‘Good to hear.’
Silence has now descended upon us. I have no idea what to say, and by the looks of things, he doesn’t either.
This is so weird. I hardly know this guy, yet here I am sitting alone with him, in a darkened backyard, and I don’t want to go inside. What is happening to me?
‘Hey Chris?’
‘Yeah?’
‘Sorry if I’ve been a rude bitch tonight.’ Here I go apologising again. I must be losing my edge. I’ll have to sharpen my claws on Effie at lunch tomorrow. Can’t let myself go soft.
‘I just thought it was all part of your charm.’
So the guy can be sarcastic, too.
‘Although I was wondering what I’d done to piss you off.’
Now how can I explain this without putting my foot in it?
‘Look, this was just the last place I wanted to be tonight. Like you said, everyone’s either married, getting married or under the age of ten. I’ve just been feeling out of place.’
Good save, plausible, believable, and he’d felt exactly the same way. No way he could doubt that explanation. God he looks so cute. He’s good looking, intelligent, appears to have a sense of humour and, well, he just seems like a nice guy. ‘I better get back inside before Katerina starts wondering where I am.’
But I don’t want to go. I want to stay right here, with my butt freezing on the cement. Somehow I manage to get to my feet. ‘I think it’s time for coffee and cakes and stuff. She’ll um, she’ll … ’ Why am I stuttering and stammering and can’t put a sentence together? ‘Kati will need a hand.’
‘Desi?’ I turn back and face him, and nod at him. I don’t know what to say so a nod just gives him the okay to go ahead and ask whatever it is he wants to ask.
‘Can I call you? You know, maybe we could get together for a coffee or drink one night this week?’ He wants to take me out? Oh, God. I hope Katerina hasn’t put him up to this and he’s only doing this to keep her happy and off his case.
‘That would be nice.’ I can hear myself yet I have no control over the pathetic answers that I’m giving. Thank you very much brain. The one time that I actually need you, you decide to abandon me. Thanks a bloody lot.
He pulls his mobile out of his pocket. What on earth is he doing that for? What’s he going to do, call inside and announce he picked me up and got my number? The nerve of him.
‘Your number? Haven’t got pen and paper.’
Okay, I admit it, I’m paranoid. I give him my number and, would you believe it, he gives me his card. No way am I calling first.
‘I better get inside.’ I walk towards the house. I can’t look back at him, because if I do, I will have absolutely no control over what I would do. And believe me it would be very unlady like.
What a night. I’m so tired I don’t think I have the energy to drive home. Everyone’s gone and Katerina and I are cleaning up the last of the mess in the kitchen. Chris winked at me as he left the house. I’m sure Katerina saw that and I know that she is now ready for an explanation. She will not let me leave without one. I look at my watch; it’s past two in the morning. For someone who is near seven months pregnant she sure has a hell of a lot of energy. That’s just not natural.
‘So why did Chris wink at you?’ Sneaky bitch, she saw it all and waited till everyone was gone to corner me.
‘Mind your own business.’ As if that will ever happen.
‘You are my business. Was he outside with you when you both disappeared for ages?’ I knew that wouldn’t have escaped her attention.
‘Maybe.’
‘Oh my God, you two hit it off, didn’t you? I knew you would! Even with you dressed like a slob!’
If she doesn’t stop jumping around like that she is going to bring on premature labour and I do not have the energy right now to help her through childbirth.
‘Kati, calm down before you start having contractions. Look, Chris and I talked. That’s it.’
But my curiosity is killing me. I have to ask. I have to. ‘Has he really been hassling you about me since the christening?’
‘Hassling me? If you want to call it that. The guy hasn’t shut up about you. He cracked the shits because I wouldn’t give him your number.’
I stare blankly at her.
‘I know what you’re like about your number. If someone’s meant to have it, you’ll give it to them. Or give me permission to give it out. Right?’
She knows me so well. She knows I would have killed her if she gave out my number without my permission.
‘So did you give him your number?’
I can only nod. I can’t believe Chris has been asking about me for so long. I don’t want to look too excited and give Katerina any false hope.
‘Kati, I’m going to get going. I’m stuffed.’
I gather my container from the rice, tray from the cake (of which Chris had three pieces), my handbag, and jacket.
‘So when are you two going out?’
‘Shut up, Kati. He probably won’t even call.’
She walks me out to my car, both of us tiptoeing so that we won’t wake up the kids.
‘He will call you, Des. I’m certain of it. You never know, we might end up being double koumbares!’
I slam the car door shut after that comment, start the car up and speed off. God I hope he calls.
Why is my phone ringing so late? I only left Kati’s five minutes ago – she can’t be wanting to talk about this any more! It’s probably the guys wanting to know if I’ll be meeting them for drinks tonight. I can’t. I’m so tired and, to be honest, bar hopping is the last thing I want to do tonight.
I don’t recognise the number on my calling display. Who the hell is calling me at this ridiculous hour?
‘Hello?’
‘Desi? It’s Chris.’
Well, he’s eager. This should scare me. I mean he could have waited till tomorrow, couldn’t he? Aren’t there rules about how soon to call a girl?
‘Hi.’ What else am I supposed to say?
‘Just wanted to make sure the number you gave me wasn’t the advice line for sexually transmitted diseases.’
Is nothing sacred? I can’t believe Katerina told him about that. Oh my God. I really shouldn’t be laughing so hard when I’m driving and talking on a mobile.
‘No, you got the real thing. I can’t believe Katerina told you about that.’ What else has she told him about me? I shudder to think.
‘I think it’s hysterical. I can just imagine the poor suckers’ faces when they realise they’ve been had.’
Hang on, he’s making me feel guilty. ‘I only use it as a last resort in extreme circumstances.’
‘Glad you didn’t think I was an extreme circumstance then.’
‘That’s yet to be determined.’ Am I phone flirting?
‘I better let you go, Desi. You’re on the road.’
‘Okay.’ I can talk and drive at the same time. I’ve done it heaps of times. Why don’t I want him to hang up?
‘Talk to you soon, Desi.’ I know he means it. I just know it. I can feel it.
‘Night, Chris.’ We both hang up. Hey, he called me from home, so now not only do I have his mobile and office numbers but I have his home number, too. I better make sure he doesn’t have a phone sex fetish as well. Actually I better not. I don’t want to know. I don’t need to check. I know all I need to know at the moment and I think I will find out everything else in due time. I just can’t believe he called me so soon.
----------7----------
He hasn’t called yet.
I can deal with this – after all, this guy is nothing special. It’s not like my life would be over if he didn’t call. But I figure he would have called by now. He was the one that was so eager to call after Katerina’s barbecue, so why is he procrastinating now? Oh, God, why do I even care whether he calls or not?
It was lunch with the whole clan as usual today. Another riveting Sunday, made even more painful by the fact that with every bite
I took at lunch I kept replaying last night’s events over and over again in my mind. His smile, that delicious aftershave, his really cute butt. Why hasn’t he called yet? It’s past seven in the evening already. I’ve got to get out of the house before I go stark raving mad. I cannot be sitting at home if he calls. My God, then he would think that I’ve been sitting around all day just waiting for his call. I can’t do that. I never sit around and wait for a guy to call. God created mobile phones for moments just like these.
Perfect solution. I can’t believe I didn’t think of doing this sooner. I’ve come to work and finished off all the assessments that I have to hand in this week. What a genius I am, doing all this on my own time. I had to do something that would stop me wondering, stop me thinking, stop checking my mobile every two minutes to make sure that the battery wasn’t dead, making countless test calls to make sure the network was working and I wasn’t out of range. I think the crew that was working almost died of shock when they saw me walk in. I know they were relieved when I told them if they bothered me in the outer office I would rip their lungs out. They felt it was safe enough to continue making their personal calls, reading magazines and organising their social lives. Hell, that’s what I used to do when I worked as a consultant. I only became semi-responsible when I became a team leader.
‘Explain to me why a guy would be so eager to call as soon as I give him my number and now it’s gone nine and still no call?’ Michael’s a guy, he plays these stunts, he should have the answers.
‘Explain to me why you care, Des? No guy has ever gotten you so wired.’
I don’t know why I care, and I don’t know why I called Michael. He’s supposed to be explaining the mystery of men to me, not laughing at my predicament.
‘I don’t care. But you guys need to be considerate. If you say you’re going to call, pick up the bloody phone and call. Don’t keep women hanging.’ I think I need to take a chill pill. I am getting way too highly strung for absolutely no reason. Chris is nothing to me. He’s just a guy.
‘Okay, Des, answer me this. Did he specifically tell you he would call you today?’
Well, not exactly, but he did call me five minutes after I left Katerina’s. He was eager then, but now he seems to have lost interest.
‘Did he tell you he would call you at a specific time?’
Well, obviously not.
‘Here’s a little secret about guys, Des. We don’t watch the clock, we don’t obsess and we will call when we call. We’re not playing mind games – we’re just guys.’
That’s a big help. So I drove myself crazy and came to work when I didn’t have to – all for nothing. I should have at least thought to go to Michael’s shop. He would have fed me while I had my mini meltdown.
‘He called you last night. He will call you, and you’ll make some stupid small talk cause you have no idea what you will actually say when he calls, and he’ll ask you out, and you’ll obsess for a whole day about what you’ll wear, call Ricki in a mad panic cause she knows your wardrobe better than you and you’ll lie to your mother about where you’re going.’
Am I really that predictable? On that note, I think I’ll go back to my paperwork. Time to relocate to the kitchen. I smell a fresh pot of coffee brewing.
‘Thanks, Michael. You have a knack for making me realise how crazy I really am.’
‘No problem, my dear. Don’t worry – he’ll call.’
I can’t believe that it’s Sunday night and I’m at work when I don’t have to be. This is scary. Am I becoming conscientious or something? I’ve taken my paperwork into the kitchen but I can’t focus anymore. At least the assessments are done and Adrian won’t be threatening me with morning shifts for the rest of my life. I’ve got to get out of here.
My manic thoughts are interrupted by the ring of my mobile phone. I wonder if it’s him. What do I say? I guess I really should answer the phone. Quick glance at the display on my mobile confirms it’s him. About bloody time.
‘Hello.’ Cool, calm, collected, only a touch of boredom indicated in the voice. Perfect.
‘Hi Desi.’ Now should I play coy and pretend that I don’t know who he is? Make him sweat like he has made me sweat all day? Yeah, I should make him sweat bullets.
‘Hi Chris.’ God I’m weak. Pathetic. ‘How are you?’ All of a sudden I have no idea what to say. I know he can’t see me but I bet he can feel me blushing. What is happening to me? This total loss of control is not a feeling I like.
‘I’m good. How are you doing?’ He sounds as awkward as I feel. Funnily enough that makes me feel better.
‘I’m okay.’ I feel like I am fifteen years old and have just been passed a note at school telling me that a guy likes me. How I wish my stomach would settle down. My voice is squeaking. I’m in trouble. ‘What’s happening?’ Haven’t we covered that? Four years of university and the best I can come up with is that? Our education system has a lot to answer for.
‘Desi, are you as nervous as I am here?’ I can play with this. I can be cool, calm and collected and pretend that this has no effect on me whatsoever. No way should I let him know that this whole thing has turned me into a nervous wreck. No way should I give him the upper hand, considering that he has just handed it to me on a silver platter.
‘Yeah, I guess I am.’ Okay, I’ve officially taken leave of my senses. Chris is laughing. Why is he laughing?
‘What’s so funny?’ I have to ask.
‘I’ve been staring at my phone all day. Wanting to call you but I had no idea what to say. I thought I was going to go insane.’
Yippee! I still have the upper hand. I am still in control of the situation. Desi is back on top. ‘So what made you finally decide to call?’ Oh, I can’t wait to hear the answer to this.
‘I want to see you again. I want to get to know you better.’ He wants to see me again? I want to do a cartwheel here and now. If someone hadn’t just walked into the kitchen I’d be doing a celebratory dance of joy right now. He wants to see me again. I’ve got to call Ricki. I’ve got to debrief with her. ‘Desi, are you there?’ Whoops, must have gotten lost in my thoughts.
‘Sorry, Chris, someone just walked into the tea room.’
‘Are you at work? On a Sunday?’
‘I thought I’d come in and finish off some paperwork.’
No need to tell him that the reason I was so far behind in my work was that waiting for him to call had driven me to complete and utter distraction. ‘It’s nice and quiet here on Sunday nights.’ He’s got music playing in the background. I know the music. I listen to it myself sometimes. ‘Have you got the Phantom of the Opera playing in the background?’
‘Um … yeah. It can be very soothing and um … ’
He’s embarrassed about having a musical playing in the background. How cute!
‘I’ll turn it down.’
‘No.’ I think I said that a bit too eagerly. ‘Don’t turn it off. I listen to the soundtrack at home, too. Everyone thinks I’m nuts, but I love it.’ This is better, real conversation. ‘I fell in love with it when I was seventeen and went to see it with my drama class.’ Okay, so Violet, one of my team members, is about to choke on her dinner. She shouldn’t be listening to my conversation anyway. It is irrelevant that we are in the kitchen and it is public domain.
‘Desi, I’m no good at this phone thing. Do you want to get together for dinner tomorrow night? Talk in person?’ He’s asked me out. Tomorrow. Shit. I don’t finish work till eight. Shit, how am I going to do this? I don’t want to say no. Brain wave. God I’m good. Adrian owes me three hours for overtime and I haven’t taken them yet. That’s it. I’ll create some family emergency and leave early.
‘That sounds like a good idea.’ Give me details, Chris. Please don’t make me ask for them.
‘How about I pick you up around seven?’
He wants to pick me up? That’s a no-no. Guys do not come to my house on a first date. Denny didn’t come anywhere near my house for six months. And even then
, he never made it into the house. He got as far as sitting in his car to pick me up.
‘How about I just meet you there. It’s easier.’ I could use work as an excuse, travel time. Anything is better than him coming to my place.
‘Desi, I like to do things properly. When I take a lady out, it’s door-to-door service.’ Is he sure he’s Greek? He doesn’t sound like most of the Greek guys I know. ‘I’ll pick you up from home and drop you off there, not around the corner, not at a park nearby, not at a coffee shop. We’re a bit too old for that shit, aren’t we?’ He can’t be Greek. He’s a gentleman masquerading as a Greek. But I barely know him. How can I tell him where I live? He might turn out to be psychotic or obsessive or anything.
‘As long as you don’t come inside and have a deep and meaningful with my folks about their veggie garden. Buzz my mobile when you get there and I’ll come out.’
I’m allowed to put conditions on it. I’m Desi. ‘And don’t honk the horn like a wog.’ We’re both laughing.
‘Are you worried about what your parents will say?’
‘Nah. I just can’t be bothered going through the Spanish Inquisition with them. You know, who is he? What part of Greece is he from? What does he do? How old is he? Where does he live? What do his parents do? What church does he go to? So unless you want to email me your life history in twenty five words or less, we’ll do it my way.’ At least he sees the funny side of this. But if Chris were to come to my door there would be no end to the questions that I would have to answer. No way would I intentionally put myself through that torture. No way is my family getting their hooks into Chris before I do.
‘Okay, we’ll do this your way. This time.’ Why does that sound like a warning? Like this is just the beginning? ‘I’ll call you tomorrow to get your details.’ Thank God he didn’t ask me for my address here and now, because at the moment I am struggling to remember what my name is let alone anything else.
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