magazine ran out of bullets. So I was saved.

  "Only trouble was, the prince and his retinue had just come out on to the balcony beneath me as this was happening, and got caught in this hail of fragging AA shells that bugger of a gun had sprayed all over the place. Killed the prince and quite a few of his pals, not to mention several dozen in the crowd underneath.

  "Crowd got very annoyed. Pandemonium; riot and mayhem. Palace was sacked. Cost us forty days and half a brigade to calm the upset. That's it." Quiss shrugged, looked down at the table.

  "Yours sounds more dramatic," Ajayi said, trying not to sound amused. "Back from the brink of death." She played a domino.

  "Oh, yes," Quiss said, and his eyes took on a misty, distant expression as he looked up, "I felt really great for about half a second."

  Ajayi smiled, "So, it would appear we share an element of slightly thoughtless irresponsibility, and projectile weapons." She looked up at the ramshackle heights of the castle above them. "The links don't seem all that close, but there you are. Here we are. Does any of this actually help us?"

  "No," Quiss said, shaking his great grey head sadly, "I don't think so."

  "Still," Ajayi said, "I'm glad we both know now."

  "Yes," Quiss said, placing his second last piece. He coughed. "Sorry I ah... laughed. Shouldn't have. Bad form. Apologies."

  His head
was down, so he did not see Ajayi smile at him, a look of real affection on her old, lined face. "As you say, Quiss," she said, smiling quietly.

  Her stomach rumbled. It must be nearly mealtime. A waiter would probably appear soon. Sometimes the waiters took their orders and brought what was ordered, sometimes they brought something quite different, sometimes they didn't take their orders but arrived with what they probably would have ordered anyway. Often they brought far too much food and stood around looking confused, as though looking for other people to serve. At least the times of the meals were relatively predictable, and the food satisfying, usually.

  She wanted a break from the games anyway. She could take only so much of this purposeless placing of ivory pieces. After a while she got bored and restless and wanted to do something else.

  For a while, when her stiff back and sore leg permitted, she had explored the castle, going off for long walks, at first always with Quiss, who knew the rough lay-out of the place better, then later mostly by herself. Her bones and joints still complained about climbing stairs, but she ignored the pain as best she could and anyway took frequent rests, and trudged through vast areas of the castle, exploring its turrets and rooms and battlements, shafts and halls. She preferred to keep to the upper levels, where there were less people around and the feeling of the castle was more... sane, she supposed.

  Lower down, Quiss had told her, things got more chaotic. The kitchens were the worst, in some ways, but there were even stranger places, places Quiss didn't like talking about (she suspected this was just him enjoying the feeling of power which exclusive knowledge gives to people, but perhaps in some clumsy way he thought he was protecting her from something. He meant well; she would allow him this).

  Eventually, though, the attraction of the castle's tortuous internal geography palled on her, and now she restricted herself to only very occasional sallies, mostly conducted - as near as possible - on the same level, just to stretch her legs. The very inexhaustibility of the castle's ever-changing topography depressed her after a while, whereas at first it had seemed encouraging that one could never know the place perfectly, that it would never be boring, that it was always constantly changing; falling down, being rebuilt, altered and redesigned. Stuck all the time in a human frame which would not change, imprisoned in this one age, this cage of cells, the analogue of organic change and growth and decay which the castle exhibited seemed somehow unfair; an unpleasant reminder of something she might never have again.