Cheaper to Keep Her (part 1)

by Swinson presents Unique, Kiki

  That night, as we drove to our apartment, neither one of us said a word about the incident. Once we got inside, I heard Diamond crying in the bathroom as she took a scalding hot shower. That’s when I knew I would never, ever, strip for anyone.

  I was four hours into my shift and I still had only made sixty dollars in tips. Talk about a slow ass night. I looked at the little chump change and sucked my teeth. Then just when I thought my night couldn’t get any worse, in walks Devin, my sorry ass ex. I acted like I didn’t see his ass at first, but he wasn’t hard to miss.

  “Wassup, Nini? You ready to take me back?” Devin said with a big smile on his face as he slid onto a barstool where I was mixing a drink for another one of the Magic City’s regulars. I sucked my teeth and rolled my eyes at him. I slid the drink to my customer and rolled my eyes at the one dollar tip the cheap son-of-a-bitch placed on the bar. Devin noticed my disgust at the measly tip and of course he couldn’t leave well enough alone.

  “See if you was still with a nigga like me you wouldn’t have to accept those penny ass tips,” Devin said, flashing his perfect smile. Although I couldn’t stand his ass for what he had done to me, he was still fine as hell.

  “If you could keep your dick in your pants, maybe I would still be with you,” I retorted, folding my arms across my chest.

  “C’mon baby, you met me in a fucking strip club . . . did you really think I could control that,” Devin said snidely. I swear I could’ve slapped the living shit out of him. All my thoughts of finding him fucking one of the white strippers in the club’s champagne room came flooding back. The nerve of that muthafucka! While I was right outside at the bar working, he was fucking this bitch.

  One of the other girls had come and told me I needed to go into the back and check things out. Initially, I was hesitant, but she insisted. When I found Devin and that bitch, I went off. I hit him in the head with a Heineken bottle and I tried to rip that bitch’s hair extensions from her scalp. Neeko almost tossed my ass out in the street over that shit. My forgiveness was paying for a couple of broken mirrors and tables. From that day forward, I vowed never to fuck with none of the club’s patrons. Devin had taught me a valuable lesson. If a nigga is in a strip club, he ain’t gon’ be faithful for shit.

  “You’re a fucking animal. Get the fuck out of my face,” I spat in response to his snide comment. I turned my back to him and went about my work.

  “A’ight, suit yourself. When you ready to get out the hood, holla at ya boy,” he said. Then he slammed a fifty-dollar bill on the bar. As bad as I needed that fucking money, my pride wouldn’t let me take it. I snatched it up, crumpled it into a ball and threw it at him.

  “Don’t ever leave no money on this fucking bar unless you’re buying a drink!” I screamed in a pissed off state over the music. “I don’t need or want shit you got, you fucking pencil dick asshole!” That asshole just laughed. But I was seething inside.

  My anger was overcome by the sound of Diamond’s theme music. I immediately forgot about that fucking idiot, Devin, and turned to see my girl do her thing.

  Diamond looked stunning in her all-white corset and thong set. She had feathers in her hair and her make-up made her look like an angel. I watched her jump up on that pole with the skill of a gymnast. She twirled around it, letting her long, dancer’s legs sway through the air artistically. Once she slid down to the floor, Diamond did a full split and with one pull of a trick string her corset flew off. The men in the crowd went crazy when Diamond’s perfect C cup breasts flew free. She lifted one of her perky breasts and stuck her long tongue out and licked her own nipple. That was it. More cheers erupted from the crowd and once again, more money flew.

  I couldn’t front, the woman was damn good at what she did. She knew how to work her body and work the crowd. She continued her dance until she was completely naked. Then out the corner of my eye, I saw Brian walk into the club.

  “Shit!” I grumbled.

  Brian never came to the club. He knew what Diamond did for a living and had agreed to stay away. I was instantly on high alert when I saw him. He was looking around with a crazed look in his eyes.

  “Awww shit,” I whispered to myself. I saw Brian walking towards the stage. I started to make my way from behind the bar. Diamond was making her booty clap and a few of her regulars were slapping her butt cheeks and putting money in her ass crack.

  Before I could make it to Brian’s location or the stage, he had rushed to the edge of the stage. He grabbed one of the customers that had his hands on Diamond’s ass and punched the man in his face. Screams erupted and the DJ started yelling on the microphone for security.

  “Brian!” Diamond screeched when she noticed what was going on.

  The crazy muthafucka was outnumbered. All the guys in the front were together. Brian had just punched their boy. It was only a matter of seconds before the entire group jumped him. They had him on the floor punching and kicking him. Bottles were flying, chairs were being turned over. Then other niggas in the club just started going in on each other. Sheer pandemonium broke out. What the fuck? Did they think this was a John Wayne fucking western or what?

  The security guards were truly overwhelmed and they couldn’t get a handle on all of the chaos. It wasn’t until the DJ screamed that the police were on their way that everybody started to scatter. When the raucous group of guys jetted from the club, Brian was left in a bloody heap on the floor.

  “Get him the fuck out of here!” Neeko screamed. Security came to hoist Brian’s battered body off the floor.

  Diamond ran to his side. “Brian! Please wake up!” she cried out. She grabbed his battered head and his bloody skull covered her breasts. It looked like something straight out of a horror movie.

  “This your man? Well you can get the fuck outta here with him,” Neeko boomed at Diamond. Security put both Diamond and Brian out. I rushed downstairs and grabbed Diamond’s bag with her clothes. When I got outside I helped her get dressed. When the ambulance got there, they put Brian in the back and Diamond climbed in with him. I watched as it pulled off. I covered my eyes with my hands. I had to get my thoughts together.

  Finally, I turned towards the club and stared at the glowing sign that was in the shape of a stiletto heel. I shook my head, knowing I had to go back inside to get my things and my money. It was like my feet were cemented to the ground. That was how much I didn’t want to go back into the club. I was so tired of working there. The whole club scene was taking its toll on me physically and emotionally. I stood outside as if I was standing at the gates of hell, waiting for the Devil to eat me alive.

  The building I stood outside, looking at with disdain, was the hell I wanted to escape. It was my albatross. There was always something and I was growing very weary of the entire scene. It took some time to get my feet to move, but I was able to walk through the club doors to collect my stuff. I walked slowly and deliberately as I headed back towards the bar. I could see the trail of Brian’s blood from the stage leading to the exit doors. Neeko was clapping his hands and having people clean up the mess.

  “It’s back to business up in here! One dead monkey don’t stop the show! We got ass to shake and pussy to show!” Neeko was calling out as he rallied the other strippers and his little crew to get the club back up and running.

  I was disgusted with the whole scene. I was amazed at Neeko’s lack of remorse or compassion. I rolled my eyes and bent down behind the bar to retrieve my money. It was my secret stash. Money I skimmed from the drinks I sold all night. That was the only way I could survive these days. I hurriedly stashed the money in my shoe and stood up.

  I watched Neeko in disgust. He was acting like nothing had happened. “And tell your friend she is fired!” Neeko yelled at me.

  “Oh please, Neeko . . . without Diamond’s ass, this fucking club ain’t gon’ bring in no money, so I don’t know who you fronting for,” I spat back at his greasy ass.

  Neeko paused and thought to himself. He knew I was absolutely righ
t. There wasn’t no way he was going to take a chance and let Diamond go work at one of the other competing clubs in the Tidewater area.

  “Yeah, I thought that would shut you up. You will see Diamond’s ass right up in here tomorrow night, so stop the yip yapping,” I said sarcastically.

  Neeko started yelling at the other girls. He knew better than to say anything else to me. I gathered my shit.

  “I have to find a way to get the fuck out of this shit,” I told myself.

  I meant every word too.

  I needed a way out and it had to be sooner . . . than later.

  Cheaper to Keep Her Unique

  Chapter 2—Excuse Me Miss

  The next night, I showed up to work dragging my feet.

  My body language and attitude showed that I didn’t want to be at the Magic City and to top it off, I was tired as hell because of all the drama from the night before. Plus, Diamond came home early that morning from the hospital and kept me up most of the morning talking about what had happened to Brian. I tried to be nice but I had to finally let Diamond know that I couldn’t give a fuck less what happened to Brian’s no-good ass. Sometimes I couldn’t understand why she loved that slouch, but I guess love is blind and evidently, stupid.

  Diamond and I arrived at the club together. We had ridden in her little hoopty, a beat up Honda Civic. My car was once again in the damn shop. I was glad Diamond had decided to go back to the club after how Neeko had screamed at her. She needed to speak to Neeko to straighten out their little rift and I wanted to get an early start before any of the other bartenders got the jump on the first paying and tipping customers, so we came in together.

  “Good luck talking to that ignorant nigga,” I said to Diamond prior to us going in separate directions once we were inside the club.

  “I know, right. I just gotta suck it up, Nini,” Diamond commented. “Shit, we need the money. The landlord will be knocking on the first and you know ain’t no grace period with his ass.” She was right. I shook my head in agreement.

  “Gimme a hug, girl, I need it,” Diamond said to me as we stopped near a table at the midway point between Neeko’s office and the bar. I smiled and hugged her for moral support.

  “Be strong and stand your ground. He needs you just as much as you need him,” I championed, giving Diamond a pep talk.

  When we let go of each other, I went to walk away when I suddenly felt the heat of someone’s touch on my arm. At first, I thought it was Diamond, but when I spun my head around I noticed it was a man grabbing me. There was a group of them sitting at one of the so-called baller tables. I curled my face into the nastiest frown. I didn’t play any of those strip club muthfuckas touching me. I wasn’t a fucking stripper and I intended on making that shit crystal clear.

  “Get off me!” I barked, snatching my arm away without really even looking at the man. “Keep ya hands to yourself! I’m not one of these working girls up in here,” I growled and started walking away.

  “Damn, you are so beautiful, even with that frown on your face,” the man said in a smooth baritone that was enough to make my insides feel mushy. His voice made me look at his face. He was fine. I could feel my face getting hot and knew I was starting to blush.

  “Look, I’m not interested. I don’t strip and I don’t fuck with strip club dudes,” I said dismissively. The man laughed like I had told him a real funny joke. That just disgusted me more. I still couldn’t help but notice the one dimple in his left cheek and how masculine and sexy his face was. He immediately put me in the mind of Boris Kodjoe, the actor. I quickly shook off the feeling I was getting about the fine stranger and stalked off towards the bar before he could make me blush anymore.

  “You can’t go that far, Beautiful. I’ll be here all night and I’m not giving up,” he called after me. I secretly smiled but wouldn’t dare let him see it. He had called me Beautiful. Cute pick up line, I thought to myself.

  After about an hour behind the bar, I noticed that the club started getting real packed. It was Friday and all the hungry patrons had gotten paid and were ready to play. That worked for me. I just prayed they were drinking as much as they were buying a feel and lap dance. I was hoping and praying for a good night of tips. Like Diamond had reminded me, there were bills waiting for my ass at home.

  Diamond had made up with Neeko and she was about to headline, even though it was Friday and it wasn’t her night. Neeko was a scumbag, but he was a businessman. He had given her the stage, which was a smart business move. He knew who his moneymaker was up in the club. That’s why I didn’t know why he was fronting the night before. I shook my head and laughed internally. Only a fool or dumb businessman would fire a moneymaker such as Diamond.

  I was mixing two Incredible Hulks for a husband and wife duo that always came to the club to spice up their sex life when Diamond came behind the bar. She was smiling and her face looked kind of weird. I gave her a weird expression in return, because she hardly ever came behind the bar and invaded my workspace.

  “Don’t you need to go get ready?” I asked her.

  “Girl, I got time. Mix me up something sweet, but heavy,” Diamond demanded, her voice lazy and heavy. If I didn’t know any better I would’ve thought she was high or some shit. As soon as the thought came into my mind, I quickly dismissed it. I knew better. Diamond and I had made a pact a long time ago . . . drug free always.

  I passed the husband and wife their mixture of Hennessy and Hpnotiq, and as I pulled my hand away, somebody touched it. I sucked my teeth when I saw that it was the same guy from earlier.

  “Your skin is so soft,” he said, once again flashing his one dimpled smile.

  “You wouldn’t know that if you would stop touching me. I told you earlier I don’t like to be touched and I ain’t interested in the game you’re selling,” I said flatly. Then I turned around so I could mix Diamond’s drink. I brushed off my feeling about her possibly being high and chalked up her behavior to being tired from her hospital stay with Brian all night. I knew she probably needed the drink to ease her nerves and get herself mentally prepared for her set.

  The stranger stayed there, as if he was waiting patiently for me to finish Diamond’s drink. I had to admit, he was persistent. Most niggas would have already called me a stuck up bitch and left me alone by now.

  “Girl, that nigga that is trying holler at you is fine as hell,” Diamond commented, laughing afterwards. She made it very obvious that she was talking about him too.

  “I don’t care if he fine or not. He is up in a strip club looking for some quick ass,” I replied. I made Diamond a Pink Lady with an extra shot of Jamaican 151 rum and passed it to her.

  “Lynise, if he was looking for ass he sure wouldn’t be sitting at the damn bar trying to talk to the bartender,” Diamond retorted. “Plus, that nigga is definitely caking off. I’m sure you can see that from here.” I heard the seriousness in Diamond’s tone and saw it on her face. I thought about that statement and she was right. I looked back at the guy and he was staring straight at me, which brought back that hot feeling inside my stomach and chest. Diamond took her drink to the head so fast I was shocked. She was definitely acting a little different than her normal self.

  “Anyway, if he was just looking for ass he would be after me . . . the one who shakes her naked ass shamelessly every night, not you, the goody two shoes who refuses to take her clothes off bartender,” Diamond said sternly. “Now you better let that nigga holler at you before you find me fucking him and collecting all his paper.” Then she turned and walked away. Her words had hit me like a ton of bricks. She had definitely put shit into perspective for me.

  “Ok, your bodyguard is gone now, can I order a drink?” the man called to me. It was clear he was not the type to give up. Either that or he really thought I was Beautiful and he just wanted to get to know me. Reluctantly, I went over to him.

  “What can I get you,” I asked, arms folded and head cocked to the side. I was still displaying my attitude, because it had b
ecome so routine for me. It was a defense mechanism I had acquired over the years. I felt like I had to protect my feelings at all times. I wasn’t down for no bullshit from none of these cats in Virginia. Between my fucked up childhood and all the fucked up cats I had been with over the years, I was not up for the dumb shit anymore.

  “You can get me your number and a date . . . tomorrow,” the man answered. I rolled my eyes again.

  “No, what kind of drink do you want?” I hissed. This time he didn’t press, he just started talking.

  “Trust me, baby girl, I ain’t your average cat,” he responded immediately. “I see you got much attitude and I’m digging that. I’m glad to know you don’t let these dirty strip club niggas hit on you just for tips. Believe me, I don’t pick up chicks in strip clubs either. I don’t even frequent these jive ass places. I’m only here for my worker’s birthday. The young cats that work for me chose this place. You know how it is when you young and horny. Well, maybe you being a woman you don’t know. But in any case, the young dudes chose this place. I can assure you this is the first and last time you will see me in here. I’m a businessman. I damn sure don’t have to buy lap dances and fantasy pussy.”

  His tone was very serious and his attack direct. For some reason, something about the way he spoke struck me as sincere. A slight chill came over me. I believed every word that came out of his mouth and I liked what he was saying. Everything he had said impressed me. I softened my attitude a bit and I found myself involuntarily smiling. I felt kind of dreamy. I heard Diamond’s voice playing in my ear as well. Everything she had said was true . . . if this man wanted quick ass, he wouldn’t be pursuing me. Not to mention looking at this fine ass man, with his flawless, smooth caramel skin and neatly trimmed beard was making me want to get to know him better. I guess the huge diamond studs and iced out pinky ring also helped to sway my attitude.