Against All Odds

by McKeon, Angie

  I feel a surge of heat at Nate’s name. I hate that he’s had her, that she went there with him. “So you haven’t had sex with anyone since then?” I could kick myself for needing to know.

  “No. No one,” she sighs.

  That makes me feel a little better, but I still have a nagging feeling she’s leaving Gray out of that equation. “Are you really ready for this?”

  She looks at me seriously. “Can I ask you something?”

  I nod.

  “How are you going to handle Layla when we get in there?”

  I lay my head back against the seat and gaze out the window, thinking about her question. Layla was just a hook up. I do care about the girl, but only in the sense that I don’t want to hurt her feelings. I don’t want to make her feel used and thrown away. I don’t know how she’s going to take the news that Kylie and I are trying to work things out again. She definitely knew the score going in, so this shouldn’t come as a shock to her.

  “I’m just going to talk to her. Tell her it’s over. I don’t think it’ll be that dramatic,” I say, looking at her.

  “She seems to really like you.” Her eyes hold hurt like this is eating at her.

  “Layla knew what she was getting with me.”

  “And what was that?”

  “Do you really want to know?”

  “I’m not sure,” she whispers. “But I think I need to know.”

  I blow out a breath and cringe internally at what I’m about to say. “It was just sex, Kylie. Nothing more than that. She was a shoulder for me to lean on and someone to keep me company. But that’s it.”

  She rolls her head and pushes a hand through her hair. She looks tortured, and I know what she’s going to ask next. The question is plastered across her face. “Do you have feelings for her?”

  I swallow, not wanting to answer. Some things you just don’t need to know. “Why are you asking?”

  “Because I need to know what we’re walking into,” she says, frustrated. “I need to know what was going on before things between us changed.”

  I think about Layla and all that we’ve done together. Our talks. The times I’ve confided in her. The moments when I felt okay with her. Do I have feelings for her? Yeah, I do, but nothing that comes close to what I have for my wife. How do I say that to her? Do I lie and tell her no?

  “There are things you don’t know,” I say delicately. “Things I still need to tell you. I don’t think this is the place or time to go into it. Yeah, I have feelings for her, but they’re nothing. I care about her because I’ve used her to escape. I don’t want to hurt her.”

  I see the anguish in her eyes. I know this is hard. We have months of pain ahead of us. We’ve both created a lot of damage.

  “I hate this,” she says. “I hate her.”

  “I don’t think you should hate her, baby. She hasn’t done anything that we both haven’t done.”

  She flinches as if I’ve slapped her. That was a low blow. I think of all of the men she’s shared a bed with that I don’t know about. All the times she came home smelling like someone else. Kylie has no idea what I’ve been doing for the last two years. If she did, I think she’d feel even more overwhelmed than she does now.

  “Look,” I whisper, “this is fucking awkward. How we’ve managed to become so messed up, I don’t know, but I want to handle Layla and Gray myself. I don’t think you should be involved.” I know Grayson won’t be in the office today, which was why I was okay with her coming. This thing with Layla needs to be handled quickly. We don’t need her hanging over our heads.

  She blanches. “Handle Gray?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Nothing happened with him. I don’t know why you don’t believe me. It was a kiss, and you saw it. I just wanted you to see me.”

  “I’ve always seen you. I haven’t shown you that, but I’ve been paying attention, Kylie.”

  She looks as if she’s almost in physical pain now. The moment my words grip her, she splays a hand across her stomach as though she’s going to be sick. “I think we should go in. We can talk about this later.”

  “Later?” I ask, confused by her reaction.

  “I need some time to think. I’m okay with you handling Layla alone.”

  I look at her and try to determine what’s going on inside her head. I feel my blood pressure surge. She won’t meet my eyes, and that’s makes me really uneasy. She’s acting as though she can’t process this right now. Fuck, I don’t trust her. She’s shown that when she can’t handle something, she acts out.

  A weird thought floats through my head: What’s bonding us together at this point?

  I hate that thought, and I’ve never asked myself that before. I lay my head back and think over the first time I saw her, the first time we made love, and when I asked her to marry me. I think of the good times. Without a doubt, she’s worth it. There’s more to us than just a messed-up marriage. Our bond goes much deeper than that.

  “I don’t want you to worry about Layla, baby.”

  Still, she doesn’t respond, causing my gut to clench.

  “Kylie, look at me,” I command in a gentle voice.

  She sighs and turns her head toward me. Pain litters every inch of her face. It slams me hard and fast, and I feel an intense urge to soothe her, to make her see we’ll be okay. Things will be rough, but we’ll make it.

  “Tell me what you’re thinking. Don’t shut me out like this.”

  “You wanna know what I’m thinking?” she asks. “I’m thinking that we were something so special before Kayla. What’s happened to us? How did we become this? I don’t understand. Were we this fucked up before we lost her and just didn’t know it? I’m struggling to understand who I’ve become and what we’ve done to each other.”

  “I’m trying to understand it, too,” I whisper. “I don’t know the answers.” My body aches as I feel the uncertainty that is our life. “Do you love me?”

  She looks confused. “Do I love you?”

  I nod. Why I need confirmation from her, I don’t know, but I need to hear it. She climbs over the console to straddle me. My breathing picks up as she grips my face and smiles.

  “What I feel for you is much stronger than love. That’s just a word. Love’s supposed to be shown, not told, and I haven’t done that.” Her eyes close for a second and reopen, shining with tears. “I’m a mess. I’m sure you can see that. I feel like my heart is being ripped apart. I’m jealous and territorial and that makes me crazy, but I did this to us. Layla has you because of me. That’s hard to accept, and it’ll be a long time before I do.” She runs her fingers across my jaw, her features softening as her eyes stroke their way across my face. I warm at her loving touch and my blood begins to burn for her. “We just need to figure out what to work on first. I know Layla and Gray have to be tackled before we break down what we are and what we have, but me loving you has never been in question. I love you. I’ve always loved you.”

  Her words coat me, sinking in and surrounding me. Somehow the pain from losing our baby got us lost. We lost ourselves and each other along the way. I wish we could go back, but we’re two completely different people now.

  “We’ll find a new normal again,” I say. “We just need to work out the kinks first.”

  Her eyes crinkle as a small, heart-stopping smile spreads across her face. She drags her hands into my hair, raking her fingernails along the way. I swallow hard, soaking in everything about her.

  “I like the idea of a new normal,” she says, moving in for a kiss.

  Her lips graze mine. I place my hands on her hips and run my palms up her back and through her hair. I pull her in closer, pushing my lips harder against hers. Our mouths stay closed, but her heat penetrates my heart, giving me the reassurance I’m looking for. She steals my breath, soothes my soul, and reminds me of what I’ve missed. As I feel her pressed against me, my mind flashes to her in bed. We’ve always had an intimacy that can’t be replicated. She makes me feel like a man and br
ings me to life.

  After a minute, she pulls back. I stroke my knuckles against her cheek, feeling her satin skin. Her eyes sear and slay me. Their intense power over me will never fade. Regret beats its relentless drum through me. It grabs me by the balls and slams me roughly. I’ll never forgive myself for what I’ve allowed to happen to us.

  “No,” she says, gliding a finger across my mouth. “I know exactly what you’re thinking.”

  “You do?” I ask, my tone gruff.

  “I do. But it’s okay, Cooper. Don’t do this to yourself.”

  “I can’t help it,” I whisper.

  “But you can’t change it, either.”

  “And that’s the worst part,” I exhale.

  “Let’s just handle one thing at a time. I’ll trust you to handle Layla, and I’ll try to stay out of the way today. But only today.”

  “You will?”

  She looks down as she thinks about what she wants to say. “I don’t like the idea of you alone with her, but I want her gone like last season’s shitty shoes.”

  I laugh as her comment breaks the tension. She can’t help but throw in a little dig. That’s my spitfire. “I’ll talk to her today,” I say when she looks up. “But I think we need to discuss this thing with you and Grayson a little more.”

  She nods, but her shoulders stiffen. “Okay, but can we talk about this later? Maybe tonight? We’ve been out here a while.”

  “Sure,” I say, unease setting in again. I don’t like her attachment to him.

  She smiles weakly and gives me one last peck before climbing back over the seat. My muscles tighten as I watch her dip to grab her purse.

  She sits back up and opens the car door. “Are you ready?”

  I’m not, but I nod anyway. I watch her get out, those legs seducing me. I swallow the urge to push her against the hood of my car and fuck her senseless. I walk around the vehicle and notice how she looks at me appraisingly. My eyes seem to have a mind of their own. They wander down her body, taking her in. It’s an addiction. I can’t stop looking at her. It’s been so long since she’s been this close to me that I can’t seem to control my need for her. I follow her succulent curves all the way down to her feet. I blink once, twice and shoot my shocked eyes to hers. Hers go wide at the look on my face. I can’t believe her. I can’t fucking believe her.

  “Kylie!”

  “It was just one pair. I swear,” she says quickly. “Just one.”

  The look on her face is priceless. She really thought I wouldn’t notice. Her little nose scrunches up again, and I want to kiss it. I want to grab her and kiss her senseless. I laugh because she’s crazy about her damn shoes. Her spending is out of control. I know which pair these are and how much they cost. She has them marked on her laptop at home, and I notice things even if she thinks I don’t.

  “Yeah, but that one pair cost four grand, baby. Four fucking grand.”

  She’s caught red-handed. There’s no way she could cover up an expense like that. But my face is filled with mirth, and she laughs. Her body lightens and the sound of that laugh is worth every dollar, every damn penny. I’ll buy her a million pairs of shoes if that’s what’ll keep her happy. She’s gorgeous today, like the rise of a sun.

  Bright… blinding… stunning…

  “I know they’re pricey, but it’s been a while since I’ve bought any. I’ve tried to listen to you. The last pair I got was given to me by Gray. So I thought I’d splurge,” she says, her voice soft.

  Her face changes instantly when she sees the irritation spread across mine. Her admission that Gray bought her pricey shoes stings. My blood pressure rises like a bubbling volcano. He bought my wife shoes in an effort to woo her. Yeah, I get that it’s just shoes, and I’m sure other assholes have bought her shit, but Grayson is different. She says there’s nothing going on and the kiss was just meant to get a rise from me, but I have serious doubts. I swear to God, if he’s had a taste of my wife’s pussy, I’m going to put his ass six feet in the ground.

  “Tell me what’s going on with you and Gray.” I can’t contain the jealously that rams me like a truck.

  “What?” Her eyes flare. “I told you: nothing. Nothing at all. I wouldn’t go there with Gray, and I haven’t.”

  “It’s doesn’t add up, baby. He buys you shoes that cost thousands of dollars, but nothing’s going on? You kiss him, but nothing’s going on? You stay at his house for weeks, but nothing’s going on? Were you in his bed?” That’s a fucked up thing to ask, but I can’t stop the possessiveness that’s smothering me.

  “Cooper, listen to me. Nothing’s going on,” she says adamantly. “I’m telling you the truth. I haven’t had sex with him. I wouldn’t. Didn’t we just agree to talk about this later?”

  “Yeah, we did, but it’s hard to do that when he’s on my mind. Shit,” I mumble, scrubbing a palm over my face. “I wanted to talk to you about this before we got here, but I’ve had a hard time keeping my fucking hands off you and I didn’t know how to start the conversation.”

  Her face instantly becomes tender. Her eyes close, and she quivers. I’m lost at her reaction.

  What the hell is going on with her?

  “Say that again,” she whispers, staring at me intently.

  “Say what again?”

  Her chest rises and falls. Her eyes fill with tears and my body freezes. “Tell me! Tell me you couldn’t keep your hands off me. Say it again, Cooper.” Her voice cracks as she demands I tell her again.

  I stare at her, letting the words wash over her. I feel the wind knocked out of me. I’ve starved my wife… I’ve starved her of my love. She was never insecure. When I met her, she was a beacon of confidence and carried herself in a way that told me she knew what she was worth. I grab her around the waist, bringing her close to my body. I kiss her ear, feeling her shiver. God, I love how I affect her, the way she feels in my arms.

  “I couldn’t keep my hands off you,” I murmur, my breath whispering against her ear. “You’re addictive, Kylie. I love the way you smell, the way you feel, the look in your eyes when you stare at me. I love making love to you. I love it all, and I want it again and again and again. I can’t keep my hands off you. I’m sorry for being an asshole. I’m sorry for hurting you. Most of all, I’m sorry for making you feel like this.”

  She holds me close. I feel her body shake as she cries. I hurt because she hurts. I hurt because so much unspoken pain stands between us. I hurt because we’ve invited other people into our lives that are wedged between us now.

  She pulls back. “I need you. There’s no one else, Cooper.”

  I need her too, more now than ever, but that doesn’t make her thing with Grayson okay. It has to stop. I don’t think she’d be happy if I strung Layla along. I can’t share my wife anymore, and definitely not with my best friend.

  I need boundaries.

  “You can have me. I want you too, but this thing with you and Gray… It feels like something more is going on. Please, I need you to be honest with me. I don’t want you to be scared. I’ll let it go, I won’t hold it against you, but I need to know if you’ve slept with him.”

  Her eyes soften as she sees in mine my doubt and desperate need to hear the truth. “I promise absolutely nothing is going on. He hasn’t touched me anymore than a kiss.”

  “Okay,” I whisper. “But I need you to put some space between the two of you. I want you to let me handle him. Trust me to take care of this.”

  “What are you going to do?” she asks, her eyes glinting with unease.

  “I’m going to do what I should’ve done all along. He wasn’t supposed to get this close to you, baby. He was never supposed to cross this boundary in our lives. I need things between the two of you to be severed. I can’t have you going to him for things. He doesn’t need to know what you’re feeling. That’s for me and me alone. I get that he’s been there. I know that I’ve let him. I get that you guys are close, and I really hope you’re telling me the truth. I really fucking hope he
hasn’t touched you. If that’s the case, then it makes it easier for me, but this isn’t normal. He’s in love with you, baby. He is in love with you.” I hope she understands the intensity of that statement.

  We aren’t dealing with a little crush. He feels something for her that goes deeper than I think she realizes. He has real, grown fucking feelings for her. He wants my wife for his own.

  I continue. “I’m trying to come to terms with how he feels for you. The truth is, I’m responsible for it. I pushed him to take care of you, and now I’m dealing with the consequences. If you keep him around, it’s going to be hard on us. We don’t need that. We already have enough shit to work through. If you care for him or me, you’ll understand keeping him around isn’t fair to either of us.”

  “So you want me to cut him off? Without saying anything?” she asks, her voice dropping. Her forehead scrunches and she splays a hand over her chest. “He’s my best friend, Cooper. He’s been there for me every day. I can’t just cut him off without a word. He’ll be at the office today. What am I supposed to do? Ignore him?”

  “He’s not coming near you because he won’t be in the office today.” I watch her carefully as she takes in that information. Her eyes narrow in confusion. “I’m not taking the deal with their company, Kylie. I’ve decided not to do business with them. I’m in the middle of pulling out.”

  Her face pales as she takes in that news. “What?”

  “I’m not taking the deal.”

  “Why? This is all you’ve wanted. I thought you signed it already.”

  “Nate and I were working through details, but nothing’s been signed.”

  “I’m confused. Why would you turn it down? It makes no sense,” she says.

  I feel my emotions churn at her response. She screwed the boss, and she was close to crossing the line with my best friend. It’s time to separate myself, my wife, and my marriage from all of this shit. Work means nothing without her. She was given to me to love and protect, and I haven’t done that.

  “It was my goal, what I thought I wanted, but I need us more. Can I tell you what I think?” I ask.