Mind F*ck

by Dawn, Kimber S.

  It helps me prepare for the day ahead and tuck in the days before. It’s a meditative moment of reflection, that is honestly, probably the spine of my marriage. I do better with Liam if I thoroughly think through our interactions and conversations, as ridiculous as it sounds, and yes—I realize I’m doing almost exactly what my mother did growing up. But take it from me, if I want my marriage to work—my life to work, with Liam, it’s time well-needed.

  And time well-spent, every morning.

  I remember my mother and I’s conversation from the day before yesterday, and it causes my stomach to knot with anxiety. I don’t want to have to ask Liam if Mother can visit. I want her to just drop in like she did last time and the time before. But I don’t want to have to explain it to my mother when she asks why I ask her to just drop in, again.

  She doesn’t like Liam, but she knows what’s good…for me. And he’s good for me. He’s good to me. He loves me, and I love him. Even if he is one of those people. Those people who are so big, they’re bigger than life. They are intense. Extreme. And loving them is too. So much so, that it requires deliberate meditation, if you will.

  When I remember the pregnancy test he’s going to want again in five days, dread fills the pit of my stomach.

  I’ve never been pregnant, but something tells me I would feel it if I were. And I know I’m not. I knew I wasn’t before I took the last test, just like I know I’m not now.

  But whatever Liam says, I do.

  And not because I’m a pushover, I don’t want you to have that impression of me. I do know how to stand up for myself. I’ve done it many times.

  Just…not usually with Liam.

  My mother has always accused me of being a pushover. Of having a bleeding heart.

  So—so if when this story ends, and you believe the same, then that’ll swing the jury vote.

  Then I’ll admit it to myself.

  As I continue to sip from my warm mug, lost in thought, I sit out on the trellis while absorbing the first doses of emotions I’ll encounter today unpacking with my new friend and my husband. I know he won’t be here the entire day. And I know he won’t be standing over us, watching our every move. But still, I hope for the best. Prepare for the worst.

  As the sun begins creeping up into the sky, as the pinks and blues mix, making the pink-blue sky a new color, anxiety begins to raise it’s ugly head when different scenarios including how Liam finds out I knew Mary was pregnant and kept it from him run through my mind. I’m damn near hyperventilating when Liam’s husky sleep-laden voice makes me jump two inches from my seat and scream like a nine-year-old.

  “Baby girl, whatcha out here thinking about?”

  I laugh behind my hand covering my mouth when our eyes meet in the dusk. “You scared me to death.” I whisper.

  He smirks and looks down, and I get a glimpse of the boy I fell in love with so many years ago.

  His hair has grown out, I’m sure he has an appointment today or tomorrow to have it cut by the length it is right now. It’s only a little bit shorter than when we first starting dating. Just long enough to cover his eyes when he looks down, smirking like he is this minute.

  “Didn’t mean to scare you, baby girl. Just wanted to tell you good morning and that I love you.” He chuckles and when his dark topaz eyes hit mine, I fall head over heels for my husband all over again as butterflies take flight.

  Damn, I love him.

  “I love you too, Liam,” I whisper around a smile as I shiver away chills.

  He saunters over to me and cups my face in his hands and leans down over me, brushing his lips across my head. When his lips meet my ear, his husky voice tells me, “Stand up and put your arms around my neck.”

  I do as I’m told, and when his warm arms circle my waist and chase away the chill of the morning, I smile and look up at my beautiful husband.

  I feel his hard thighs against mine and take a step back, only to be stopped by the stone wall behind me. His lips brush my ear, and I smell the faint scent of mint when he whispers, “Baby girl, I’m going to fuck the shit out of you against that wall. Is that understood?”

  A whimper escapes my lips and I wince, only slightly, before zeroing my eyes on Liam’s and firmly nodding once while muttering, “Y-yes. Understood.”

  Before I have time to think, much less process what’s happening, his flannel pj’s are pushed down his thighs and he has me hoisted up against the brick wall, legs spread, pussy bare to the morning light. As his forehead connects with my cheek, his teeth bite down hard on the flesh of my neck and shoulder, and he growls against my face, “First you’re going to suck the cunt off my cock.” I feel his warm cock slide against my bare wetness, and if I had an ounce of shame, you’d never know my name. I hate when my body tells on itself.

  As the words Liam spoke circle my brain the second time, his arms release my thighs and I abruptly slide down the stone wall. My knees smack the brick paver floor, and I’m forced to bite down on my lip to stop the yelp lodged in my throat.

  His rough hands sink into my hair and jerk, sending my face up to his. “You bite your lip, baby girl?” I nod blankly and watch as a sinister smirk dances across his beautiful face. “Figured.” He chuckles.

  There is a lesson in all of this.

  This is a riddle.

  I know my husband, and I know when there is something I missed. And there is something I have missed. And now there is a lesson to be learned.

  I just don’t know what it is, nor will I until he decides it’s time for it to be revealed.

  So as I wait for him to decide, I play along. I smile as beautifully as I can at Liam, and I guess it does the trick because it catches his eye. And for a second—just a split second—I see the man I love and cherish. Then I don’t see him anymore. Then I’m left with the man towering over me with a devil’s grin on his face as he shoves his cock against my mouth.

  I open like a good girl. Perform to the best of my stage-worthy ability.

  And just like always, when I’m close to questioning my performance, he slides his hand around my bottom until his fingertips reach my clit and then he runs circle eights around it until I forget I had a job to do in this too.

  I catch myself from trying to lean against him the faster his fingers work, but when he sinks one in so deep it touches my womb, I lose whatever coherent thought I possessed.

  In the next second, I’m standing straight up, but not on my own, when my silk night gown billows around my feet, and I’m being spun around until my face is against the stone wall.

  His presence is overwhelming behind me, and I shudder as his warm cock slides between my legs. Right about the time I feel his mouth smile against my shoulder, his cock reaches the wet mess he left behind and he growls.

  I don’t know if you’ve ever experienced conflicting emotions, but it’s tiring. Exhausting to the point of preferring torture, almost. And my marriage, is a smorgasbord of conflicting emotions; as I’m sure you’ve noticed.

  But in summary, I love my husband. Not the man every one sees every day. Not the big bad stock broker for Jackson’s. No. Very few people know the person I love.

  The man I love grew up without any real love or affection. Then when he was just a baby boy, he had his world and heart broken by his mother’s illness. Only to be finished being raised by one of the most competitive men I’ve met in my life. I love the sweet Liam.

  I deal, or co-habitat with the other one. With this one.

  “So fucking sexy. God dammit, woman.” His teeth sink into my neck the moment his cock sinks into me…deep.

  A moan shoves it’s way from my throat, and I shove back against him as much as I can, harder, faster. “Oh God,” I think I mutter.

  As his fingertips bite down on my hips he slams me back with just the right force, and my eyes cross behind my lids. “You like that, baby girl?” His words end in a grunt. When he reaches his arm around my waist and his fingers find my clit, they rub it so hard it hurts so good, and I’m spi
raling down the crescendo seconds later, completely useless to stop his fingers from their ministrations.

  I feel his warm cum inside me, and it sets off another round of fireworks.

  When I come to, I’m shivering when I feel his arms circle my shoulders and under my legs as he scoops me up and heads through the trellis doors and into the kitchen.

  “Cold?” His quiet steady voice anchors me.

  And I’m glad the relaxed chuckling Liam went with his copulation. The straight-forward Liam is much easier to read. “I am.” I nod and smile as my thoughts race.

  What if he already knows about Mary being pregnant? Maybe Liam knows Charles, maybe anything. If it is, Liam will know. Maybe it’s best I just start talking. Just say what I know and get it over with.

  As I go to speak, my husbands steady voice derails my train of thought, “I’ll get us a nice warm bath started. I’d like to bathe you in our bath for the first time, I think that’d be oddly romantic.”

  “Me too,” I agree and rest my head on his chest as he continues to carry me through the house and upstairs to our room. When we’re close to the bed he sets me on my feet and pulls my cashmere robe from the foot of the bed up before draping it across my shoulders and squeezing. His lips brush my forehead and he whispers, “Be right back.” He walks to the bathroom and seconds later I hear the water being turned on and the tub filling. As I stand in the spot he left me in, I look around the room, now lit with morning light. I see his clothes laying on top of the shoes he wore yesterday, and I briefly wonder why he was out so late, but when he walks from the bathroom in only his birthday suit and a funny look on his face, I laugh.

  “What?” he asks chuckling. “Which one is my favorite? The red or the green?” He holds up my little bottles of bath bubbles.

  “The clear. You don’t want the girly stuff.”

  After we have the water doctored just right, he slides in first to help me in. Leaning back against his chest, I decide to abort operation ‘smooth over’.

  Just to be safe.

  “How’d you find Mary? You never mentioned it before.” I glance over my shoulder and smile for extra convincing points. “I do love her, by the way. She’s done such a wonderful job already.”

  “We didn’t get nearly enough unpacked yesterday. So, not so wonderful. And to answer your question, she actually worked for the constructions clean-up crew. The morning I came by when the alarm system was being installed, she was here cleaning in the foyer, listening to some song I’d heard you singing in the shower. I think I’d just met with the fourth housekeeper applicant and was headed out on a flight back to Cali two hours later. I asked her what she was making cleaning houses for Smith’s Hand Construction, doubled it, and offered her a job. She took it.” The fingertips massaging my scalp begin loosely braiding my hair before draping it over my right shoulder and kissing my neck. “I’m glad you like her, baby girl.” Liam’s husky steady voice whispers, sending chills across my skin.

  “She’s pregnant,” I whisper.

  “I know,” he mutters what I already knew. “I know, baby girl.”

  I’m so irritated with Lexy lately. The mere sight of her is beginning to irk the living hell out of me. And I can’t explain it. I can’t explain where this new animosity derives from, I just know it’s there and there isn’t a damn thing I can do to stop it.

  I stay gone as much as possible, if I’m not at work, it’s usually work affiliated, well all but that last ten percent of my time.

  But every man has his vice or vices. Name your poison, because you’ve got one too, son.

  A knock at my office door pulls me away from my irritated thoughts, causing me to bark at the person on the other side, “What!?”

  Her sweet, sexy chuckle immediately makes my cock harden.

  Summer.

  Images of her bent over flat surfaces in her apartment, her pale blonde tresses hanging down, and her curvy tan ass in the air, all of these images mix before ultimately settling and hindering the irritation I held towards my wife.

  And yet, at the same time, they also put a swagger in my step.

  I rise from behind my desk, buttoning up my suit jacket at the waist and adjusting my diamond solitaire cuff links, before sauntering towards the huge ominous office doors and turning the brass door knob.

  After staring at her for a full thirty seconds, I smirk, acknowledging her and motion for her to speak.

  “Hi.” Her smile alone is worth it.

  “Summer,” I simply say.

  “L-Liam,” she whispers.

  “Are you lost?” I ask, pinning her eyes with mine. “Or are you insane? Which is it?” I whisper as my hand clamps down on her upper arm and jerks her into my office, before slamming the door and shoving her back against it. I crowd into her personal space.

  The sudden look of fear in her eyes makes my cock so hard it fucking aches, weeping with pre-cum. “You looking for a monster to play with, little girl? Hmm?”

  When she playfully shoves me back, I snicker. “No. Actually, I’m looking for—“ The door opening behind her cuts off her words, and Travis peeks his head around the door, glimpsing first at Summer, then back at me before smirking.

  When I speak, it’s through gritted teeth and directed at Travis, “I said I needed fifteen more minutes less than five minutes ago, Travis. What’s up?”

  It takes his words a few cycles before I catch up, “Just checking on my sister.” He looks towards Summer. “Summer? You lost?”

  Travis’ chuckle spurs my own as uneasiness tries to settle around me. As Summer swoops under the arm I was using to pin her to the wall behind the door, her steps move her away from both of us and Travis comes into my office, seemingly unaware of my current rock and hard place.

  All the while it is taking this interim of time for my mind to register that the two are siblings, along with the knowledge that I’ve fucked Travis’ sister.

  I square my shoulders and face Travis. “Sister?” I ask him, quirking my eyebrows.

  “Yeah, I wasn’t aware you knew her. The two of you must of met a few days ago at McClearn’s?”

  Summer and I both nod, and thankfully Travis doesn’t push. I glance down at my watch and note the time. Irritation back in full swing. “Well, if the two of you don’t mind. I have a phone call to make, then lunch plans. Travis, we’re still on at noon, correct?”

  I barely catch his nod when I glance back up. “Correct,” he says before looking back at Summer. “And you? What’s your business with Mr. Dean?” He smirks as my earlier mild irritation flares to something bigger. Something darker.

  But Summer’s laugh, which reminds me of a fucking tinkling bell, ricochets from the dark green and paneled wood walls of my office, cloaking my recurrent irritation once again. Soothing it, almost.

  “So protective of you, big brother.” Again, the tinkling, infectious laugh of hers emits from her perfect, swollen, red lips. And then she continues, perfectly rendering any suspicion or hints of rumor Travis may have had, “Had you been paying attention last night while I spoke over dinner with our father, instead of just hearing what you either had said, or were about to say, you would have heard me explaining the new marketing pitch I’m planning for Jackson’s . You would have also heard our father say I had to run it by Mr. Dean first, using his response to my pitch as a gauging tool. Specifically for our western clientele.” Once she finishes speaking, her small feet turn in their shiny, spikey, six-inch nude heels and her navy glacial eyes settle, glaring at Travis. “But seeing how self-absorbed you are ninety-nine percent of the time, I can understand how you’d miss that detail.”

  I can’t be certain if it’s her bravado, or the fact that my ass is so clearly in the clear, but all traces and remnants of my earlier uneasiness and irritation are erased.

  My muscles tighten around my spine at the same time I come to stand at my full height. I square my shoulders as I slide my hands into my pockets.

  Reminding myself of a few things, menta
lly.

  This is my office. My domain. My kingdom. Even if it is only this office room.

  I clear my throat and speak.

  “Politeness and introductions aside—” I smile, slightly bowing towards Summer before making my way to the door. When I’m standing close enough to Travis, I outstretch my hand. As we shake, I maintain eye contact with him, feeling my courage build as my demeanor solidifies. “—I do have one brief phone call to make before heading out to lunch.” I motion towards my office door. “So, if you two will excuse me.”

  As I scoop up my cell phone from the dark wood surface of my office desk, and slide it into my suit pocket, Travis ushers his beloved sister from my office. But before following her, he says over his shoulder, “See you in a few, brother,” then closes the door behind him.

  I sigh, rubbing my face with my hand and glance down at my desk.

  Feeling my earlier irritation begin to flare back to life, I frown when my eyes land on a small piece of yellow legal paper. It’s just the bottom right hand corner, torn. With what has to be the sexiest penmanship scrawled across it. I smile and feel my agitation finally rest as I read—

  Fuck dolls are fun, but this is business. Of anyone, I’m sure you won’t misconstrue the two. You and I’ve a meeting a three. A business one. I’m on the 44th floor. XoXo-S.

  I read the words. Her words. Over and over.

  And as I did, I held each emotion they triggered and acknowledged them. Fully. Delicately. Before folding and putting it away.

  I am currently and unusually, two things—because of Summer. Two things that I haven’t been in a very, very long time.

  I am Stunned.

  And I’m smitten.

  So much so, that I’m smiling when I stroll from my office. I’m smiling as I walk onto the elevator, pulling my phone from my pocket and thumbing through my contacts. Ear to ear, and damn if I care the world sees it.

  I’m smiling.

  I find my wife’s number and hit dial, smiling even bigger as my thoughts settle on what word to use to term this emotion Summer evokes from me.