Let Me Just Say This

by B. Swangin Webster

  “Please you’re hurting me! Please!” she screamed.

  He was in a frenzy at this point. His eyes were bulging and sweat dripped down his face like a man possessed. He had her in a choke hold and she tried to gain leverage so that he couldn’t squeeze the life from her.

  “Don’t you ever walk around here like that again, do you hear me!” The physical pain had long stopped but as he finished, she knew the hurt would be there for a while. He shoved her down as if he was disgusted by the sight of her. She pulled herself up and dragged her sore body to the bathroom. She turned on the shower, stepped in and let the water soothe her. She let the water fall down her body and as it did, her tears did too. She climbed out and fell to the floor as the room began to spin. He slammed open the bathroom door, looked down at her on the floor and rolled his eyes.

  “I’m sorry.” she whispered. “It won’t happen again.”

  “It better not,” he said and continued past her into the shower.

  Chapter 5

  Cheryl woke up and felt much better. Her headache was gone, and so was Kevin. Kevin had left her a note saying he was having his car detailed and to give the kids some money for dinner because when he got back he was going to take her out to dinner. Yeah, that cycle was starting again. Which part of this was it again? Oh yeah, it was the “I’m sorry and it won’t happen again” part. She walked into the living room and saw Donnell sitting there watching television. She touched his shoulder and when he turned around, she pushed the money into his hand.

  “Oh, taking you to dinner?” Donnell said.

  “Watch your mouth,”

  “Whatever,”

  “Look, no matter what he does or does not do, he is your father and you have to respect him.”

  “Wrong. He doesn’t want to act like a father to me. He only has one child and that would be his precious Kayla. I’m sure he can’t wait until I leave this dump.”

  “Donnell, why would you say something like that? You know he loves you too.”

  “Does he? Because I can’t tell.” Mom, why do you always do that?”

  “Do what?” she asked as she stopped and turned back towards him.

  “Take up for him. I mean, he beats you down and then he throws you a bone, and then you act like nothing has happened.” It’s embarrassing!” he brushed by her and started for the stairs

  “Donnell,” she called after him but he kept walking. She walked up behind him as he reached his room and he slammed the door in her face. She placed her hand on the door and spoke in a faint voice. “I’m sorry if you are upset with me and your dad, but I am trying to make things better. I know you will be out of here as soon as you graduate and I can’t blame you. I just hope you understand that things are not as easy as just walking out. I have you and Kayla to think about. That’s all I worry about. I would never let him hurt you.”

  Donnell swept his door open and walked back towards his window. “But you do. Every time he puts his hands on you, it hurts us. Kayla doesn’t even hear it anymore. She learned to tune you out. Mom, my room is closer, I can hear you. All the time I hear you. I hear you crying when he is calling you names and I hear you when he is doing worse to you.”

  Silent tears fell from her eyes, “I’m sorry sweetie.” she went over to him and gathered him in her arms and they swayed back and forth.

  Donnell spoke in a soft tone, “You know I know he calls me gay all the time,”

  “But…” she started to say

  “Don’t worry about it mom. I don’t care.”

  “Maybe if you bring some…”

  “Seriously mom, do you honestly believe I would bring anyone over here? Hell I don’t know what I’m going to walk in on half the time. I’ll continue to do what I have always done, hang out with my friends at their house.”

  She kissed him on the cheek and walked off. She knew her baby wasn’t gay, and even if he were; he was still her baby. His father never took the time to even sit down and talk to Donnell because, in his words, “He’s just a little too meticulous about his clothing and hair.” Hell, he got it honest. Kevin did the same thing but when you pointed that out to him, well now; that was just crazy talk. God forbid anyone think he was gay. If and when Donnell decided that he would bring someone home, she just hoped it would be before whomever got pregnant.

  She continued to her bedroom and called Dee. After three rings, Dee finally picked up.

  “Hey hussy, what’s shaking?”

  “Nuttin but my ass,” Dee replied

  “No really, what are you doing?”

  “Nothing, chilling. Waiting for my man to come on over and scratch my itch.”

  “Oh, back to men this week?”

  “Bitch, please. Ain’t nothing like a good sized man.”

  “Unless….?”

  “It’s a good licking woman.”

  “Eww, you are so damn nasty!” Cheryl laughed.

  “Girl, please, don’t get all stuck up. I forgot. You don’t know what you are missing. Besides that fine ass man of yours scratches and licks whatever you want.”

  “Girl, please. First of all, I ain’t missing nothing and secondly, he ain’t licking or scratching nothing here but his own itchy ass.”

  “What! Are you telling me that Kevin ain’t licking your lollipop? Please if that were my man, that nigga wouldn’t get up until he had eaten all what was on his damn plate.”

  “Tsk, please. If he wanted to, I wouldn’t let him.”

  “You crazy as hell!”

  “Please, believe me when I tell you, I ain’t interested in his mouth being nowhere near that. Hell, especially since I don’t know where his damn mouth has been.”

  “Girl, you ought to quit.”

  “I’m serious, that nigga is probably eating somewhere else, so let him have it. I’d probably not like it anyway.”

  “All the reason you need to make him eat until he gets tired”

  “Please, he’d probably eat so fast he’d give himself indigestion, and then get mad if I said I was still hungry.”

  “So?” Dee said.

  “What do you mean, so? I’d rather not deal with the hassle” Cheryl said as she stretched out on her queen-sized bed and drew the burgundy and gold pillow under her head.

  “You are crazier than shit. Ain’t no way that nigga would be selfish and not let me get mine.

  “Well, that’s you.”

  “You are crazy. If I don’t get mine, I am letting a nigga know.”

  “And what good does that do?”

  “That puts a nigga on notice, that he better finish the job or I will call somebody that can.”

  “You will not,” she laughed.

  “Who, you must be tripping. I know I put it on him and he better damn straight put it on me or I’m gonna have to talk about his ass or get Karletta to finish the job.”

  “You are a mess,” Cheryl said, laughing.

  “You damn right, but a satisfied one. Now what the hell did you want?”

  “Nothing really, I just wanted to talk to your crazy ass.”

  Dee commented on how crazy Cheryl was for not having her toes curled and instantly Cheryl was in a bad mood.

  “I gotta go.”

  “Girl, get a damn grip. Now you wanna get off the phone. Look is Kevin going out of town soon?” she asked.

  “Yeah, why would you ask?”

  “Just taking a stab in the dark because you always get like this when he does. So how long will he be gone this time?”

  “Four days I think, Thursday through Sunday.” She said as she pulled the phone away from her ear to see who was calling. She hit the ignore button and continued listening to Dee.

  “Oh, oh. Party time.”

  “Naw, not for me, I won’t have a babysitter for the kids.” Cheryl said.

  “Girl, no you didn’t just play the kid card. Donnell is what, 16, 17 years old and little Miss Kayla is 12 years old. They aren’t babies anymore. I am sure they can be without mommy for a couple of hours
. We are gonna live it up this weekend.”

  “I don’t want to leave them…” Cheryl continued.

  “Snap out of it. We are gonna have some nice clean fun.” Dee said as she pulled the door open and saw her date standing there decked out in all black with his diamond stud sparkling like the sun off the ocean. She smiled and winked as she stepped aside.

  “If it involves you, it can’t be considered clean.” Cheryl said.

  “Ha Ha. Don’t get slapped hussy.” Dee said as she slid herself behind him and ran her free hand over his smooth bald head.

  “Yeah Yeah.”

  “Don’t make me hang up this phone.” Dee said with fake attitude.

  “You wouldn’t hang up on me.”

  “You wanna bet? My ride just got here and I need to board that train.” she said as he turned around and pressed himself against her naked body and began nibbling at her neck. “ooohhh.”

  “Get a room,” Cheryl said as she heard the tone in Dee’s voice change.

  “Ok.” She said as she moved her head to the side to give him a little more access to her spot.

  “Really? Cause I still hear you.” Cheryl laughed. She heard the dial tone.

  Cheryl hugged the pillow a little tighter and smiled to herself. She didn’t know what she would do without her best friend. After the last few minutes, she suddenly felt tired, so she turned over on her side and decided to get a few minutes of sleep before dinner.

  Chapter 6

  “Hey sleepy head. Go get dressed,” Kevin said as he nudged her awake.

  “I really don’t feel like going anywhere tonight.” Cheryl answered as she turned over.

  “Aw, come on. We will have fun.” He said to her back. “That’s ok. Besides, I have a headache anyway.”

  “See that’s a good reason to get out of the house. You are always saying I don’t take you anywhere, and then see what happens when I try. You don’t want to go,” Kevin said while standing upright, “I’m not going to beg your ass.” He said as he walked towards the bathroom.

  “Ok, dang, I will go.” She said as she turned over and caught a glimpse of him before he shut the door.

  “Well, don’t be so damn happy about it.” He said from behind the door. He came out of the bathroom and saw her standing at her closet and wished he could withdraw the invite but he had already made a big deal out of it, so he went to his office while he waited for her to be ready.

  Kevin was in his office talking to Black.

  “She acts like this is the end of the world,” he said into the phone. “That would be cool if it were true. Every time I go out of town she acts this way. You would think she would know by now to just stop asking me. Anyway, I didn’t call you to talk about this. I’m calling your late ass, so you know to be on time at the airport.” his laughter filled the room like an echo in the Grand Canyon.

  “Whateva, Nigga, you always the last one to board. Don’t get left. This meeting is too important for you not to be there. When this deal happens, K & B Alliance will be on the map. Look I’ll talk to you later. I’m going to take her out so I can keep her damn mouth closed until I get back.” Kevin hung up the phone and took a swig from his glass and leaned back in his leather chair and closed his eyes. He had worked on building up this company and now it was paying off.

  Chapter 7

  “Cheryl! Damn, you ain’t ready yet?” Kevin yelled in the bathroom.

  “Do I look ready?” she asked low enough that it wouldn’t cause her a problem.

  “No…but you do look mighty sexy standing there.” he said as he walked behind her and kissed her neck.

  “Baby, you feel so good,” he said as his hands untied her robe and found her breasts. “Turn around,” he whispered. His hands ran down her body and back up to her small breasts.

  “Oh Cheryl.” he groaned. “You know what I want.” he said as he put his hands on her shoulders and guided her to her knees.

  “Oh damn, girl. Don’t go so quick.”

  He pulled her up to him and kissed her roughly and fell to his knees. He began kissing her thighs and licking up to her opening. He could feel the heat from her and slid his tongue further up, brushing against her fine hair. He heard her gasp from above him and he let his hands slide down her round ass and back up to where his tongue left a wet trail upwards.

  “Baby, I need to be inside of you,” he moaned. Standing, he pressed himself into her, his hips pumping and grinding fast.

  “Oh, baby. Give it to me,” he said as he grabbed a handful of hair and yanked her head back.

  His rhythm picked up and he felt her begin to respond to his body. She began meeting his every stroke.

  “Oh, baby. Yes, just like that.” His hands fell from her hair and tightened around her waist as he pulled her hips into his. He slammed his body into her. After he released he continued grinding into her. He slipped out of her and kissed her neck.

  “Let me go and get cleaned up and get dressed,” she said as she stepped away from him.

  “Damn, that was good. Sometimes you can be sexy, when you want to be.”

  She continued towards the bathroom and turned the water on and stepped into the shower. Kevin walked in behind her.

  “Goddamn, it’s hot in here, why you insist on having the water that hot. I am surprised you haven’t burned yourself yet. Shit, I can’t shave in here with the mirrors all fogged up. You are so damn selfish. You knew I needed to shave. Shit! I’ll be in the guest bathroom.”

  He slammed the door behind him and then opened it back, “Don’t be too damn long. I have already wasted enough time,” he said as he closed the door again.

  She felt like she could have her marriage back and have her husband back. She just needed to be a bit more patient and it would work out. She climbed into the shower with a new outlook on her life.

  Chapter 8

  Senior Year

  Cheryl only heard part of Mr. Angelo’s question.

  “Umm, I’m sorry. I didn’t hear you.”

  “Cheryl, do you feel alright, you don’t look so good.”

  “No, can I please go to the nurse?” He wrote her out a pass and she left class. She walked into the nurse’s office, knowing full well her dad would never leave work to pick her up.

  “Mrs. Dickens, can I lay down for a little while? I don’t feel well.”

  “Let’s check your temperature first.”

  “I know I don’t have a fever, my stomach just hurts.”

  “Ok, but by the next period you will have to go to class.”

  Cheryl stretched out and all she could hear was Shaun’s accusing tone. The bell sounded way too soon, so she got her books and headed to her next class.

  “Cheryl, Wait up girl.” Cheryl never broke stride.

  “Where you been, I went to your last class and someone told me you were sick or something.” Dee said as she finally caught up to her.

  “Just needed to lay down for a minute, that’s all.”

  “Why you let dat ho get you all upset? I would have just kicked her ass and been done with it.”

  “It ain’t even worth it,” she replied.

  “Just don’t let her get to you. Ignore her.” Dee said just as Shaun walked by and grabbed her hand.

  “Don’t,” she snapped at him and snatched her hand away. She walked off in a fog.

  All afternoon, Cheryl heard people whispering about how Brenda was gonna get her. She walked to her bus alone, wishing that Shaun was there. She waited before getting on, hoping to see Shaun to apologize, but he never came. She rode home near tears the entire ride. She couldn’t get off the bus soon enough, walking to her house with tears streaming down her face and went straight to bed.

  “Cheryl. Cheryl.” She glanced at her clock and it read 5:30 pm.

  “Ugh.” She tried to clear her head but it felt like she had marshmallows for brains.

  “Cheryl. Telephone.”

  She was finally able to comprehend that she wasn’t dreaming. “Who is it?�
�

  “Shaun.”

  “Can you take a message? I’m sleeping,” She said as she laid her head back on the pillow.

  “If you were sleeping you wouldn’t be talking to me, now get up and get this phone.” her mom yelled again.

  She stomped into the kitchen and yanked the phone up off of the table.

  “What.” She grumbled into the phone.

  “Hey, boo.”

  “Oh, so now I’m your boo? Could have sworn I was a stranger, since you never walked me to my bus or I didn’t’ see you anymore during the day.”

  “I didn’t say that.” Shaun said with a little attitude.

  “Sure you did,” she said with much more anger.

  “Look, I’m sorry. I was wondering…”

  She cut him off, “I gotta go.”

  She hung up the phone and felt like she had lost her best friend. She didn’t know what a broken heart felt like but she was sure this was it. Her head started to hurt again, she went back to lie down and felt miserable. For the next week, she flunked two tests, barely spoke to Dee and didn’t acknowledge Shaun. She was in her own personal hell, and to top it off, her mom and dad were leaving for the weekend. They gave her and her sister, Angel, the usual speech. No company, no going out and no talking on the phone after 11PM. That meant just the opposite to her sister. Before the driveway could get wet from the falling rain, Dewayne pulled up in his brown hooptie. Angel let him in and they headed to the basement to watch television. The phone rang just as she was heading back to her room.

  “Cheryl, wait, don’t hang up. Just listen. I’m sorry. You know me better than that. It’s just that a lot of stuff is going on and I got a lot on my mind.”

  “I thought I did, but I’m not so sure anymore.”

  “Come on C, you know me…c’mon babe” Shaun said with a laugh “Baby, I’m really sorry. I promise it won’t happen again. I miss you babe.”

  “I miss you too,” she replied, and at that moment, she knew what she needed to do. “Shaun, you want to come over?”

  “For how long?”

  “Until tomorrow.”

  “Yeah, right. Now you know your mom would never go for that.”